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Originally posted by MegaPIMP
the planet shield code was 1,2,3,4 mind you
But there are only three code wheels on the German army Enigma machine. The German navy had four.
This like many other things were left out of the HOI manual. Don't worry though you will be able to get the extras with the new 1.05xxx patch that will hopefully come out.
SBT opratives are only avaliable to Sweden. When they engage in combat they don't do any damage but instead drastically destroy the enemies org. Also, they have really, really nice sprites for them.
The Dominatrix unit is only avaliable to Germany. Put it in an army going into battle and it will boost your commanding officer's skill to 10. But then after the battle he is returned to the officer pool where he will need a few months to recover from the trauma if ever.
If the two units engage in combat, a full motion video will take place as the catfight ensues. Mature audiences only.
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Berlin October 1941
A group of shabby dressed men are led down the halls. Their hands are manacled together and they wear ankle rings on their feet with lengths of chain linking them together.
German Soldiers walk beside them with grim looks, their rifles in hand prodding the group forward. In the lead walks Ribbentrop, with his head held high and as always, dressed sharply. They finally reach a set of large twin steel doors, which open slowly. From it, Hitler emerges flanked by his body, guards.
Ribbentrop: Mein Fuhrer the programmers are here! Swiftly rounded up with the fall of Sweden!
Hitler: Ah so these are the Swedish computer programmers. (rubs his hands eagerly together)
Ribbentrop: Yes mein Fuhrer. They were captured with out a fight. It seems that they were being held by an organization called Pair-Of-Ducks Entertainment. We interrogated all of them and brought the best programmers here.
Hitler: What about the project managers?
Ribbentrop: Well, since project managers basically don’t do anything at all, we just had them shot.
Hitler: Excellent! (motions to the guards) Remove those chains. They won’t be needing them here.
Moments later the restraints are freed and the programmers rub their wrists.
Hitler: (turns looking the group of programmers over) Now listen to me, all of you. You shall be given the task to create a preeminent strategic war simulator so that Germany will have the knowledge to fight battles with the foreknowledge of how best to achieve victory against any foe! Remember, you are all condemned men. We keep you alive to serve the Third Reich. So code well, and live.
Ribbentro: There is no one out there who can help you now! The Swedish army has been destroyed and the SBT unit disbanded. All your bases are belong to us!!! We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile!
Hitler: Yeah! What he said! Any other questions? No? Ok then let’s start the tour of the facilities. Well out side is the barbed wire electrified fence patrolled by vicious meat eating guard dogs. Outside the fence is a field of antitank landmines. Listening devices are buried underground to hear any atempts at tunneling. Watch towers line the perimeter every 30 meters apart, where the best army snipers keep guard.
Now in the main building we have your cubicles on the first floor where the main servers and work stations are. Oh and where are my manners. Welcome to Peenemunde, I trust your stay will be a pleasant one.
Programmer 1: (whispers to another programmer next to him) So what do you think of this place?
Programmer 2: (shrugs) Just like any other software company.
[find the quotes in this one elbasto]
A group of shabby dressed men are led down the halls. Their hands are manacled together and they wear ankle rings on their feet with lengths of chain linking them together.
German Soldiers walk beside them with grim looks, their rifles in hand prodding the group forward. In the lead walks Ribbentrop, with his head held high and as always, dressed sharply. They finally reach a set of large twin steel doors, which open slowly. From it, Hitler emerges flanked by his body, guards.
Ribbentrop: Mein Fuhrer the programmers are here! Swiftly rounded up with the fall of Sweden!
Hitler: Ah so these are the Swedish computer programmers. (rubs his hands eagerly together)
Ribbentrop: Yes mein Fuhrer. They were captured with out a fight. It seems that they were being held by an organization called Pair-Of-Ducks Entertainment. We interrogated all of them and brought the best programmers here.
Hitler: What about the project managers?
Ribbentrop: Well, since project managers basically don’t do anything at all, we just had them shot.
Hitler: Excellent! (motions to the guards) Remove those chains. They won’t be needing them here.
