Damn you, Daimyo or blessing from the Orient.
When we finally come back we see China saying: "BAH, surely these cultist can do no lasting harm! In the cult of the white lotus."...Right, 3 months, I give them 3 months.
On the far eastern borders of Russia, the war with Sibir comes to an end, Russia wins, and takes Kustanai and Sadrinsk.
I turns out I was wrong, it only took the rebels in China 1 month to bring the government down.
Dennis' trip from Tibet takes a bit longer than expected as he makes notes on every step, making sure he doesn't miss a thing. Calcutta: CoT...Orissa: obstacle...Bengal: enemy. Dennis is not a man of many words.
In March 1623 the great feud is finally brought to an end.
As Dennis parks his car on his old parking space, he is welcomed by Sultan 'Umayr.
"Welcome home, Dennis," the Sultan says, "I am pleased you were man enough to step over your pride."
Dennis looks at the floor, smiles and says: "Thank you for your e-mails and little white lies."
"Oh you!" the Sultan laughs, "come here." Dennis gets a big hug from Sultan 'Umayr.
The cute little black bunny changes channels, there is only so much of this stuff a sane normal rabbit can take. She flicks through the different channels, all 2 of them, but CNN isn't much better with a special on how the crowd is cheering the Sultan and Dennis on.
She drums her nails on the remote, gets up and turns the set off. "Sigh, what happened to all those GOOD tv-shows?" the cute little black bunny wonders. She goes out her hotel and takes a dive in the cool water of Bab el Mandeb.
Perhaps the great feud has just been tuned down to largish feud?
Dennis walks the street of Mascate, looking for something he can use a peace offering.
"A new car? No, she can't see over the steering wheel. A motorbike? No, she doesn't like to wear helmets, it messes up her hair. Carrots? No, she always says glasses make her look more distinguished and intelligent. Drat, this is difficult."
For hours Dennis walks from one shop to another, thinking, wondering, hurting his brain. Nothing is really THE present he is looking for. After darkness falls on the small capital of the huge Omani Sultanate, Dennis is still without a present. He sits down on a bench overlooking the Mascate Coast.
"Fur coat? Sunglasses? A towel set?" Dennis just can't decide.
At that moment a lady sits down next to him.
/being shameless plug for book
"Hi there, my name is 6." the woman says.
Dennis looks at her. "6? as in six?"
"Yes," 6 says, "why?"
Dennis looks at her, 6 regards him cooly.
"Your name. Why do you call yourself 6?"
When she answers, Dennis almost kicks himself for not expecting it. "I didn't choose it. It's my real name."
Dennis eyes her, "oh come ON," Dennis utters. "Your parents did not name you 6. No parents ever gave their kid an unusual but cool name. There are only parent-given normal names and parent-given embarrassing names."
Dennis thinks back in particular about a boy he went to elementary school with named Petals.
"You've obviously got this all worked out, so I hate to kill your theory," 6 says, "but I was named 6 by my parents."
Dennis searches for a refutation but fails to come up with anything better than "Crap." he wisely decides against using it.
"Although," she adds, "not at first."
Dennis mumbles: "Not at....?"
"When I was born, I was named 0. On my first birthday, I was renamed 1. It was especially meaningful, having my new name as well as my age in frosty blue icing on my birthday cake."
"Oh, PALEASE," Dennis says. 6's fantasy world is threatening to overwhelm him. Her lies are so obvious that he can't help but believe them a little. "Even if you could remember your first birthday, you're telling me that you were renamed to a new number every year?"
"That's right," she says.
There's an obvious flaw in this little story, and Dennis waits for her to explain it. She doesn't, choosing instead to quack at one of the passing ducks. Dennis sits there for a moment to see if he can ride out the urge to quiz her further, and, as it turns out, he can't. "Okay," he says. "What happened to 7?"
6 stops flapping her arms like a duck and looks at him. "My parents were killed in a plane crash. When I was six years old."
adapted from Maxx Berry's Syrup, pages 24-25; penguins books, 1999.
/end shameless book plug
At that moment a messenger runs up to Dennis and 6. "Dennis, the Ottomans just declared war on the Mameluks, what shall we do and we can't find the cute little black bunny anywhere! We are doomed!"
"Calm down, messenger, tell the Mameluks we shall do our duty and declare war on the Ottomans Algerians and those people from Orissa too."
