Oh Man

[haaf]

Mascate, Oman, somewhere in the 15th century, let us say 1419.
Sultan Malik is just sitting on his lazy deck chair overlooking a bit of water there, a bit of water there and lots and lots of sand.

"300 pieces of gold, and I haven't a clue what to do with it," our beloved Sultan sighs, "I wish someone would help me."

Mascate Coast, somewhere in the 15th century, let's take 1419 again, that seemed to work well last time.

A strange little ship is drifting along, sails gone, mast broken 2/3rds of the way. The sun is trying to see who will win, its scorching rays or the embrace of the ocean.

Inside the strange little ship a man. A strange man with spectacles, a watch, a mobile phone a cute little black rabbit and a severe headache.

"Verdwaald, alweer verdwaald," the strange man in the strange ship thinks, "Amsterdam was toch gewoon oversteken, zo moeilijk leek dat niet..."
The signs of despair in his eyes shine through his spectacles.


Mascate, Oman, somewhere in the 15th century, for consistency's sake let us once more take 1419.
A large seagull takes off, hungry, and willing to do something about it.
After a 15 minutes flight, including a short break to catch up on the gossip with some friends, the large seagull flies over a small boat.
"SHRREEEEK"
.
.
No answer, obviously very rude mammals, time to leave, but not before marking this rude mammal.

Mascate Coast, still in the 15th century in fact still 1419.
The strange man receives a gift from the God(s)/Allah/Shiva, not the bit the seagull just left him, no, the knowledge he is close to land, how wonderful for our strange spectacled man and his cute little bunnyrabbit.

Mascate, Oman, the beach, yes, still 1419.

The strange man maneuvers his strange ship on the white sandy beach. This doesn't at all resemble the descriptions of Amsterdam. Too much sand. Plenty of water, but by far too much sand.
After a casual stroll along the beach, he is approached by 4 people, quite obviously not Dutch.
"Agh, wat maakt het uit?" the dutchman thinks, and raises his hands to wave at the 4 men, who seem to be armed with plenty of weaponry.
"Hallo? Ik denk niet dat dit Amsterdam is, toch?", the tanned Dutchman asks.

[haaf]

"ÇáøÐí ÃäÊ æ ãÇÐÇ ÊÚãáå åäÇ ¿" one of the guards asks.
"Pardon? Daar snap ik echt helemaal niets van!" the spectacled dutchman scratches his head. "Wo ist ja den bahnhof?" the dutchman asks in his best german."

"الّذي أنت و ماذا تعمله هنا ؟" the guard asks.

"كان ذلك ألمانيًّا, لكنك أفضل يسأل بالإنجليزيّة, قد يفهم ذلك", the cute little black rabbit answers. The faces of the guards light up.

"Hiiii, how are you mate?" the guard suddenly yells.

"Err...well considering I am meant to go to Amsterdam and I am obviously not, wonderful, thank you, where am I?"
"This, oh this is Mascate, Oman, 15th century Oman to be precise, 1419 to be even more precise." the guard answers.

"Oh, right, never heard of it. Anyway nice to meet you, my name is Dennis, the pleasure is all mine."

The guard points at his name tag on his red uniform, "Ahmed"

"So, Ahmed, what's been going on here then, in this Oman?"

"Well," the guard says, "our Sultan has 300 pieces of gold, a +2 stab. nation, a manpower of 10, honourable reputation and a casus belli against more nations than I am willing to share with you right now.

"Right, sounds amazingly wonderful." Dennis answers with his left eyebrow slightly raised. "Let's see if we can do anything about that, can I talk to your Sultan please?"

"Hmmm...." Ahmed thinks before saying: "Sure, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to talk to Sultan Malik with 3/7/6 ADM/DIP/MIL ratings."

And so it came to pass that a tanned dutchman with spectacles, a watch, a mobile phone, a cute little black rabbit and a severe headache landed in Oman to help the sultanate of the same name to ruin or riches.
All of this on January 1st, 1419. The 15th century.

[nalivayko]

Nice style of writing, I'll be reading this one.

