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Thread: Oh Man

  1. #21
    de l'Omancha haaf's Avatar
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    Can you fly, Dennis???

    As soon as the plane lands near Dennis' tent, news arrives that Ak Koyunlu has gone bankrupt. Another mark on the bankrupcy white board. "Must have been the 6th already, and that is just the nations I try to keep track of. My marker is running out of ink."

    A hug tidal wave of obscurantism hits Oman. Surf's up for Dennis and his cute little black bunny.
    They surf till they drop, or actually until they hear they have established Clintonments in Mysore.
    "Clintonments?" the cute little black rabbit asks, "What on earth are those?"
    "Dunno," Dennis replies, "I do think that's what it said though."

    The next four years, Dennis and his cute little black rabbit only see some events pass by. As there is really no logic to them, they agree that there must be something random about them. The merchants seem especially unhappy, for some reason.

    On January 1st 1500, the 2nd edition of Muhammed is published. Just like everything else, a sequel is usually worse than the first, and to prove this point correct, Dennis writes a memo stating that it is.

    Two years of seemingly unrelated, random, events pass by, these ones bring a smile to the cute little black bunny's lips. Especially the development of the good old Monoply game is well received. Muhammed version 2, the cute little black rabbit and Dennis spend many evenings playing this new game. Somehow the Sultan never seems to win as he keeps asking Dennis and the cute little black rabbit what to do with his money.

    On March 1st. 1502, the Persians arrive. Actually they have always been there, they just have a place of their own now, well, not for long, as the cute little black rabbit had a cunning plan.
    "I have a cunning plan," the cute little black rabbit said, "oh crap, it just slipped my mind. I hate it when that happens."

    Before Dennis could find out what this newest plan was, the radio broadcaster intervened with a special bulletin, Ak Koyunlu has gone bankrupt. Dennis moves towards the white board and places another mark next to the words: 'Bankruptcies'

    Between 1502 and 1504, more incomprehensible random events happen. Totally unrelated to Omani policy, but that's why they are incomprehensible.

    Finally after two years the cute little black rabbit remembers her pan.
    "I have a cunning plan!" she said, "You know, the Timurids and Persians are allies, right? Well if we declare war on the Timurid weaklings, perhaps...winkwink, you know?"
    "What?", Dennis asks, "what are you winking at me for?"
    The cute little black rabbit starts drawing some strange lines and arrows in the sand.
    "What is that?" Dennis asks.
    "That'll be the Mona Lisa, one day." the bunny answers, "But back to the plan, we should at least try it, don't you think?"

    April 2nd, 1504, Mascate Coast.
    A seagull takes off from the shore, hungry.

    April 3rd, 1504, Timurid HQ
    "WHAT????! CALL THE AIRFORCE, TELL THE PRESIDENT, GET ME A HAMBURGER!" a very annoyed scientist yells, "DEFCON 1, RBI, STOLEN BASE, SLAPSHOT!"
    The rest of the government ask the Persians whether they would be so kind as to join them in this war against Oman, they are indeed so kind.

    February 1505, a white peace is signed between Oman and Mughal, or the artist formerly known as Timurid. Dennis is an avid hockey fan and will no longer wage war against someone who screams slapshot. That leaves just Persia and Oman.
    The cute little black rabbit nudges Dennis and they both nod approvingly.

    While the Ottomaniacs annex Walachia and gain Moldova in two totally unrelated wars. The Sultanate of Oman on Dennis' birthday in November 1507 adds both Hamadan and Tabriz as new provinces, as well as Persia as their newest vassal.

    More random events, some bad politics, a few scandals here and there, a fallen Mughal government (hey where did I hear that before) and even another China bankruptcy we find ourselves in 1513, yes, 8 whole years later. Not that anything interesting happened in 1513, apart from the Mughal declaring war on Persia. Probably because they felt used and they had to vent their anger some place.

    Sweden goes bankrupt in 1516, the same year that the Mameluks and Oman start a tag team match against Algiers. Somehow this didn't interest the Hedjaz, that's fine, we aren't interested in them either.

    "I have had it up to here with these Omani nobles, send them away!" Dennis screams after yet another scandal. "Send them to the Mameluks or something, I really don't care, just put them on the next flight to Cairo!"
    A brilliant diplomatic move, and indeed well received within Oman, as well as Mameluk land, where they immediately take control. Mameluk nobles, my ass, Omani rejects more likely!

    Between the bankruptcies of Bavaria and Aragon, we build a great mosque. We then add some netting and call it a mosquitto, lovely.

    August 1521, Algiers finally pays up, 197 gold pieces to be exact. A kind thank you note is returned to the Algerian government.

    More random events and just before Dennis runs out of note paper, China goes bankrupt.
    It is October 1524, 5:33 pm, local time and Dennis is hungry.
    He takes off from the pier to look for some fish in the nearby waters.
    Last edited by haaf; 02-08-2003 at 21:49.
    "Can we ever have too much of a good thing?"
    - Don Quixote (Cervantes)

    Oh Man
    What others said about this AAR:
    'Now there are trains...going under the straits...Egads man! You've twisted everything!'
    Oman No More
    And it all happened again, just differently. Don't read if you want to see the ending, mainly because there is none. In other words, I had to abandon it. Sorry.