The messenger is paid 250 dollar because he is a member of the American Actors Union. Even though he had just one line, the Union demands this kind of compensation.
Dennis goes to the nearest train station and books a one-way flight to Bagdad, coach, non-smoking.
During the taxi ride from Mascate to Sulaymanieh he can't stop wondering where the cute little black bunny might be. Her cage was all clean and tidy and there was hardly any dust on the sand.
Dennis takes out his copy of 'Brilliant Tactical Manoeuvres', and sends the army he had stationed in Cairo towards Kabyla. The forces in Azerbaijan and Kirkuk are despatched to Trabzon and Sivas. Once they get there they take up their positions, waiting for the Ottomans to attack. The Ottoman Sultan has learned that the cute little black bunny is not in charge of overal strategic command and deploys his trump card, general Murâd.
The first Ottomans to reach Trabzon are stopped in their tracks and battle is going well for the Mameluks and Omanis. Then disaster strikes as the Ottoman general with his army join the battle. Within 2 days the entire defenses of Trabzon are shattered and destroyed. When Dennis hears this news his heart sinks. "So, this is it then, how am I supposed to stop a leader like that with our resources?"
Orissa, on the other side of the world, is completely crushed by Omani forces. Orissa had joined the Ottoman-Algerian coalition less than a year earlier. They are no match for the Omani soldiers. Dennis dictates the terms, quite pleased with himself he obtains Odisa and a force-conversion to the Shi'ite religion.
Unfortunately this also means that the Mameluks are no longer in the same war as Oman against the Turks.
General Murâd in the meantime conquers Trabzon and moves into Sivas. Dennis sends in reinforcements to aid the Mameluks. Once again, the forces are unable to stop Murâd and are utterly destroyed.
By May 1627, Sivas is under full Ottoman control. Murâd retreats into Trabzon awaiting fresh soldiers from Constantinople. Emergency forces are called to arms in Azerbaijan, Bagdad and Kirkuk, but Dennis knows that if Murâd takes Mosul in Nuyssaybin and turns left there is no way he can stop him without competely ruining the Omani economy for years to come.
Tibet, early 17th century, mountain top, 12:57, humidity 4%.
Three Llamas are talking about their latest record. Even though it wasn't well received by the critics they are quite pleased with the end result. They turn on the radio and listen to the news.
"...as the war in the Middle East continues, one can only wonder where this all will end," the newreader says.
The three Llamas look at eachother when Barry says, "Isn't that where Dennis went?"
Larry, one of the other Llamas, nods. Barry's expression reveals his grave worries.
"What are you thinking about, Bar?" Larry asks.
"Well, I only hope the two have made peace already, coz they are going to need their combined knowledge to stop this."
"Last thing I heared," the third Llama says, "is that when Dennis arrived in Mascate he was heartily received by a very mushy Sultan, who was very pleased with himself."
"So, you're saying they might not even have met then?" Barry asks, "This is not good, not at all."
Berry excuses himself to the two other Llamas, "I, Barry Llama the all Lamer, feel it my duty and obligation to try and help."
He puts on his best pants and looks around for his car keys.
After 2 months of looking, Barry gives up, he just cannot find those keys, and he even has one of those key-rings that bleep when you whistle. Berry whistled till his lips turned inside-out, but no keys, so he starts walking.
The next day, Barry arrives in Aden, after some questions he finds out where the cute little black bunny is staying, The Mariot Hotel in the centre of town. He makes a few calls, and arranges a meeting between him and the cute little black bunny.
That afternoon in a funky Chilean restaurant Barry and the cute little black bunny meet. They shake hands, or paw and hoof, and sit down.
"I'll come right to business, cute little black bunny, you need Dennis and Dennis sure needs you.", Barry starts.
"I know," the cute little black bunny answers, "and the war isn't going too well either. Don't worry though, that part I already taken care of. I have asked a friendly Daimyo to send a geisha assassin to Aleppo and I have leaked information to CNN telling them that both Dennis and I are personally taking command of Omani forces in Aleppo to try and stop him. It can't fail."
"Wow," Barry says, "that's pretty amazing."
"Thank you," the cute little black bunny says, but doesn't seem very happy with it.
The two are quiet for a moment.
"What about you and Dennis?" Barry finally asks.
Slowly the cute little black bunny looks up and says: "I miss him."
It is nighttime, September 1628. Our geisha has gained the trust of the enemy general.
