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Thread: From Holy Kingdom to Unholy nightmare - Why this is the best DLC yet

  1. #1

    From Holy Kingdom to Unholy nightmare - Why this is the best DLC yet

    So downloaded Sons of Abraham and I was having the standard game as Ireland in a TOG start, exploring the hilarity of jewish courtiers and loans thereof, pilgrimages that turned me into closet atheists without fail and the occasional Irish Band usurpation of Turkastan turning the aral sea into an Irish Catholic lake (Which is a story all its own, believe you me, you have not seen crusader kings lunacy until you see Irishmen fend off a Cuman invasion singlehanded and troll the Islamic world like it ain't no thing.

    But then interesting things happened. I was called into a petty war over a single province by the king of Navarra, my father in law which dragged on for fucking ever because I only recently unified Ireland and I had zero boats and Galicia was taking its sweet time in attacking Navarra, which is when I got the Joan of Arc event chain (won't go into detail here but needless to say, this was fucking amazing) Lasairfionna the Maid of Ormond arrived at my court, the stories that generated where worth a book of their own, turning my king from Cynical to Zealous and aiding my efforts in coming to the aid of the King of Strathclyde in evicting the norse and having him swear to me, greatly improving my martial tech growth and generally being badass, so of course I married her to my heir (this is before I noticed the celibate trait and was like 'Damnit') who promptly got her pregnant because apparently he's a fucking beast. My king became a paragon of virtue, gaining the nickname the Holy, the college of Cardinals has three Irish cardinals at any one time and at least one Irish Pope. Not bad for my first 30 years of ruling.

    Thats about the time I had my daughter, Sebdan, the child of SATAN.

    I am not kidding, when she was born I got the event chain showing off her odd traits, being very quiet, not crying or giving fuss, creating buzzing noises when around other children and laughing when other people got hurt. So I went to the court chaplain to see if he could calm my obviously insane idea that she is the bastard child of Satan. He of course, did not such thing and confirmed my fear and told me to disinherit the child and imprison my wife as a witch. My options where to kill him to silence the rumours, do as he said or ignore it and pretend nothing is wrong, roleplaying a good and kindly king who could not fathom his wife and daughter being such evil creatures (and being so damned sure Paradox would never do something like actually follow through with the threat of a satanic overthrow of a kingdom) he of course ignored it all.

    Thats when a Frankish nun arrived at my court who seemed to get along very well with the child and was a mastermind theologian with 26 learning. Suspicious, sure, but I made her my court chaplain anyway. Then sent her to Hungary to try to convert the Arpad dynasty and she was predictably imprisioned. Ransoming her I got her back and put her in my court chaplain position again.

    Thats when she tried to convert me to Cathar.

    Thinking nothing of it, I imprisoned her, got her to convert, had her retake the vows and made her a chaplain again (where the hell was I going to get another chaplain with those stats again?)

    And shortly thereafter I got an event straight out of the fucking OMEN.

    Out for a picnic, my king looked up, saw the nun on top of an old watchtower in her habit (or some other black robes) she shouted down to my daughter Sebdan, proclaiming her love for her. And then jumped. My daughter clapping all the way to her bloody smushy death.

    Now thoroughly horrified, I had my daughter educated by Lasairfionna because suddenly shit got real and Paradox was seriously threatening me with the spawn of satan. I figured my not!Joan of Arc with her voice of Jesus and insanely goody good good traits would straighten her out. And for the most part? It did. She became honest, gregarious and Just and I left well enough alone, finally put at ease.

    So then my king died and Sebdan came of age. AND BECAME THE INCARNATION OF EVIL. She instantly lost all of her good traits (barring gregarious) and became a cruel, deceitful, lustful, envious impaler who was not only a brilliant strategist because of her education but a GENIUS who was possessed and had the voice of satan modifier to go with her demon spawn modifier.

    Thats when family members started mysteriously dying. Some of disease, others by maiming, natural causes, poor health and waaaaaay too many suspicious accidents. Before I realized what was going on I died and Sebdan inherited. In a last ditch hope of making her a better person (and prevent a massive vassal revolt by my dukes) I sent her on a pilgrimage to Rome, her husband, a baron, became regent in her stead (poor bastard, I had her betrothed to the king of Lotheringia but broke it because I didn't want to inflict anything on the poor bastard) So she arrives in Rome, ignoring all chances of being charitable... And proceeds to reveal herself as God in the Basilica of St.Peter and St.Paul.

    After being thrown out, naturally, she swears vengeance on the worshippers of false idols and my vassals promptly revolted, trying to put my kinsmen on the throne. ANY OTHER KINSMEN. So I was forced to use my not inconsiderable resources to pull up a few mercenaries.

    I needn't have bothered.

    Because almost as soon as the wars started I had reinforcements.

    From the devil himself.

    Three legendary pagan witches, Circe of Greece, Morganna of Wales and Jezebal of the Levant arrived in dublin, each leading five hundred knights, heavy infantrymen and longbowmen to help me put down the revolts, all of them attrative mystics, one an especially talented diplomat, another and exceptional spymaster and still another a great marshal. All of them have exceptional traits and stats and all of them love me as I am the chosen one, giving +500 relations.