  2. #22
    de l'Omancha haaf's Avatar
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    A non-comical interlude.

    Dennis wakes up, his faithful rabbit wanders into the tent with today's newspaper.

    PROTESTANTISM IS HERE!
    Time to visit the Sultan.

    "Maybe something for our old Slutan Suleymân, but hardly front page news," the Sultan comments.
    The cute little black rabbit shakes her head in despair and whispers: "Why Dennis? Why do we keep coming back here, all he does is generate money, that's it, we don't need his permission to do anything. I don't even want to know what he thought that headline said."

    In the rest of the world, the reformation has stirred up some wasps in a bee-hive.
    Austria declares war on Hungary (home win)
    Ottoman Empire declares war on Serbia (home win)
    Mughal declares war on Delhi (scoreless draw)

    Delhi, to make room for their newest war effort hands over Hyderabad and Bastar to Vijanagar, and Eire goes bankrupt.
    Then Kabul join the Omani sultanate, we didn't ask for it, in fact we still don't want it. More pressing matters, like colonising the southern tip of India has higher priority.

    May 1525 see Lithuania declare war on Russia, something they would keep doing for the next 20 years.

    More bankruptcies all over, except Oman, Dennis is filling his coffers with money, corruption and inflation, the two words who make at least one man rich.

    When Lithuania goes bankrupt we try to blame the local bank, they refuse to give any comments, we try to extort them for information, they still refuse, in the end the cute little black rabbit enters the bank wearing a stocking over her head and forces the bank to open up their safe with secrets. She only finds money, but is quite happy with that as well.

    The Sultan wants a holiday, Dennis goes to a local travel agents to get some flyers on far-away destinations. "Zimbabwe, my Sultan?"
    "Sounds exotic," the Sultan strokes his small beard he has been growing since last week.
    So we send the Sultan on a cruiseliner to more warm sunny beaches, only this time Zimbabwe is the proud owner. In the meantime an excellent minister takes over and takes over very well.

    The excellent minister ensures that the Sultan stays in Zimbabwe for 12 months, telling him there are some problems with his visum to travel to Oman. He should visit the local Oman consulate to have his credentials checked, visums do take so long to be processed.

    The Ottomaniacs find themselves on the wrong side of a feeding frenzy by piranhas. First Poland declares war then Tuscany. Amazingly they win both wars.

    In February weather predictions predict another huge wave, and right on time it arrives. Dennis and his cute little black rabbit put on their wetsuits and ride the waves crashing down on the Omani shore.
    At night they watch the stars and moon in the total darkness, such a pretty sight. Especially when the cute little black rabbit suddenly spots a meteor, she calls it Hailey after a good friend.
    The rest of the people aren't happy about a meteor called Hailey. Apparently it is tradition to call them Mohammed; an unforgiveable mistake!

    In March 1532 Ak Koyunlu annexes the Golden Horde, the Omani Sultanate now has two serious threats to content with, the Ottomans and Ak Koyunlu. In order to try and find a balance in the region the cute little black rabbit forms an alliance with the Mameluks and Persia.

    The next 10 years or so fill with twirling sand and sending away colonists to India. Slowly but surely Oman gets a very large foothold on the other side of the ocean. The bankruptcies are becoming a bi-annual occurance. In 1540 we receive a conquistador. Dennis goes to the local internet café and uses google to see what to do with this man. The words Aztecs and Incas appear time and time again. Dennis sends him to Africa to find some living stones we used to have in Mascate, the fabled elusive CoT, once proudly standing in the Omani capital is said to be in Ethiopia.
    But as soon as he gets there and finally discovers the province where these stones are supposed to be, he finds mere prints and scraps of evidence. The elusive CoT has been moved again.

    France, the nation who leads the way in being a bad boy, by far, is at the end of this notepad the victim of 3 major wars. First she finds herself at war with Kleves, Spain and Denmark. Then Sienna, Austria, Bavaria and Baden declare war on France, shortly followed by Saxony, Hannover and England.
    Jean Calvin tries to make things better, but the chaos he creates makes Europe less stable.

    Dennis and his cute little black bunny are getting worried, are we next? Do they know of our existance? Will they come for us?
    Portugal does, without any warning or scrupules they attack our conquistador in eastern Zimbabwe. Dennis at the very last line of the notepad, just started asking the Sultan what on earth he has exactly been doing in Zambabwe during his holidays.
    "Can we ever have too much of a good thing?"
    - Don Quixote (Cervantes)

    Oh Man
    What others said about this AAR:
    'Now there are trains...going under the straits...Egads man! You've twisted everything!'
    Oman No More
    And it all happened again, just differently. Don't read if you want to see the ending, mainly because there is none. In other words, I had to abandon it. Sorry.

