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this. make vassels more helpfull(i.e. them attaching armies to you) to compensate for lowe rlevies. vassels want a share or reward for new conquests they aided in. more tolls against large rebellions(if duke derp the first owning half your nation rebels and you win, you can confiscate pretty much all his titles if you beat him and some if he surrenders, which your vassles(or his if they sided with you) want an part of, or claims on their rivals territory who didnt support you but remaiuned neutral. wouldnt just make the system mor eintresting and all but also nerf blobbing as continued blobbing is going to make your vassels powerfull as well.
Great post, I have similar thoughts.
 
The problem with "give me de jure land" or "give me your daughter" faction is what is the result of the ultimatum? A war? There is an historical precedent of this? Yeah they could, as you say, become more angry until decide that they would be more happy if indipendent or with the faction leader as King / Emperor... in particular the second possibility would have sense for the second one: let's imagine the win the war, imprison the liege and then force the girl to marry them!

Well, I'm not too sure about that. I don't think these "neutral factions" we're talking about (and by that I mean "they don't want to destroy you, they just want to achieve something or be rewarded in some way") should declare war on you in any case. Their claims are not life-or-death matters like "Independence" or "Lower crown authority", so going to war against their liege over a wedding or 1 county seems quite excessive.

As I see it, accepting their claims ("OK, you'll get a betrothal with my daughter") should raise their opinion of you (you just proved you care about them and you value them) and rejecting ("no, no princess for you") should lower their opinion of you. And that could, and should, make them join more dangerous factions, such as Independence or Prince XXX for YYY kingdom. But if they're willing to declare a war for every minor thing they want, then we're back at the starting point with factions.