[Amric]

Interesting...I can't wait to see how it all turns out...

[haaf]

After fiddling round with some knobs in the local harem, our, well not exactly hero, managed to press the right buttons. A blue/white something shot across, apparently on its way to Zanzibar.

"Lovely, first try and already things are happening!"

Looking round the country side, Dennis, still not exactly our hero, found plenty of camels, no cows, this certainly wasn't Amsterdam, there were plenty of cows in Amsterdam.

Three months later a local Zanzibarian news agents proclaims that the blue/white something was in fact a settler and it had arrived quite safely.

Dennis, quite happy pressing the right buttons tries again, and once more the local news agent proclaims succes. Zanzibar is the largest city in the Omani Sultanate, rejoice!
So much rejoicing that we ask Zanj to be able to continue the festivities and parades through their territory, they agree!

In the month November, apparently, Morea went from Byzantine hands to Ottoman ones. We were very thankful we had allied ourselves with the Mameluks a year earlier. You just have to be so careful with those hands these days.

"Money seems to be in rather short supply." Dennis asks Sultan Malik.
"Indeed, very short supply, but fear not 5,000 soldiers just joined our lovely army and they have been equiped with a lovely red attire."
"Right," Dennis sighs. The next day all of those 5,000 enthusiasts are sent home. Not entirely sure where home was they just vanish in thin air.

December 1421, around Christmas time. While Dennis and Sultan Malik are enjoying a lovely Christmas dinner with some carolling and even some eggnog, the Ottoman Empire declares war on Candar.
"America will not be happy with this," Dennis says, "Canada are their northern friends, eh."

The Sultan, completely unaware of either America or Canada doesn't seem to hear, or care. We'll take the latter explanation.

Summer 1422, I remember it well, it was hot. That very hot summer of 1422 Trebizond is annexed by Ak Koyunlu. Whether Trebizond was a spice which was needed in Ak Koyunlu or if this meant anything on a grander scale didn't seem to worry anyone in the Sultanate of Oman.

Dennis, by now quite well established in Oman, his tent even has running water, in fact there is a whole ocean of it right outside his front-flap has managed to teach everyone english, or his version of it anyway. Even the cute little black rabbit has a nice cage overlooking the Straitz of Hormuz. 1423 truelly was a year to remember.

Not in the least because one day, when Dennis and his faithful rabbit were walking along the beach they found 100 pieces of gold. The whole nation was overjoyed, some officials even stopped taking bribes, heck, even the inflation dropped.

The winter of that year brought Canada or Candar in local terms in the waiting arms of the Ottomans, as it was annexed on January 1424. Surely this wasn't right.
It wasn't

It took some time, but in 1425 the whole nation of the Ottomanians went bankrupt. Whether this was in anyway connected to the unhappy peasants in Al Kharam in 1426 is highly unlikely. They revolted, realised the futility and vanished again.

Meanwhile the Ottomans just kept on going, bankrupcy didn't seem to be such a bad idea afterall. Kirkuk joined the Ottoman Empire at the same time that Ak Koyunlu added another spice, Azerbaijan. You can never have too much Azerbaijan.

After the remarkable gold find, corruption and inflation went to their usual business, trying to catch up for lost time, it jumped up by 5% in a single day.

[haaf]

After all the annexing by the Ottomans, the dish Ak Koyunlu decided it needed some Dulkadir, and promptly found it, annexing it in March of the year 1428.

The arrival of Dennis and his faithful rabbit in the Sultanate of Oman had caused some unrest among the nobles. So much in fact the all asked The Kaliphate for help. Oman, now without a lot of nobles, was finding this situation very unstable. The Sultan's deck chair was never free, it was good sitting down in an unstable world.

Cairo, Mameluk land, 15th century, 1429, October, the 2nd, late in the afternoon, 16:38 to be precise. The phone rings, it is Dennis.
"HI," Dennis says, smiling on the other side talking into his mobile phone.
"Yes, how can I be of assistance", Jaqmaq of the Mameluks asks.
"You know, that alliance we had, is it possible to extend that for say, another decade or so?"
"Sure, no problem, I'll fax you the forms immediately."

