Oh Man

Damn you, Daimyo or blessing from the Orient.

When we finally come back we see China saying: "BAH, surely these cultist can do no lasting harm! In the cult of the white lotus."...Right, 3 months, I give them 3 months.

On the far eastern borders of Russia, the war with Sibir comes to an end, Russia wins, and takes Kustanai and Sadrinsk.

I turns out I was wrong, it only took the rebels in China 1 month to bring the government down.

Dennis' trip from Tibet takes a bit longer than expected as he makes notes on every step, making sure he doesn't miss a thing. Calcutta: CoT...Orissa: obstacle...Bengal: enemy. Dennis is not a man of many words.

In March 1623 the great feud is finally brought to an end.
As Dennis parks his car on his old parking space, he is welcomed by Sultan 'Umayr.
"Welcome home, Dennis," the Sultan says, "I am pleased you were man enough to step over your pride."
Dennis looks at the floor, smiles and says: "Thank you for your e-mails and little white lies."
"Oh you!" the Sultan laughs, "come here." Dennis gets a big hug from Sultan 'Umayr.

The cute little black bunny changes channels, there is only so much of this stuff a sane normal rabbit can take. She flicks through the different channels, all 2 of them, but CNN isn't much better with a special on how the crowd is cheering the Sultan and Dennis on.
She drums her nails on the remote, gets up and turns the set off. "Sigh, what happened to all those GOOD tv-shows?" the cute little black bunny wonders. She goes out her hotel and takes a dive in the cool water of Bab el Mandeb.

Perhaps the great feud has just been tuned down to largish feud?

Dennis walks the street of Mascate, looking for something he can use a peace offering.

"A new car? No, she can't see over the steering wheel. A motorbike? No, she doesn't like to wear helmets, it messes up her hair. Carrots? No, she always says glasses make her look more distinguished and intelligent. Drat, this is difficult."

For hours Dennis walks from one shop to another, thinking, wondering, hurting his brain. Nothing is really THE present he is looking for. After darkness falls on the small capital of the huge Omani Sultanate, Dennis is still without a present. He sits down on a bench overlooking the Mascate Coast.
"Fur coat? Sunglasses? A towel set?" Dennis just can't decide.
At that moment a lady sits down next to him.

/being shameless plug for book

"Hi there, my name is 6." the woman says.
Dennis looks at her. "6? as in six?"
"Yes," 6 says, "why?"
Dennis looks at her, 6 regards him cooly.
"Your name. Why do you call yourself 6?"
When she answers, Dennis almost kicks himself for not expecting it. "I didn't choose it. It's my real name."
Dennis eyes her, "oh come ON," Dennis utters. "Your parents did not name you 6. No parents ever gave their kid an unusual but cool name. There are only parent-given normal names and parent-given embarrassing names."
Dennis thinks back in particular about a boy he went to elementary school with named Petals.
"You've obviously got this all worked out, so I hate to kill your theory," 6 says, "but I was named 6 by my parents."
Dennis searches for a refutation but fails to come up with anything better than "Crap." he wisely decides against using it.
"Although," she adds, "not at first."
Dennis mumbles: "Not at....?"
"When I was born, I was named 0. On my first birthday, I was renamed 1. It was especially meaningful, having my new name as well as my age in frosty blue icing on my birthday cake."
"Oh, PALEASE," Dennis says. 6's fantasy world is threatening to overwhelm him. Her lies are so obvious that he can't help but believe them a little. "Even if you could remember your first birthday, you're telling me that you were renamed to a new number every year?"
"That's right," she says.
There's an obvious flaw in this little story, and Dennis waits for her to explain it. She doesn't, choosing instead to quack at one of the passing ducks. Dennis sits there for a moment to see if he can ride out the urge to quiz her further, and, as it turns out, he can't. "Okay," he says. "What happened to 7?"
6 stops flapping her arms like a duck and looks at him. "My parents were killed in a plane crash. When I was six years old."

adapted from Maxx Berry's Syrup, pages 24-25; penguins books, 1999.

/end shameless book plug

At that moment a messenger runs up to Dennis and 6. "Dennis, the Ottomans just declared war on the Mameluks, what shall we do and we can't find the cute little black bunny anywhere! We are doomed!"