Moments later the restraints are freed and the programmers rub their wrists.
Hitler: (turns looking the group of programmers over) Now listen to me, all of you. You shall be given the task to create a preeminent strategic war simulator so that Germany will have the knowledge to fight battles with the foreknowledge of how best to achieve victory against any foe! Remember, you are all condemned men. We keep you alive to serve the Third Reich. So code well, and live.
Ribbentro: There is no one out there who can help you now! The Swedish army has been destroyed and the SBT unit disbanded. All your bases are belong to us!!! We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile!
Hitler: Yeah! What he said! Any other questions? No? Ok then let’s start the tour of the facilities. Well out side is the barbed wire electrified fence patrolled by vicious meat eating guard dogs. Outside the fence is a field of antitank landmines. Listening devices are buried underground to hear any atempts at tunneling. Watch towers line the perimeter every 30 meters apart, where the best army snipers keep guard.
Now in the main building we have your cubicles on the first floor where the main servers and work stations are. Oh and where are my manners. Welcome to Peenemunde, I trust your stay will be a pleasant one.
Programmer 1: (whispers to another programmer next to him) So what do you think of this place?
Programmer 2: (shrugs) Just like any other software company.
[
find the quotes in this one elbasto]
HAHAHA
Great post
(don't need to quote, you're just describing a normal work day of any programmer)
Great post
(don't need to quote, you're just describing a normal work day of any programmer)
Where are the disbanded SBT members being held? (Not that i have ANY reason for wanting to know.)
Blitzkrieg: Didn't you know that any country/corperation that has democratic in their title isn't? (i.e. Democratic People's Republic of Korea [thats N Korea for those who don't know])
Blitzkrieg: Didn't you know that any country/corperation that has democratic in their title isn't? (i.e. Democratic People's Republic of Korea [thats N Korea for those who don't know])
Hmmm, this all makes total sense except for ONE thing
Rustican wrote:
Hitler: Yeah! What he said! Any other questions? No? Ok then let’s start the tour of the facilities. Well out side is the barbed wire electrified fence patrolled by vicious meat eating guard dogs. Outside the fence is a field of antitank landmines. Listening devices are buried underground to hear any atempts at tunneling. Watch towers line the perimeter every 30 meters apart, where the best army snipers keep guard.
You know, if I wanted to hold some shabbily dressed computer programmers prisoner . . . I really think anti-personnel landmines would be more effective.
But then you know what PROBABLY happened was something like this:
* * * * * *
Berlin October 1941, a few days earlier
Ribbentrop: Mein Fuhrer, we have captured a member of the British Royal Family! A princess!
Hitler: Really? That's excellent! Well, Ribbi, bring her in, bring her in!
Ribbentrop: There are one or two points about her arrival that I'm still trying to clear up . . .
Hitler: Never mind that! Just get on with it!
Nazi guards bring in Princess Di, wearing a nice pair of mid-afternoon slacks and a designer blouse and ... well, wearing something nice.
Hitler: Who are you? I don't recognize you. I have a complete set of Royal Family trading cards, and you're not on any of them.
Diana: I'm Lady Diana Spencer, Princess of Wales. I've come here from the future using a time machine.
Hitler and Ribbentrop exchange baffled looks.
Hitler: Go on, pull the other one.
Diana: No, it's true. I've come here to ask you to give up the ghastly, inhuman, senseless and evil practice of using anti-personnel landmines.
Hitler and Ribbentrop laugh uproariously and fall on the floor. Diana watches with an annoyed expression.
Hitler (to Ribbentrop, once he finally catches his breath): Well, I told her to pull the other one! I haven't laughed like that in ages!
Diana: If you're quite finished . . .
Hitler: Sorry. You do understand that this is the Third Reich? Ghastly, inhuman, senseless and evil -- we pretty much invented them all! Sort of a stupid mission, if you ask me . . . Now if I had a time machine, hmmm, that would be splendid. Ribbi, let's get our scientists to work on that at once.
Ribbentrop: I'm afraid they're still working on developing bigger dice at the moment, mein Fuhrer!
Hitler (throws his hat on the floor and stamps on it): Damn! Damn!
Diana (looking from Ribbentrop to Hitler as if her reading of history had led her to expect someone just a tad smarter): Ah, I see the problem. You misunderstand me.
Hitler (stops in mid-stamp): We do?
Diana: You do. In the future, naturally, the Third Reich has triumphed and everything is, well, ghastly, inhuman, senseless and evil.
Hitler (smacks Ribbentrop on the back of the head): Yes, of course it is! Ribbi here neglected to mention that point before bringing you in, but of course, in the future we shall triumph utterly.
Diana: And so I've really come here to ask you to give up anti-personnel landmines because they're not inhuman enough.
Hitler (trying to follow): Not inhuman enough . . .
Diana: Not by half! No, no, Fuhrer, you see, in the future we've come to understand that more explosives are always better.
Ribbentrop (same expression as Hitler): More explosives . . .
Diana: What you really need are more anti-tank landmines. They make a much bigger boom. More bits thrown around. It's far more evil, truly.
Hitler: Yes, of course, a bigger boom, more bits. They're all so clever in the future, aren't they? Ribbentrop, I take it we don't need to divert any scientists from their vital work in order to stop making anti-personnel landmines and produce more anti-tank landmines?
Ribbentrop: Well, you really should ask Todt about that, or Speer, he's got a head for figures. They always rattle on about ICs and sliders, I can never follow any of it.
Hitler: Just do it, all right? Now, Lady Spencer, is there anything else you can tell us about the future? Is it truly ghastly?
Diana: Yes, it's dreadful, you can't imagine. (Glances at her watch.) Oh, dear, I'm just about out of time . . . You promise that you'll get rid of those anti-personnel landmines, now?
Hitler: We promise. But are you sure you have to go?
Diana (starting to shimmer and fade in a Star Trek sort of way): I'm afraid so. Ta ta, I must say, I've never enjoyed visiting a totalitarian dictatorship quite so much . . . Oh, there was one more thing, something about fuzes, what was it? . . . (she disappears)
Hitler: What? What? Damn it, Ribbi, she's gone. (shrugs) Well, that was fun. Now, how is Operation Sea Monkeys going?
* * * * * *
As I say, that's PROBABLY what happened. It's not really important, anyway, but you know I just like to get the details right. Historical accuracy, that's my big thing. Pardon the interruption. Please carry on.
Rustican wrote:
Hitler: Yeah! What he said! Any other questions? No? Ok then let’s start the tour of the facilities. Well out side is the barbed wire electrified fence patrolled by vicious meat eating guard dogs. Outside the fence is a field of antitank landmines. Listening devices are buried underground to hear any atempts at tunneling. Watch towers line the perimeter every 30 meters apart, where the best army snipers keep guard.
You know, if I wanted to hold some shabbily dressed computer programmers prisoner . . . I really think anti-personnel landmines would be more effective.
But then you know what PROBABLY happened was something like this:
* * * * * *
Berlin October 1941, a few days earlier
Ribbentrop: Mein Fuhrer, we have captured a member of the British Royal Family! A princess!
Hitler: Really? That's excellent! Well, Ribbi, bring her in, bring her in!
Ribbentrop: There are one or two points about her arrival that I'm still trying to clear up . . .
Hitler: Never mind that! Just get on with it!
Nazi guards bring in Princess Di, wearing a nice pair of mid-afternoon slacks and a designer blouse and ... well, wearing something nice.
Hitler: Who are you? I don't recognize you. I have a complete set of Royal Family trading cards, and you're not on any of them.
Diana: I'm Lady Diana Spencer, Princess of Wales. I've come here from the future using a time machine.
Hitler and Ribbentrop exchange baffled looks.
Hitler: Go on, pull the other one.
Diana: No, it's true. I've come here to ask you to give up the ghastly, inhuman, senseless and evil practice of using anti-personnel landmines.
Hitler and Ribbentrop laugh uproariously and fall on the floor. Diana watches with an annoyed expression.
Hitler (to Ribbentrop, once he finally catches his breath): Well, I told her to pull the other one! I haven't laughed like that in ages!
