Seeing the Elephant

Chapter 1: Where do you find an Elephant?

In Illyria Some time ago somewhere not that Far away really when you think about it.



King: Say what Nameless advisor what do you think about going and Finding some Elephants

Advisor: What's an Elephant?

King: Exactly We need to go find Elephants in order to find out what they are!

Advisor: Quickly to The Illyrian Tourist Department they will have the Information we need

(About an Hour later by the Harbour)

King: We want to go see Elephants travel Person

Travel Person: Ok then why?

King: Mainly Because I felt like it and I don't know What an Elephant is so I want to find out.

Travel Person: There are some In Carthaginian Territory.



King: Oh that's some way away and we'll need ships to get their so we'll need wood and sailors and cloth for sails and men to make them.....( Continues onwards listing 50 different Things they'll need to do it.)

Advisor: And the Carthaginians don't exactly Like us so we'll need to fight them to get the Elephants off of them.

King: Anywhere else we can find Elephants?

Travel Person: There are some in the south of Egypt If you prefer there instead.



King: That's even worse in that heat we'll need more water so we'll need secure supply lines so we'll need a port to bring good Illyrian water to us......(Continues onwards listing 500 different things they'll need to do)

Advisor: Egypt may be an even more Dangerous foe then Carthage Please Tell me their is somewhere safer to Find Elephants?

Travel Person: Well the only other place with Elephants is in Persia on the Borders of India.



King: This whole scheme is doomed we'll need to do 5000 things to get there and back in one piece.

Advisor:We can't fight the Seleucids they are a mega power with vast lands and resources. We must prepare to fight one of These Superpowers starting now to have any hope.

Travel Advisor: Discouraging Piracy May make the Sea Journey a little bit easier thou....

King: I hear by Declare Right now the Piracy is a most horrible crime and that No one should do it ever.

Advisor: I can hear the People being happier already as clearly Piracy levels have dropped instantly.

King: That's more powerful than I Thought If it happened that quickly.

Advisor: But the Crew of our ships are less happy as it means they'll have Fighting to do against Pirates.



(The Next Day)

(A Ghost wanders in while the King is eating Lunch)

Ghost: King you must free the People in Paenonia who are suffering Under Foreign Rule for they are good Illyrians.

King: Ah hello Fred I saw you yesterday outside the Market.

Ghost: Oh clearly this disguise hasn't work very well.

King: I'm guessing you working for some big court Power brokers who want to Influence Policy.

Fred: Yeh they thought this might help convince you to do it.

King: I'll have to think about it. Might be a good Idea with all the Men and Money we're going to need to find Elephants.



(2 days later)

( Random Dacian Enters court)

Random Dacian: I'm here to offer the King of Illyrian with an offer of Alliance from Dacia

King: Will you help Us find Elephants?

Random Dacian: I suppose we could help you fight the People who have Elephants.

King: Where do I sign for this Alliance then?

Random Dacian: What is that it no Diplomatic Arguments about terms and Conditions, No efforts to make any deal more favourable to yourself.

King: No it's fine All you have to do is Help us find Elephants.

Random Dacian: And here I was told Diplomacy was tricky Business.



(Some Time Later)

King: We need to expand.

Advisor: How about Colonising the Surrounding Barbarian Lands.

King: The Barbarians are too strong to do that.

Advisor: An Army in their lands could encourage them to rise up weakening their local power base.

King: Perfect I'll lead the army to the Nearest Barbarian Region at once.

(Some more time later)

King: How Barbarians I heard you can't fight.

Barbarians: He Insulted us attack Rise up and Destroy him.

King: That was easier than Expected now we can begin Colonisation.



(Some time and a number of Battle Later)

King: Hurrah the Colony has been founded now we can move on to the Next region

Advisor: Shouldn't we crush the Rampaging Barbarians First. No Wait here they come again.

Barbarians: Charge, Attack Mindlessly, Break everything in sight, Kill random Slaves.



(Several More Battles later and some time later)

King: I think there gone now and we have extra slaves to work the land so it's all good don't you think.

Advisor: I suppose



King: This is just the Beginning soon we'll have control over vast areas and we'll conquer our way to find Elephants. You with me?

