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another option is to change primary title to one where the successor is different? (or like conquer s Republic or something)

If any of your secondary heirs is your dynasty, I believe you can play as them normally. This is essentially what happens when losing the Doge title in a republic.
 
The succession system is fairly simple: You play as whoever is designated as your successor, as long as he is of your dynasty. If he/she's not, game over.

I think you may be right. I was actually going to disagree with you because I had a specific example; I was the Queen of Navarra and lost all of my land but ended up as the Duke of Bononia. However, that might be the key distinction. I didn't die--I merely lost all my land and took over as a different dynasty member.
 
OK yes so - your designated heir is the one you play as when you next go. If s/he is not of your dynasty, you die.

If you are Gavelkind, and one of the three primary heirs is your dynasty, you'll play as that one - and actually the tooltip will designate that character as your heir, even if they're not going to receive the lion's share of the holdings. As with all Gavelkind, having one son not of your dynasty doesn't mean you'll play as your brother, as gavelkind splits everything via the children, and only goes elsewhere if there are no children. With primo, even if you give land to a younger son of your dynasty, you'll still end the game when you die - it has to be your designated heir!

Ultimately I need to ensure that I get a son, and then kill off my eldest, while at the same time hoping I can change the succession laws. Need to be careful with this, of course.
 
impendingdoom.jpg

Time for some friday afternoon vulgus lowbrow humor ^^
 
Haha, actually I did rope in a friend or two to help me move, (one of whom is an avid CK2 player, and did also give me some good advise on this).

As an update, what finally happened:

Queen comes to the throne, and we do the whole divorce-dance. Get about 6 months before a gigantic rebellion, which shows half the Dukes revolt. Halfway through, the Queen of Scotland decides she wants a piece too, and brings in France (which is in the middle of its own massive succession crisis so not too bad.) I beat off the rebellion, and the new levies help me fend off the Scots. She actually peaced out with a surrender at a very low percentage, which was nice!

As it turns out those wars took 5 years to complete, so I was halfway to my target already! Then my queen gets sick. And she stays sick for a very, very long time. I'm literally sat there in terror the entire time. Eventually, however, she recovers. I do a bit of invading (Ireland), and generally focus on ensuring nobody is angry with me, for when the time comes. I get to 1 year before I can change, and am convinced I'm going to make it. After all, all she has to do is survive one more year, right?

"I'm sure my husband will be pleased, I have potentially-lethal parasites inside me!".

Those 9 months were nerve-wracking. Eventually she gives birth to *twin sons*. My first children of my dynasty! At this point, I wait until the 10 year mark, then attempt to murder my eldest, non-dynastic son. 3 attempts, 3 failures, and I got caught on the last one. I've thrown away almost all the gold I got for ransoms, so can expect a reprisal soon, so I swap to elective and vote for the most capable vassal of my dynasty. Should be interesting to see what happens next, but at least I've managed to survive!

tl;dr changed to elective, managed to survive. So very, very happy :D Next up - ensure Normans survive so I can do the culture conversion to English.