The Ottomans in the meantime, have opted to attack Constantinople once more. Not that anyone in Oman witnessed the events, but on June 1431, they proclaim that city their capital, and quite frankly it wouldn't make a lot of sense to have a capital in a foreign country, therefore they had annexed them first. Those Ottomans aren't as dim as you think.

Prior this moving of capital, the Duchy of Athens was annexed by Albania. Still, no one in Oman seemed to mind, or more likely no one seemed to know about it, as all of the money went into settling the surrounding area. TeePee's popped up, some should have, but didn't, however when that happened, Dennis just pressed the button again as soon as it lit up.

One day in November, Dennis' birthday to be precise, he got for his birthday, a ticket to the museum. Dennis thanked his cute little black rabbit for this lovely gift and set out to see what wonders of creativity were on display.
There weren't many, a lot of camals, water and a bucket full of sand.
"This is ART?" Dennis asked a passing man, who turned out to be the actual artists.
"Yes, and you my friend are a barbarian, so rude and obnoxious too!"
Many traitors were executed as Dennis wasn't too pleased to be called rude and obnoxious.

Two weeks after the Ottomans had destroyed the lovely city of Constantinople they waged war against Albania. Worried that our lovely products would fall in the hands of the Ottomaniacs we declined to grant export licenses. Protectionism begins at home.
The next three seconds fill with Hellas being handed over to the Ottomaniacs as well as 60 pieces of gold.

July 1433, Mascate, Oman, we refuse to sell our tent which serves as our office as well. Apparently it was worth 1 victorypoint. I wouldn't sell my tent for 100 victory points.

In October 1433 we dial 911, apparently the entire government of Zulu has fallen, but once the ambulance arrives they only seem to suffer from broken egos.

November 1433, 10 in the morning, Dennis is enjoying a cup of coffee with some croissants, his cute little black rabbit is munching on some nuts, with a side order of hay.
Albania has been annexed by Bosnia, neither the cute little black rabbit nor Dennis stop their breakfast for this.

May the next year, the Ottomaniacs annex Teke, dissidents flock to the shores of Oman. With no more room to accomodate refugees they are denied access, none of them had a passport, and we can't just let any refugee in, surely it wouldn't be so hard to have a passport.

In February 1436, Adana and Konya turn from being Karamanian to Ottomaniac. We are thrilled by the find of a check of 500 gold pieces to be used in land technology, we are now only 4500 gold pieces short.

In March 1438, the local masons decide they want a higher wall to keep the sunbathing people seperated from the working people. Too much distraction, and so the wall is raised to level 2.

The Ottomaniacs are on fire, they annexed their umpteenth victim, this time Naples.

[Lord Durham]

Originally posted by haaf
After fiddling round with some knobs in the local harem, our, well not exactly hero, managed to press the right buttons.

If that isn't full of innuendo, then nothing is.

[Amric]

LD, I thought the same thing...and then did a double take when Dennis uses his cell phone in the 1400's to talk to the Sultan of the Mamelukes....Gotta love it...

[haaf]

Dennis sits in front of his tent, roasting marshmellows with his cute little black bunny.
It's once again hot, the coolest has been when the Sultan of the Mamaluks sent him a text message with some obscene joke about Aden. Dennis and his beloved rabbit laugh heartily.

Trade has dried up the last couple of years in Mascate. Many fear that this paradox of trade centre and no trade will have consequences. Everyone seems to want to trade in Isfahan these days. Dennis stares over the bonfire across the water....Timurid Land...Isfahan...Provinces which are worth more than 1 and 2.

May 1440, Gjergj K. Skanderberg rises to power in Albania after it revolted from Bosnia.
"Must be a swedish thing," Dennis thinks, "coz that sure doesn't sound like anything Albanian to me."

In June 1440, a check for 3.5 gold pieces arrives at the national treasure of Oman.
---Your share of the profits--- a small note reads. Apparently the war against Tripoli has ended.