"Calm down, messenger, tell the Mameluks we shall do our duty and declare war on the Ottomans Algerians and those people from Orissa too."

The messenger is paid 250 dollar because he is a member of the American Actors Union. Even though he had just one line, the Union demands this kind of compensation.

Dennis goes to the nearest train station and books a one-way flight to Bagdad, coach, non-smoking.
During the taxi ride from Mascate to Sulaymanieh he can't stop wondering where the cute little black bunny might be. Her cage was all clean and tidy and there was hardly any dust on the sand.

Dennis takes out his copy of 'Brilliant Tactical Manoeuvres', and sends the army he had stationed in Cairo towards Kabyla. The forces in Azerbaijan and Kirkuk are despatched to Trabzon and Sivas. Once they get there they take up their positions, waiting for the Ottomans to attack. The Ottoman Sultan has learned that the cute little black bunny is not in charge of overal strategic command and deploys his trump card, general Murâd.

The first Ottomans to reach Trabzon are stopped in their tracks and battle is going well for the Mameluks and Omanis. Then disaster strikes as the Ottoman general with his army join the battle. Within 2 days the entire defenses of Trabzon are shattered and destroyed. When Dennis hears this news his heart sinks. "So, this is it then, how am I supposed to stop a leader like that with our resources?"

Orissa, on the other side of the world, is completely crushed by Omani forces. Orissa had joined the Ottoman-Algerian coalition less than a year earlier. They are no match for the Omani soldiers. Dennis dictates the terms, quite pleased with himself he obtains Odisa and a force-conversion to the Shi'ite religion.

Unfortunately this also means that the Mameluks are no longer in the same war as Oman against the Turks.

General Murâd in the meantime conquers Trabzon and moves into Sivas. Dennis sends in reinforcements to aid the Mameluks. Once again, the forces are unable to stop Murâd and are utterly destroyed.
By May 1627, Sivas is under full Ottoman control. Murâd retreats into Trabzon awaiting fresh soldiers from Constantinople. Emergency forces are called to arms in Azerbaijan, Bagdad and Kirkuk, but Dennis knows that if Murâd takes Mosul in Nuyssaybin and turns left there is no way he can stop him without competely ruining the Omani economy for years to come.

Tibet, early 17th century, mountain top, 12:57, humidity 4%.

Three Llamas are talking about their latest record. Even though it wasn't well received by the critics they are quite pleased with the end result. They turn on the radio and listen to the news.

"...as the war in the Middle East continues, one can only wonder where this all will end," the newreader says.

The three Llamas look at eachother when Barry says, "Isn't that where Dennis went?"
Larry, one of the other Llamas, nods. Barry's expression reveals his grave worries.
"What are you thinking about, Bar?" Larry asks.
"Well, I only hope the two have made peace already, coz they are going to need their combined knowledge to stop this."
"Last thing I heared," the third Llama says, "is that when Dennis arrived in Mascate he was heartily received by a very mushy Sultan, who was very pleased with himself."
"So, you're saying they might not even have met then?" Barry asks, "This is not good, not at all."
Berry excuses himself to the two other Llamas, "I, Barry Llama the all Lamer, feel it my duty and obligation to try and help."
He puts on his best pants and looks around for his car keys.

After 2 months of looking, Barry gives up, he just cannot find those keys, and he even has one of those key-rings that bleep when you whistle. Berry whistled till his lips turned inside-out, but no keys, so he starts walking.

The next day, Barry arrives in Aden, after some questions he finds out where the cute little black bunny is staying, The Mariot Hotel in the centre of town. He makes a few calls, and arranges a meeting between him and the cute little black bunny.

That afternoon in a funky Chilean restaurant Barry and the cute little black bunny meet. They shake hands, or paw and hoof, and sit down.
"I'll come right to business, cute little black bunny, you need Dennis and Dennis sure needs you.", Barry starts.
"I know," the cute little black bunny answers, "and the war isn't going too well either. Don't worry though, that part I already taken care of. I have asked a friendly Daimyo to send a geisha assassin to Aleppo and I have leaked information to CNN telling them that both Dennis and I are personally taking command of Omani forces in Aleppo to try and stop him. It can't fail."
"Wow," Barry says, "that's pretty amazing."
"Thank you," the cute little black bunny says, but doesn't seem very happy with it.

