Persian Tales, Chapter 5
Good morning, chief revenue redistributor. You sure look bright eyed and bushy tailed today!
Yes, your eyes are as dark as your soul.
I see, you are lacking a tail as well. Well spotted, that man. Now
please cover your nether regions again. It is a most frightening sight.
No reason to get upset. It is merely a saying, and sayings are the wealth of the wise, and the wise man knows his limits, and limits should be challenged, and challenged is he who knows not history, as the Chronicler of Kings told the executioner.
I see that you grow interested, but bewildered. Let me enlighten you with the tale of the Chronicler of Kings.
The tale of the Chronicler of Kings
Hear my tale!
Many years ago, in the reign of Ismaîl II, he of the savage beard, a man came to the court of the King of Kings claiming to be a most puissant historian. Now, Ismaîl, it must be said, was two goats short of the farm, as the saying went, and he got on with intellectuals like a house on fire, often quite literally, but despite these shortcomings he was well aware that while life is fleeting, fame is forever, assuming you have the right biographer. Thus he bade the historian welcome and invited him to write a history of the Kings of Persia culminating, coincidentally, with the enlightened rule of no one else but Ismaîl II himself.
The historian, a pleasant fellow if ever there were one, a jocular man eight feet tall, built like a bull, and with a most splendid beard, agreed to the commission and dutifully began compiling the records of earlier times, labouring long into the nights and often quizzing members of the palace staff and the extended royal family on their recollections.
Now, it came to pass that Ismaîl II died untimely of a hideous wasting disease, and he was succeeded by Muhammad Khudabanda. Undaunted, the historian went before the King, and suggested that the commission be continued, now ending with Muhammad himself. There were still many chapters to write, but everything was going on schedule, and it was obvious to everybody that the reign of Muhammad would be the shining light of recent history. It could hardly go worse than under Ismaîl II, after all, under whose one year reign the clergy and peasantry had been most unhappy indeed. The king of kings agreed.
During the following decade the historian continued compiling the records of the kings of Persia, while he steadily grew in influence at the court. Every now and again, the king would inquire as to the progress of the great work, and the historian reassured him that everything was going according to schedule.
And so the years passed, and the historian dutifully noted the building of the great shipyard of Hormouz and the vassalisation of the Mamelukes, the defection of Nubia to Persia the great, the obsessive compulsive disorder that made the king of kings such a fascinating monarch in his old age, and the political turmoil as the clans began fighting outside the prince of Persia's control.
To be more precise, he did not note the political turmoil as the clans began fighting, for the king of kings made very pointed remarks as to the appropriateness of noting such trifling details, which might, by the credulous, be misunderstood. It would be much more appropriate to notice how the policies of the king of kings was met with widespread approval the following year, Muhammad Khudabanda pointed out, and so it was done.
Now, it came to pass that Muhammad Khudabanda died untimely of a hideous wsting disease, and he was succeeded by Hamza Mirza, who ruled for only a year, being taken, as it were, by the same disease that had claimed his predecessor. Many learned doctors fought to save his life, but to no avail. The Royal Plight, as the disease was named, was beyond their knowledge and power to stave off.
The ill fated Abu Talib, whose four years in power were best known for the great political crisis known to history as the Baking of the Bride (a half baked idea to begin with, if ever there was one), suffered from the Royal Plight as well.
He was succeeded by Abbas I, praise be to Allah, the glorious, the great! Now, Abbas was made of sterner stuff than the weak Abu Talid, the lousy Hamza Mirza, the obsessive Muhammad Khudabanda, and the somewhat deranged Ismaîl II, and he called the historian before him and demanded to see the history finished soon. The historian, who, blessed with a most powerful constitution, had not aged markedly but was still most marvelous to behold, explained that the history was nearly done but not really suitable for reading yet. Nonsense, proclaimed the king of kings. The throne had waited long enough, and he would see it, and he would see it now, or the life of the historian would be forfeit.