"OH, and a postcard too."

Greetings from sunny Tripolitana,
it's lovely here, we just went for a swim,
we are working on our tan here, my 84 wifes and I.
Pity you couldn't be here.
Your Friend,
Sultan of the Mameluks

"Awww, isn't that just sweet?" Dennis asks the cute little black rabbit, while he shows the postcard to her.

The same month, the whole nation of Tripoli is annexed by Algiers, it seems our friend the Sultan had some help afterall. In this month we also discover Al Djazair, we try to find a TV-set, but we can't find any to watch the arabic news.

February 1441, The Knights are annexed by Venice. That's a first for me, usually it ends up in Ottomaniacian hands. You see something new every so often.

In May 1442 the internal trade ordinance in Zanzibar means something, it's too far away and the tickets for airplanes are so expensive these days.

March the next year our sweet Sultan Malik dies while rocking on his deck chair, lovely bloke he was, played a mean game of cards too, someone by the name of 'Umer now rules Oman. Dennis tries to figure out how to pronounce the hyphen in front of his name. After two hours of experimenting Dennis gives up, he'll just call hum Sul.

Spending 16 hours a day in a tent, or office, with a rabbit, roasting marshmellows does get boring in the end. Even with the Sultan of the Mameluks sending rude jokes about our neighbours. So Dennis gets up from the desert floor, whipes the sand off his bum and makes his way to Sul's palace.

"Hya Sul,"Dennis says, "you know what would be fun?"
"Naaah," the great Sul says.
"Well, we could send forth our troops and cross the boundries to the west, wouldn't that be fun?"
"Naaah," the great Sul answers.
"Right, that's settled then, off to Aden we go."
"What? I didn't agree to anything," the Sul screams, but Dennis and his faithful bunny have already left the palace.

Being a good Sul means you shouldn't leave your harem behind, so he doesn't and Oman goes to war with Aden.
The new land claimed in Mascate is wonderful, but they managed to claim it exactly where our centre of trade was. It's gone, I don't know where, but it has, Isfahan is the nearest and every bit of trade goes there...and so should we...eventually.

Further down the map, the Zulu government, apparently receiving a temporary casus belli against Zimbabwe for tripping their governent in 1433 go to war against said Zimbabwe. This doesn't go entirely according to plan as Zimbabwe consequently annexes the Zulu nation. Bad planning, something I could have done; no not better, it's just something I could have done.

After 4 years of war we finally defeat every little bit of Aden, and so we start typing a letter.



Dear Loser,

I am afraid to inform you, you don't have anything left anymore, you loooser!
No more pretty soldiers to push about, no more horses to command.
Not even a single itsy bitsy bit of land is yours.
In fact, you know what, it is mine, you big loooser!
Because, as you may have gathered, we won.
Even my rabbit could have put up a better fight!
We won big time, you big loooser, so we get to say what we want.

1. we will take Hadramut
2. we will take Aden
3. you will be my vassal until I think you aren't a loooser anymore.
4. you will pay me 25 gold pieces

You lost, you loooser, now I want you to sign this and send it back.

With kind regards and
sincerely yours,
Dennis

P.S. YOU LOST!!



July 1447, Aden hands over Hadramut, Aden, 25 gold pieces and become vassals of Oman.

Sultan Sul immediately asks for an expansion of his harem with Aden ladies. This results in a big court scandal when Aden cunningly sends Aden men instead.

In October 1448 the Mameluks and Oman go to war against Algiers. Well actually it is the Mameluks who go, we just sit here and cheer them on with nice banners and flags and cans of beer. GO MAMY GO!

We establish a cantonment in Dofhar in June 1450, doesn't really help, but it beats a civil war hands down.

September 1450, we once again receive a check, this time worth 12.5 gold pieces. Thank you oh exalted Sultan of the Mameluks. We send a settler away of this money. We don't do much again.
That same month, while walking along the Kaliphate border we see a rabbit being chased by Kaliphate soldiers. My cute little black rabbit goes bezerk and invades the entire country.