  3. #23
    Hurricane Sergeant of Arms Amric's Avatar
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    That is interesting...Portugal just attacked your conquistador? No DoW or anything? Nice update..sent the Sultan on a cruise ship...funny...very funny....
    Guardian of Truth, Defender of Justice, Harbinger of Light! Formerly known as the Hurricane!

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  4. #24
    Not so idle

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    Haaf, I can't stop laugh! Indeed, I try... but this is impossible!



    Nice playing as well, too!
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  5. #25
    great humor.....
    "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
    Old Time is still a-flying;
    And this same flower that smiles today,
    To-morrow will be dying."

    - Robert Herrick

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  6. #26
    de l'Omancha haaf's Avatar
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    If I were a frenchman...tada tada didi dom

    The Sultan's attempts at becoming a cosmopolitan by learning Portuguese have backfired. Portugal, intend to make sure that the Omani Sultan will not insult them in Portuguese anymore they keep attacking the small army in eastern Zimbabwe and southern Zanj.

    Delhi in their war against Malwa gain Gondwana, 21 gold pieces and Malwa as their vassal. Murhpy's prediction: another war between Delhi and Malwa in the near future.

    Dennis has given up on keeping track of bankruptcies, the white board is given the sack and given a small compensation.

    As the Frankish wars come to an end, it becomes clear that there is nowhere to run for the French. Savoy, Austria and Spain in three different coalitions tear big bad France apart.

    First, France has to cede Lyonnais and Franche Comté to Savoy, then Austria claims Mantua, Schwyz, Baden and Hessen. The cute little black bunny makes up a new list of dangers.

    1. Ak Koyunlu, very close proximity and quite big; they should be dealt with soon
    2. Spain, it controls Adana, dangerously close to Iraq and ally Mameluks
    3. Ottoman Empire, close to ally Mameluks and there hasn't been a single war between them. However as Spain controls Adana, the archenemies do not border eachother
    4. Austra, new entry, has gained so much land in their last war, it will look to other places to keep growing further
    5. France, dropped to 3rd after their terrible loss in their last wars, they still lead in the technology race

    On August 1550 Portugal declares war on Zimbabwe, tired of running after Omani soldiers who keep eluding them when they retreat.

    In May 1551 Spain pays the Kingdom of Eire 225 gold pieces. Dennis writes himself a note: don't mess with the Irish.

    December 1551 we come to what later became an important strategic decision as we built an alliance with Mameluks and Persia.

    Spring next year sees that not every European state is evil. As Portuguese soldiers, returning from a battle in Zimbabwe, run into Omani soldiers in Niassa playing a soccer match against soldiers from Aragon.

    Quite upset that the Portuguese interfere in a sure win by Aragon, they too pick up their weapons and fight side-by-side with Oman against the Portuguese who are consequently completely annihilated.

    Somewhere in France in 1553, Luxembourg surrenders to France and signs their annexation papers. However this gives their personal gremlins another chance to push the French about some more, Savoy declares war on the French.
    The next three years are indeed France's downfall, if only temporarily. First Orleans breaks away from the sinking ship called Tifranca, a year later Brittany, Cologne, Strassburg, Luxemburg and Provence follow Orleans' example.

    Meanwhile in Oman, the Sultan gets confused as he starts addressing everyone in Portuguese, the insane bugger. We put up an add for anyone who is willing to fill a temporary vacancy as Dennis and his cute little black bunny have had enough with having to listen to a portuguese speaking Sultan.

    A strange little man, speaking a strange dialect is the only applicant. He claims to come from France, unhappy with the current situation there, he has taken a sabatical year. There is something peculiar about this strange little chubby man as he always keeps one of his hands warm in his overcoat. Then again, he seems to make a lot more sense than the Sultan. An easy accomplishment, then again, most of the leaders known to Dennis are completely off their rocker. He gets the job.

    Just like Murphy predicted, Malwa finds itself in another war against Delhi. The same family from the bush is once more responsible for this strange way of dealing in international politics. The similarities don't stop there, as this guy also goes by the name of George.
    At least Delhi wins and annexes Malwa and half a year later also Punjab.
    George from the bush then declares no-one in the lovely land of Delhi can be gay or merry, how depressing, but it does fit the leadership. Unfortunately the dark cloud of depression reaches Oman as well as it obscures the Sultanate from the lovely rays of the sun and light.

    In the meantime the Omani Sultan is committed, committed to make amends. He actually tells Dennis, the cute little black bunny and the chubby frenchman he will do anything to help.
    The frenchman comes up with a brilliant idea. As Sultan he has kept Oman stable for so many years, perhaps it is time for him to help our neighbours in Ak Koyunlu.

    "I shall go to Ak Koyunlu and be their rock, their father figure, their inspiration," the Sultan proudly proclaims, "I shall travel to Ak Koyunlu and help ease the tensions between our two nations and advise them how to stabilize their nation. It will be an unforgettable Christmas in Ak Koyunlu when they learn the ways from the best Sultan ever."

