The Icelandic Mountains of Madness - an Iceland AAR

Thanks for the comments and views! A new update will come either tonight or tomorrow morning.

There is also a new hobby ahead for Eystein, although his kids will be keeping him busy. But for a man of his unmatched intellect, it shouldn't be a problem to deal with a combination of a whole lot of issues at once.

Caring Crusader and Fearless Father​

The Crusade starts in a rather mediocre fashion. I get stressed, and un-stress later, I get ill, and un-ill later...

But the illness does not stop there, there are some victims that the small pox won't spare:


We honored her by having not only hakárl, but also gulasch (for whatever reason, there was so much smoked, rotten shark left over, but the gulasch was gone within minutes).

While the Crusade itself did not gain much momentum, I learned some decisive lessons about warfare.

Remember the eastern warrior I met earlier? I feel like a real man now, being so versatile in all acts of warfare


I can spare you the exact details, since it's just “we sent less men than the others and got our patooshies spanked big time”. For example, after 6 months of crusading I have already lost my whole holy army of Icelandesque warriors to the caliphate. I wonder where the big players were (France, HRE, England). Probably watching us upstarts suffer. But I can't blame them; the fact that about 1073 soldiers fought against over 15,000 of theirs can look quite amusing (we know that if only we had had 1073 Icelandesian warriors things might have had turned out differently).


I use the time right before the end of the crusade to deal again with my family. This makes me really thoughtful and consider some very philosophical questions: Does a tree in the forest, where nobody sees or hears it fall, still make a sound when it falls? Does, even if nobody is around to smell it, hakárl still stink like an old hag's sock that was roasted, smoked over rotten leaves and cooked in brackish water? If a train from Chicago, driving 100 mph and one from New York, driving... But I'm going on a rabbit trail here.


After my philosophic excursions I see a problem that also my grandfather had to tackle:


As philosophic and wise as I might probably appear, this whole tribute thing leaves me puzzled. Even the most sagacious men don't understand exactly what it's supposed to mean.

On a different note I want to send out a spymaster again. I checked my council and found that the one who's doing the job right now just... well, sucks. The only person in the whole realm who would be more able than him would be my wife though. Since she is pregnant more often than not, I don't want to send her on missions that dangerous. Also, my wife and I committed to extending the army, as you could probably gather for yourself, and for that fun she needs to be home.


I will start another project, of which I will only give you a little hint, more detail will follow next time.


And want to ask you, fellow readership: What is happening here? Will I be able to conquer Oriel or did I probably wake sleeping hounds that better should have remained undisturbed?


Last but not least I don't want to hold back from you that a young artist, a true Icelandish painter, knocked at my door to ask if he can paint a picture of my father, Teitur The Depressed. Have a look and convince yourself how close he got:


And for the interested, a map of the year 1093: Ireland like a ripe apple, ready for being eaten by Icelandesque forces, England a mess ever since I can remember, France getting nipped off bite after bite by Muslims and the HRE, Italy in uproar, Sweden as fallen apart as ever, Hungary growing into the ERE, and my brother in law, the king of Ruthenia, being badly sandwiched between Poland and various Russian/Ukrainian principalities (but he will soon recover).




What was that with the war in Oriel? Which sleeping hounds did Eystein wake? Anymore philosophic questions about stinking shark meat? Read on and find out! Soon in The Icelandic Mountains of Madness!

What's so special about that war? I won't bother you too much with it, it's just yet another war we're definitely winning. Of course not all wars will be as easy as the one in Oriel (and let me tell you: Duke Eystein will face at least one very difficult war in Ireland, you can believe me that. Basically, the Lord of Oriel, from his prison cell, offers to become an Icelandic vassal. Nothing new really for the Irish lords and earls and counts and dukes. We all hope they will soon acknowledge Iceland as their new overlords.



I told you it's not that interesting, a little more interesting is this here:



Finally Eystein found out what that hassle is all about. His own grandfather explained it to him, but back then everybody was confused too. *
What? Also not really that interesting?

Well, then, have a look at the 8th of August, 1103. “What's so special about that date now” you might ask. I'll tellyou:His son Erlend, the oldest one, comes of age. Like his dad (who … well... has his hair shaved off for many a year now) he has red hair, kind of unruly, a wild beard, that adventuresome look in his eyes... He's quite a genius, a well rounded character many say. He can count money in a way that it is more every time he counts it... The question is: Who should marry such a man? As is the old rule among Icelanders, daddy gets to chose a bride. Usually there aren't that many female rulers of rank available, but this time, we have three special delights from the region. So daddy lets decide young Erlend himself:



So without much further ado, tell us, young bachelor Erlend, whom will you chose?



Will it be duchess Amburga, with whom you'd be betrothed for five more years. She, being an imbecile of the house de Mowbray would bring the duchy of Somerset into Icelandic hands and brings a strong claim for one of the neighboring provinces?


Or will you chose her neighbour, Countess Cundo of Sussex, a young maid of astonishing intellect, a weak claim on Kent (which is, like the rest of England, constantly being fought over), of house de Brevere, with whom you could be married within two years?


Or will you decide for Countess Gunnhild of Katanes, a fair maid of a Norwegian house called “af Island” - a real neat name if you ask anybody in Iceland – being a loyal subject to the king of Norway? Being a real valkyrie, even in the tender age of 15 she knows more about melee than many a man in the realm of Iceland.



So, dear reader, it's up to you now: Whom do you think young Erlend chose? The easy to be with Amburga, the intellectual beacon Cundo or the northern shield-maid Gunnhild?



Find out in the next installment of the Icelandic Mountains of Madness!



_______
*It took me about 200 hours of gameplay to figure out what this event triggers. I always chose the lousy 20 piety.

Yes it's basically the gardener event. I finally found that out.

War was won, wife was wed​

Listen ye people, listen, my name is Gunnar litlatyppiðson, singer and skald in Hrisey, the Metropolis of the North, the pearl of the Ice Sea, the belly button of the shark-eaters, the angle in the Arctic Circle. Let me tell ye about our Duke, his son, and the great big war!

Indeed all you who thought it was Gunnhilda with the big'unns that Eystein's son chose – you were wrong.
It was Cundo, the beautiful, the magnificent, the brightest, the outstanding, the curs... Nevermind.
Reasons for this decisions were that Eystein wanted to still be on good terms with Norway. Believe me: It's better, safer and less insulting for anybody not to be married into the family of the Duke, and nobody knows that better than he himself, so he chose to let go and bring one foot into the doorsteps of England. Ireland is as good as conquered anyway, isn't it?


But children he has many, so with some cunning he forged another strong alliance inside the Norwegian kingdom.


Meanwhile the war. This was NOT a good situation:


So Duke! We plea to you: Tell us what your plan is, surely this is naught but a trap to make the enemy tarry, a ruse to remind the enemy of our strength: What does the Duke do?
He DOES NOT CARE! He is standing in front of a mirror (!), feels really confident (!!) (must be his new gardening skills) and practices to speak (!!!).


Upon looking in the mirror, this is what most likely looked back to him:


Where was I?
Oh yes, the war. Well it was known that the Duke had many strong friends upon whom he could call in the case of a war.


Even without their help, the impossible happened: We won against over 150 more men than we had!


From there on, the battles were as easy as stealing candied whale-bladder from a child (mhmm, candied whale-bladder).


Eystein meanwhile, a Duke all but too confident of his diplomatical skills and seeing himself in a tradition of philosophers, surrounds himself with countrymen on the agora, oh, excuse me, not agora, but on the market place of hrisey


His son Erlend soon was to be rewarded with more than just a post as the local moneymaker.


But I'm getting sidetracked here. After our men got into real Viking mode, which means just one of them counted as five regular soldiers, they won. There was a second battle of Carrickfergus; this time it was not a field battle, but a siege.


So when Erlend, on Countess Cundo's birthday, can finally marry his beautiful wife, he gets two presents: His wife AND the county of Tyrconell.

Long live the Duke!


But was this to bring an end to the fighting? A peace to Ireland or Iceland? Will there be a war in England? Is there even a valid reason for one?


Find out on the next episode of Icelandic Mountains of Madness!

It does indeed! Haha, I love it!

Hi guys. I just wanted to "officially" inactivate this AAR. It was great fun but I made some mistakes that I'd like to avoid in the future. Maybe I'll start one again, but not at the moment. Thanks for the reads!!