I try to inform Sul, but apparently he has his mobile on recharge, as there is no way we can get through.
We invade Basrah, blocking the harbour, you know the drill basically. In the meantime, totally unrelated the Hedjaz also goes to war with the Kaliphate. They attack the capital, just moments before the scouting army of Oman reaches Bagdad.
"Drat! Too late!" Dennis angrily spits.
"That's the risk if you want to steal other nation's sieges," the cute little black rabbit answers.
Dennis sighs, "we'll just have to wait for their war to end, how about a stroll in Basrah?"

In December 1450 the Ottoman Empire goes bankrupt, again.
People all over the world are so sad to hear this, but none as much as the Hedjaz. In May 1452 the Kaliphate pays them 55 gold pieces, but the Hedjaz will not have it, prefering bankrupcy in sympathy with the Ottomaniacs.

"Right, off we go to Bagdad" Dennis orders the troops. Their sand castles litter the entire coast line.
On February 1454 the cute little black rabbit is asked to become the special minister for sand affairs. As that is big business in Oman, the entire nation profits. After 12 months of being in charge of sand, my rabbit decides it wants to go back to greener grass.
Her last action is the surrender of the Kaliphate, already vassals of the Timurid empire, we just ask for religious conversion to whatever we are, Basrah and 25 gold pieces.

Sul then diplomatically resolves an Aden merchant conflict. Dennis is too busy roasting marshmellows to even care, even the conversion of the province of Aden doesn't seem to bother him.
Perhaps because he is planning something?
YES!

Together with his sage bunny who predicted a weakening Timurid empire, he was drawing patterns in the sand. Had these been battle plans they might have been useful, but alas, they were just drawings of naked ladies in the sand. Lovely sight, but not really useful.

Anyway, in 1455 we do declare war on the Timurid Empire. Isfahan and it's CoT are the target, but we'll see if we can get more out of this.

1456 some fighting, mainly sieges.
1457 some fighting, siege siege siege...

1458 the Timurid Empire has had enough, they had been caught in a war with both Delhi to the east and Oman to the south. They are quite happy to offer Awhaz, Isfahan, Fars and Hormouz. We do control more, and are sieging another wealthy province. We hesitate, wait for their government to fall or take this offer?
Hmmmm...
Wait or accept, accept or wait?
We accept.

Meanwhile on the other side of Omani land, near the border with Aden, there is a border dispute. Haven't a clue about what, they are our vassals. I don't remember what I did, just that there was a border dispute.

Delhi - the Kaliphate
score: 2-0 with Delhi taking Quetta and Indus

December 1461
Apparently we forgot to ask Kusha from the Timurid Empire, no problem, they just joined our Sultanate.

In May 1462 Delhi declares war on Baluchistan, who have exactly 2,000 soldiers, very impressive!
November 1462, Delhi receives Kalat and Zahedan and Baluchistan as a vassal.
Dennis predicts a war between Delhi and Oman, so clever this Dennis is.

December 1462 the government of the Timurid Empire falls, again. This time during a war with Ak Koyunlu, which results in Tabaristan, Lut and Meched going to Ak Koyunlu.
Tabaristan was the province we were sieging not so long ago, doubting whether we should wait for a Timurid government collapse. We didn't and now it is in the hands of an Ottomaniac ally.

November 1463 the Hedjaz go to war on the Kaliphate, dragging the Mameluks and Oman with it into the conflict. We get to Bagdad first, especially since 1,000 cavalry have been waiting for this to happen. I love the smell of a stolen siege in the evening.

March 1464 somehow 50,000 soldiers have found their way to Bagdad. No space to breath there, yet one month later there are 53,000. 1,000 of these are Omani, well they are there somewhere, I think.

August 1464 finally Bagdad is mine, all mine. No compensation for the Hedjaz or the Mameluks, they just should've pressed the pause button quicker!

February 1466 the Timurid Empire's goverment has fallen, yet again.