    The three look at eachother, smile and pay for the long trek which will take the Sultan from Oman to Ak Koyunlu. We even pay for some soldiers to accompany our Sultan all the way to the Omani-Ak Koyunlu border.

    The cute little black bunny, the chubby frenchman with his hands in his coat and Dennis retire to Dennis' tent to draw up a plan-de-campagne.

    "Ok, we have to move quickly. I think it will take the Sultan 5 days to reach the capital and 1 day to ruin Ak Koyunlu," the chubby frenchman says, "prepare messages for the Mameluks and Persia, I charge you with this task, cute little black bunny. Dennis, you and I will prepare the troops and draw up our objectives."

    La Planne de Bolde

    - Wait for the Sultan to totally disrupt Ak Koyunlu...estimate: 6 days.
    - Intervene in Ak Koyunlu, we will use a stupid excuse like trying to save our Sultan.
    - Draw the Mameluks and Persia into this conflict.
    - With a bit of luck Ak Koyunlu will draw the Uzbeks, Chagatia and Sibir into this war as well, who we will offer the carrot which is Persia.
    - Wait for the Mameluk army to defeat the standing army of Ak Koyunlu which is waiting on their northern border.
    - Do not protect Persia, but wait for it to be annexed by any of Ak Koyunlu's northern allies.
    - Retake Persia from those allies.
    - Attack and conquer Azerbaijan and possibly Kirkuk for Oman.
    - Aid the Mameluks if necessary, or police the provinces they have conquered.
    - Try and get the Astrakhan CoT away from Ak Koyunlu.

    Christmas is indeed unforgettable as a civil war errupts in Ak Koyunlu on January 1st 1558.
    On January 4th 1558, the chubby frenchman declares that Oman has to intervene to secure the safety of their Sultan and declares war. We request the aid of our dearest friends from the Mameluks and Persia, they both agree. Ak Koyunlu ask their northern allies for help. They see it as a chance to get Persia and agree.

    All is going well, the war in the north is short and brutal, the Mameluks attack the armies of Ak Koyunlu in Nuyssaybin, Sivas and later Trabzon and Armenia. Omani troops invade Kirkuk and Azerbaijan. Persia holds off the Uzbeks but is swamped by the combined forces of Ak Koyunlu northern allies.

    June 1559, the Mameluks and Oman are holding vast parts of Ak Koyunlu, the capital is still in Ak Koyunlu hands, multiple attacks by the Mameluks fail.
    "All is going to plan," the chubby frenchman says, "all we have to do is wait for the Persian city to fall."

    However our exalted Sultan who is still in Ak Koyunlu thwarts our plans and Ak Koyunlu pays 208 gold pieces to Persia as compensation.

    "Alas, so much for the most ambitious part of our campaign," the chubby frenchman says.

    November 1561, Ak Koyunlu is no longer a threat. Astrakhan has revolted from Ak Koyunlu, taking the CoT with it. With all but one of the objectives reached a peace plan is signed.

    Nuyssaybin, Sivas and Trabzon to the Mameluks
    Kirkuk and Azerbaijan to Oman

    On the way home we tell the Sultan to get something to drink. We point at an oase deep in the desert, just shimmering on the horizon.

    Sultan Makhzüm is our new leader.

    On July 1562 Ak Koyunlu regain their CoT as they annex Astrakhan.
    All things considered, this was still one of the more succesful campaigns. We thank the chubby frenchman, he wants to go back to his home on the island of Corsica.

    It is January 1565, Dennis promises to re-instates the old rights to the cities, which is now once again: 'Whatever, I don't care what you want.'
    "Can we ever have too much of a good thing?"
    - Don Quixote (Cervantes)

    Oh Man
    What others said about this AAR:
    'Now there are trains...going under the straits...Egads man! You've twisted everything!'
    Oman No More
    And it all happened again, just differently. Don't read if you want to see the ending, mainly because there is none. In other words, I had to abandon it. Sorry.

  7. #27
    Hurricane Sergeant of Arms Amric's Avatar
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    Wow! A VERY early Napoloean appearance...and the Persians used as dupes...Nice update...and it seems Dennis is getting more clever as time goes on...and is apparently immortal...
    Guardian of Truth, Defender of Justice, Harbinger of Light! Formerly known as the Hurricane!

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  8. #28
    de l'Omancha haaf's Avatar
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    How to ignore your own advice.

    In October 1556 we receive 5,000 horses and horsemen from Vienna, Austria, they sure parade nicely, but we have no need for parading horses, so they are told to vanish, and they do.

    Unhappy with the dress code the people of Oman demand someone to redress them. After long deliberation we deny redressing our people.

    Portugal asks Zimbabwe if they are willing to chip in with their purchase of a new car, Zimbabwe agrees to pay 145 gold pieces, but just as a loan. Portugal, quite pleased with this dicision end their hostilities and are off to a car dealer to buy a brand new Skoda.

    A wave of obscure ant-ism-like creatures fly over Oman, blocking out the sun, it is once again depressingly dark. By the time the sun breaks through again, we decide to build a great Mosque to commemorate this event, we call it an observatory with a crooked lens. From the observatory with a crooked lens we notice some nice movements in Persia, very nice even, very politically incorrect, but I won't say if you won't.