At these words, the historian near burst with anger, demanding of the king of kings, whom he thought he were, to issue such a demand of the greatest historian of the time? The king of kings answered that he was, as a matter of fact, the king of kings, and demanded the history presented forthwith.
Alas, proclaimed the historian, a freak accident with a copper bathtub, a twenty foot metal spear, and an unfortunate lightning strike, had, by mischance, destroyed the only issue of the manuscript a scant month ago, while the historian was bathing, but the king could rest assured that it would soon be reconstructed, for he had it all in his head.
Half an hour later, the historian, this chronicler of kings, told the executioner that "challenged is he who knows not history". It puzzled the executioner sorely, but in the end he concluded that it was probably prophetic. The historian's head had been parted from the body when the words were spoken.
And even today, it is said, in the innermost sanctum of the royal palace, there is a jar, hidden from the sight of man.
And it is said that within that jar remains the head of the chronicler of kings. And every now and then, when the king of kings is in need of wisdom, he will ask the head in the jar for advice, and the chronicler of kings will answer.
WAKE UP!
Now, snoring is hardly polite. You could at the very least attempt to stay awake.
Oh, you dozed off when yet another king you never heard about before due to your woefully inadequate education died of a wasting disease?
So you missed the gory details of Abbas I's invasion of the Mughal Empire, and how he defeated the Great Mogul and made him swear vassalage after two bitter years of fighting?
I see. You dreamt of a woman. Well, that happens.
And you slept through my brilliant description of the early colonisation of the first provinces in Siberia on the coast of the Pacific ocean, where ice demons and dire wolves stalked the brave men, women, and small furry animals, who set forth to carve out a new life in the snow?
Like melons. Yes, I do not doubt you. Probably a result of your diet.
And what about the reforms of Abbas the Great, when he moved the capital to Isfahan, and of the great advances in technology, as he made of Persia a modern nation?
And she had a sister. I see.
You really disappoint me, scruffy fellow, you really, truly do. I am a teller of tales most reknowned, and you choose to disdain my offering. Here, I tell you of the conversion of Bengal, and of the end of the Mughal Empire at the hands of Sufi I, and all you do is to you use the wrong head to do your thinking.
I mean that in the kindest sense possible, of course.
Ah, well. I will just erase these two maps that I have drawn on the rock. Notice how I carefully avoided drawing all three hundred thousand soldiers, that the Mughal Empire was fielding when they were finally annexed by Sufi I?
Ah, well, your loss.
The Mughal Empire, 1631
The Deed of Sufi I
Well, I just used materials on hand, so to speak. Nature is full of things that can be used to make vivid colours, really.
Which reminds me, you seem to have lost another of your scruffy looking fellows. Those fellows do seem overly stricken by mortality, do they not? Seems he was struck by an incredibly vicious, shortlived, non-contagious, hideous wasting disease while you slept. Either something he ate or it was caused by bad hygiene, most likely. Happens all the time.