March 1467
A brilliant move by Dennis costs us some stability points, first refusing to go to war against vassal Aden with his allies, then joining the same alliance to find himself at war with Aden, well done, well done! D'Oh!

February 1468 we annex Aden, I couldn't just give it to the Hedjaz, could I?

April 1468 the prediction of Dennis has come true, Delhi declares war on Oman. The Hedjaz find this very amusing and join us. The Sultan of the Mameluks, whoever he may be doesn't find this amusing and consequently doesn't join this marching extravaganza.

I see thousands of Delhi soldiers march through the desert, they die...
We sail across the Straight of Hormuz and siege.

January 1459 Ak Koyunlu annexes Moldova, I think they are using a familiar trick, let the Ottomans do all the work and run off with the spoils. Nice trick and well executed.

June 1470 Timurid has fallen again, he really should learn to ride a bike.

March 1471 Zahedan to the Hedjaz, I don't really care if they will encounter problems getting to their newly acquired province and 25 gold pieces to be shared among us.

July 1472 inflation is at a all time high, 16.6% and rising.

[Amric]

You are just cruising right along! Wonder what your BB rating is now...ought to be pretty high, is my thinking...but some funny stuff and enjoyable reading....

[haaf]

By my best estimate at the moment, just closed down the Oman game it was 19 or something. Plenty of other nations have been annexing, I just had to make sure Persia didn't get too strong right away. Delhi I can deal with, it is a very long walk to Isfahan and I haven't seen a single Delhi ship.

The Ottomans do scare me though, especially now I have lost the Mameluks in my alliance which the Hedjaz now lead

The shortage of money was getting to me. I could've opted to vassalise both Aden and the Kaliphate, maybe I should have in Aden's case, but Bagdad was just too wealthy to give away.

[Amric]

Don't you have a CoT in Zanzibar as well as Isfahan? Get some merchants going in both of them...You'll get some money that way....

[haaf]

Oh, I really didn't expect Kusha to join me, that kind of threw a spanner in my non-existant plan to try to keep away from being surrounded by strong neighbours. Trying to give up a province with this newest patch with rebel rules is a real pain in the behind. I'll just use it as a bargaining chip, preferably with the Timurid Empire

[haaf]

Yup, Zanzibar is still there, but only 4 nations know of it, I wonder how long it will last. At least now I control some richer provinces I don't have to wait for the years to roll by to do something. I tried exchanging maps with my allies, but no, none of that business.

[Backpack]

I'm trashed but this is good - umm not sure if that is a compliment or not. Really enjoyed the intro and the seagull bit. Where did you get the arabic script?

[haaf]

Its from yourdictionary.com
I just typed the english equivalent and have it translated, I didn't really care if it was right or not, I just thought it was weird that a dutchman and an omani could speak. So instead of the babal fish, I have a babel bunny.

Another 20 years have passed, I'm just going to write something in my trusty wordpad and copy it here.

[haaf]

Lo and behold, we have found our missing CoT, well not exactly, but apparently it is now in Harerge, Ethiopia. No, we do not know where that is.

In 1473 the Uzbek Kaganate joins our little tea club we call military alliance. They seem to hate us, so why did they want to join then? Strange people those Kaganates.

In a twist of fate, Delhi joins our ever growing alliance after annexing Hyderabad. At least this means a decade without having to fight Delhi.

One morning, October 1473, it is hot, the cute little black rabbit hops merrily along the western border in pictoresque Bagdad. Being a rabbit, she feels an urge to dig, so she does. Unfortunately she digs right into Ak Koyunlu territory, an entire dispute over this evolves between Oman and Ak Koyunlu.

Dennis, on holidays in Cyprus is witness of the vassalage of this lovely island to Venice. Surely this can not be. He puts his furry slippers on and gets a taxi to the local palace.
"Bad idea, very bad idea, undo this immediately!" Dennis advises.
And so, 15 days later, the Cypriot Council cancels her vassalage with Venice.

Suleymân, our slutan, (yes indeed), ends a great feud between two people whose names have been altered to protect them. One Ahmad H. and one 'Umar P. put down their differences, how peachy.

