An Emir's Guide to World Domination - A Silly Jebel Shammar AAR

I'm not sure whether to be happy or absolutely terrified at your reactions.

I'm leaning slightly towards the latter.

Milites: Hey, that's a good reaction! I like tha-

Gukpa: eh... Heh, guys? What's going o-

Thegoonshow: Please stop I don't want-

H.Appleby: Oh god, I never meant t-

Mr. Santiago: AAARRBGGHH

whatguts: Don't encourage them!

Mkoll13: Madness is always fun to follow. Welcome aboard!

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Chapter Four
Evil Clones Strike!

Bordeaux, 1915.

Along the facade of a large building, a congregation was assembling. Many a French citizen who passed by looked upon them with a mixture of contempt and indifference. Dressed similarily, speaking similarily and drooling in unison, these were clearly the clone population of France, the absolute lowest rung of society. Looked upon, spat upon and then maybe kicked if there was time and no one was busy doing whatever it is the French do in their spare time, the clones were now plotting for something of a change. Tired of the cultural subjugation, the social injustice and stigmatisation applied to their clonedom, they assembled here, in Bordeaux, to finally resolve the issues once and for all. And maybe drink a little on the side if there was time.

Slowly, but surely, the mass of clones headed inside.

As they seated themselves around the room, Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud, the leader of the Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud's, took to the stand. Under great applause and adolation, he begun his debasement of French society and, naturally, of Jebel Shammar.

"FRANCE!" He screamed. "WHAT IS FRANCE, BUT A TERRIBLE WASTE OF POTENTIAL? ON OUR EASTERN BORDER, WE BATTLE THE GERMAN EMPIRE! AN EMPIRE, I MIGHT ADD, THAT IS NOTHING. NOTHING! COMPARED TO THE ENEMY WE SHOULD SEE IN JEBEL SHAMMAR! A NATION BUILT ON EVIL, DESTRUCTION AND TERRIBLE LIES!" The crowd of Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud's erupted in support of Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud. "AND HERE, IN OUR VERY OWN FRANCE, WE'RE LOOKED DOWN UPON, SPAT UPON. TREATED AS TENTH RATE CITIZENS-" His aide came to his side and whispered in his ear. "ELEVENTH RATE CITIZENS. WHAT DOES THIS SAY OF THIS SOCIETY? HASN'T IT FAILED? PERHAPS WE SHOULD MODEL OURSELVES AFTER SOMEONE TRULY INSPIRATIONAL... EMIR ABDUL-AZIZ ABDUL-RAHMAN AL SAUD OF NEJD!" The crowd could barely control themselves, as they leapt out of their chairs, chanting the name of the Nejdian Emir.

"THEREFORE, TO TRULY STAND UNITED, I COME WITH A SIMPLE SOLUTION. LET US UNIONIZE!" The strangely revolutionary clones started waving around red flags. So what, they're socialists now? "INDIVIDUALLY WE ARE NO MATCH FOR THE STATE, BUT UNITED? UNITED WE ARE STRONG! LET US BRING DOWN JEBEL SHAMMAR ONCE AND FOR ALL! LET US TAKE TO THE STREETS, SPREAD THE MESSAGE!" The euphoric clones stood up, chanting "Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud!" as they went into the street. Could they change French society? Were they really socialists now?


Is that Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud in a dress? Wait, there's more of them! And they're all looking straight at me!

Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud observed as his followers demonstrated. He rubbed his hands together in a very evil fashion. "Yes... Take to the streets my clones. In the meantime, I'll deal with this blasted Azuzi bastard..." He stared into the sky as he giggled. "Myeees!"


Meanwhile, far far away. In Jebel Shammar.

Black Shadow was walking confidently down the hallways. He sent a charming smile to a couple of ladies standing nearby.


Oh, Black Shadow, you dashing rogue!

He continued onwards, leaving the giggling ladies behind. As he passed a fellow Jebel Shammarian, he gave him a solid high five.


Haha, oh Shadow!

Grinning, he went onwards as his Jebel Shammarian brother laughed behind him. When he passed a group of camels, he decided he'd impress them with his sleek physique. He braced himself...


Okay, Shadow, that's enough.