    The Sultan, the cute black bunny and Dennis play another game of Monopoly. During the game Dennis is called away, his mom wants a word about the state of his tent.
    The cute black bunny hops after Dennis, it is near feeding time. This gives the Sultan a chance to get his hands on 150 gold pieces. He puts them in his pocket and leaves. On his way home to harem and bubble bath he tries to find a way to keep this away from his multiple wifes. The only place he nor his wifes are allowed is the state treasury, so he puts it there.

    April 1571 the war between France and their numerous enemies start again when Sienna, Austria, Aragon and Cologne declare war.

    The free floating thinker is released. This time he is given a camera. He once again floats in front of glassless windows, taking picture. We will allow this, perhaps Hugh is interested, anything for some extra gold pieces.

    Dennis, getting quite fed up with having to make each and every decision declares war on the Mughal Empire, unlike his previous impulsive actions he has made a plan. Actually it was based on the same plan the chubby frenchman had drawn up earlier, this time it was hoped the Mughals to be better suckers.
    Dennis pokes one of the carrier pigeons in the ribs.

    "Oi, you, fly this over to the Mughals, second street on the left, then just keep flying till you smell kebab."

    On January 1st 1572, Oman declares war on Mughals, the objectives are Indus and hopefully Persia's home province of Tabaristan.

    The Persians remarkably agree to this plan, the Mameluks don't, but in true Omani noble fashion then agree, the very same day.
    The Sultan is outraged that he wasn't consulted: "SUCH BAD POLITICAL INSIGHT YOU HAVE!!!" he screams in his Mosquitto in Mascate. Dennis doesn't hear, he has put up his stereo very loud to listen to some opera, Grieg, very appropiately.

    As the Grieg, er.. war progresses, Indus falls to Omani soldiers. We agree with the clergy that we are the centre of the world, good thing it is flat.

    The Persians however are not so lucky, thankfully, as they surrender everything and the kitchen sink to the Mughals. The Omani forces waiting in Isfahan move in to capture the city for Oman.

    The Mughals pay the Mameluks some money, they have been a great help guarding the Omani provinces near the Mughal border, they will be sorely missed.

    In April 1574 we ask Baluchistan if they want some extra land, they do and join the Omani-Mughal war.

    After 3 years of war, with everything going according to the chubby frenchman's plan, the Mughals agree to sign over Quetta to Baluchistan and both Indus and Tabaristan to Oman. Dennis is on a roll. He is getting cocky, he is even getting overconfident, he doesn't listen to his own advice anymore, nor anyone else's, but that has nothing to do with this.

    He has new plans waiting already, the capture of his 3rd and Oman's 4th Centre of Trade, Astrakhan.
    First to rebuild the newly gained provinces and to get some money in the treasury.

    Portugal decides to start a crusade against African nations, Dennis looks in a big book to see if that's us. Only Zanzibar is worrying us, but Dennis decrees it is now officially Asian. Another crisis averted.

    February 1579
    Trent
    A council

    That's about all we know, we weren't invited.

    Portugal repays its loan to Zimbabwe, they are 2 gold pieces short, but the ruler of Zimbabwe has a kind heart and forgives the King of Portugal.

    On March 1581 we build yet another great mosque, Dennis has run out of ideas and just calls this a mosque, as he must call it something, not even Collins the dictionary helps in cases like these.

    Dennis is ready, fired up and full of testosterone, Astrakhan here we come!
    But first there is a civil war in Mameluk land, the local people have had it up to their eyeballs with the Omani reject Nobility ruling their nation. Dennis, who is very reluctant to have to reaccomodate them, sends Omani troops into Mameluk land to prevent a total exodus of Omani nobles back into Oman. It does set his foolish war plans back a year, or two.

    Finally on August 1583, in spite of his cute black bunny's warnings about some dark red colour just north of Astrakhan, Dennis declares war on Ak Koyunlu. Making the whole situation even worse, nay even absurd, he doesn't even ask the Mameluks to join. The cute black bunny shakes her head in disbelief at Dennis' total disregard for ordinances, she should have enforced it!

    By sheer luck Hadramat converts to Shi'ite religion.

    The war with Ak Koyunlu goes slowly, Oman wins more than it looses, but a total victory is out of the question. Both Daghestan and Astrakhan fall quite early. The cute black bunny begs Dennis to accept just Daghestan, claiming it will make things so much easier and comfortable. Dennis refuses.

    Finally on March 17th, 1587, Ak Koyunlu agrees to cede both Astrakhan and Daghestan to Oman. The cute black bunny is furious. Stamping her back feet on the floor, grunting and being quite upset.
    She pulls out a map from the cupboard. She rolls it out and it shows a beautiful array of different colours, Oman is blue.
    Right next to the newly acquired CoT is a lot of dark red.

