In the Shadow of Certain, Painful Doom: Abyssinia

[myLAAN]

Some Catholic heretics say you can bribe God with cash so the real question is - how much "providence" can Sennar afford right now? Because I'm sure "providencing" the ruler of Georgia and replacing him with some impaling infant idiot might make the trouble go away. And the One-Natured might even offer a significant discount, the lack of wealthy followers (he doesn't accept goats, tej and baboons) must have left him pretty cash-strapped lately.


In the pinch, it might be necessary to sell the Tej Mahal we all know and love.


Frankly, it's all a question of good marketing. Granted, it might not look like much but there's more booze behind the... pallisade?... than one can safely handle. Not to mention the large zoo with many exhibits containing Gelada baboons, Gelada baboons and even more Gelada baboons. I'm sure the market is full of loaded alcoholic zoologists.

[Creideki]

Some Catholic heretics say you can bribe God with cash so the real question is - how much "providence" can Sennar afford right now? Because I'm sure "providencing" the ruler of Georgia and replacing him with some impaling infant idiot might make the trouble go away. And the One-Natured might even offer a significant discount, the lack of wealthy followers (he doesn't accept goats, tej and baboons) must have left him pretty cash-strapped lately.


In the pinch, it might be necessary to sell the Tej Mahal we all know and love.


Frankly, it's all a question of good marketing. Granted, it might not look like much but there's more booze behind the... pallisade?... than one can safely handle. Not to mention the large zoo with many exhibits containing Gelada baboons, Gelada baboons and even more Gelada baboons. I'm sure the market is full of loaded alcoholic zoologists.

The zoo also features goats and the occasional bird of prey too

[Vassili]

You, sir, have very noticeable writing skills and a pleasing humor: actually, this is the first AAR that I've ever read from the beginning to the end.

Anyway, if Tesfaye keeps marching, he will be soon near the region where his grandfather died like a hero, with his soldiers ralling round him until the end. An inspirational place, methinks.

[Philo32b]

Dohohoho.

Some Catholic heretics say you can bribe God with cash so the real question is - how much "providence" can Sennar afford right now? Because I'm sure "providencing" the ruler of Georgia and replacing him with some impaling infant idiot might make the trouble go away. And the One-Natured might even offer a significant discount, the lack of wealthy followers (he doesn't accept goats, tej and baboons) must have left him pretty cash-strapped lately.


In the pinch, it might be necessary to sell the Tej Mahal we all know and love.


Frankly, it's all a question of good marketing. Granted, it might not look like much but there's more booze behind the... pallisade?... than one can safely handle. Not to mention the large zoo with many exhibits containing Gelada baboons, Gelada baboons and even more Gelada baboons. I'm sure the market is full of loaded alcoholic zoologists.

LOL, "Tej Mahal". That is good. Thanks!

The zoo also features goats and the occasional bird of prey too

And angry peasants and goat herders as employees. It's the only zoo in the world where you will probably be unable to leave, become a heretic, lose use of a limb, and die. I'm not sure what the marketing message for that would be.

You, sir, have very noticeable writing skills and a pleasing humor: actually, this is the first AAR that I've ever read from the beginning to the end.

Anyway, if Tesfaye keeps marching, he will be soon near the region where his grandfather died like a hero, with his soldiers ralling round him until the end. An inspirational place, methinks.

Thank you! I appreciate your post!

[Philo32b]

My council. The dwarf Narses is obviously the weakest link as a stewart—although less of a liability than leading any part of the army. But why do I have him doing anything at all? The chancellor is capable, although as a heretic he hates me. As soon as my military exploits are finished, I will do an empire-wide search for a new chancellor and steward.





My chaplain writes to me about being smitten with the truth of Bogomilism. He goes on and on about how the world is rules by two powers, God and Satan. Everything spiritual is under God’s rule, and everything material is under Satan’s. He even goes so far as to say that the Orthodox Church was set up by Satan. While I can see how he might come to the view that material world is evil, living in Sennar, I write to the Captain of the Guards to arrest this heretic. Wonderful, now I need a new chaplain, too.




“May your humors…” Hmm… Having a masterful spymaster can be a bit of a double-edged sword

I tried to be reasonable. Now Georgia must die.





