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Wizzington

Game Director (Victoria 3)
Paradox Staff
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Nov 15, 2007
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This AAR began with a question.

The question was, what is the most boring starting position in CK2?

I started up the game, looked around the map, and spotted the Count of Dal. Instantly I had my answer. This then, led to a second question, could I possibly make Dal interesting and/or funny, without being gamey?

This AAR is my attempt to answer that question. It will be written in a narrative/humor style, using my own CK2Plus mod. The writing style is shamelessly stolen from inspired by the Knytling AARs.

Without further ado, I present the tale of Count Faste of Dal, the province that God (and everyone else) forgot.

Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Nowhere That Counts
Chapter 2: A Rather Short War
 
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Chapter 1: Nowhere That Counts
September 15th, 1066

7ivW5.png

Hello and welcome to- no, no no. You're zoomed out too far. Look closer.

PN7Dg.png

I said, closer.

JwWdn.png

There we go. Hello and welcome to Dal.

0banu.png

I am Count Faste, and this is my tale. When you hear the word Count, it might bring certain things to mind. Things like Mayors and Barons and Bishops who pay me taxes, provide troops and tend to my flock.

I don't have any of those.

It might also bring to mind a liege, who can protect my lands and reward my loyal service.

I don't have one of those either.

What do I have then, you ask? Well, take a look for yourself.
5spwE.png

Yes, that is in fact all of it.

No, I don't know why I would want to rule this place either.

Look, we're getting held up here. Let's move on.
Cxn3X.png

This is me. I am wroth about my terrible lands, envious about everyone else's better lands, paranoid that other rulers will laugh at my terrible lands, and cynical about my chances of ever getting any better lands to rule.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how bad my lands are, okay?

Not like there's a whole lot else to do around here.
K81vG.png

I call my dynasty a house, but let's face it, the Gälta family tree is more of a family stick.

rHU0j.png

Since I don't have any children, this guy is my heir. I picked him so the others would have a reason to keep me around.

YOFlY.png

This is the rest of my council, the most important (and quite possibly only) people in Dal. Most of them are pretty good, though we don't usually let Astrad sit in on the important meetings.

...

... fine, you caught me. There are no important meetings.
WiOzg.png

Other than the council, the only people in my court is this lady and her son...

C7pYD.png

... and Alfhild, who just showed up at the castle one day.

I spent a little while trying to figure out why someone with her talents would possibly come to Dal, then I quickly made sure she could never leave.
qQGdn.png

I'm so sorry, Alfhild.

FtxNN.png

TKNXF.png

My neighbours are the Kings of Sweden and Norway, both of whom desire my county for reasons I could not possibly fathom.

To protect the independence of Dal, I will have to carefully play them out against each other. In fact, with my superior ability for intrigue, I have been crafting a devious plot to...
5WGsC.png

Oh.

Well.

We're off to a good start.
 
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Awesome. I've tried a game with Dal lately myself. You're a bigger man than me though, I ran straight to King Stenkil and swore fealty. The good part is when/if you become a vassal of Sweden, you should be able to become Duke of Västergötland with little to no effort. Definitely subscribed.
 
Looking fun, let's see what you can do with this. :)
 
Nice. Your 250 Light Infantry/Spear-men will crush those evil Swedes. Also, with all your great wealth you could hire a mighty Mercenary force to do your bidding. Godspeed.
 
Well, there's certainly a lot of room for rising.
 
Awesome. I started a game as Ostergotland with the new patch. I actually coveted Dal! Although the prize is somewhat anticlimactic.

Also I think the most boring province is the count in Iceland. Sure you have a liege that plays on the grand stage, but if you ever raise the 3 galleys from your castle to transport the 150 troops you have, it will drain your coffers before you hit Orkney!
 
Hilarious! Subscribed!

And its good to see an AAR from CK+, far more enjoyable than vanilla (and especially one from its creator!)
 
Dal!? I have heard of Dalsland (which is located where Dal is) but never Dal. Is this an old name for the county or has Paradox just lost it a bit. Still I will have to follow this to see where you take it.
 
Chapter 2: A Rather Short War
October 20th, 1066

Okay, so this could be a problem.
5WGsC.png

The good news is, King Stenkil doesn't actually want my lands (really, who does?), he just wants me to be his vassal.

Now, if he had just asked nicely... I probably would have said no. Being independent is just about the only thing I have going for me here.
LxlbJ.png

I ask Marshal Kettil if I actually have an army to raise. Much to my surprise, I do. It's not much of an army, but you have to realize that I didn't think there was this many people in all of Dal.

The good news continue as King Stenkil decides to keel over and die from pneumonia and Jarl Erik of Uppland decides he's had enough of all the Christians in Sweden and revolts. I understand him perfectly, I've had enough of all the Christians in Dal. Really, I've had enough of everyone in Dal.
u2Xkl.png

Figuring this to be my only chance of preserving Dalsland independence, I hurry with my army to Uppland, arriving just in time to join the Battle of Västerås.
sbejb.png

Wait, we won? We actually won?

I... don't know what to say.

I'm starting to think we can actually do this.

I'm starting to think we can actually win.

I'm starting to think I-
DEskO.png

Oh.

RcCUa.png

Well.

Okay then. Time for plan B.

What's plan B, you ask?
kiMtm.png

Mostly, it involves grovelling.

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Lots and lots of grovelling.
 
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I'm sure there's a cunning plan somewhere in this...
 
I do wonder, who's the guy who has the Holy Handgrenade as his Sigil?

You should totally swear allegiance to him - or better yet, aim for his titles.