Of Irelands and Islands: Getting StAARted

Vaximillian · Feb 10, 2015

Welcome here, to my haven of modesty and respectful noobishness. While I've been playing CK series for a relatively long time, I've usually cheated liberally with the console and/or save editing. Though there will always come the time when one decides to reform from their wrong ways, and for me this is now, I suppose. The only liberty I'd allow myself is designing a custom ruler because custom rulers rock. As this is my first ever real game, I've chosen an easier place to start: the famous Tutorial Island of Ireland, with a county of Ulster as my first possession. So, without further ado, proceed to the tale...

Of Irelands and Islands: Getting StAARted
A tale of great power... or epic fails, if I'm lucky

Table of contents:

Arthur I (1066—):
I — Looking Around
II — Really Mean Time to Happen
III — All Quiet on All the Fronts

I'm playing at all settings default. Enabled are all major DLCs prior to Rajas of India, minor DLCs include all portrait and dynasty shields packs. Sunset Invasion is disabled. Mods running are pure graphics: Painterly CK2 by Fishman786, Blindford by jordarkelf, Mongol Children by AnaxXiphos, Almendra Font by ancestral and a not-yet-finished coat of arms mod by yours truly. English is not my native language, so writing is a means to improve. Feel free to point out any mistakes, typos or whatever else looks weird in my over-the-top wording.

Vaximillian · Feb 10, 2015

Arthur Whitmore — I — Looking Around

Alright, this fine English chap will rule Ulster for me since the 15th of September 1066:

Ladies and gentlemen, Earl Arthur Whitmore, 22, single.
Charismatic Negotiator, Legitimized Bastard, Lustful, Deceitful, Ambitious, Cynical. Stunning in a cape.

The Whitmore coat of arms is definitely filled with symbolism: an Englishman (a St. George's cross inescutcheon) will (or will not) rule (a crown) over the Emerald Isle (a green field). Why Whitmore? First relatively English family name that springed into my mind. Why English? Because Ecudlíelóawsyaéswwgs aren't my thing. Why not Ænglisc? Because the only cool feature of it is the letter Æ, and I don't know how to type it.

I notice that this guy is estimated to inherit everything I have and love (Ulster and 44 ducats):

He might have been a „historic“ alternative to Arthur but seriously, that dude looks like an elf. No way anyone can let him rule a piece of land on our human Earth. Neither will I.

This nice piece of land is Ulster:

Arthur already owns a castle of Downpatrick (someone remind me to rename it into Castle Whitmore or whatever once Ulster starts to behave proper English) while the bishop of Connor and the mayor of Carrickfergus are his (dis)loyal vassals. Arthur isn't going to revoke from them, he's deceitful but not greedy, cruel or genius.

And here's our playground, the Emerald Isle itself, painted in lovely shades of, well, emerald:

Outlined in bright green is our preliminary goal: the kingdom of Ireland, shaded by darker green will be our potential demesne (duchies of Ulster and Connacht, total 6 counties) and the darkest green is Ulster proper, Whitmores' seat of power that they will never abandon no matter the temptation. In other words, Ulster will remain the capital of Whitmores forever.

First thing first, Arthur needs a wife:

This pretty, shy-looking French maid (not that kind of French maid, mind you) will do. Her stewardship skills will prove invaluable because Arthur's demesne limit is as low as mere 2. Under gavelkind.

Last, but not the least, the rag-tag team of beards, moustaches and a circlet-wearing hobbit that comprises my council:

The chancellor is sent to fabricate in neighbouring Tir Eoghain, the marshal kicks around some peasants in Ulster, the steward tries to squeeze taxes from the same peasants, the spymaster is proclaimed cupbearer and sent off to scheme in Tir Eoghain (I don't know if it works; my spymaster is usually parked in Constantinople for obvious reasons but I can't steal tech while a count) and the chaplain seeks an audience or two at the Pope. As Arthur's cynical and lustful, making Pope like him is a must.

Vaximillian · Feb 11, 2015

Arthur Whitmore — II — Really Mean Time to Happen

Beatrice has arrived and her dowry is here as well. Maybe I should have chosen 50 prestige instead?

Installing Sons of Abraham has a side effect of spawning a Jew at my court. A 15 diplomacy Jew, mind you.
Some years later Arthur will make him his chancellor.

Almost a year after the marriage Arthur has gotten to finally consummate it. He's not the most pious person in Europe, is he?

The „Unready“ Harold is ready enough to kick Norse and some Slavic asses as well as not to lose much to our favourite bastard.
If this is enough to only warrant an „Unready“, then I don't even want to know what you must be in order to become a „Ready“.
Probably, you'd have to dismantle the HRE while it's still ruled by Henry. Thrice.

And Arthur's firstborn son is a girl. Isabella? Is it even English? Anne shall she be.

Yes, that's „Unready“ Harold taking down Normandy. Northampton occupied? London burning? Who cares, Normandy tastes better.

I'm lucky enough to get the trait. +3 diplomacy is a great bonus. Charitable also boosts my relation with the Pope.