Advisor: Yes my Lord

King: Let's move on it smells here from all the Dead Barbarians. This could actually go quite well don't you think.​

Chapter 2: Is this the Way to Elephants?

(Some time later)

Annoying News Boy: Extra Extra Tylis makes peace with Macedonia for a few coins. Panic said to be spreading among Illyrian Leadership.

King: I need better Information sources. If I don't find out about recent Peace deals until it hits the Newspaper Headlines it may become Problematic.

Advisor: We'll look into securing more lines of Information for you then though this did take us by surprise Slightly.

King: You do that or this whole quest for Elephants may be doomed.



(Some more time later)

Annoying News boy: Extra Extra Barbarian Threat on the Borders building up bad omens seen everywhere Merchants refuse to leave port due to bad omens.

King: This most concerning. These Omens and the barbarians at the Same time.

Advisor: The Barbarians will be dealt with in due course while the People will soon forget about the omens.

King: Well what is some lost trade income anyway we have plenty of money don't we.

Advisor: Of course.



( Some more time later)

King: We're off to see the Elephants,
The Elephants we're going to see,
The Elephants are not far away,
We're going to see them today.

Advisor: Is that that New marching song your working on?

King: You like it.

Advisor: It's o......

Barbarians: There's those gits get up.

King: Oh goodie more fighting unwashed Barbarians.

Barbarians: Hey we wash three times a year I tell you.



(Some time Later and several battles later.)

Random Farmer: Thanks for all this extra land you are giving us This extra land there were far too many people back home. Now even the poorest can have vast estates they can't feasibly farm.

King: Is it just me or is there an error in your logic.

Random Farmer: Maybe there is.

Barbarians: Burn the farmhouses of those trespassing Farmers.

King: I've got to go.



(Some time and several battles later)

Barbarians: We surrender we have no hope of beating you now please spare us.

King: Ok but your slaves now is that clear.

Barbarians: Fine by us I guess.

King: Right to the next Province we can colonise.

Advisor: Wait we can't colonise it yet.

King: Why?

Advisor: There are too few people in the Region the colonists are going from to be able to find enough who may actually want to leave.

King: That May be a problem we'll just have to wait until there are enough people to do it then to can't take too long can it.



(Some time later)

Annoying News Boy: Extra Extra Egypt Defeated Seleucids take Sinai Are they the Heirs to Alexander.

King: This is concerning but not totally disastrous They only took one province and Egypt could bounce back surely.

Advisor: Or the Seleucids could become the Dominant power block in the known world able to easily defeat anyone who comes their way.

King: If that Happen this whole Quest for Elephants could become a lot more difficult.



(Some Time later)

King: With enough people in our capital we can colonise another region.

Advisor: That's true enough.

King: Hey Barbarians, Yeh you lot, You stink and your clothes are Extremely Unflattering.

Barbarians: He insulted Us get the git.

Advisor: There's a lot of them.

King: Yeh maybe a few too many.

Advisor: Are you thinking What I'm thinking.

King: I think So.

Advisor: So we're agreed.

King: Yep RUN FOR IT.

Advisor Just what I was thinking.



(Some Time later)

King: So everything worked out fine didn't it.

Advisor: Only because the Barbarians attacked Tylis to the South Rather than us then Didn't return to Moesi but went to Sugi when forced to flee before going back to Tylis before Disappearing allowing us to claim the Province.

King: Still went well didn't it.

Advisor: I guess so.



(Some time later)

King: I'm great aren't I.

Advisor: You somehow managed to convince a bunch of Barbarians who utterly hate you to settle down and turn a colony into a full Province. Requires some degree of awesomeness.

King: Yeh go me.

Advisor: Though that feet was promptly displayed in the most recent province much quicker than you managed to do it.

King Doh.



(some Time later)

Annoying News Boy: Extra Extra Rebels Government forms against Egyptian Government Rebels rise in Judea and Western Desert clashes reported.

Advisor: This news is out of date the war is a rebels rout. The Original Government has virtually cleared the rebels out of the Western Desert already.

King: Maybe the Seleucids will be hit by a massive civil war at some point.

Advisor: If we are lucky.



(Some Time Later)

Random Macedonian: Hey man we're at war with you now ok.