After smoothing relations with the Spymaster of Armenia and Regent of Armenia with small gifts, the two men readily agree to help me deal with my problem. Now we must wait for the proper moment to strike.





I am confused: if both the prison and his home under guard are evil as part of the satanic material world, why does he prefer one to the other as a Bogomilist? I decide to be merciful to my former chaplain—Sennar did it to him, after all.

[Philo32b]

I had wanted to continue posting every other day, but a change in jobs has made that a difficult expectation to maintain at this point. I very much enjoy writing the AAR and will continue to try to post every other day, but please know that when I cannot that it is due to the lack of time and not any lack of interest. I should be able to get more consistent after a few weeks or so.

Thank you all so much for your reading and posts!

My next post should be this Friday.

[Omen]

Good luck with the new job!

[Creideki]

I hope this is a change for the better for you Philo, and if so, congratulations!

[Coven]

Hey, this is my first and probably only post on the forum not begging for technical assistance, but I just wanted to say, this AAR has been a really good read. As someone else said earlier, the first I've ever done from start to finish. Your writing style is really engaging and this thread has already convinced one friend of mine that he needs to buy CK2 next time it's on sale. Thanks for a fun read, looking forward to seeing more, and good luck with the job.

[Kirjava13]

Lurked for maybe a month now, and I've thoroughly enjoyed this AAR from beginning to end. Hats (fezzes?) off to you sir- I will continue to read and laugh/weep at the painful ordeals Senna demands your dynasty endure!

[Rfish12]

Speaking of Fezzes, isn't the Steward wearing one? We all know the fun fun hobby that a steward-wearing-a-fez engages in.

I love your spymaster. Thankfully, she doesn't dislike the young lord, she (and everyone else) just doesn't respect him...

[Held der Arbeit]

Speaking of Fezzes, isn't the Steward wearing one? We all know the fun fun hobby that a steward-wearing-a-fez engages in.

I love your spymaster. Thankfully, she doesn't dislike the young lord, she (and everyone else) just doesn't respect him...

True. I wonder why the young Lord can't inspire the same...strong emotions in his subjects that his venerable grandfather could

[Athalcor]

Georgia of... what? The place sounds like something I would look for east of Mordor.

[LordNeidhart]

Things seem to be going well for Sennar
And by "going well" I mean "There has been no overly horrifying catastrophe lately".

[vmarra]

Good luck on the new job.

This is one of my favorite AARs hands-down. It has inspired me to play with unplayable crappy rulers myself.

[Leztoon]

Congrats on the new job mate. Congrats on the AAR too, Georgia needs to be shown how things are done in Sennar. Actually probably better to do it the Byzantine way (if you want good non hilarious results) stick it out mate soon you'll be able to regain your throne, just ride it out for one more lifetime.

[Philo32b]

Good luck with the new job!

Thank you!

I hope this is a change for the better for you Philo, and if so, congratulations!

Thanks! It is a change for the better, which is always nice.

Hey, this is my first and probably only post on the forum not begging for technical assistance, but I just wanted to say, this AAR has been a really good read. As someone else said earlier, the first I've ever done from start to finish. Your writing style is really engaging and this thread has already convinced one friend of mine that he needs to buy CK2 next time it's on sale. Thanks for a fun read, looking forward to seeing more, and good luck with the job.

Thanks, Coven. I appreciate it!

Lurked for maybe a month now, and I've thoroughly enjoyed this AAR from beginning to end. Hats (fezzes?) off to you sir- I will continue to read and laugh/weep at the painful ordeals Senna demands your dynasty endure!

Thank you! I'm glad you like it.

Speaking of Fezzes, isn't the Steward wearing one? We all know the fun fun hobby that a steward-wearing-a-fez engages in.

I love your spymaster. Thankfully, she doesn't dislike the young lord, she (and everyone else) just doesn't respect him...

Wow, you're right, the steward is wearing one. I wonder if it's supposed to be a symbol of fiscal responsibility? Unfortunately, Tesfaye III is unaware of all that fezzes imply, so he is a sitting duck. And I agree with you on the spymaster--there is something cool about her. Could just be her name, though: Walpurga. That is a great name.

True. I wonder why the young Lord can't inspire the same...strong emotions in his subjects that his venerable grandfather could

Yes, he certainly did provoke strong emotions in people. Was able to continue to do that up to the day he died.

