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The Adventures of the Crovan Clan

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In Which War Continues To Be Boring To Report 1074-1080

Gudrod Haraldrson Crovan

King of the Western Isles, No Matter What That Placard Says






In Which Pocky Takes A Vacation

20 July 1074 – 30 October 1080





Tonight we take a trip down memory lane to 1987 and the educational kid’s series Gudrod’s Animated Adventures.









Kids were asked to “Spot the Anachronism” and write in to win fun prizes.

Did you spot the anachronism?



That’s right! Cleveland didn’t exist in 1079!



-----









So not much has happened these last few years. Certainly no odd fascinations with any unusually hefty and homely members of my court producing bastards and blackmail at an equal pace. *laughs a little too shrill and long*

Oh, I did conquer Ulster.









And The Don had a kid.









And Pocky and I had a better kid, named Tord, who is 100% mine and came out of her vagina and everything.


Just like all of my kids.









I switched the Western Isles to Elective Monarchy because I didn’t want my lands split between all of my children. I want the favorite to get everything.









Oh, and after 16 years of war, multiple kings, countries and dynasties ruling the joint, the war for England finally ended. With Harold II’s son, or possibly grandson, holding the throne.




You know what? I was wrong. Quite a lot has happened, actually.







​






Infidelity! Conquest! Intrigue! Exposition! ADVENTURE! This episode had it all! What can possibly be more exciting that all of this packed in one show? Find out next time on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
 
Ulster! The gateway to Ireland and domination of the World – or rather, domination of the Western British Isles. Soon the many shades of green will be daubed dark blue! Nothing can stop you! :D

Gudrod's Animated Adventures certainly looked...fun. Will anymore updates be partly told via educational eighties cartoons?
 
I'm not sure if I should call the comic inspired or deeply disturbing. Regardless, highly entertaining. :)

Alfred Packer said:
Did you spot the anachronism?



That’s right! Cleveland didn’t exist in 1079!
Click to expand...

You sick bastard! :p Curiosity got the better of me and I looked up that particular term. I now feel like one of those Lovecraftian protagonists who has peered behind the veil of ignorance and must live with the regret that knowledge brings. ;)

Alfred Packer said:
So not much has happened these last few years. Certainly no odd fascinations with any unusually hefty and homely members of my court producing bastards and blackmail at an equal pace. *laughs a little too shrill and long*

...

And Pocky and I had a better kid, named Tord, who is 100% mine and came out of her vagina and everything.

Just like all of my kids.
Click to expand...

Awesome, very classy of Godrud. I do have some doubts about his name, 'Tord', which is uncomfortably close to 'turd'. Ah, I know, perhaps some subconscious guilt on the part of Gudrod? :)
 
Enewald said:
Try to join England, and spread elective monarchy there too, so that you can become their king?
A good rod... indeed effective? :p
Click to expand...

Gudrod has many, many plans for conquest...some of them may even happen!

DensleyBlair said:
Ulster! The gateway to Ireland and domination of the World – or rather, domination of the Western British Isles. Soon the many shades of green will be daubed dark blue! Nothing can stop you! :D

Gudrod's Animated Adventures certainly looked...fun. Will anymore updates be partly told via educational eighties cartoons?
Click to expand...

Well, today's is :D

Stuyvesant said:
I'm not sure if I should call the comic inspired or deeply disturbing. Regardless, highly entertaining. :)



You sick bastard! :p Curiosity got the better of me and I looked up that particular term. I now feel like one of those Lovecraftian protagonists who has peered behind the veil of ignorance and must live with the regret that knowledge brings. ;)



Awesome, very classy of Godrud. I do have some doubts about his name, 'Tord', which is uncomfortably close to 'turd'. Ah, I know, perhaps some subconscious guilt on the part of Gudrod? :)
Click to expand...