As several camels fainted at the sheer sight of him, he gently waltzed onwards towards the Emir's private quarters. Nothing could ruin this day, absolutely nothing. He reached the door and pushed the mighty doors open, and there waited his beloved Emir and-





W-wha

"AAARGHGHH" AAAaAAHGRHRRHAGGHHH OH GOD
Black Shadow hid behind the door, as he questioned the strange creature who looked eerily familiar to the Emir he once knew.
"Shadow? What's the matter with you? Come in here!" It was definitely the voice of his Azuzi.
"A-Azuzi? Is- Is that you?" He slowly peeked his head out.
"Yes, of course it's me! Don't be ridiculous!"
"What... W-what happened to your head?" The shadow stared in terror.
"What do you mean my head? Nothing's wrong with i-" He stepped in front of his mirror. "AAAGRHGGH" He ran his fingers along his face. "What's HAPPENED TO ME!?" Tears started flowing.
Black Shadow slowly crept into the room, as he noticed an opened box on the table. "What's this, Azuzi?" He asked, trying to look away from his deformed Emir.
Crying, he answered. "J-just some cookies I recieved this morning. BUT LOOK AT MY HEAD" It was heartbreaking.
His shadow picked up the box, inspecting the bottom.



"Oh god, what have you done, Azuzi..."

Duke of Awesome: I'm glad it's not completely alienating to know literally nothing of the actual game, though I plan on returning to it... Later.

Gukpa: I don't know... I mean, we shouldn't forget anything with Nicholas Cage now should we?

Milites: A single tear rolled gently down my cheek as I read that... Oh, who am I kidding. I outright cried. Black Shadow is dashing in so many ways. He should have more fans for sure. Why, Black Shadow!

H.Appleby: Don't worry, Appleby. It happens to even the best of us. Just accept it.

Asalto: I guess you have a point. Just imagine if they were Old-Eastern European-Cold War Cartoon cookies instead? Actually, that sounds pretty cool. I better write this down... I already am!

Weserübung: I am nobody! In disguise I mean! I'm actually someone, yes. Not some metaphysichally impossible creature, who write AAR's and has a hard time updating them. Definitely not!

BrunoDerKaiser: As long as you like it, I'll carry on being non-sensical. Not only because it's fun, but also because it allows me to create an anime Azuzi. Mostly just that, actually.

Mr. Santiago: Now that's the spirit! Madness is always good fun to observe! Why, it's my favorite past-time! Why else would I have a mirror?

Lucifer: If by technical challenge, you mean creating a buttload of gifs and pictures for several hours in the vain hope that someone out there is laughing, then yes. I am definitely seeking technical challenges.

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第五章
グーグルは、今日、すべてのタイトルを翻訳!


In the process of writing this update, Grauuu felt overwhelmed and sought the counsel of the wise men of mount Itzouten. It was through their rigorious training that he learned of the secret to creating seemingly impossible updates. Alcohol. With his newfound knowledge, Grauuu ventured forth with renewed energy. Fate was on his side. He was going to create a Japanese update and it would probably be insane, rambling, incoherent, straight up confusing and had to feature over-the-top Japanese game music. But he had no choice. It was his destiny.



Azuzi felt himself dropping at an alarming pace. "Kanjincho!" He thought, as the ground below him came closer and closer. He thought back to how he ended up in this strange position.

"You must find Saud-Sensei-san, Azuzi-san!" His loyal Black Shadow was staring at him intently. "Now, focus your chi and you will find what you seek."

He had done just that and he was rapidly dropping towards the ground. He thought about how he had no idea how to survive this fall, when his thoughts were once again drawn to his Black Shadow. "Use your inner power, Azuzi."
"What inner power? I don't understand!"
"Your eye-lasers, Azuzi."
"Oh."



Wow.



The ground below him blew up in amazing detail as Azuzi fired off laser after laser. While very effective, he was unsure how this would help him land safely. But he was about to find out, as a piece of dislodged, flying rock intercepted him. Clinging on, Azuzi gently landed using his temporary transportation device. My god, what skill!

It was then he saw him. Saud-Sensei-san, with the setting sun behind him, had somehow not only expected him, but was also eerily in one piece despite the laser bombardment that had just occured.

"Remember... Me?" Saud-Sensei-san stroke a menacing pose.
"How could I forget... I swore revenge ever since that fateful day."
Saud-Sensei-san giggled. "Hah hah. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. How you cried like a little baby."
"YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT CARPET, SAUD-SENSEI-SAN-BASTARD!" Azuzi clenched his fist.
" Or what?" Saud-Sensei-san smiled cheekily. "You think you can take me on?"
Azuzi flexed his muscles. "I know I can."