The two are quiet for a moment.
"What about you and Dennis?" Barry finally asks.
Slowly the cute little black bunny looks up and says: "I miss him."

It is nighttime, September 1628. Our geisha has gained the trust of the enemy general.

Hmmmm.....

Alibaba? Hadn't thought of that...where did I put my book of many tales.

Stroph1: he should have checked his fridge...

The perfect gift

"Hello, I am Murphy Brown and you are watching CNN international.
Recently the conflict in the Middle East has flared up again. The major powers in the area are entangled in what can only be called: 'a bloodshed of heinous proportions'.
In a statement European leaders from the Habsburg and Romanov families have declared that the situation is very worrisome, but have also declared that they shall, for the time being, not intervene. 'Let them bleed!' as one of the nobles in Austria screamed."

We will be right back with more updates on:
'War Of Religions'

"Welcome back, I am Murhpy Brown and you are watching CNN International. The Omani-Mameluk coalition have been pushed back as far as Aleppo. Ottoman general Murâd has gained substancial territory on the Mameluks, and is trying to push deeper into Mameluk held territory. Recent information indicated that the Omani Sultan has ordered their best commanders to the theatre of conflict and large convoys and supplies are reported to have been travelling from Bagdad to the province of Aleppo. The special guards have grown in numbers suggesting that indeed the Omani government are taking extra steps to try and turn the tide in this conflict."

The Ottoman forces under general Murâd having been resupplied in Trabzon once again move south towards the province of Sivas. The general hands out his battleplans to the army commanders. Intelligence has informed them of the presence of 17,000 soldiers entrenched in Aleppo, a victory here will open up the entire coast line as well as the route east.

Dennis watches CNN, amazed at the sheer ignorance of the tv-station.
"Special guards? Our Sultan giving orders to Omani commanders?" Dennis whispers, "Where do they get this nonsense from?"

He takes out a map of the area, "an Ottoman victory in that area would open up the entire Eastern Mediterranean coast line. Damn!"

A Omani messenger rings the doorbell of Dennis' tent.
"Enter," Dennis says, without taking his eyes off the map.

The messenger enters the tent and puts a piece of paper on the table. Dennis looks up, "What's this?"
He takes the paper from the table and starts to read.


Everything has been taken care of <stop>
Make sure you have reserves near Aleppo<stop>
Attack at 5:56 am precisely<stop>

Signed<stop>
CLiBB<stop>
<stop>
Stop please, I'm done<stop>
<STOOOOOOOOOP!><stop>
Oh please stop<stop>
Oh F*bleeeep*<stop>


"CLiBB?" Dennis looks at the messenger, "who gave you this message?"
"A penguin, Sir." the messenger replies.
"A penguin gave you a message, right. Have you been drinking son?"
"No Sir."
"And I am sure this penguin had a name, right?"
"Yes Sir, No Sir."
"Let me smell you breath."
"No need Sir, I brush with Clogant, for brighter whiter teeth."
His teeth are indeed brightly white. Clogant for brighter teeth, brighter future.
"The penguin only said that you should trust Barry, Sir."
Dennis' eyes widen, then a smile appears.
"Thank you, that will be all."

Dennis walks towards the back of the tent and slides some pawn figures from one area to another on a big wooden board. "Check-mate."

Evening falls over the province of Aleppo.
The two armies are making last minute preparations to their equipment. 17,000 Omani and Mameluk soldiers on one side. 22,000 soldiers from the Ottoman Empire on the other.

At precisely 5:56 am the Omani forces engage their adversaries from the Ottoman Empire. General Murâd accompanied by a gorgeous girl are sitting on a hilltop drinking a martini, a typical breakfast. He spits out his martini as he spots 17,000 soldiers march towards his position, quickly he allarms his forces. The battle commences and the Ottomans are making minced meat out of their opponents. General Murâd is looking on contently, "All is going well, I am going to retire to my tent, you take over from here commander, let me know when you're down counting bodies."
General Murâd winks at the geisha and disappears with her into his tent.