Diana: If you're quite finished . . .
Hitler: Sorry. You do understand that this is the Third Reich? Ghastly, inhuman, senseless and evil -- we pretty much invented them all! Sort of a stupid mission, if you ask me . . . Now if I had a time machine, hmmm, that would be splendid. Ribbi, let's get our scientists to work on that at once.
Ribbentrop: I'm afraid they're still working on developing bigger dice at the moment, mein Fuhrer!
Hitler (throws his hat on the floor and stamps on it): Damn! Damn!
Diana (looking from Ribbentrop to Hitler as if her reading of history had led her to expect someone just a tad smarter): Ah, I see the problem. You misunderstand me.
Hitler (stops in mid-stamp): We do?
Diana: You do. In the future, naturally, the Third Reich has triumphed and everything is, well, ghastly, inhuman, senseless and evil.
Hitler (smacks Ribbentrop on the back of the head): Yes, of course it is! Ribbi here neglected to mention that point before bringing you in, but of course, in the future we shall triumph utterly.
Diana: And so I've really come here to ask you to give up anti-personnel landmines because they're not inhuman enough.
Hitler (trying to follow): Not inhuman enough . . .
Diana: Not by half! No, no, Fuhrer, you see, in the future we've come to understand that more explosives are always better.
Ribbentrop (same expression as Hitler): More explosives . . .
Diana: What you really need are more anti-tank landmines. They make a much bigger boom. More bits thrown around. It's far more evil, truly.
Hitler: Yes, of course, a bigger boom, more bits. They're all so clever in the future, aren't they? Ribbentrop, I take it we don't need to divert any scientists from their vital work in order to stop making anti-personnel landmines and produce more anti-tank landmines?
Ribbentrop: Well, you really should ask Todt about that, or Speer, he's got a head for figures. They always rattle on about ICs and sliders, I can never follow any of it.
Hitler: Just do it, all right? Now, Lady Spencer, is there anything else you can tell us about the future? Is it truly ghastly?
Diana: Yes, it's dreadful, you can't imagine. (Glances at her watch.) Oh, dear, I'm just about out of time . . . You promise that you'll get rid of those anti-personnel landmines, now?
Hitler: We promise. But are you sure you have to go?
Diana (starting to shimmer and fade in a Star Trek sort of way): I'm afraid so. Ta ta, I must say, I've never enjoyed visiting a totalitarian dictatorship quite so much . . . Oh, there was one more thing, something about fuzes, what was it? . . . (she disappears)
Hitler: What? What? Damn it, Ribbi, she's gone. (shrugs) Well, that was fun. Now, how is Operation Sea Monkeys going?
* * * * * *
As I say, that's PROBABLY what happened. It's not really important, anyway, but you know I just like to get the details right. Historical accuracy, that's my big thing. Pardon the interruption. Please carry on.
Math Guy:
Always nice when people give solutions at the same time they raise issues
Rafiki
Always nice when people give solutions at the same time they raise issues
Rafiki
no, NO all wrong!! everyone KNOWS that programmers eat donuts, right? they are realy BIG and fat, so a anti-tank mine is needed to stop them!
More
More
More!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep them coming, this is definitely one of the funniest stories I've ever read!
More
More!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep them coming, this is definitely one of the funniest stories I've ever read!
Berlin November 1941
The command staff once again comes together to discuss the future of Germany. Hitler sits at the head of the table contently sipping his hot chocolate as the other engage in quiet banter.
Hitler: Ah, what a wonderful day it is! Sweden annexed, programmers captured, infantry crushed by Panzers. I think it’s safe to say that Operation Sea Monkey was a smashing success.
Ribbentrop: Indeed sir. Field marshals von Mastein and von Kluge are to be commended for their service.
Von Mastein: T-thanks… (he replies shakily)
Von Kluge: It-It was nothing…
The two field marshals look haggard and quite exhausted.
Rommel: It must have been hard at the front.