I kind of feel guilty about the Cleveland Steamer joke...I am also stealing the tord-turd link...and I don't feel guilty about that :D
 
In Which The Father Of The Year Award Proves Elusive - 1080-1084

Gudrod Haraldrson Crovan

King of the Western Isles, No Matter What That Placard Says






In Which Gudrod Tries His Hand At Parenting

3 December 1080 – 31 December 1084





Tonight we take another trip down memory lane to 1987 and the educational kid’s series Gudrod’s Animated Adventures.









Kids were asked to “Spot the Mistake” and write in to win fun prizes.

Did you spot the mistake?



That’s right! Gudrod locked his son in the closet in October 1081, making him eligible for the 1082 Father of the Year Award, not the 1081 award.



-----









After that whole fiasco with “The Cure,” Aslak grew so insufferable and whiney to be around; I had to send him off to Norway.

Let Herring-Breathed King Olav deal with him.









In truth, it all worked out because Pocky immediately pumped out a replacement kid.

She wanted to name him Tore, but I still feel sorry about naming the last one ‘Turd,’ so I said ‘no.’

Maybe I’m not really Father of the Year Material.









Well. Whatever is happening on the Home Front, on the Get Revenge on Fingal Front,
things are going fantastic.

Scotland AND England are torn apart in Civil War, which means no one will interfere…









Thanks to my 1700 Saxon Mercenaries, Fingal’s armies are destroyed…









and after a few sieges, Man is mine again.









The Don has a son.

Not that you’d know from the name he gave the little git.









In, what has become the story of our lives, I immediately one-up him with superior childhood events, with Ale reaching adulthood the same day his little brother Hakon is born.

I remember way back when…

back when I thought someone named “The Don” could be trouble.









I’ve made Ale the Count of Man. He is rather whiney and annoying to be around, rather like an over-sized Aslak, and this seemed the quickest way to get him out of my hair.










Finally, I received a letter from Herring-Breathed King Olav.

I dunno…I’m really starting to think that whole ‘locked in a wardrobe for 24 hours’ plan might have been counter-productive.







​






Will Aslak conquer his fear of the Dark? Will rebels conquer Sweden? Will Gudrod conquer more lands? Will The Don do anything? Find out next time on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
 
Ooh, another instructive and educational cartoon! Now I know not to try to solve my youngest's fear of the dark by locking her into her closet! Ace!

Alfred Packer said:
The Don has a son.

Not that you’d know from the name he gave the little git.
Click to expand...

I love the artful juxtaposition between the rhyming, poetic flow of the first sentence and the harsh cadence of the second line. Or, being less pretentious, I like the fact you have a rhyme and call the he-spawn a 'little git'. :) Have to admit, 'Malise' doesn't conjure up images of 'Ancient Norse Berserker Incarnate'.

Still, I think Gudrod is wrong to dismiss Donald 'The Don' so quickly. Mostly because I think Gudrod's proven that he is wrong about almost anything, but also because I believe in foreshadowing and on that count The Don is getting his fair share... That has got to mean something, right?
 
Is there any way left in the game for you to return to Norse religion? Is it completely wiped out?
Because that would allow some easy way of getting loads of gold to pay for even more mercenaries.
 
After that whole fiasco with “The Cure,” Aslak grew so insufferable and whiney to be around; I had to send him off to Norway.
Click to expand...

Doesn't he know Boy's Don't Cry? :D

I can see why Gudrød would be in for the 1082 award. Locking your child in a wardrobe? That's top-drawer parenting right there! (I didn't spot the anachronism this time, though. Shameful, I know...) I dare say all of his children will grow up to be fine, raging berserkers in the future, what with the great start in life they've had.

Is the Don done for, I wonder? His son probably is – why name a child "Malise"? I kept reading it as "Malaise", which, while possibly apt, probably won't help him thorough school. I look forward to finding out next time!
 
:D Thanks everyone, I'm glad people like the cartoons - they are surprisingly fun to make. Don may not be done for, but he is on life support :). It does live! The Norse religion is floating around...there are a couple of people in my court at this time who are Norse religion and I can make Runestones. Hey and thanks...as everyone knows, Crovans are synonymous with poetry, so of course rhymes must sneak in here and there.