When we finally come back we see China saying: "BAH, surely these cultist can do no lasting harm! In the cult of the white lotus."...Right, 3 months, I give them 3 months.
On the far eastern borders of Russia, the war with Sibir comes to an end, Russia wins, and takes Kustanai and Sadrinsk.
I turns out I was wrong, it only took the rebels in China 1 month to bring the government down.
Dennis' trip from Tibet takes a bit longer than expected as he makes notes on every step, making sure he doesn't miss a thing. Calcutta: CoT...Orissa: obstacle...Bengal: enemy. Dennis is not a man of many words.
In March 1623 the great feud is finally brought to an end.
As Dennis parks his car on his old parking space, he is welcomed by Sultan 'Umayr.
"Welcome home, Dennis," the Sultan says, "I am pleased you were man enough to step over your pride."
Dennis looks at the floor, smiles and says: "Thank you for your e-mails and little white lies."
"Oh you!" the Sultan laughs, "come here." Dennis gets a big hug from Sultan 'Umayr.
The cute little black bunny changes channels, there is only so much of this stuff a sane normal rabbit can take. She flicks through the different channels, all 2 of them, but CNN isn't much better with a special on how the crowd is cheering the Sultan and Dennis on.
She drums her nails on the remote, gets up and turns the set off. "Sigh, what happened to all those GOOD tv-shows?" the cute little black bunny wonders. She goes out her hotel and takes a dive in the cool water of Bab el Mandeb.
Perhaps the great feud has just been tuned down to largish feud?
Dennis walks the street of Mascate, looking for something he can use a peace offering.
"A new car? No, she can't see over the steering wheel. A motorbike? No, she doesn't like to wear helmets, it messes up her hair. Carrots? No, she always says glasses make her look more distinguished and intelligent. Drat, this is difficult."
For hours Dennis walks from one shop to another, thinking, wondering, hurting his brain. Nothing is really THE present he is looking for. After darkness falls on the small capital of the huge Omani Sultanate, Dennis is still without a present. He sits down on a bench overlooking the Mascate Coast.
"Fur coat? Sunglasses? A towel set?" Dennis just can't decide.
At that moment a lady sits down next to him.
/being shameless plug for book
"Hi there, my name is 6." the woman says.
Dennis looks at her. "6? as in six?"
"Yes," 6 says, "why?"
Dennis looks at her, 6 regards him cooly.
"Your name. Why do you call yourself 6?"
When she answers, Dennis almost kicks himself for not expecting it. "I didn't choose it. It's my real name."
Dennis eyes her, "oh come ON," Dennis utters. "Your parents did not name you 6. No parents ever gave their kid an unusual but cool name. There are only parent-given normal names and parent-given embarrassing names."
Dennis thinks back in particular about a boy he went to elementary school with named Petals.
"You've obviously got this all worked out, so I hate to kill your theory," 6 says, "but I was named 6 by my parents."
Dennis searches for a refutation but fails to come up with anything better than "Crap." he wisely decides against using it.
"Although," she adds, "not at first."
Dennis mumbles: "Not at....?"
"When I was born, I was named 0. On my first birthday, I was renamed 1. It was especially meaningful, having my new name as well as my age in frosty blue icing on my birthday cake."
"Oh, PALEASE," Dennis says. 6's fantasy world is threatening to overwhelm him. Her lies are so obvious that he can't help but believe them a little. "Even if you could remember your first birthday, you're telling me that you were renamed to a new number every year?"
"That's right," she says.
There's an obvious flaw in this little story, and Dennis waits for her to explain it. She doesn't, choosing instead to quack at one of the passing ducks. Dennis sits there for a moment to see if he can ride out the urge to quiz her further, and, as it turns out, he can't. "Okay," he says. "What happened to 7?"
6 stops flapping her arms like a duck and looks at him. "My parents were killed in a plane crash. When I was six years old."
adapted from Maxx Berry's Syrup, pages 24-25; penguins books, 1999.
/end shameless book plug
At that moment a messenger runs up to Dennis and 6. "Dennis, the Ottomans just declared war on the Mameluks, what shall we do and we can't find the cute little black bunny anywhere! We are doomed!"
"Calm down, messenger, tell the Mameluks we shall do our duty and declare war on the Ottomans Algerians and those people from Orissa too."