Von Kluge: Even harder on the rear. (mumbles. He winces sitting on his chair)
Hitler: Don’t I know it… (mumbles)
Von Masten: (whispers to Kluge) Now I know why he lets her call him Pookums.
Hitler: Anyway on to other things. Ribbi, What is happening with the rest of the world?
Ribbentrop: Things are quiet along the Western Front, sir. After Sea Monkey are borders are fairly secure and I believe that the most important agenda we have now is preparing for the war with Russia.
Hitler: How about those programmers. They better be a cracking with that new simulation. We can’t play the Axis and Allies simulation anymore because someone ate the pieces.
Georing: I was hungry and the little plastic infantrymen looked so yummy.
Hitler: Oh for the love of sauerkraut!
Ribbentropp: Ahem, to continue, the programmers have are currently beta testing their simulation as we speak. They say that the escape date for it will be sometime in December.
Hitler: Well, they better not push it back. It gets on my nerves when programmers keep pushing back the escape date for their software. What are they calling this simulation anyway?
Ribbentropp: It’s nothing definite but I think it might be named Buns of Steel or Iron Lung.
Hitler: Sounds interesting. Who’s next? Raeder what have you got for me? What’s new with the navy?
Raeder: Nothing really new. We’re ported back and Hamburg twiddling our thumbs. I guess I’ll go out fishing again since the last time I checked, the Russian navy was even more pathetic than ours.
Hitler: Well, someone is grumpy again now that operation Sea Monkey is over. Hermi what is the status of Lufwaffa?
Georing: Mein Fuhrer, 10 squadrons now patrol the English Channel shooting down anything that doesn’t have a Swastika or an I LOVE THE FUHRER bumper sticker pasted on it’s wing. The German people are once again safe from having burning wreckage or dead airmen crushing them from the air. As for out Tactical bomber wing, we not have 12 squadrons at the ready with more in line on the production queue. When we finish researching the improved models, they will come with bucket seats and a cd player built in. And I’ve put in a requisition to build two more paratrooper divisions with their own transport fleet. Expensive but useful. People have a tendency to wet themselves when they see grunts falling out of the sky shooting at them.
Hitler: Make it so, Hermi! Guderian how are the next generation of tank brigades coming along?
Guderian: Quite well mein Fuhrer. Our first line of heavy tanks will begin production shortly. An improved Heavy Tiger with a 100mm gun mount. She’s one hell of a panzer, amazingly built! Sleek, seductive, sexy, I’m going to drive her brains out!
Rommel: I call sloppy seconds!
Von Mastein: Damn! Beat me to it.
Guderian: Currently our total number of tank divisions number at 36. With those being the Advanced Panthers. I recommend we begin constant production of panzer divisions up to and well into the war with Russia. The only way we have a chance of compensating for their hoards of infantry is to field more armor. On the open plains of Russia I am confident that our tanks will overcome all.
Von Mastein: I’ll have to agree with Guderian. After all he did write to book on Panzer warfare.
Rommel: He did?
Guderian: (Holds up a book titled: Achtung-Panzer! ) Hello!
Hitler: Guderian, your recommendations are noted and approved. Start immediate production on the new tank divisions! Now who’s next, ah, Kluge. What is the status on the infantry?
Von Kluge: Our garrisons along Northern France have held strong with coastal fortifications constantly being improved! You’d figure that the Allies would have realize by now that charging through a mine ridden, obstacle encrusted beachhead toward a concrete pillbox spouting machine-gun-fire, mortars and artillery rounds, isn’t really such a good idea.
Hitler: (shrugs) At least the seagulls will be eating well. How about the other fronts?
Von Kluge: Basra and Kuwait are secure as is the Suez. Gibraltar is shut tighter than a frigid nun’s legs! We are in good shape! I recommend though that we create more mountain divisions to supplement our fodder infantry divisions. Mountain men are just so much rougher and tougher than regular infantry. Most of them were lumberjacks you know.
Hitler: Lumberjack? Why I once though of becoming a lumberjack!
Von Kluge: Really sir?
Hitler: Yes, but I realized that I had a different calling in life.
Ribbentrop: Oh? And what was that sir?
