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Thread: Little Green Men

  1. #1

    Little Green Men

    After messing around with waaaaay too much fighting in southern Asia with my last AAR, prompting me to abandon it, I move on. This will be a semi-serious AAR on the United States. Semi-serious to allow myself a bit of leeway not to get bored with the writing. Anyway, here goes.

    ---

    A Unidentified Flying Object hovered over a town on an odd looking continent inhabited by odder looking people. The spaceship was inhabited by two little green chitz-gwuoarth, Millgfarths and Frendrgrarn.

    Millgfarths flicked a button. "Look, if we do, we'll make these fellows future a lot better." "So you say." said Frendrgrarn. "I believe it." "Mass nuclear holocaust doesn't make life better." "You know my philosophy. I'd be committing suicide now if it wasn't illegal. Also, I think you'd like the relative prosperity for the three hundred years beforehand." "You don't need to convince me. I'll do it. It's just that I have some qualms about it." "What, the police?" "Yes."

    "Okay, let's do it. Turn the Tension dial up a notch, and let the fighting begin."

    Philaedelphia

    John Adams stood up. "Look, there's already fighting going on up north, in New York. I've a letter from Baron Von Steuben that he's going to attack Fort Ticonderoga. War will happen whether or not the Continental Congress wants it or not." Faces looked at him blankly. "Fine. Let's vote. All in favor of war, say aye." To Adams' suprise, the motion passed.

  2. #2
    A darkly cloaked figure stepped onto the street. It was late night and rainy, so one would be excused for not noticing where he stepped from. He walked down Wall Street, not yet known for finance, and entered a dimly lit building. "I have orders here from General Washington. An army needs to be raised and sent west. We're having a bit of trouble with the..." He muttered something the man at the desk didn't catch. "Indians. Yes, indians."

    The man looked at the figure suspiciously. "Don't they usually send Morris for this sort of thing? You look too short to be Morris." "Um, he's gone off on business." "All right. I'll send out a call for soldiers now."

    ---

    Von Steuben looked out over the walls of the fort. Nothing in sight, as usual. "Sir, a letter." A man had just stepped in. "Yes. I'll call you back if I wish to reply." Von Steuben ripped open the letter and looked it over.

    'My dear fellow,

    As has been expected, the Congress has authorised an invasion of Canada. As you are nicely situated, you are to go north and west, and then swing east to meet with Washington at the Hudson Bay area. Be ready for a new leader soon, as Benedict Arnold is being sent to you to take care of things, at which point you will come back south to take command of a new army to protect our home states. Franklin has introduced a new bill creating the Continental Army, consisting of some forty thousand men. We will expect compliance immediately.

    Governeur Morris
    Philaedelphia'

    Verdampt. I hate these governmental letters. Always so distant. He left his bedroom and started rounding up the men. "Mein Gott, it's cold here. Colder up north." he said to no one in particular.

    ---

    Millgfarths stretched out on his cot. He was a bit tired after his wanderings that night, and wished to be left alone. Frendrgrarn insisted on not doing that, however. "We need someplace to hide, if we expect to not be caught by the police." "Bah. We have time. I know a good place, anyway. Just let me sleep." "Our status at home doesn't keep the police from disliking us. Fooldworf always had suspicions, I think."

    Millgfarths sat up and looked closely at his fellow chitz-gwuoarth.

    "Okay."

  3. #3
    Hum, three posts in two days, all mine.

  4. #4
    Compulsive CommentatAAR stnylan's Avatar
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    No longer.

    Knew the coloniald could not have done it on their own (well, they didn't but you know what I mean)
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  5. #5
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    Oh? I missed the start of this, but I am glad I am not too late.

    Which scenario is this? 1773? Or 1795?
    One strikeout is a tragedy; a million strikeouts a statistic.

  6. #6
    Knew the coloniald could not have done it on their own (well, they didn't but you know what I mean)
    Of course not. The prime directive states that we must interfere as much as possible.

    Which scenario is this? 1773? Or 1795?
    '73.

    Hahaha. I have next week off, so a nice amount of time to spend on this.

  7. #7
    1776

    In northern Canada, in winter, it gets very cold.There are also lots of Inians sympathetic to the British. Between the two, a rather small army can become very small. Two armies had gone their ways north, fighting every darn step of the way. Reports coming to and fro stated a distinct absence of foreign troops anywhere besides Europe. That proved to be wrong.