Mameluk enforcements reach the battle, having been withheld from sight they smash into the Ottoman ranks.
On top of a near-by hillside, an Ottoman commander is seen running towards a tent. For a brief moment he disappears and when he reappears his face is white as an Omani sheet.

The Turks are defeated and driven back into Sivas where they once again face the combined forces of the Mameluks and Omanis, this time making sure there is not a single Ottoman soldier left. The Mameluks remain in the province to recapture the main city and the first Iraq regiment under colonel Masrur march on towards Trabzon to recapture the strategic port.

By 1631 all the territory captured early in the war has been recaptured. The Mameluks pay their Ottoman attackers 44 gold pieces to cease hostilities. Oman accepts 124 gold pieces a few months later.

With the war over, the threat of the Ottoman general passed, Dennis once again focusses on what to get the cute little black bunny as peace offering.

Then one night in May 1633 a bright light appear over his head.
An idea?
Unfortunately for Dennis, it is a meteor.

The Mughals on the northern border have news. They have a sense of humour.
Dennis asks for proof. The Mughals respond by proclaiming themselves sole Defenders of the Sunni Faith. Dennis is taken to hospital as he just can't stop laughing.

During his stay in the hospital a nurse tells him he's got a visitor.
Dennis pushes himself up from his comfortable bed.
His eyes start to water when he sees the cute little black bunny standing in the doorway. The cute little black bunny slowly moves towards the bed.
"Dennis?"
"No, cute little black bunny, it is I who is sorry. I am sorry for not listening, I am sorry for walking away to Tibet."
The cute little black bunny smiles, "it is OK, you're forgiven, will you forgive me for shouting? I really didn't mean to explode like that."
Now also Dennis smiles, his eyes sparkle. He feels so happy, happy that everything turned out alright, the feeling of joy, joy about having such a wonderful friend."
"I will even cut down on watching so many cartoons," Dennis adds, "Oh, I have something for you, plans for the invasion of Delhi."

The cute little black bunny sits down in the chair next to the bed and gets a map from the back pocket of her jeans. She spreads it out over the bed, and Dennis and her examine the pros and cons of the strategy.

The plan consists of an appeasement offer to Russia by ending a boundary dispute, followed by an immediate attack on Delhi.
The plans are discussed deep into the night and when morning finally comes, the cute little black bunny has fallen asleep next to Dennis with one of her little black paws resting near Dennis' arm.

On November 1643, after settling the border dispute with Russia, war is declared on Delhi. Dennis and the cute little black bunny agree that they will not need their allies this time, they would only dishonour the treaty. Omani forces penetrate Rajputana and Malwa with stunning ease. The whole war only takes 18 months with both provinces now falling under Omani rule.

In April 1649 Sultan Sultän I comes to power. Dennis can't believe this, have they run out of names? Calling a Sultan Sultan is just plain ridiculous and the two dots over the 'a' will make our Sultanate the laughing stock for years to come.

It is January 1650, Dennis and the cute little black bunny are enjoying a nice cup of tea.

A mind is too precious to waste

"So, how was your day then," Dennis asks as he carefully blows into his cup of tea.
"Some surfing, some planning, some intercontinental travelling, nothing special," the cute little black bunny responds.

The two friends, only on a platonic level, are sitting outside their separate tents near the Mascate coast. Merchant ships sail by on their way to one of the richest CoT in the world, Isfahan.

"Remember when we worried about the Kaliphate?" Dennis reminscences, "and look at what have accomplished now. We rule from Aden to Ceylon, we are the Habsburgs of the east."

"Calm down Dennis," the cute little black bunny says quietly, "there are plenty of dangers out there. We may dominate this area, but while Russians, the Ottomans, the Habsburgs and Spanish still exist, the Sultanate will never be safe. Going to war against any of them is suicide. Besides, they too have allies, though we could take them on one by one, they will not be too enthusiastic to act as springboard for an Omani invasion of Europe. We have absolutely no idea how many of them there are. Our merchants have long ago been denied access to their CoT's in Venice and Liguria. They are shot on sight."

