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Fishman786

Maharaja
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Aug 17, 2009
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EDIT: This is not a serious post, it's a joke. It's also not trolling (I'm not actively trying to offend) and it's not spam either (it's amusing, which adds value to the forum and makes everyone feel better).


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Hello. I am a complete stranger who may or may not have played your games at some time in history. That gives me the right to tell the developers what to do, and to whine like a little baby if you don't.

First things first:

1. The economy. The EU3 economy is too complicated. All these numbers need to be calculated and stuff, and they give people a headache. Scrap the economy. Each province just gives a certain number of gold coins (not 'ducats', that's a made-up word) per month. No messing around with taxation or production. That's efficiency. Streamlining, folks. The average person has an attention span of 3.5 seconds, how will they focus enough on anything like the EU3 system?

2. Provinces. It's all well and good dividing the map into provinces. But really paradox, there's a limit on how many we need. 60-80 should do, nobody in this day and age can concentrate on thousands of them. Since EU3 is a big game, I understand why you might need a bit more than average, but any number of provinces over 200 is just crazy.

3. Time system. What's the point of days? Nothing happens in most of them anyway. Introduce a turn-based system like all the other popular games. When things are popular that automatically makes them good. One turn per month should do it.

4. Religion. There should be fewer religions, and they should all have their own unique system of perks and buffs. To respect the wonderful diversity of our amazing multicultural, diverse, ethnically diverse and youngly-multi-ethnic audience, we should not include any of the real religions, but throw them away and replace them with fictional ones. Write some lore and stuff about them, or just use mesopotamian gods.

5. Exploration. What is the point? The player knows what the world looks like anyway. Get rid of it, make the whole world visible from 0 AD onwards. Why limit the player's potential?

6. Timeline. A 1399 start is silly. Start in 0AD and end in 2000. 1399 is such a random, forgettable number, moving the start to 0AD will allow much more playability and freedom, and we all know and understand what those buzzwords mean!

7. Perks. We need perks. Conquer Scandinavia? Get a 'Viking Fury' +10 melee damage perk. Become king of England? Get extra bonuses from tea. Perks should be persistent between games to encourage long-term play.

8. Countries. Half the countries in EU3 are boring and broken. It's a much better idea to just allow 5-10 playable nations and keep the rest as unplayable minors.

9. Modding. Modding encourages piracy and theft and more bad things. Paradox should implement more security features to stop modding and hacking. Modders should not be allowed to change the intellectual property of the designers.

10. Water. we need proper rendered water, 3D and sloshing about with real fluid physics. This will showcase EUIV's technical advancements.

11. More historically-accurate Poland.


:p
 
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I don't even think Poland is in Civilization V.
 
I can't believe I was about to reply with a serious answer to this.
 
Just in case people don't get it, this is a joke. :) Not trolling, there's a difference.
 
Nice dig at the Total War series. :p
 
It is trolling if you get someone angry :)

No. If someone gets angry, that's their problem. If the intent is to make people angry, then it might be trolling (you can also just be a dick, which is something else). If it is just a joke that got people angry, then it is not trolling.

Trolling is about intent, not consequence.
 
Nice dig at the Total War series. :p

It was originally going to be a dig at publishers and what would have happened if Paradox were a developer working under an external publisher. According to game devs I've met they have the right to demand random changes to the product even if they don't know anything about games.
 
Improve on the weaknesses of EUIII such as...

- Make the late game more interesting. Most people quit in the 1600s because there is nothing left to do.

- Religion needs to have a bigger effect on the game. In EUIII it was an afterthought.

- Don't hamstring the player. It never seemed like I could get any good leaders unless I was some tiny nation. Meanwhile the AI constantly spawned amazing leaders. I get that the AI may need a leg up at times but it's a lot of fun to rampage around with some 6-level shock leader. The attrition strategy is boring but one of the only ways to get by in EUIII (at least the last time I played it.)

- I need to be able to shape the world around me. Fallout: New Vegas is generally more highly regarded than Fallout: 3 even though New Vegas had a very buggy release. A big reason for this is that the players actions effect the world around him. That's a lot of fun for people. I want a sense that I am changing history for the people in my imaginary game world rather than just changing a border or moving a slider. For example, in EUIII I could slowly march my Ottomans into the heart of Germany and convert everyone to islam and there were basically no consequences for that. EUIII was a bit stale. There needs to be more immersion. Historical events needed to go, but by getting rid of them EUIII lost some of its life. Time to put some life back into EU.

- I like the ability from CK2 to attach my army to a larger ally's army. Keep that.