I'm not so sure. I mean, they look pretty equal here.

"And when I get my vengeance, you will pay a price not unlike that paid by people indebted to a criminal gang. Yes, Saud-Sensei-San, I am going to beat you up... And take your tv." Azuzi was confident in his knowledge of criminal gangs, though he had never belonged to one.
"And what if it is you who will pay this ultimate price? Because I think it's really you." Saud-Sensei-san's retort was simple and to the point.
"No, it's you." Replied Azuzi, sticking firmly to his idea.
"I can guarantee you... It's you." Saud-Sensei-san did the same.
"Nuh uh! I know it's you." As did Azuzi.
"No, it's you. For certain!" ... I need a break.


Grauuu left his chair. He was hoping he'd come up with some exciting ideas for the fight, but he didn't know where to take it from here. There were so many possibilities, yet they all seemed horrible. What would be Japanese? Why did he always have to choose themes for an update!? Damn it, Grauuu, you idiot! He soon became aware that he was having a verbal fight with himself in the middle of writing an update. The shame filled him with grief, and the grief filled him with guilt. He was so ashamed of the guilt! It was the terrifying cycle of Grauuu's full range of emotions... He'd have to bring in something extremely exciting or the entire story would be moot... Aha!


The two Japanese Emirs faced off for several hours before they were abruptly disturbed, as the ground started shaking underneath their very feet. They stumbled about like rocks on an active volcano. Very poorly.
"What have you done!?" Shouted Azuzi.
"What have YOU done?!" Answered Saud-Sensei-san


What have I done!?

Their mouth opened wide as they observed a huge cactus grow out of the ground before them. They hurdled up close, shaking uncontrollably. It was... It was the Tsar.
"TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHT TSAR!" boomed his voice.
Saud-Sensei-San fell to his knees in front of the cactus. "Oh, honoured Tsar-sama! I am your loyal servant."
Azuzi was shocked. "You traitorious dog!" He yelled at his adversary, forgetting for a moment that they were never on the same side.
"WHY IS AZUZI-KUN STILL ALIVE, SAUD-SENSEI-SAN!?" The anger in the Tsar's voice was clear.
"I... I can explain!" Saud-Sensei-san trembled before the cactus.
"ENOUGH!" Slowly, his two cactus-arms lowered themselves. Then all hell broke loose. [MUSIC]


Poor Saud-Sensei-san is having a seizure on the ground there

Azuzi was thrown to the ground, as the beams of green laser flew around the air. He crawled along the ground, badly needing help. Then he heard a voice in his head. "Focus your chi."
He closed his eyes, focusing as much as he could while a giant cactus was beaming lasers in front of him. It's harder than it sounds. Then he saw it. From sky high, his shadow was dropping at a fast pace, straight for the cactus. "SHADOW-CHAN!" he yelled out, as his heroic Black Shadow flew through the air.
He suddenly split into several shadows. He was using the fabled sinjatsu-mutsu-hatu-koto technique!


It's so... It's so beautiful...

The impact of the shadows created a tremendous explosion, throwing the Tsar-cactus into several smaller pieces, his power broken.
"Yes! Shadow you did it!" Azuzi clapped his hands enthustiastically, as the many copy shadows disappeared in the explosion, leaving only the now weakened Black Shadow.
"YOU MAY HAVE DEFEATED ME, BUT I HAVE ONE FINAL TRICK LEFT UP MY SLEEVE" Shouted the broken Tsar. Though it was a silly thing to say, he was a cactus so he had no sleeves.
Suddenly, from his cut off cactus limbs, the green beams once again sprang forward, and straight for the poor Saud-Sensei-san, who was still on the ground after his epileptic fit earlier.
"Azuzi-chan! Watch out!" [MUSIC]



Uh oh

Saud-Sensei-san suddenly grew to several times his usual size. It seemed this battle was far from over.
"Hahaha. You are mine now, Azuzi-kun!" His mighty fist hit the ground, shaking the landscape.
Azuzi looked around for his shadow. "Shadow-chan! I need your help here!"
Black Shadow was standing not too far away, looking dejected. "I'm... I'm too weak, Azuzi-chan... This is your fight."
Azuzi focused. He knew the answer was somehow in being Japanese... But how?
"I will destroy you!" Yelled the giant Saud-Sensei-san, as his fist slammed against the ground, a helpless Azuzi barely dodging.
"Come on, Azuzi. Think!" He said to himself.

It's not magic, it's Japanese!