Georgia of... what? The place sounds like something I would look for east of Mordor.

This is odd--the title finder located a Barony of KhorVirap (the only KhorVirap) in Dwin County, which is the capital county of Armenia, but there is no holding there named KhorVirap. Maybe a patch changed the name of the holding? I'm not sure.

Things seem to be going well for Sennar
And by "going well" I mean "There has been no overly horrifying catastrophe lately".

Yes, and you could even say "going well" means "the impending overly horrifying catastrophe has not happened just yet, probably tomorrow"

Good luck on the new job.

This is one of my favorite AARs hands-down. It has inspired me to play with unplayable crappy rulers myself.

Thank you! I'm happy to see that you have caught the unplayable crappy rulers bug, too.

Congrats on the new job mate. Congrats on the AAR too, Georgia needs to be shown how things are done in Sennar. Actually probably better to do it the Byzantine way (if you want good non hilarious results) stick it out mate soon you'll be able to regain your throne, just ride it out for one more lifetime.

Thanks! Yes, the Byzantine way would probably be better. I haven't done an assassination with 1.06 patch before, so I guess we just... wait?

[Philo32b]

That Laurentios thinks he is so smart.

General Laurentios Kantakouzenos is starting to get on my nerves. I know he is a brilliant strategist, but he is constantly criticizing my battle plans. Once he laughed at my battle formations in front of my column. I have been marshal for Armenia, a powerful duchy of the Byzantine Empire. He has been steward for Sennar. He should show more respect. I know that he received the best military education available, but so what? My own military education largely consisted in my watching Gelada Baboons fight among themselves for food. You can learn a lot of things from watching them, and not just about fighting.




We will overshoot Dwin to save time as we will just miss Ani in Dwin. That was... Laurentios' idea.

My army has arrived in time to help. Our enemy was sieging my son’s capital, but is now fleeing before me and will escape one day ahead of me. I will follow on his heels, and will soon catch him. We will see what these Sennarian light infantry can do against trained Byzantine troops. It is good I have a nine to one advantage.




Hey Laurentios, I’ve already finished with my flank. What’s taking you so long?

The Battle of Shaki will be over quickly. The Count of Ani is leading his own men, and I have never seen a worse commander on the field. My original incompetent Sennarian officers would have outperformed this count.





The battle is quickly won. I am overjoyed, but General Laurentios has to ruin the moment with negative talk about what “the reports” tell us. He claims that when he reviews the reports, he realizes that our army performed very poorly indeed. Despite the central column being commandeered by an officer with ten times the skill of his opponent (does he ever stop bragging?), despite our army’s flanks being structured much better, and despite a nine to one advantage, our kill to death rate was one to one with the enemy. It is true that these Sennarian troops are little more than rabble and we would probably do better to enlist the surly Sennarian peasants. But who needs these depressing reports? We won, that’s the important point. Now once I we chase down and destroy the demoralized remnants of Ani’s army, we will join my son’s siege in Ani, which is progressing much too slow with just his troops.





The Count of Ani surrenders once his capital falls. Meanwhile, Empress Ioanna has been busy crushing all the rebels against her rule. Now that the danger to my own dynasty has been crushed, I am tempted to return to the comforts of home—the arms of my wife, a good glass of tej, and the latest attempt by my cook to produce something edible—but I will help the Empress destroy the rebels instead. Who knows, perhaps she will notice my efforts.




Those troublesome peasants indeed.

Sure enough, the surly Sennar peasants again start agitating. Can the dwarf not even collect the taxes competently? Now I will have to order the marshal to suppress the peasants instead of more usefully training army recruits.

[Athalcor]

Those troublesome peasants! Not only they do not want to die thousand miles away from their dusty homes, they also do not like giving back their soldier salaries to you as the brand new 'war tax'.

[myLAAN]

Sennar is basically a medieval American dream. No one really cares what kind of heretic you are as long as you don't wear fez, you can bully every tax collector while evading military service without any repercussions and if the local Tesfaye gets too cocky, you just gather some goat herding friends and storm Tej Mahal (I think that storming Tej Mahal at least once in a lifetime is part of goat herding code). True, there are no rags-to-riches stories but that's because there are no riches in Sennar.