    "Come up here fighting for nothing because the d**n British are all down south where we started." said General Arnold. Another long bloody trek awaited them down to New England.

    ---

    April of that year

    "My plan is to have Von Steuben come in east of them, with five thousand, while you lead the rest from the north. Arnold, the Baron will set a small fire when ready, so attack when you see the smoke. I'll be coming from the east at the same time." General Washington looked at Arnold, who said a mere yessir. "Good. We head out first thing in the morning." They retired to their beds and slept only because they knew they would be worse off if they didn't.

    Eight o'clock in the morning.

    Baron Von Steuben climbed up the tree. He could see the British camp some ways away. It looked like a town wher not everyone is up and to work yet. He beckoned to one of the men to start the fire, which he did. They waited a moment for the smoke to rise. "March." They went forward slowly. Then when the Baron geussed the others had enoygh time, they charged.

    A great number of calvalry swept down, followed by infantry. Most all the British were killed, and Arnold himself set fire to the tents. That was too easy he thought. Weren't there more men here? He was right, there had been more, and they came charging out of the forest from the south right then. "NOOO. We're going to die!!" someone shouted.

    The sudden shock combined with the numerical atvantage assure a British victory. Only two people survived. They were George Washington and Baron Von Steuben.

    ---

    John Adams stood in the back of the church. He had never really liked Benedict Arnold, and was attended the funeral mainly because Arnold had died fighting. Oh, and he was from the same parts as Adams. At any rate, Adams was happy when, after the funeral was over, he the news from Paris.

    ---

    The news from Paris

    [I]A treaty of Peace

    When in the face of great struggles it comes to the point of a fight in which niether side can prevail, it is wise to set aside all differences and come to an end of this war. The Americans have been demanding peace and independence for a long time, and that shall come, along with a token donation of two hundred thirty Pounds Sterling, corresponding to four hundred Dollars.

    Benjamin Franklin
    Arthur Wellesly
    Le Roi Louis

  8. #8
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    Originally posted by J. Passeportout


    In northern Canada, in winter, it gets very cold.
    Ah there you go stereotyping us Canucks again. Cold? Bah! Shirt-sleeve weather, at best.

    Good AAR.
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  9. #9
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    Ok, now you've got peace with the British. What's next? Conquering the Americas or invading mainland Europe? Or maybe build a Pacific Co-Prosperity Sphere?
    One strikeout is a tragedy; a million strikeouts a statistic.

  10. #10
    Ah there you go stereotyping us Canucks again. Cold? Bah! Shirt-sleeve weather, at best.
    I know. What's the temperature in Toronto? It's about zero here. However, most people find that cold if they are dressed in the way the Baron found them in.

    Ok, now you've got peace with the British. What's next? Conquering the Americas or invading mainland Europe? Or maybe build a Pacific Co-Prosperity Sphere?
    Most likely a bit of Manifest Destiny combined with Scramble for Africa, as I have causi bellorum for one and role playing for the other.

  11. #11
    Compulsive CommentatAAR stnylan's Avatar
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    casus bellorum - cause for may wars persumably.

    Go with that, sounds fun.
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  12. #12
    1777

    A man on a horse rode into the council meeting, suprising everyone as he was white and the council was of the Six Nations. He got off his horse, took out a roll of paper, and handed it to the nearest person, a Keeper of the Eastern Door. The white man then left quickly, while the Mohawk announced that the United States of America was on the warpath.

    As there was no way all of the Six Nations could be seriously defended, all warriors and important people were called to the land of the Keepers of the Council Fire. Some three thousand warriors stood guard waiting while the enemy took most of the nation, and then marched towards the final piece of land. A bloody (for the losing side) battle was fought and lost by the Six Nations, and a country was taken in to the United States unnoticed by the rest of the world.

    ---

    "You've been so bloody worky on this thing you wouldn't notice if Koolvbsenda walked up in drag behind you, arrested you, and had you executed for eating food!" yelled Millgfarths. Frendrgrarn told him to shut up. "Look, Frendrgrarn, these guys have been at war with Spain for, what, three years, just got a nice chunk of land incorporating that nice penninsula you liked and the two hundred miles west of it. YOU BLOODY DON'T CARE!" "I thought they were allies..." "Nope. Only France stayed in the alliance after the war on the Six Nations."

