+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: A vicious Round of tRuths

  1. #1

    Talking A vicious Round of tRuths

    OK, I'll admit. Defenders is dead and Blademasters stillborn. But Encyclopedia of the East still lives. I just am sick of my serious AARs, so here is a shot at a humorus one, like my old Papal States AAR, which, unfortunately, is dead and buried. People seemed to like the humor, and so I'll choose my good ole' favorite, Lithuania.
    _______________________________________

    Vytautus Didysis woke under the satins and silks of his bed to a cold day. Then again, it was
    January, so that was not unusual. What had been was the strange, disembodied deep voice
    coming from the corner of the room.

    “Vytautus Didysis. Vytautus Didysis, you have been selected.”

    “My lottery ticket has won?”

    “No you fool! Vytautus Didysis, you have been selected for a most difficult task.”

    “If this is one of those people for Jump Rope For Heart, missionaries, or some girl scouts, go
    away.”

    “Argh! You really know how to make a spirit hate you, Vytautus Didysis....”

    “Really? I never knew. Speaking of which, can a man get sleep in this place?”

    “No. Vytautus Didysis, this is not a charity bothering you.”

    “Good.”

    “This is a much more important mission.”

    “Enacting a ban on cruelty to animals?”

    “No.”

    “Giving more support to the army?”

    “No.”

    “Giving greater privileges to merchants?”

    “No.”

    “Artisans?”

    “No.”

    “Nobles?”

    “No.”

    “Sewage cleaners?”

    “No. Since you are obviously incapable of guessing, I shall tell you. Your religion calls upon
    you to...”


    “Launch a crusade?”

    “No.”

    “Get baptized?”

    “You weren’t?”

    “I think I was... But it is hard to tell. I have a bad memory.”

    “You were, for your information.”

    “Uh, launch some holy mission of God?”

    “Yes.”

    “Too bad. Come back later. I have to sleep, ‘ya know.”

    “Shut up and be quiet. No, your mission cannot wait. I proclaim that you or your descendants
    should be the king of not only Lithuania, but also Russia, which otherwise would conquer you.
    You are to spread Christianity from the Caspian to the White seas, from the Baltic to the Pacific.”


    “Where is the Pacific?”

    “D’oh! Somewhere to the East.”

    “Can that wait?”

    “Of course. After you pledge.”

    “Pledge?”

    “Yes. Not only is it extraordinarily difficult for the author of this piece to spell, it also will
    bind you to the bone, and all your descendants, to your holy mission.”


    “Seems a little tough to me.”

    “Not at all. Just say that you pledge, lest God unleash his wrath upon you.”

    “Oh. I pledge, lest God unleash his wrath upon me.”

    “Good. Bye.”

    And so he left, and the king went to sleep. But naturally, he was bound to the bone... So he could
    not forget his pledge. That is to say, he could, but God would smote him in lightning if he did
    not... Ah, well, you get the point.
    The guy who likely won't win an award for writing, but he sure as heck does it a lot. Well, mostly on other fora. Though he might return. Eventually.

    Oh, and for you inquiring minds, I have NEVER completed a WC.

  2. #2
    Alien Space Bat Judas Maccabeus's Avatar
    200k clubDeus VultEU3 CompleteHearts of Iron IIIHeir to the Throne
    Majesty 2Victoria: RevolutionsRome GoldVictoria 2Mount & Blade: Warband

    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Northern Kentucky
    Posts
    3,493
    Quite funny, my good fellow. Keep it going!

    Oh, and I think I hold the record for failed AAR's, so don't worry.
    SHEEP ARE THE FUTURE

    While Thou Shalt Flourish Great and Free (Saxon England, pt. 3) (Started 11 October 2010)
    Scenario progress: Base maps complete, pops and diplomacy in progress.

  3. #3
    Fighting the Boredom

    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Woking, Surrey
    Posts
    3,588
    Originally posted by Judas Maccabeus
    Oh, and I think I hold the record for failed AAR's, so don't worry.
    I would, it makes for a really bad reputation.

  4. #4
    Originally posted by Languish
    I would, it makes for a really bad reputation.
    Correct, I hear they even have started a betting pool.
    The guy who likely won't win an award for writing, but he sure as heck does it a lot. Well, mostly on other fora. Though he might return. Eventually.

    Oh, and for you inquiring minds, I have NEVER completed a WC.