Code:
[font=courier new][color=white][color=yellow]Domestic Policy 1419 1435 1487 1524 1631[/color]
[color=skyblue]Aristocracy [/color] 9 9 9 10 7-3
[color=skyblue]Centralization [/color] 0 0 0 5+5 6+1
[color=skyblue]Innovativeness [/color] 2 2 5+3 7+2 5-2
[color=skyblue]Mercantilism [/color] 8 8 10+2 10 4-6
[color=skyblue]Offensive [/color] 6 9+3 10+1 10 10
[color=skyblue]Land [/color] 6 6 6 3-3 0-3
[color=skyblue]Quality [/color] 2 3+1 4+1 4 4
[color=skyblue]Serfdom [/color] 10 10 10 10 7-3
[color=yellow]Economy 1419 1435 1487 1524 1631[/color]
[color=skyblue]Monthly income [/color] 6d 26d 62d 84d 283d
[color=skyblue]Census taxes [/color] 11d 81d 166d 178d 432d
[color=skyblue]Inflation [/color] 0% 8% 24% 34% 6%
[color=skyblue]Badboy [/color] 0 12 10 9 34
[color=yellow]Tech 1419 1435 1487 1524 1631[/color]
[color=skyblue]Land [/color] 1 1 2 2 18
[color=skyblue]Naval [/color] 0 1 2 2 18
[color=skyblue]Trade [/color] 0 1 2 3 6
[color=skyblue]Infrastructure [/color] 0 1 3 4 7
[color=yellow]Military 1419 1435 1487 1524 1631[/color]
[color=skyblue]Army support limit [/color] 11K 23K 58K 109K 332K
[color=skyblue]Navy support limit [/color] -- 11 28 49 154
[color=yellow]Memorable Events[/color]
[color=skyblue]1576 [/color]Unhappiness clergy
[color=skyblue]1577 [/color]Unhappiness Peasantry
[color=skyblue]1577 [/color]Ismaîl II dies, Muhammad Khudabanda is king
[color=skyblue]1577 [/color]Construction of first imperial shipyard begins in Hormouz
[color=skyblue]1579 [/color]A conquistador begins mapping Siberia for king and country
[color=skyblue]1580 [/color]Muhammad suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
[color=skyblue]1582 [/color]Nubia defects to Persia
[color=skyblue]1583 [/color]Political turmoil is solved by letting the clans fight it out
[color=skyblue]1583 [/color]This is hailed as good government politics (and more sporting as well)
[color=skyblue]1585 [/color]Hamza Mirza is king following death by disease of Muhammad Khudabanda
[color=skyblue]1586 [/color]Abu Talib is next in the row
[color=skyblue]1586 [/color]The "Baking of the Bride" causes a political crisis
[color=skyblue]1587 [/color]Abu Talib is succeeded by Abbas I, the Great
[color=skyblue]1593 [/color]Corrupt officials are punished severely by Abbas I
[color=skyblue]1594 [/color]Siberia has been mapped all the way to the Pacific ocean, and colonisation is begun
[color=skyblue]1596 [/color]Syria becomes a hotbed of fanaticism
[color=skyblue]1598 [/color]Abbas I hires some English advisors to modernise the army
[color=skyblue]1599 [/color]This occasions a political crisis: The advisors' beards are inferior
[color=skyblue]1599 [/color]Abbas I embarks on great reforms, and moves the capital to Isfahan
[color=skyblue]1600 [/color]A devastating fire burns down a refinery. Clergy claims it is the will of Allah
[color=skyblue]1601 [/color]Keen on geography, Abbas I trades maps with China, Portugal, Spain, England, and France
[color=skyblue] - [/color]Peace, prosperity, and major technologial advances, even as Siberia is colonised
[color=skyblue]1629 [/color]Abbas I, the Great, dies of old age. He is succeeded by Sufi I
[color=skyblue]1631 [/color]Following the annexation of the Mughal empire, 288,000 men are stood down from the
[color=skyblue] [/color]army, including the Mughal main army of 105,000 infantry and 29,000 cavalry in Delhi
[color=yellow]Diplomacy of note[/color]
[color=skyblue]1579 [/color]Mamelukes vassalised
[color=skyblue]1590 [/color]Abbas I claims the throne of the Mughal Empire
[color=skyblue]1592 [/color]Mamelukes annexed
[color=skyblue]1631 [/color]The Mughal Empire is annexed, 37 provinces
[color=skyblue]1631 [/color]Baluchistan, Afghanistan, and Iraq are released as vassals
[color=yellow]Wars Opponents Outcome[/color]
[color=skyblue]1594-1593, Mughal Empire [/color]The Mughals are vassalised and forced to grant access
[color=skyblue]1625-1631, Bengal [/color]Conversion
[color=skyblue] -1631, Mysore [/color]White peace
[color=skyblue] -1631, Banjar [/color]White peace
[/color][/font]
...To be continued...
). 