King: Throw him back over the border for this.

Random Macedonian: Wait so no killing or throwing in Prison.

King: I'm not Stupid that will only make Macedonia Angrier which I'd rather avoid and I need the time to think tactics rather than on how to kill someone.

Advisor: What now we're outnumbered even With the Dacian Army over 2 to 1.

King: We have lots of money so build troops like mad to give us the numbers to face down the Macedonian Army. With our army in the Capital they may decide not to assualt the Border Province fort and so that may give us the Time to build up a massive army to crush them with.

Advisor: That may just work you know.



King: Move out people we need to act fast to stop the Macedonians before it is too late.​

Chapter 3: Why not to Fight a Massive Coalition?

King: So we'll defend our capital while reinforcements move in from the other regions upon recruitment. When the Macedonians attack We'll crush them with our forces hopefully.

Advisor: ( Picks up and reads letter) Oh it seems Macedonia is not the only enemy. Pontus and a couple of other Kingdoms have also joined the war.

Kingoh that doesn't change the end result ok We can still win.

Advisor: Yeh and it seems Dacia doesn't want anything to do with us now.



( A little later)

King: That wasn't good.

Advisor: Our troops performed terribly how could that happen.

King: Well we'll think of that later. Since Ditus the man we put in charge was captured I'm in command again I suppose.



Advisor: I know how we can win this. If we pass a law meaning people have to serve in the army to become citizens then We'll have better quality heavy Infantry.

King: That may well win us the war.



(A another little while later)

Advisor: Hey King where are you?

Regent: The old king was captured. His son is now the King.

Advisor: Oh no a child king We're doomed.*



( Some More time Later)

Advisor: That went better.

Regent: That seems to be own to our brilliant new general Buton Dazid.** But not good enough we need to win major victories not lose battles with equal losses.

Advisor: Yes your right.

Regent: The clock is ticking sooner or later the cost of this war will bankrupt us.



(Some time Later)

Regent: It seems we've had a tech increase.

Advisor: Yes but not in military tech.*** That will not help us win the war.



( Some Time later)

Regent: That was a proper victory.

Advisor: A few more of those and this will all be over.

Regent: It would help if we weren't wiping out a whole generation of men****.



( Some Time and Several battles later)

Regent: The war seems to be shifting our way.

Advisor: Perhaps but still It's not good enough. We win as many battles as we lose***** and we're running out of men to fill the armies. Older boys are having to be conscripted to try and fill the ranks soon we'll have no one left to throw into battle.

Regent: Still that last one the losses favoured us the Macedonians may well run out of men before us.



( Some more time later)

Regent: That was a good victory.

Advisor: Macedonia Is now without an army.

Regent: Now Only the Pontic Army remains can we do it.

Advisor: Yes We can.******



(Some Time Later)

Regent: Hang on what's this. Rome is at war with Epirus.

Advisor: If Rome comes over here any hope of this quest for Elephants are doomed.

Regent: But Rome weakening Epirus may help us expand in that direction latter.



Regent: The Roman Peace deal with Epirus is good for us I guess.

Advisor: Takes land in Sicily but doesn't do anything to us.

Regent: Still Epirus is a bit weaker now right.

Advisor: I suppose.*******



Regent: Macedonia is now out the War.

Advisor: But the Situation hasn't improved. Epirus has Intervened and other Minor states are running all over our state.

Regent: We may have to pay tribute to get out of this mess.

Advisor: Better than losing land.



(More Time later)

Regent: Well that helps.

Advisor: Better tech always helps. But still we need time to learn the Practical ways this will help us.

Regent: But still this will help.



( Some Time later)

Regent: Good now that's all over.

Advisor: The tribute may be more than we can ever afford.

Regent: Still after a few years we may be able to cancel it with out them noticing.

Advisor: And we're still up to our noses in Debt.********

Regent: Umm we can work on that. Now we better Deal with Buton Dazid********* he's not loyal and has too much support among the army. But first we have barbarians to fight.



( A little While later.)

Regent: Good that's over.

Advisor: More Slaves to make money and some looted gold is all useful stuff to have.

Regent: Maybe provoking Barbarian Uprisings in neighbouring provinces could be a good thing.

Advisor: Perhaps.