On August something 1476 the fair cities of the Sultanate want their previous rights back, naturally, go right ahead, did you actually have rights?

Dennis and his faithful sage bunny are having a lot of fun being corrupt, surely this should be ignored, and being the influential chap he is, he manages to press Ignore Corruption, when a big screen pops up from the sand. There, another decision made.

On April 1st. 1478 we receive a letter from Baluchistan:


Dear Dennis,
your shoelaces are undone.

Signed,
Joker.


We are not amused as we spend hours trying to find laces on our furry slippers, how insulting!

We are in no mood to grant anything, least of all export licences. Dennis goes of in a lenghty debate on why this is better for Oman and the world as we know it. Listeners walk out of the auditorium after 4 hours. A simple no would have sufficed.

August 1480, Omani cities request to reinstate their previous rights, apparently not too happy with having no rights whatsoever. Dennis is very happy to comply and changes their rights from 'Do-what-I-say' to 'Whatever, I don't care what you want.'

CNN send their correspondents to Iraq only to discover that the war is somewhere else, the Uzbek Kaganate, the very ones who hate us, go to war with the Timurids. They ask for our help, naturally we accept, we won't do much, but we don't tell the Uzbeks this.

Finally on January 3rd, 1481, someone declares war upon us, it's Vijanagar and their side kick Jodhpur. We send forth some text messages to the Hedjaz and the Uzbeks, but they don't really seem to care.
A loud "WHATEVER!" is heard coming from Dennis' tent also serving as office.

We send a postcard to our friend Qâ'it Bay in Cairo. He prompty calls Dennis. Old friends swapping stories, in the end Oman joins the alliance Qâ'it Bay already had with the Hedjaz.

On June 1481 Dennis and his cute little black bunny walk along the promenade in sunny Mascate. An amateur painter wants to immortalise them on a piece of canvas. "A very nice idea," the cute bunny says, and they sit down on the comfortable chair facing the painter.
45 minutes later, the painter claims he has completed his master piece. Upon inspection Dennis only sees a strange stick figure with big spectacles and an unremarkeble black blob. The artist is never heard from again.

The cute little black rabbit is very distraught at not being in a picture with her bestest friend Dennis. As a surprise Dennis invites a painter to paint a lovely picture. The painter, by the name of Rembrandt is indeed quite good, the picture finds a place in the bathroom of Dennis' tent.

March 1483, after beating the snot out of Vijanagar and its sidekick Jodhpur, Dennis has had enough with this jocularity and accepts a piece offering of 166 gold pieces.
As the representative of Vijanagar leaves the tent, the cute little black rabbit pins a 'KICK-ME' sign on his back. Dennis and the cute little black rabbit pee themselves laughing.

On June 1483, on the battleship Yorktown a peace conference between Delhi and Timurid takes place. It ends with Timurid signing over Kabul to Delhi.

Dofhar, 1483, a fort is being built. Not exactly world shattering news, it helps, but not much.

Dennis, fed up with waiting for the Uzbeks to finally defeat the Timurids sends the local leader a letter in the Ariel font. The Timurids, long time fan of the Ariel font accept a white peace. A brilliant diplomatic move, and Dennis pats himself on the shoulder, knowing that his cute little black rabbit can't reach that high.

Delhi, twiddling their thumbs decide they want action. They hire someone from the bush. This person, let's call him George, immediately cancels Baluchistan's vassalage and declares war.

[haaf]

60 days later, Baluchistan, obviously no match for the Delhi war machine surrenders, Mekra becomes Delhi territory and once more is Delhi's vassal.

On June 1485, with not a lot of cash in the till, we don't impose a new tariff.
China, with even less cash in the till, goes bankrupt on October 11th, 1485.

Someone by the name of P. Lague hits 2,000 people in Fars. The people of Fars aren't too pleased about this and move away.

In May 1487 the 6 merchants which are way too expensive to send to CoT's give birth to an additional 5. Lack of space means that Dennis demands financial compensation, he is refused.