    "That, my stupid friend, is Russia," the cute black bunny says, "remember Russia when we were in Sweden? Remember when they walked all the way to Stockholm? REMEMBER THEM?!? You stupid idiot. I thought you said you didn't want to be near big bad superpowers? Well, dimwit, you did it again! Why didn't we invade India like we planned, eh? WHY?!? WHY!!!!"

    Dennis can't believe his eyes, his pride has gotten the better of him, the Atrakhan CoT had made him blind with ambition. There is no way this can be undone.

    "Well I can go to war with Ak Koyunlu again in 5 years, no big deal," Dennis argues. He doesn't really sound convincing.

    In March 1588 the Sultan's harem demandes new dresses, red ones. Dennis refuses. He is in no mood to give anything anymore. Dennis and his cute little black bunny haven't spoken to eachother for years. Dennis still can't believe his stupidity. India, completely cut up between 5 or 6 nations, ready for invasion and here he goes for the one thing he had set out to avoid.

    1592, Dennis and his cute little black rabbit have seperate accomodations. They don't even e-mail eachother anymore. The Sultan tried to make them speak to eachother, but ended up sending hay to Dennis and a bowl of spaghetti Bolognese to the cute little black bunny. Neither of them were amused.

    The Sultan, basically in charge of day-to-day operations now, tries to smile in Baluchistan's direction, "shall we, you know, vassalise?" Quite remarkably Baluchistan refuses.
    The Mameluks, surprised by this move by the Sultan are deeply offended, surely they should have been asked to become Oman's vassals first.

    It is February 1592. The cute little black bunny misses Dennis and Dennis misses the cute little black bunny.
    "Can we ever have too much of a good thing?"
    - Don Quixote (Cervantes)

    Oh Man
    What others said about this AAR:
    'Now there are trains...going under the straits...Egads man! You've twisted everything!'
    Oman No More
    And it all happened again, just differently. Don't read if you want to see the ending, mainly because there is none. In other words, I had to abandon it. Sorry.

  9. #29
    Hurricane Sergeant of Arms Amric's Avatar
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    Dennis ought to be careful, if the cute black bunny meets another cute bunny they might breed and completely overwhelm Oman and Dennis...Great update!
    Guardian of Truth, Defender of Justice, Harbinger of Light! Formerly known as the Hurricane!

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  10. #30
    Field Marshal jwolf's Avatar
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    Have fun with Oman. I think it's a great country to play, probably the richest one in the Muslim tech group because of the two COTs. On the other hand, I played in version 1.05 before all the COT migration and I see that has caused some havoc for you.

    What goals do you have as far as what part of the world you intend to control?

    My Oman game was uniqe in my EU2 experience in that no country ever DOWed me! And my reputation was honorable most of the time, although I did get my share of territory, mostly colonies all over the place but also some conquests.

  11. #31
    de l'Omancha haaf's Avatar
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    My aim was to survive.
    First I feared the Ottomans and Timurid.
    Then just the Ottomans, then Persia, which I knew was coming
    Then Delhi, right now I am keeping a close eye on Russia.

    I have been lucky that the Netherlands haven't formed and Portugal is having all sorts of trouble with Zimbabwe, that kept them away from India long enough for me to claim it.

    Basically all I wanted to do is stay away from big high manpower nations, like the Ottomans, France, Austria and Russia.

    The last 20 odd years have been filled with strategic errors. I won the wars, but I am not sure I enjoy being Russia's neighbour. At one time the had close to 60,000 men on the border provinces. My whole yearly manpower is only just higher.

    The CoT just keep hopping about, they are like rabbits!

    I will write the next 30 years I have just completed tomorrow.
    Thank you for reading this, I wasn't sure if my sense of absurdity would scare people off. Then again it still might.
    "Can we ever have too much of a good thing?"
    - Don Quixote (Cervantes)

    Oh Man
    What others said about this AAR:
    'Now there are trains...going under the straits...Egads man! You've twisted everything!'
    Oman No More
    And it all happened again, just differently. Don't read if you want to see the ending, mainly because there is none. In other words, I had to abandon it. Sorry.

  12. #32
    Not so idle

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    No, your sense of absurdity isn't scaring anyone off. This simply makes your AAR so funny! We need to be strong against laughter if we want to survive!

    Now what do you plan? A cruzade against those damned orthodox christian infidels of the north?
    Member of the International Native Speaker Resistance

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  13. #33
    I have found that more absurdity causes widely read AARs.

  14. #34
    de l'Omancha haaf's Avatar
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    Bring your hanky (and a bucket)

    Austria takes over the vacancy left by France as bad nation annexing Helvetia in 1592. Somehow, the Austrians are no where near the bad boy France was.

    The Sultan, still being advised by Dennis and the cute little black bunny, but never at the same time, doesn't make single move until 1599.

    With Dennis in Tibet, the cute little black bunny becomes the Sultan's first minister, and just like before, she truelly excels at it. Just in time too, with Dennis 'zenning' in Tibet the Mameluk (read: Omani) nobles use the opportunity to go to war. The war everyone has been waiting for finally starts, the very first war against the Ottomans.