Not that lucky here, though 15% is three times less than 45%. Proud is also not as usable as Charitable, so I'm not sad.

DAMN YOU, PHILIPPE! Here go my hopes of having William conquer England and culture flip it into proper English.

William seems to have missed the memo and continues to fight for the throne.

Second time's the charm! It seems suspicious that most of the important events in this playthough happen on the 25th.
Often that 25th is also of December.

Henry IV, the God-Emperor of Mankind, decides to make some bishop an antipope. This can't possibly go wrong, can it?

No luck for you, honey, I'm already charitable. A neat side effect is that Zealous cancels out Cynical.

Second time's not the charm. Blanche? My Arthur's girl can't sound like a Frenchie. Mary she will be.

Meanwhile, I opted to make Arthur a mystic. A point of stewardship can't hurt.

On an unrelated note, Harold got crippled. It doesn't get in his way of humiliating wannabe invaders.
William seems to have got the memo and decides he's fighting for some random dude's throne.
Poor Zealander doesn't even want to have the throne.

Meanwhile, the duke of Burgundy revolts against Philippe. Apparently, he wants the French throne for himself.
He's old, cowardly, and murderous. This can't possibly go wrong, can it?

Here's Europe. Shiny. Usual suspects do usual perpetrations: the Jimenas indulge in in-fighting, the Emperor revokes counties, the doge of Pisa disagrees with the doge of Genoa. Nothing interesting for Arthur and his Ulster. Yet.

Vaximillian · Feb 12, 2015

Arthur Whitmore — III — All Quiet on All the Fronts

And here it goes. Good-bye my dreams, good-bye my hopes. I'll get you next time Robert, next time!

Harold adds insult to injury by capturing Harald in a battle when he already had a 95%-ish warscore against him. Whilst incapable.

Arthur's daughter Anne seems so shocked by the news that she begins stuttering. By being diligent she manages to overcome it, though.

My steward's mighty moustache worked fine at squeezing taxes from Ulster peasants. It would get even better later.

To be honest, I usually forget to fire the decisions annually. Those could be very useful, however.

Fairs are fun, aren't they?

And indeed they are! 2 more points of diplomacy certainly don't hurt.

Arthur decides to celebrate in the only fashion he knows; by knocking up his wife.

Good night, sweet Harold. You kicked much ass. Your son Godwin will take up the banner of Godwins.

In invitation to Cluny Abbey. Nothing suspicious here, just mildly interesting.

Spoiler: it doesn't work.

Or does it?

Or does it??

Come on Arthur, you already have enough children.

He starting to understand. 3 points of diplomacy, I hardly knew ye.

Arthur is bored. There's not much entertainment in Ulster apart from hunting poachers and husband duty, and he does both.

Aveline? Three times girls are born, and three times the generator chooses some weird name. Jane shall she be.

Meanwhile, I reassign Arthur's Jewish chancellor to fabricate in Airgíalla (Oriel) rather than in Tír Eoghain. I noticed that the ruler of the former has no allies, and the ruler of latter is allied to the petty king of Gwynedd. This might be slightly uncomfortable.

Anne is Arthur's spare heir and he tutors her accordingly. She decided to become ambitious. This can't possibly go wrong, can it?

They are clearly bandits. Wait, wrong event. Gregarious is almost as good as Charitable, only one point weaker.

Sunspawn · Jun 22, 2015

Ireland - land of the boring waitfests, where RNG decides whether or not you can expand even once during your ruler's lifetime. I really think that Tutorial Island is the wrong name for that place. Pre-CM Russia is more like it, with all the Rurikids and all that jazz.

KolyFrog · Jun 22, 2015

lol I remember playing as the Duke of Munster with my first playthrough of CK2 (that lasted for hours). It only took me 300 years to create Britannia and I married off so many daughters to so many kings/princes that, by the time I formed Britannia, everyone has a claim on my lands. I had to abandon that game afterwards since, at the time, I did not know how to deal with so many invasions. Ahhh... Good times.

Vaximillian · Jun 22, 2015

Oh, glad you reminded me I had this running. I must continue the tale of Arthur and the Whitmores.

Mattius · Jul 3, 2015

I did much better as Denmark than I did as Ireland.

volksmarschall · Jul 3, 2015

I can't wait to see what you do with Ireland. Good luck!

Cheers!

dwelch · Oct 31, 2015

Sunspawn said:
Pre-CM Russia is more like it, with all the Rurikids and all that jazz.

As someone who's spent an absurd amount of time trying to get the hang of CKII, I have to agree.

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Of Irelands and Islands: Getting StAARted

Vaximillian

UNKNOWN STRING WANTED

Vaximillian

UNKNOWN STRING WANTED

Vaximillian

UNKNOWN STRING WANTED

Vaximillian

UNKNOWN STRING WANTED

Sunspawn

Lazy bastard

KolyFrog

Lord Koly of House Frog the Lord of the Pond

Vaximillian

UNKNOWN STRING WANTED

Mattius

Captain

volksmarschall

Chasing Mountains, Brews, Books, and Byron

dwelch

Second Lieutenant