- The whack-a-mole rebels need to go away and be replaced by events or penalties to provinces. When rebels appear they should generally be a part of a large uprising.
 
But green giant, you don't understand the purpose of this thread... :)
 
Yeah, at the first point I had my doubts but then the second point made me realize what was going on.

I've heard in some older TW game France consisted of a single province :p

Empire, probably. All of (present-day) France was something like one or two provinces in that. I think that was partly because the game was more focused on getting out of Europe and conquering colonial territories. Britain was like three provinces total (England, Scotland, Ireland), Spain was one or two, etc.
 
I have to thank Empire for that one French province, it's part of the reason Empire TW sucked and Empire TW sucking was the main reason I moved to EU3. So yeah, thanks Creative Assembly ;).

Oh, and I agree with all the points, especially 10. We really do need better water effects.
 
1. The economy. The EU3 economy is too complicated. All these numbers need to be calculated and stuff, and they give people a headache. Scrap the economy. Each province just gives a certain number of gold coins (not 'ducats', that's a made-up word) per month. No messing around with taxation or production. That's efficiency. Streamlining, folks. The average person has an attention span of 3.5 seconds, how will they focus enough on anything like the EU3 system?
No thanks, don't dumb down one of the only grand strategy games that still has depth.

2. Provinces. It's all well and good dividing the map into provinces. But really paradox, there's a limit on how many we need. 60-80 should do, nobody in this day and age can concentrate on thousands of them. Since EU3 is a big game, I understand why you might need a bit more than average, but any number of provinces over 200 is just crazy.
No thanks, if anything, add more. As long as they put some thought into the UI and how the player interacts a deep game does not have to become a clickfest.

3. Time system. What's the point of days? Nothing happens in most of them anyway. Introduce a turn-based system like all the other popular games. When things are popular that automatically makes them good. One turn per month should do it.
I guess at this point I'm starting to realise that this is a troll but I'll continue responding since I already started.

4. Religion. There should be fewer religions, and they should all have their own unique system of perks and buffs. To respect the wonderful diversity of our amazing multicultural, diverse, ethnically diverse and youngly-multi-ethnic audience, we should not include any of the real religions, but throw them away and replace them with fictional ones. Write some lore and stuff about them, or just use mesopotamian gods.
Okay whatever, I'll just make up stupid replies.

5. Exploration. What is the point? The player knows what the world looks like anyway. Get rid of it, make the whole world visible from 0 AD onwards. Why limit the player's potential?
I don't really understand why I'm still doing this but you know, why not?

6. Timeline. A 1399 start is silly. Start in 0AD and end in 2000. 1399 is such a random, forgettable number, moving the start to 0AD will allow much more playability and freedom, and we all know and understand what those buzzwords mean!
Hey I actually agree with this one. Honestly, a longer timeline is awesome. Obviously creating content for it is not plausible but giving the player the ability to do as he wants, with some "Recommended" settings as default, seems like a good idea to me.

7. Perks. We need perks. Conquer Scandinavia? Get a 'Viking Fury' +10 melee damage perk. Become king of England? Get extra bonuses from tea. Perks should be persistent between games to encourage long-term play.
This could actually work. Not the persistance through games though, but something similar to the Strategic Effects in HoI3. They are really cool flavor elements that motivate you towards certain mini-goals (I.e. conquering all provinces around a bay or something similar).

8. Countries. Half the countries in EU3 are boring and broken. It's a much better idea to just allow 5-10 playable nations and keep the rest as unplayable minors.
I just played a game called Legends of Pegasus, so disappointing. That's why I came here, hoping to see some news about any new grand strategy game that's actually fun to play. Turns out EU4 is coming.

9. Modding. Modding encourages piracy and theft and more bad things. Paradox should implement more security features to stop modding and hacking. Modders should not be allowed to change the intellectual property of the designers.
Seriously, Legends of Pegasus, not great.

10. Water. we need proper rendered water, 3D and sloshing about with real fluid physics. This will showcase EUIV's technical advancements.
Imagine the day that we get a grand strategy game in CryEngine11. I will cry tears of joy as I walk through my virtual castle using my VR googles, only to seamlessly zoom out to a photorealistic map of of Europe.

11. More historically-accurate Poland.
Honestly, it's about time the PLC gets some love.


:cool:
 
To expand on your ideas:

2. Just do away with provinces and add a hex-based tile system.

4. To start off there should only be 2 religions: Christianity and Islam. The rest can be bought for $9.99 each.

8. To be honest I think 5-10 countries is too many. Instead let's start with Italy, Rome, Britain, and Russia. Then in a month after release a DLC Bundle can be released for $19.99 containing Spain, France, and the HRE as playable nations.