Chapter 5: Seigin’ Season (Tosa Remix)
After finally achieving his goal of capturing Uwa, Kunio knew exactly what his next step would be. He would reclaim the province of Tosa for Clan Hosokawa, which had been seized by Kono Norimichi. This would be no easy task – “Big Daddy” Kono was one of the original gangsters, former Yakuza who had become part of the noble rapping ruling class using a method known as “Hustle & Flow”. War with Kono’s crew would come at great cost, but taking back Tosa would bring much honor and glory to Clan Ohira.
After word got out about his performance in Uwa, Kunio was approached by a man called Ueda Iemori, claiming to be a Ronin samurai with an army willing to join the Ohira entourage. Kunio was suspicious of the man’s story (the dude had no horse and his
naginata looked more like a fishing spear), but our hero was happy to add another 750 footsoldiers to his ranks. With his posse getting ever fatter (not in a broad way), Koolio rode out for Castle Tosa.
The siege of Tosa drew a larger crowd of spectators than Uwa, and Kunio’s opening performance got the audience suitably riled up thanks to some funky Call & Response. Eventually the walls were breached and footsoldiers surged through the gap to claim some booty. Fittingly, this took place during the Flaccid Ricecakez performance of a song called “Smash Things”. After Motokuni’s band finished their set, MC Mario proclaimed that the boy had now become a man, and that his training was complete. Kunio was disappointed that his son seemed to have inherited his mother’s naïve nature, but he at least had his father’s drive to succeed. There was also a minor dispute with Mario regarding the proceeds from the gate and some questionable management fees, but Kunio resolved it by reminding his Master of Ceremonies to always break off a proper chunk for the lord if he’s gonna get caught skimming.
Kunio’s son also had some pleasant news to relay after finishing his gig. His first wife had given birth to a son, which they named Kunio in honor of the child’s grandfather. Naturally, our hero was very pleased that the dynasty would continue with the likes of Lil’ Koolio. Since Motokuni had now proven himself as both a man and musician, Koolio decided to arrange another marriage for the young man. A young woman was selected from Usuki province, a west coast territory with a reputation for mellow attitudes, slow jams, ghostriding the whip (a strange form of dancing involving horses), not to mention quite a bit of hemp and poppy farming. For medicinal purposes.
When a samurai warrior claims enough territory for his clan, and has garnered enough respect from his liege, he can petition for a title called
Daimyo. This is pronounced, “Damn, yo!”, as in, “Damn, yo, that attractive and successful gentleman is sincerely deserving of much respect and admiration!”. In this case, Kunio now controlled two of the three
kori, or counties, within the
kuni of Tosa. Kuni is one of those weird Japanese words, I guess the Europeans use the term “Ducky” instead, which seems equally silly. Especially when you find out that they call their Daimyos “dooks”. Crazy-ass quackers. Regardless, there was no way old man Hosokawa could refuse granting Kunio the Daimyo of Tosa title, especially since the liege hadn’t sent any forces to help reclaim the territory.
Unfortunately, while the Ohira retinue was besieging Tosa, Clan Kono decided to sneak attack Castle Hata. Koolio wasn’t having it, so once Tosa had been claimed, he rallied even more local soldiers and began the march back towards Hata province. The Kono armies wisely decided to abandon the siege and withdraw to their own territory, but Koolio was not about to forgive their transgression. He ordered his troops to pursue the small siege force, but now Kono Norimichi himself was marching back towards Tosa from his campaigns in the east, with an army more than twice the size of Koolio’s. Only a few soldiers had remained behind to garrison the newly captured castle, and the wall breach had yet to be repaired, so it was not likely to withstand any serious siege effort from Big Daddy Kono. Previously, Tosa had been granted to Norimichi's heir; capturing it had been an insult to both the clan leader and his son. While the Kono gang might have been able to overlook taking a small castle from some minor krunk punk in Uwa, they could not ignore
kokojin Daimyo Ohira any longer.