    The cute little black bunny hops all the way to Bagdad to take control over the operation. She gets her trusted notepad out on which her battleplans have already been drawn out.

    First she sends troops to the two provinces on the Mameluk-Ottoman border, knowing and expecting the Mameluks to fail miserably against the superior Ottoman forces. This insight proves to be right on the money, as each attack by the Mameluks on Ottoman provinces are repelled and countered. The combined army of the Mameluks and Oman hold their ground, effectively grinding the conflict in the north to a stalemate.

    Then bad news filters through from the far eastern regions of the Mameluks. Algiers, the Ottoman's ally has taken control of Orania and Kabyla. The prefered tactic of naval transport is impossible, unless we drag our ships over land. Bad weather also prevents the Hercules planes to take off and airlift the troops, so they are told to walk.

    When the Omani forces finally meet the Algerian forces in Tripolitana, they are exhausted and hungry, in spite of the promise of the Mameluks that they shall give every bit of assistance and access; the long march is gruelling. The reasonable numbers of Algerians are taken aback with the sudden appearance of Omani soldiers this far away from Omani controlled territory. They hurridly set up camp, but after a couple of days of squirmishes they retreat back to Tunisia. Having by-passed the Tunisian fortress on their way to the Egyptian Delta, they now face themselves with the choice of retreating further or to lay siege.

    The total lack of defensive measures allow the Omani forces to deal a devastating blow to the Algerian expeditionary forces. The cute little black bunny realises that retaking control of Kabyla is out of the question; it is just too far away and it would more likely destroy the Omani economy to force Kabyla into surrender. They settle for a defensive war and set up camp near the only passage from Kabyla to Tunisia.

    During a council where the military leaders of the Mameluks and the cute little black bunny both attend, it becomes quite clear that the Mameluks lack the funds to pay off the Algerians. All hope is set on the numerous Omani-Mameluk defensive victories against the Ottomans, who keep trying to break through in Trabzon. Both Algeria and the Ottomans try to bribe Oman out of the war to gain access to Mameluk controlled territory. The cute little black bunny refuses, even though the Sultan's eyes look remarkably like strange 'S'-signs, as both warring nations offer small fortunes.

    Dennis still in his retreat in Tibet is completely unaware of the situation until he hears from a Llama about the troubles in the eastern Mediterranean. Dennis, realising fate has a choice of two paths it can follow:
    1. the Sultan is in charge, Dennis has to return immediately.
    2. something black and furry is in charge, at least Oman would be safe, but would she be? Dennis couldn't stand to lose his friend, but she has to apologise first.

    Dennis asks the Llama if there is any news about this war. The Llama pulls out his laptop and shows the course of the battles on a nice powerpoint presentation. Dennis recognises the brilliant execution of plans he and his old friend had discussed a long time ago in case of an Ottoman attack. At least the Sultanate is secure. The Llama, understanding Dennis' worries promises to try and help as best he can.

    "I will do my best and try and stop this danger which faces your friend, the cute little black bunny. Even though she is likely not in any danger, I hate to see you in so much uncertainty and stress. I have met a few people in my time, and I think I can help." the Llama promises.

    Dennis tries not to cry, his stress levels are up to his balding head. He breaks when the Llama puts one of his hoofs on Dennis' shoulder. The pain is excruciating and the smell of the Llama's pits make Dennis ratch. Deodorant is a luxury not many Llamas can afford.
    And so the Llama (named Barry) bids Dennis farewell and gets into his Jeep Wrangler and races down the mountain.

    When the Llama returns he smiles, "I think I have been able to arrange something. With my connections I have been able to supply the Ottomans with some gold to offer."

    On October 1602, the Ottomans request a meeting between the Mameluks and themselves. The cute little black bunny wishes the Mameluk general good luck.
    A few days later the Ottomans pay the Mameluks 200 gold pieces. The overjoyed Mameluk (read: Omani) nobelman who has been acting like he was a general sprints into the tent where the cute little black bunny is just munching on some paksoi, she nearly chokes on a green leaf, but manages to get out of the way of the elated Mameluk.
    "We won, we won!" the nobleman cries.
    The cute little black bunny takes the Mameluk by his nostrils and drags him towards the map pinned up against the rear wall.
    "Orania and Kabyla are still in Algerian hands, we didn't win at all. Now go to Tunisia and ask for Mohammed. He will help you hand over that money to the Algerians." the cute little black bunny orders.

    October 1602, the Mameluks hand the gold pieces over to Algeria and there is once again peace, even if it is an uneasy one.

    On June 2nd 1605 the Spanish author Cervantes publishes his Don Quixote de l'Omancha about a romantic but slightly daft wanna-be knight with his faithful companion, a rabbit farmer. Dennis makes sure he gets a copy to read in the lonely mountains of Tibet.

    The threat on Oman's northern-most border makes the cute little black bunny weary of going to war. Especially when the Russians also annex Georgia, which means there are now 4 provinces surrounding the CoT in Astrakhan.