Hitler: I wanted to be someone able to strike fear in the hearts of my enemies. To delude the populace with my forked serpent tongue and blinding charisma. With loyal henchman at my side!
From the wings of government!
To the rise of the worker’s party!
Usurping the authority of government under Nazi rule!
I wanted to be… I wanted to be…
The Fuhrer!
Hitler:
I’m a Fuhrer and that’s ok,
I sleeps all night and I heils all day.
Command Staff:
He’s the Fuhrer and that’s ok
He sleeps all night and he heils all day.
Hitler:
I oppress the weak, opposers I crush,
And laugh out loud with glee.
On Mondays I go a warmongering
And before me they all flee.
Command Staff:
He oppresses the weak, opposers He’ll crush,
And laughs out loud with glee
On Mondays he goes a warmongering
And before him all will flee.
Command Staff:
He’s the Fuhrer and that’s ok
He sleeps all night and he heils all day.
Hitler:
In my car I ride, through waving crowds,
Them cheering as I go
Cause if they don’t I’ll get pissed off
And call the Gestapo!
Command Staff:
In his car he’ll ride, through waving crowds,
Them cheering as he goes
Cause if they don’t he’ll get pissed off
And call the Gestapo!
Command Staff:
He’s the Fuhrer and that’s ok
He sleeps all night and he heils all day.
Hitler:
My armies march, through countries pass
With Swastika flags unfurled.
It’s all part of my master plan
To conquer the free world!
Command Staff:
It’s us who’ll will march, through countries pass
With Swastika flags unfurled.
It’s all part of his master plan
To conquer the free world!
Command Staff:
He’s the Fuhrer and that’s okaaaaaaayyy.....
The command staff once again comes together to discuss the future of Germany. Hitler sits at the head of the table contently sipping his hot chocolate as the other engage in quiet banter.
Hitler: Ah, what a wonderful day it is! Sweden annexed, programmers captured, infantry crushed by Panzers. I think it’s safe to say that Operation Sea Monkey was a smashing success.
Ribbentrop: Indeed sir. Field marshals von Mastein and von Kluge are to be commended for their service.
Von Mastein: T-thanks… (he replies shakily)
Von Kluge: It-It was nothing…
The two field marshals look haggard and quite exhausted.
Rommel: It must have been hard at the front.
Von Kluge: Even harder on the rear. (mumbles. He winces sitting on his chair)
Hitler: Don’t I know it… (mumbles)
Von Masten: (whispers to Kluge) Now I know why he lets her call him Pookums.
Hitler: Anyway on to other things. Ribbi, What is happening with the rest of the world?
Ribbentrop: Things are quiet along the Western Front, sir. After Sea Monkey are borders are fairly secure and I believe that the most important agenda we have now is preparing for the war with Russia.
Hitler: How about those programmers. They better be a cracking with that new simulation. We can’t play the Axis and Allies simulation anymore because someone ate the pieces.
Georing: I was hungry and the little plastic infantrymen looked so yummy.
Hitler: Oh for the love of sauerkraut!
Ribbentropp: Ahem, to continue, the programmers have are currently beta testing their simulation as we speak. They say that the escape date for it will be sometime in December.
Hitler: Well, they better not push it back. It gets on my nerves when programmers keep pushing back the escape date for their software. What are they calling this simulation anyway?
Ribbentropp: It’s nothing definite but I think it might be named Buns of Steel or Iron Lung.
Hitler: Sounds interesting. Who’s next? Raeder what have you got for me? What’s new with the navy?
Raeder: Nothing really new. We’re ported back and Hamburg twiddling our thumbs. I guess I’ll go out fishing again since the last time I checked, the Russian navy was even more pathetic than ours.
Hitler: Well, someone is grumpy again now that operation Sea Monkey is over. Hermi what is the status of Lufwaffa?