The Ottomaniacs, who recently have been quite quiet, once again go to war, this time targetting Albania and their ally Venice. The Uzbek economy, not prepared to deal with another Ottoman war goes bankrupt.
Not even a year after the war started, it has ended with Albania being annexed.

Dennis is quite happy to see that the inflation has dropped by 5% in a single day, we really needed this, seriously, we really really needed this!

Some floaty thinker is spotted peeping in the glass-less windows and is put into prison.
Apparently this free thinker was from Vijanagar, as they declare war the very next day.

"Didn't we just kick their Vehinds last time?" the Omani Sultan asks Dennis.
"Indeed, they don't really seem to understand how and especially where to move their troops, or even to send more than 1,000 soldiers each time."
"So, what's the plan then?" his exaltedness the sultan asks.
"Well, when I am sultan instead of the sultan, I will.." Dennis starts, but a quick kick under the table by his faithful bunny stops him just in time.
"The plan," the cute little black bunny starts, "is to win the war, we shall invade and take Jodhpur's CoT, and Mysore from the enemy. Given their previous show of incompetence this will tak approximately 5 years."
"A true 5-year plan then," 'Umar, Sultun of everything Omani wisely responds.
"Yes, let me just call our friends and allies to see if they want a share of the loot," the wise and cute little black bunny says.

Unfortunately neither The Hedjaz or the Mameluks seem interested in earning some money, so we are going to war by our lonesome.
However they do ask our help to defeat Nubia 2 months later.
"Sure, we never give up the chance to get some much needed cash," is Dennis' wise answer.
And so we rejoin our previous alliance, at war at two fronts, east and west.

1489, Muhammed I comes to power. Perhaps it is our Sultan's ability to look into the future, but it escapes both Dennis and the cute little black rabbit, why he calls himself the first. Is he expecting more than just the one?

In April 1489 we try to eradicate corruption, but don't seem to succeed very well as the level of corruption keeps rising, whereas eradicate means something different. We book a trip to the famed library of Alexandrium, but find it has closed for refurbishing.

In December the free thinker of Vijanagar who was put in jail a year earlier escapes through an airvent. Unfortunately he floats right to the Sultan's harem and is put back behind bars. The airvent is plugged up with some of his clothes.

August 1490 sees Jodhpur, sidekick of the Vijanagar, give up Kutch and Gujarat. We now have 3 CoT's. If only we could find out where on earth Ethiopia is.

November 1490, we ask Keith Haring to paint something which we understand, he draws and paints for some nights and days, but the result looks remarkable similar the a stickman on a background which seems to made out of ketchup. Looks nice in the barracks of our red attired soldiers, so we keep it.
The loot from the Mameluk's campaing in Nubia is a mere 12 gold pieces. Not bad considering we didn't do a single thing, oh and Nubia changes hands and is now controlled by the Mameluks.

January 1492, we have yet another Sultan, unexpectedly it isn't Muhammed II. Not in the slightest, it is Ahmad, not the first or the great, just Ahmad, just plain Ahmad.

In November we discover that the peasants in Aden have been told to milk cows. There aren't any, quite upset the farmers rise up in revolt, doesn't take too long before they are set down again.

"The 5 years are over," Dennis tells his cute little black rabbit.
"Indeed, so it is, let us ask for Mysore + 100 gold pieces."

January 1493, Vijanagar hands over both Mysore and 100 gold pieces.
"I love it when a plans comes together," the cute little black rabbit tells Dennis on their voyage home inside the lavishly furnished learjet. "I just wish we had some more money to spend."
As Dennis looks out the window he sees an agricultural revolt in Basrah.
The sound and sight of the supersonic aeroplane confuses the whole area.

First the Timurid government falls over the price of kerosine. Then the cities of Oman demand an immediate return to their previous state of : 'Do-what-I-say' .
It is August 15th, 1494 and it is hot, very hot and sandy.

[ForzaA]

now this is hilarious

(and ridiculous too )

[Amric]

Now cows to milk and a lear jet....can't even imagine what other modern conveniences Dennis might end up with....funny stuff...