    The situation becomes even more critical when the CoT on the island of Zanzibar disappears. Although this situation has been discussed at length when the cute little black bunny and Dennis were still on speaking terms, this does worry her and the Sultan. Though the Sultan is more worried about losing those pretty stones than its financial implications. This event makes waging war in India more likely as there is another CoT there. The sudden disappearance of the CoT in Zanzibar is blamed on poor governmental politics.

    When Tsar Vladislav I Vasa comes to power in Russia, everyone is hoping that this might ease the tensions between the two nations of Oman and Russia. Indeed the next declaration of war by the Orthodox Russians targets Sibir, not Oman as was anticipated.

    Unhappy peasants are told everything will be ok on August 3rd, 1612 and they are by 1613, which was a most excellent wine year. We don't have any manufacturies that produce wine, so no-one gets to benifit from this in Oman.

    On December 31st 1615 Russia goes bankrupt. The large forces on Oman's northern border are lowered from 60,000 to 20,000 soldiers. The next day Oman declares war on Vijanagar, the clergy are completely outraged at this declaration of war without any justification other than personal enrichment. The cute little black bunny tries to explain her strategy, but the clergy will not listen to reason and logic.

    The war takes place on Vijanagar territory, but strangely enough soldiers who are ordered to pillage the lands flee as soon as they arrive. Once they get back they are slapped around the face and told to head back. This goes on for 2 years after which Vijanagar hands Maharashtra, Mangalore and 39 gold pieces over to Oman.

    By February 1617 the Sultan is replaced with a new one. This one going by the name of 'Umayr.
    The election of this newest Sultan is mainly explained by his promise to reconcile Dennis and his cute little black bunny.
    He wins by a narrow margin. Some nobles demand a recount, they are sent to some for away country named Flowerida. It has been rumoured they still demand a recount.

    Sultan 'Umayr works hard and is very persistant. Sending e-mails to Dennis in Tibet, sending sweets to the cute little black rabbit. A little white lie here and there, promises and old black and white photographs about the good old days.
    He even uses old film material of the cute little black bunny and Dennis spending their holidays together, building sand castles all along the coast of Basrah.
    In the end it is just too much mushiness and Dennis decides to come off his mountain in Tibet and travel back to his old friend, the cute little black bunny and tell her he is sorry for the mistakes he has made.

    It is May 1621 and we hope they will live happily ever after, if they don't I have to come up with an idea for the second half of this 400-year spanning AAR.
    "Can we ever have too much of a good thing?"
    - Don Quixote (Cervantes)

    Oh Man
    What others said about this AAR:
    'Now there are trains...going under the straits...Egads man! You've twisted everything!'
    Oman No More
    And it all happened again, just differently. Don't read if you want to see the ending, mainly because there is none. In other words, I had to abandon it. Sorry.

  15. #35
    Hurricane Sergeant of Arms Amric's Avatar
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    ah, the little black bunny and Dennis are going to be reconciled! Good, very good! A very amusing update again!
    Guardian of Truth, Defender of Justice, Harbinger of Light! Formerly known as the Hurricane!

    Now retired from writing!

    "You can rest assured, sir, that I will do everything in my power to make sure it isn't my fault!" --Dr. Grant

  16. #36
    "A one-l Lama is a priest
    A two l Llama is a beast
    And I will bet a silk pajama
    There is no three l Lllama" Ogden Nash

  17. #37
    de l'Omancha haaf's Avatar
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    Amric: thank you, not sure my boss is very pleased with me writing stories in his time

    J. Passepartout: god, i seriously need to find that one!

    Anibal: don't think the Sultanate would survive an attack on Russia; or I need a better plan or more money or more men or all of the above.
    Last edited by haaf; 04-08-2003 at 18:32.
    "Can we ever have too much of a good thing?"
    - Don Quixote (Cervantes)

    Oh Man
    What others said about this AAR:
    'Now there are trains...going under the straits...Egads man! You've twisted everything!'
    Oman No More
    And it all happened again, just differently. Don't read if you want to see the ending, mainly because there is none. In other words, I had to abandon it. Sorry.

  18. #38
    CatAARstroph1c moderator Moderator Stroph1's Avatar
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    Just sat down an read this whole tale (so far). I have to say it is one of the funniest AARs out there. So many great lines. I kept picturing the cute little black bunny looking like Trixie in a Playboy Bunny outfit!

    More spam, you die! Horribly, horribly!

  19. #39
    Irken Tallest Arilou's Avatar
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    LOL!
    This one is funny, it is probabbly the second most insane AAR I've read (Passpartous one is more insane...)
    "Man is free; but his freedom does not look like the glorious liberty of the Enlightenment; it is no longer the gift of God. Once again, man stands alone in the universe, responsible for his condition, likely to remain in a lowly state, but free to reach above the stars.."
    -Jean-Paul Sartré

  20. #40
    Compulsive ReadAAR. Commandante's Avatar
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    What a wonderful little gem of an AAR! I love the humour in this one! Nicely done, haaf!

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