"Continue on the path we have chosen," Dennis interupts, "divide and conquer, the Indian lands will be ours soon, when we link Arabic Oman with Indian Oman."

"Yes, that will be our next objective, we must get the lands of our vassal Baluchistan somehow," the cute little black bunny says, staring off into the distance.

"Reconnaissance," the cute little black bunny whispers.
"Excuse me?" Dennis looks up surprised.
"I know a way to get the lands to link the two parts of the Sultanate," the cute little black bunny anwers.
"Well, are you going to tell me," Dennis asks.
"In time, Dennis, I need to work on this."

February 1651, Omani nobles ally themselves with our allies the Mameluks which are ruled by former Omani Nobles. Upon hearing this from the Sultan, Dennis shakes his head, "Do we really need to keep those nobles, the peasants and merchants are a big a pain as it is, I really could do without them."
"I am sorry," the Sultan replies, "it is the way of the world, it is the way the game is played."

July that year, the Mughals declare war on Delhi. Delhi surrenders just a year later after the battle at Panipat. Suddenly there is chance to gain the rich land of Delhi's former capital, now just a province in the Mughal Empire. Like in slowmotion Dennis rushes to the Mughal embassy and throws a brick through the glassless window with a note tied to it. A declaration of war.

When time finally picks up again, the Mughal capital is suddenly in Delhi. Oman finds itself in an unexpected situation.
"Flexibility and adaptation," the cute little black bunny says, "if they won't give us their current capital Delhi, we shall take their old capital, Samarkand."

Omani soldiers are shipped from Kutch to Isfahan and the surrounding area. Swiftly they make their way to the old Mughal capital.
Just like Oman, the Mughals are divided in two, east and west, one Baluchistan province preventing unification.
The Mughals in the west stand no chance against the Omani attacks, within 5 years the Omanis have conquered the provinces they aimed for, the Mughal Sultan has no other option than to bow his head in defeat in front of his Shi'ite adversaries.

In Mascate, the cute little black bunny is working on possible scenarios on the western front as well as her plan on unifying the two Omans.
Dennis makes sure that the economy of Oman in both halves is running smoothly. Revenues increase each and every year, more men become available for the Omani war machine. Corruption has been totally eliminated from the Sultanate. The three Omani CoT's flourish under his financial talent.

On December 16th, both Dennis and the cute little black bunny attend the grand opening of Oman's first University. A couple of years earlier, the cute little black bunny had suggested that a centre of learning would greatly aid Oman, sharing ideas, talent and insights. Where the cute little black bunny suddenly got this idea from is unknown, but she seemed quite adament to have her wish fulfilled.

When a Bengali merchant complains he is not able to compete with merchants from Oman, he is sent away. When he consequently tries to sue Oman and drags in the anti-cartel laws, Dennis is outraged.
"If you have so much trouble competing, then maybe your country doesn't deserve to control a CoT!"

Though the whole affair blows over, but his words resound throughout the Orient. Threats made by Oman are usually followed up on. Bengali officials enter an alliance with their larger neighbour Vijanagar, hoping that this will at least put Oman off from attacking that far away east.

The ascension of Sultan Abi'l-'Arab the first on November 12th 1668 is celebrated throughout the Sultanate of Oman.
The cute little black bunny and Dennis distance themselves from the festivities, having made sure the previous Sultan Sultân has no relatives. Neither of them would be able to deal with a Sultan Sultan II.

As soon as they get home, they change into their military outfits. Saddle their camels and ride off to the harbour of Isfahan where they will board Oman's newest invention, the submarine.
This marvel of Omani ingenuity will take them to the port colony of Palakmedi, where 20,000 Omani soldiers have been shipped over the last couple of months, small regiments and platoons at a time.

In the morning of July 4th, 1670, the independent state of Bengal receives a declaration of war from Oman. Bengali officials immediately alarm their allies, Vijanagar, who by the time they realise they are at war see thousands of Omani soldiers cross the border between Bombay and Khandesh. At the same time an amphibious assault takes place in Ganges and another army marches into Howrah from Odisa.

By June that same year, Vijanagar is desperate to weasle their way out of the war and offer the lost province of Khandesh to the local Omani commander. He accepts, like he was told before the whole campaign started.
The sieges in Howrah and Ganges last for another 4 months, then the two seperate armies then turn north towards Kock, endangering encirclement of the Bengali capital.
The commanders of Bengal then offer the provinces which were so clearly the target of this Omani aggression, Howrah and Ganges. Another CoT has been added to Oman's economy.

For your fun and entertainment I shall let the trusted computer count the number of bankruptcies. It is staggering, not a single month goes by without a nation somewhere going bankrupt.

If it isn't China it is Russia or France or Spain or Mughals or Delhi..or........or........<fades away in the distance>

King Don Sultan, chinese with curry

The aArt exposition in Mascate of 1673 is a big succes, with aArtist from around the world, and some even beyond, giving their views on modern society. A large mountain of cans is the highlight of the exposition, 'B-cankruptcy' it is called, an obvious reference to things related to finance. The merchants aren't pleased and request this piece be removed, they are told to stick it. The angry merchants take their investment of 500 goldpieces out of Oman's research program.

When the cute little black bunny and Dennis one day visit a sporting event, they are approached by a rather larger than life man. The man, who has a hair-do which would scare away anyone, asks if he could have a word with the cute little black bunny and Dennis.

"I AM a CAPITALIST. I like MAKING MONEY," the man says in too loud a voice.
"So do we," Dennis replies, "but what is so special about that?"

The cute little black bunny puts some cotton in her adorable ears, but to no avail, she can still hear the loud man's booming voice.

"Hello, Mr. President. This is Don Sultan," the man, apparently named Don, starts.

The cute little black bunny looks up. "MISTER what?" she asks Dennis.
But before she can ask the loud man the same question he interupts her.

"Sir. I've got a problem," Dennis getting slightly annoyed with the constant ringing in his ears says, "talk to the bunny coz Dennis, he ain't listening."

"It's the economy, Sir," Don screams, ignoring whatever Dennis just said.
The cute little black bunny is getting visibly annoyed and starts rubbing her eyebrows with her right paw.
"Mr. Sultan," the cute little black bunny starts, "can you please get to the point, and stop calling me sir."

"The entire camel racing industry is in shambles. Bob Saidit is the only promoter who's making money. Bertha Sawit is in trouble. Main Events is in trouble. Duvet Racing and Galloping is in trouble. License fees are down. ORO's budget is flat and Showtime's spending has dropped. I've had to release some of my office staff and let several camels out of their contracts."

The cute little black bunny lowers her head, letting it rest on the table she and Dennis were sitting at so peacefully just minutes ago.

"I'm shocked. Here we are, on the verge of war, and you're worrying about selfish personal economic interests." Dennis answers.

"Forgive me, sir; but I thought the whole idea of the game was supposed to become richer." Don returns, "How does it help the super-rich when a white-collar-crime lobby takes over the camel milking industry?"

"WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" the cute little black bunny screams at the top of her huggable sweet lungs. "We don't have any white collars or any collars whatsoever! People walk around in dresses, open your eyes man!"

"That's sophistry, Mr. President. Two plus two does not equal twenty-two." Don says to the cute little black bunny."

The cute little black bunny looks around in despair to see if anyone is willing to help her with this clown.

"What they have done is despicable and reprehensible," Don Sultan continues, "we had a marriage, like a father and son."

Dennis gets his cell phone out of his pocket and dials information for the number of the ambulance.

"What I am trying to tell you is:" Don Sultan continues, "I have run out of golden jewelry and Ak Koyunlu is refusing camel racing!"

The war on Ak Koyunlu starts in 1678. Ending two years later when Oman has finally assured herself of a contineous flow of gold into the Omani treasury.
With Don Sultan happy, and more importantly quiet, the cute little black bunny and Dennis can finalise their plans on connecting Arabic Oman with her Indian holdings.

I can lift a wee bit of the sheet that is covering the near future, it's a lot more than I expected or can afford It will rival both Russia and Austria.

I have plenty of screenshots, but not the knowledge to do anything with them or a place to put them. But just in case I do find out, each major event or interesting situation has its own screen.

Thank you, just went through the information, it's puzzling me and looks daunting, then again so did Oman at first