Georing: Mein Fuhrer, 10 squadrons now patrol the English Channel shooting down anything that doesn’t have a Swastika or an I LOVE THE FUHRER bumper sticker pasted on it’s wing. The German people are once again safe from having burning wreckage or dead airmen crushing them from the air. As for out Tactical bomber wing, we not have 12 squadrons at the ready with more in line on the production queue. When we finish researching the improved models, they will come with bucket seats and a cd player built in. And I’ve put in a requisition to build two more paratrooper divisions with their own transport fleet. Expensive but useful. People have a tendency to wet themselves when they see grunts falling out of the sky shooting at them.
Hitler: Make it so, Hermi! Guderian how are the next generation of tank brigades coming along?
Guderian: Quite well mein Fuhrer. Our first line of heavy tanks will begin production shortly. An improved Heavy Tiger with a 100mm gun mount. She’s one hell of a panzer, amazingly built! Sleek, seductive, sexy, I’m going to drive her brains out!
Rommel: I call sloppy seconds!
Von Mastein: Damn! Beat me to it.
Guderian: Currently our total number of tank divisions number at 36. With those being the Advanced Panthers. I recommend we begin constant production of panzer divisions up to and well into the war with Russia. The only way we have a chance of compensating for their hoards of infantry is to field more armor. On the open plains of Russia I am confident that our tanks will overcome all.
Von Mastein: I’ll have to agree with Guderian. After all he did write to book on Panzer warfare.
Rommel: He did?
Guderian: (Holds up a book titled: Achtung-Panzer! ) Hello!
Hitler: Guderian, your recommendations are noted and approved. Start immediate production on the new tank divisions! Now who’s next, ah, Kluge. What is the status on the infantry?
Von Kluge: Our garrisons along Northern France have held strong with coastal fortifications constantly being improved! You’d figure that the Allies would have realize by now that charging through a mine ridden, obstacle encrusted beachhead toward a concrete pillbox spouting machine-gun-fire, mortars and artillery rounds, isn’t really such a good idea.
Hitler: (shrugs) At least the seagulls will be eating well. How about the other fronts?
Von Kluge: Basra and Kuwait are secure as is the Suez. Gibraltar is shut tighter than a frigid nun’s legs! We are in good shape! I recommend though that we create more mountain divisions to supplement our fodder infantry divisions. Mountain men are just so much rougher and tougher than regular infantry. Most of them were lumberjacks you know.
Hitler: Lumberjack? Why I once though of becoming a lumberjack!
Von Kluge: Really sir?
Hitler: Yes, but I realized that I had a different calling in life.
Ribbentrop: Oh? And what was that sir?
Hitler: I wanted to be someone able to strike fear in the hearts of my enemies. To delude the populace with my forked serpent tongue and blinding charisma. With loyal henchman at my side!
From the wings of government!
To the rise of the worker’s party!
Usurping the authority of government under Nazi rule!
I wanted to be… I wanted to be…
The Fuhrer!
Hitler:
I’m a Fuhrer and that’s ok,
I sleeps all night and I heils all day.
Command Staff:
He’s the Fuhrer and that’s ok
He sleeps all night and he heils all day.
Hitler:
I oppress the weak, opposers I crush,
And laugh out loud with glee.
On Mondays I go a warmongering
And before me they all flee.
Command Staff:
He oppresses the weak, opposers He’ll crush,
And laughs out loud with glee
On Mondays he goes a warmongering
And before him all will flee.
Command Staff:
He’s the Fuhrer and that’s ok
He sleeps all night and he heils all day.
Hitler:
In my car I ride, through waving crowds,
Them cheering as I go
Cause if they don’t I’ll get pissed off
And call the Gestapo!
Command Staff:
In his car he’ll ride, through waving crowds,
Them cheering as he goes
Cause if they don’t he’ll get pissed off
And call the Gestapo!
Command Staff:
He’s the Fuhrer and that’s ok
He sleeps all night and he heils all day.
Hitler:
My armies march, through countries pass
With Swastika flags unfurled.
It’s all part of my master plan
To conquer the free world!
Command Staff:
It’s us who’ll will march, through countries pass
With Swastika flags unfurled.
It’s all part of his master plan
To conquer the free world!
Command Staff:
He’s the Fuhrer and that’s okaaaaaaayyy.....
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