    So now I have put down the revolts, and my army of the damned terrorize the Irish High Kingdom and there's not a damned thing anyone can do about it but stare in utter horror of the fulfillment of a satanic plot to overthrow a kingdom blessed by the arrival of a warrior saint who now weeps over the corpses of her dead family.

    Help me.
    Last edited by Galloglasses; 20-11-2013 at 16:51.
    Nationality - Irish
    Ethnicity - Irish
    Religion - Roman Catholic
    Political Ideology - Nationalist Monarchist
    Issues - Moralism
    Personality - Caustic
    Background - [DATA REDACTED]

  2. #2
    The Envoy of Oyashiro-sama YuriKaslov's Avatar
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    This sounds fantastic, haha.

  3. #3
    OMG, if that is true that is sooooo awesome.

  4. #4
    My god, this is great. Well, you did vow vengeance so claim Rome with your demonic armies. Maybe there are special events if you do that.
    Legions of Rome, arise from your graves! Join the New Legions of Rome and fight for the glory of Rome!

  5. #5
    Dude, Screen Shots. Please. :O

  6. #6


    The fact that this can actually happen baffles my mind! This DLC is amazing!
    Sorry to ruin a ton of jokes but the etymology of history is not a portmanteau of "his" and "story"

  7. #7
    This is amazing, I am dedicating my next campaign to go full CRUSADER KING with William the Bastard, hopefully I see some of these awesome events.

  8. #8
    Fantastic story! cant wait for my day off to really give the DLC a good run.

  9. #9
    -Meanwhile, in my game...-
    "Oh cool, an event where I can get drunk with monks. Haha, my ruler is a drunkard now. This dlc is just the best"

  10. #10
    Megas Archon Vinroke's Avatar
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    Screenshots please! That game sounds epic.
    restitutor omnia orbis romanum

    "The west needs no emperor, for in Constantiople sits one monarch suffice for the entire world" West Roman Senate after the deposition of Romulus Augustulus and the ascension of Zeno

  11. #11

  12. #12
    I didn't get the chance to take pictures throughout this because I never figured it would lead to much and this is not my AAR savefile. BUT OH GOD I WISH IT WAS! HOLY SHIT!

    Here's some pictures, first the witches:




    The Demon Queen:


    The Queen Mother:


    The Disappointed father:


    The Council of the Damned:


    [edit] forgot about this one
    Lasairfionna the Bold, Maid of Ormond, once Queen of Milesia:


    The Irish Turks:




    -edit by mod-

    Please re-upload under imgur, dev's want to see this as well.

    [edit: OP] Fixed. sorry about this, didn't think my dropbox would get swarmed.
    Last edited by Galloglasses; 20-11-2013 at 14:36.
    Nationality - Irish
    Ethnicity - Irish
    Religion - Roman Catholic
    Political Ideology - Nationalist Monarchist
    Issues - Moralism
    Personality - Caustic
    Background - [DATA REDACTED]

  13. #13
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    68 Intrigue? So what, she looks at someone and they die?
    restitutor omnia orbis romanum

    "The west needs no emperor, for in Constantiople sits one monarch suffice for the entire world" West Roman Senate after the deposition of Romulus Augustulus and the ascension of Zeno

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Vinroke View Post
    68 Intrigue? So what, she looks at someone and they die?
    I guess?
    Nationality - Irish
    Ethnicity - Irish
    Religion - Roman Catholic
    Political Ideology - Nationalist Monarchist
    Issues - Moralism
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    Background - [DATA REDACTED]

  15. #15
    Found it in the logs...hot damn is it impressive. I counted something like 10 different ways that the child can murder siblings. My favorite part is where the child can recover from maiming...even castration through unholy healing.

    The chain is gigantic, possibly something like 70 different events and triggers. Anyway here is the id if you're curious you dirty cheaters you:

    SoA.3000

    edit: There is a whole variable used for witch names so it looks like witchy names are randomized. Super cool stuff Paradox!

  16. #16
    Megas Archon Vinroke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Galloglasses View Post
    I guess?
    Then plots solve your vassal problems! What's her assassination/plot percentages like?
    restitutor omnia orbis romanum

    "The west needs no emperor, for in Constantiople sits one monarch suffice for the entire world" West Roman Senate after the deposition of Romulus Augustulus and the ascension of Zeno

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Vinroke View Post
    Then plots solve your vassal problems! What's her assassination/plot percentages like?
    69 plot power chance on a duke tier vassal if she wants them to die via plot.

    40% kill chance if I straight up send drunken assholes to kill him.
    Nationality - Irish
    Ethnicity - Irish
    Religion - Roman Catholic
    Political Ideology - Nationalist Monarchist
    Issues - Moralism
    Personality - Caustic
    Background - [DATA REDACTED]

  18. #18
    wow.....

  19. #19


    So things are about to get interesting, what with all these hot witches about.
    Last edited by Galloglasses; 20-11-2013 at 14:36.
    Nationality - Irish
    Ethnicity - Irish
    Religion - Roman Catholic
    Political Ideology - Nationalist Monarchist
    Issues - Moralism
    Personality - Caustic
    Background - [DATA REDACTED]

  20. #20

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