    Millgfarths and Frendrgrarn had been building a liitle place to store the equipment from the ship and sleep in. A spaceship built by Fidzcorp is not comfortable.

    "What's that noise?" "Sounds like... um... we've got to run." The police was coming. This particular posse was led by Koolvbsenda. A few well aimed shots totally destroyed the hideout and everything in it, but fortunately the two criminals had fast feet and a fast spaceship. That's what Fidzcorp is known for. A fast chase ensued, in which policemen shot wildly, ships flew around, police got shot at, and a major rip in the fabric of time was created, killing the policemen and several Russians, and sending Millgfarths and Frendrgrarn back in time with their ship. "Darn it, this is the sort of thing that makes me a pessimist."

  13. #13
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    Originally posted by J. Passeportout
    I know. What's the temperature in Toronto? It's about zero here.
    It's about -15c. Some people have actually put on light sweaters to go outside.

    Good update.
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  14. #14
    Beware of the HoG
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    J,

    Hehehe... Good stuff-I hope you stick with it.

    Now, about my beer...
    HG

    You want to live where the suffering is/I want to get out of town/Come on, baby, give me a kiss/Stop writing everything down/Both of us say there are laws to obey/Yeah, but frankly I don't like your tone/You want to change the way I make love/I want to leave it alone
    -Leonard Cohen

  15. #15
    Update sometime today- problems in the small annoying child department, so not now.

    It's about -15c. Some people have actually put on light sweaters to go outside.
    The news channels were talking about the knee deep snow in New York City. That's nothing. Snow in the country here would cover my collies totally if they had stood there when it fell. Now they have trouble not sinking down in some spots.

    Now, about my beer...
    Heading down AAR Street to the bAAR now...

  16. #16
    It is commonly stated that, as it is impossible for one thing to be in two places at once, time travel backwards in time is an absurdity. That, of course, is hogswash. It is merely extremely difficult. And, considering that Millgfarths, Fendrgrarn, and their spaceship weren't intended to be there, it is logical that five minutes later a large explosion occured over present-day mid-west Nevada. Having any problems caused by two of the same thing existing solved unknowingly, the two chitz-gwuoarth buzzed some Russian peasants for a while, and then went back to the United States. They didn't know that this buzzing would cause a girl to be 'saved' by a handsome man. They fell in love, had children, and these children had descendants who gave birth to Joseph Stalin. In the alternate history spun from an alternate history caused by two green men staying at a lunch table six seconds longer than they would have, Stalin moved to Boston, ran for Senator, beating John F, Kennedy, lost the second time, and became known as Uncle Joe because he started a gang devoted to killing the uncles of people who voted against him. Thus is proved the fact that butterfly-wing-flapping causes hurricanes across the globe.

    1781

    Dear Jacques

    Mexico is wonderful. Frederick is sailing over to pick me up, unfortunately. I'd like to see the Pyramids of Tenochtitlan again. Peace, as you have heard, states that all French and American armies will remove themselves immediately from Spanish territory, along with the exchange of various colonies from Spain to France and the U.S. We Frenchmen got the best of the deal, getting 12 provinces with our allies only getting the Floridan peninsula and east to the British colony.

    I'm glad to say that I'll be coming home soon. There's a minor war the United States joined in, and they are sending me, with allowal to retire after the war. I'll be coming right through France over to Switzerland, then to retirement from this job.

    le Marquis

    This letter is believed to have been written by the Marquis de Lafayette, who, for ideological reasons, joined the Continental Army and recieved a command. Evidence of this is the signature, mention of his post in the American army, mentioning of Mexico (he was the only American commander dispatched there in the 18th century), and the fact that the return address was care of a man known to be employed by Lafayette. At the time, letters from soldiers were to be returned to specific people to avoid leaking of any secrets, and Jean d'Anguesse was this man for Lafayettes company, and also his servant.

  17. #17
    Boy, I'm more verbose than usual. I just covered about a year of game time in that much, and barely alluded to the game most of the time.

  18. #18
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    After reading this AAR, I am now, officially, absolutely confused.
    SHEEP ARE THE FUTURE

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  19. #19
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    You're not the only one

    JP - You have excelled this time at the tangential AAR
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  20. #20
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    The first paragraph had me laughing out loud!

    You don't happen to be inspired by the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy for that one?
    One strikeout is a tragedy; a million strikeouts a statistic.

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