On a more serious note, I considered waiting until Photobucket stopped holding my images hostage for the next update. Then I decided not to. Sorry new readers...it will be a few days before you can 'enjoy' all of this travesty :)
 
In Which Everything Comes Up Crovan: 1084-1087

Gudrod Haraldrson Crovan

King of the Western Isles, No Matter What That Placard Says






In Which Gudrod Is In A Pickle

3 December 1084 – 20 October 1087




We continue our review of the 1987 hit educational kids’ series Gudrod’s Animated Adventures




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Did you spot the anachronism in today’s episode?




That’s right! General Squirrel is depicted as drinking a glass of white rum, which would not arrive in Skottland until after the discovery of the new world.



General Squirrel would have been drinking straight vodka which arrived in Skottland with the Vikings in 1050 and would not be supplanted as the national beverage by whiskey until 1250 or thereabouts.






----------


RbPs8qa.png





It occurred to me that the person in charge of keeping me un-murdered should probably not be my most hated rival.

So I fired The Don and replaced him with Ale.





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And then things went off the rails…




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See, with only 115 gold, I couldn’t afford mercenaries and my full dominion couldn’t produce enough soldiers to face off against the rebels.




bxCHavv.png





I turned to Herring-Breathed King Olav for help, pointing out that I had nominally supported him in many, many wars.

To be honest, I didn’t hold out much hope for Norwegian Longships to come tearing over the horizon anytime soon.

Then three things happened:




ZbHBVT5.png





Happily, the rebels got greedy and split their forces…




KlFyfpW.png





Somewhat less happily, King Malcolm III decided that me battling rebels for dear life was the perfect time for a stab in the back to steal Argyll.





FeAsG2N.png





And then that bastard Fingal piled on.


I have to be honest. This was it. The Kingdom of the Western Isles was just about finished and the fortunes of the Crovan Clan with it.


I had no idea how to proceed. Even General Squirrel was stumped…but then…




U9I7MFb.png





The Irish Rebels and the Scottish Army started fighting over the bones of the Western Isles, forgetting we had not yet fielded any troops.




opNfvE8.png





Then Fingal died from an infected crossbow wound during the siege of Man.

His lands passed into his shockingly non-rebellious son’s hands and back into the Crovan Kingdom.




8R22fI2.png





Even with all that, we still were in serious trouble.


My main field army was crushed.


(I finally sacked General Squirrel after this debacle)




kOWMt6m.png





Things were looking pretty bleak…




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When suddenly, like some sort of heroes who ride horses and carry swords.


Actually, exactly like heroes who ride horses and carry swords, the Norwegian Army arrived on the scene and destroyed the rebellion.





Y5j1Zui.png





And then mangled the Scottish Army until they quit the war too.

Suddenly, we went from the brink of destruction to everything Coming Up Crovan!




34u1IAT.png





I celebrated by creating a Duchy for myself. It consists of all the lands that are or were Ivaring Clan Counties. Just to remind them who is boss.









​






How many kids does Gudrod have anyway? Will Fingal’s son prove just as obnoxious as the rest of the Ivaring Clan? Will Gudrod use this new-found blind luck to push The Western Isles to new heights of Glory or back into the outhouse? Find out next time on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
 
Alfred Packer said:
Will Gudrod use this new-found blind luck to push The Western Isles to new heights of Glory or back into the outhouse?
Click to expand...

The outhouse is the place where dreams (and more importantly, Crovans) go to die, so let's hope it'll be the heights of Glory for the Crovans for a little bit longer still. :) I'm finally starting to get a soft spot for Gudrod.

How ultra-fertile is Pocky anyway, squirting out kids like an oversized ketchup bottle? And that's after she had smallpox, which can't have done anything for her reproductive plumbing...

Loved the Scottish-Irish bash while you stood to the side, whistling nonchalantly. :)
 
well with everything coming up Crovan I guess its no surprise that Pocky is permanently knocked up?

Still with that monster Norwegian army on the premises I don't think much else can go wrong? And hopefully we have not seen the last of the 'Don' ... can't imagine he intends to 'go quietly to the sea'?
 
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