The messenger is paid 250 dollar because he is a member of the American Actors Union. Even though he had just one line, the Union demands this kind of compensation.
Dennis goes to the nearest train station and books a one-way flight to Bagdad, coach, non-smoking.
During the taxi ride from Mascate to Sulaymanieh he can't stop wondering where the cute little black bunny might be. Her cage was all clean and tidy and there was hardly any dust on the sand.
Dennis takes out his copy of 'Brilliant Tactical Manoeuvres', and sends the army he had stationed in Cairo towards Kabyla. The forces in Azerbaijan and Kirkuk are despatched to Trabzon and Sivas. Once they get there they take up their positions, waiting for the Ottomans to attack. The Ottoman Sultan has learned that the cute little black bunny is not in charge of overal strategic command and deploys his trump card, general Murâd.
The first Ottomans to reach Trabzon are stopped in their tracks and battle is going well for the Mameluks and Omanis. Then disaster strikes as the Ottoman general with his army join the battle. Within 2 days the entire defenses of Trabzon are shattered and destroyed. When Dennis hears this news his heart sinks. "So, this is it then, how am I supposed to stop a leader like that with our resources?"
Orissa, on the other side of the world, is completely crushed by Omani forces. Orissa had joined the Ottoman-Algerian coalition less than a year earlier. They are no match for the Omani soldiers. Dennis dictates the terms, quite pleased with himself he obtains Odisa and a force-conversion to the Shi'ite religion.
Unfortunately this also means that the Mameluks are no longer in the same war as Oman against the Turks.
General Murâd in the meantime conquers Trabzon and moves into Sivas. Dennis sends in reinforcements to aid the Mameluks. Once again, the forces are unable to stop Murâd and are utterly destroyed.
By May 1627, Sivas is under full Ottoman control. Murâd retreats into Trabzon awaiting fresh soldiers from Constantinople. Emergency forces are called to arms in Azerbaijan, Bagdad and Kirkuk, but Dennis knows that if Murâd takes Mosul in Nuyssaybin and turns left there is no way he can stop him without competely ruining the Omani economy for years to come.
Tibet, early 17th century, mountain top, 12:57, humidity 4%.
Three Llamas are talking about their latest record. Even though it wasn't well received by the critics they are quite pleased with the end result. They turn on the radio and listen to the news.
"...as the war in the Middle East continues, one can only wonder where this all will end," the newreader says.
The three Llamas look at eachother when Barry says, "Isn't that where Dennis went?"
Larry, one of the other Llamas, nods. Barry's expression reveals his grave worries.
"What are you thinking about, Bar?" Larry asks.
"Well, I only hope the two have made peace already, coz they are going to need their combined knowledge to stop this."
"Last thing I heared," the third Llama says, "is that when Dennis arrived in Mascate he was heartily received by a very mushy Sultan, who was very pleased with himself."
"So, you're saying they might not even have met then?" Barry asks, "This is not good, not at all."
Berry excuses himself to the two other Llamas, "I, Barry Llama the all Lamer, feel it my duty and obligation to try and help."
He puts on his best pants and looks around for his car keys.
After 2 months of looking, Barry gives up, he just cannot find those keys, and he even has one of those key-rings that bleep when you whistle. Berry whistled till his lips turned inside-out, but no keys, so he starts walking.
The next day, Barry arrives in Aden, after some questions he finds out where the cute little black bunny is staying, The Mariot Hotel in the centre of town. He makes a few calls, and arranges a meeting between him and the cute little black bunny.
That afternoon in a funky Chilean restaurant Barry and the cute little black bunny meet. They shake hands, or paw and hoof, and sit down.
"I'll come right to business, cute little black bunny, you need Dennis and Dennis sure needs you.", Barry starts.
"I know," the cute little black bunny answers, "and the war isn't going too well either. Don't worry though, that part I already taken care of. I have asked a friendly Daimyo to send a geisha assassin to Aleppo and I have leaked information to CNN telling them that both Dennis and I are personally taking command of Omani forces in Aleppo to try and stop him. It can't fail."
"Wow," Barry says, "that's pretty amazing."
"Thank you," the cute little black bunny says, but doesn't seem very happy with it.
The two are quiet for a moment.
"What about you and Dennis?" Barry finally asks.
Slowly the cute little black bunny looks up and says: "I miss him."
It is nighttime, September 1628. Our geisha has gained the trust of the enemy general.