  5. #5
    Irken Tallest Arilou's Avatar
    Hearts of Iron 2: ArmageddonCrusader Kings IIDeus VultEuropa Universalis 3Divine Wind
    For The GloryFor the MotherlandHearts of Iron IIIHOI3: Their Finest HourHeir to the Throne
    Europa Universalis III: In NomineKing Arthur IIMarch of the EaglesEU3 Napoleon's AmbitionVictoria: Revolutions
    Europa Universalis: RomeSemper FiSword of the Stars IIVictoria 2Victoria II: A House Divided
    Victoria II: Heart of DarknessRome: Vae VictisWarlock: Master of the ArcaneCK2: Holy KnightEuropa Universalis IV: Pre-order
    Warlock 2: The Exiled

    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Quasispace
    Posts
    6,957
    Blog Entries
    5
    Are you telling us that you are Worse than dishonorable scum?
    "Man is free; but his freedom does not look like the glorious liberty of the Enlightenment; it is no longer the gift of God. Once again, man stands alone in the universe, responsible for his condition, likely to remain in a lowly state, but free to reach above the stars.."
    -Jean-Paul Sartré

  6. #6
    Compulsive CommentatAAR stnylan's Avatar
    Hearts of Iron 2: ArmageddonCrusader Kings IIDeus VultEuropa Universalis: ChroniclesFor The Glory
    Hearts of Iron IIIHearts of Iron III CollectionEuropa Universalis III: In NomineEU3 Napoleon's AmbitionVictoria: Revolutions
    Victoria 2Victoria II: A House DividedVictoria II: Heart of DarknessMount & Blade: WarbandEU Rome Collectors Edition
    EU3 Collectors Edition500k clubEuropa Universalis IVEUIV: Wealth of NationsEUIV: Conquest of Paradise
    EUIV: Res Publica

    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Taunton, UK
    Posts
    17,317
    Blog Entries
    7
    Gave me several nice chuckles

    Here's eternally reading in hope for a finished SK AAR!
    To view is human, to comment is divine.
    "Be not afraid" - John Paul II
    "The Christian way has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found to be hard and left untried" - GK Chesterton.
    Current AAR: Stories of King Sean CK2 4.1
    Completed AAR: In Memory of France EU2
    View my full AAR list at The Inkwell
    My library and My blog
    Ask not what AARland can do for you, but what you can do for AARland.

  7. #7
     July 23, 1419

    “Methinks you have forgotten your mission.”


    “Huh?”

    “Bah, be quiet, I know what you are doing. This is a pointless war, and you vowed.”

    “Yeah, I did. So?”

    “Would you like God to smite you with lightning where you stand?”

    “Uh, no”

    “You have a nice field record, I see. Several battles lost against the Teutons in your own
    capital, under siege...”


    “I can’t help it, the soldiers are too cowardly!”

    “Really? It might have to do with the fact that you never nominated a leader, never went to
    lead yourself, did not handle logistics properly...”


    “None of those, I’m sure.”

    “Bah, since you are so hard pressed yourself, would you let me hold the reigns for a while?”


    “English, please.”

    “You are Lithuanian. Why should you speak English?”

    “Of course I am Lithuanian, so you should speak English.”

    “I already am, you dimwit.”

    “Why must you abuse me verbally? Can’t I get sleep?”

    “No. I am going to take control of the country, wether you like it or not.”

    “I don’t.”

    “Fine. Lightning, please!”

    *Crackle, Sizzle*

    “Ow!”

    Would you let me have the reigns, then?”

    “No.... I mean, oh, uh, yes, put the lightning down, please.”
    The guy who likely won't win an award for writing, but he sure as heck does it a lot. Well, mostly on other fora. Though he might return. Eventually.

    Oh, and for you inquiring minds, I have NEVER completed a WC.

  8. #8
    Fighting the Boredom

    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Woking, Surrey
    Posts
    3,588
    Originally posted by Snow King
    Correct, I hear they even have started a betting pool.
    Tis' nothing to be proud of...

  9. #9
    Originally posted by Languish
    Tis' nothing to be proud of...
    Neither is being someone who seems to have to follow me around, and in all forums constantly remind me of that fact.
    The guy who likely won't win an award for writing, but he sure as heck does it a lot. Well, mostly on other fora. Though he might return. Eventually.

    Oh, and for you inquiring minds, I have NEVER completed a WC.

  10. #10
    Second Lieutenant NotALlama's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Don't you see me, I'm right over there:D
    Posts
    187
    at quiting AARs I'm not so bad either...i quit 100%
    Is that an upper-arm I see?

  11. #11
    Fighting the Boredom

    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Woking, Surrey
    Posts
    3,588
    Originally posted by Snow King
    Neither is being someone who seems to have to follow me around, and in all forums constantly remind me of that fact.
    Sorry if it bothers you... i will avoid doing so. All i would like to see is for you to focus and go for it

    Good luck!

+ Reply to Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts