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The Wehrmacht News & World Report

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Just as I suspected the PanzerArmee swept the Poles aside...with the help of the vaunted Luftwaffe of course. Sounded like the Kriegsmarine was spanking the French and Royal Navies bad...only to have some minor 'mistakes' cause more sinkings and casualties than the enemy had done.....Those Admirals should be 'reeducated' in prison for their idiocy if you ask me...

And I love that photo of 'Tuffy".....glad to hear that the 28 Jager Division nickname is now the "Sturmkittens"....hahaha.
 
I hope the Reich will act decisively against ALL technical issues like:
- sinking ships through friendly fire;
- overenthousiastic Commanders;
- Singing Nuns.

Fortunately Tuffy the Panzerkitten at least makes us proud to be in the Wehrmacht.
 
Updates....we need updates!!! I miss my Sturmkittens.............
 
haha! great idea for an AAR and as always your AARs are hilarious Alfred Packer. What a brilliant way to get around the image constraints of the forum. I was crest-fallen when I discovered that there is now an 800 pixel maximum width enforced by the forum engine. The best part is that your PDFs are printable so I can hand them out to all my friends! (although they might not find Sturmkittens as funny as I do). On second thought, I'll probably just enjoy this alone.
 
loki100 said:
is Karl, perchance, hinting at a crucial, & less than glorious, role for himself in the naval disaster? Tis good to see Eugen has his mind focussed on the real business, but is it such a good idea to let the singing Nun have the run of the Reich?

bit sneaky of the Poles to surrender before you were ready for them to surrender ... quite right to insist that these things should be done in their proper order
Click to expand...

mmmmaaaayyyybbbeeee.... and yeah, those sneaky Poles...their little scheme certainly failed though!

Stuyvesant said:
Informative as always, but I believe I spotted a typo in the discussion of the Scandinavian countries. Surely the Reich is not contempleting 'invading' them, but rather is making plans to provide much-needed protection against Imperialist aggression, at the behest of the host countries, and only if truly needed in the direst of circumstances? Other than that, everything seems to be spot-on.

Enjoyed Paul's performance and his critiquing of Spam (hey! I lived in Minnesota for 5 years! There's an actual Spam museum in Austin, MN!). And Lt. Rohman's comparison to the Valkyries. But not quite. And how strafing hundreds of soldiers doesn't count. :)

I'm a little bit disappointed that Lt. Schtill didn't manage to refer to the rhapsodic qualities of his formerly-Czech brothers in arms, but you can't always get what you want, I realize. Especially if the thing you want is a cringe-inducing bad pun - those need to be strictly rationed. ;)

Kapt. Lt. Ritter is definitely channeling the friendly, forgive-and-forget, let's all live in peace attitude that pervades in the Wehrmacht News & World Report, as well as the peace-loving Reich at large. He's a fine specimen and a stand-out Kriegsmarine officer, who'll go far, I'm sure. Yes, let's put the whole business behind us.

Anyway, if there are no witnesses left alive, then how could there be any more punishment meted out anyhow? I think the anonymous captain is quite safe.
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Regarding Karl, I quite agree...live and let live. He's something of a sage. And the temptation to do a little Queen was there...I just couldn't find a way to make it funny (not that there isn't a way...I'm just not that bright!) and don't worry...that typo gets cleaned up this issue ;)

KLorberau said:
Just as I suspected the PanzerArmee swept the Poles aside...with the help of the vaunted Luftwaffe of course. Sounded like the Kriegsmarine was spanking the French and Royal Navies bad...only to have some minor 'mistakes' cause more sinkings and casualties than the enemy had done.....Those Admirals should be 'reeducated' in prison for their idiocy if you ask me...

And I love that photo of 'Tuffy".....glad to hear that the 28 Jager Division nickname is now the "Sturmkittens"....hahaha.
Click to expand...

Thanks :) I liked the Sturmkitten Division as well!

Murmurandus said:
I hope the Reich will act decisively against ALL technical issues like:
- sinking ships through friendly fire;
- overenthousiastic Commanders;
- Singing Nuns.

Fortunately Tuffy the Panzerkitten at least makes us proud to be in the Wehrmacht.
Click to expand...

The Singing Nun shouldn't be an issue in the future! and the friendly fire...doggone it that was odd.

KLorberau said:
Updates....we need updates!!! I miss my Sturmkittens.............
Click to expand...

Coming right now!

robw963 said:
haha! great idea for an AAR and as always your AARs are hilarious Alfred Packer. What a brilliant way to get around the image constraints of the forum. I was crest-fallen when I discovered that there is now an 800 pixel maximum width enforced by the forum engine. The best part is that your PDFs are printable so I can hand them out to all my friends! (although they might not find Sturmkittens as funny as I do). On second thought, I'll probably just enjoy this alone.
Click to expand...

Thanks Robw! I really appreciate the kind words and I'm glad you like it :)
 
I'm quite sure the Invasion of Finland is directly linked to the Nun on the Run. I trust the Abwehr is taking measures against future threats from The Singing Attrocity Against Mankind...
 
sturmkittens.png
 
Finally the Nun is gone, now Ott might be able to concentrate on the war!

I see that the Kriegsmarine doesn't hold the Kaptain responsible for the loss of his destroyer and give him another glorious task.
 
AARLand Choice AwAARds, Round 2!

Hey everyone, before we return to our regularly scheduled programming of all Sturmkittens all the time, I wanted to take a moment to point out that the Second Round of AARLand Choice AwAARd voting is going on right now, so head on over to this thread <--- that is a link BTW, and cast a vote for some of your favorite AARs.

The ACAs aren't just a great way to say 'thanks' to your favorite WritAARs, but also a great way to share what your reading with others!
 
Surt said:
Finally the Nun is gone, now Ott might be able to concentrate on the war!

I see that the Kriegsmarine doesn't hold the Kaptain responsible for the loss of his destroyer and give him another glorious task.
Click to expand...

Well, as the Kapitan pointed out earlier, surely the guilty party feels bad enough already!

robw963 said:
sturmkittens.png
Click to expand...

Jawhol Mein Pocket-Furher!

loki100 said:
as ever, full of gems ... a particularly enthusiastic sturmkitten, Paul carries on as we all have come to expect, and poor Karl seems to have found his career blocked despite his innocence in the earlier unfortunate events
Click to expand...

Yeah, poor persecuted Karl!

Murmurandus said:
I'm quite sure the Invasion of Finland is directly linked to the Nun on the Run. I trust the Abwehr is taking measures against future threats from The Singing Attrocity Against Mankind...
Click to expand...

Singing Nuns, Singing Pop Stars/Super-Spies, and any other musical/musical-comedy proponents

Alfred Packer said:
Hey everyone, before we return to our regularly scheduled programming of all Sturmkittens all the time, I wanted to take a moment to point out that the Second Round of AARLand Choice AwAARd voting is going on right now, so head on over to this thread <--- that is a link BTW, and cast a vote for some of your favorite AARs.

The ACAs aren't just a great way to say 'thanks' to your favorite WritAARs, but also a great way to share what your reading with others!
Click to expand...

You shameless vote-whore :angry:
 
that is one very disturbing sturm kitten ...

and poor Paul, all that and he loses the girl.

It also seems as if someone, rather senior, may just, vaguely, in a roundabout way, have it in for Karl

do so hope that any nasty NKVD spy who finds a copy hanging around does the gentlemanly thing and puts it down immediately
 
I see the GrossAdmiral didn't get to finish off the troublesome letterwriter Karl this time )

Also von Schlieffen hasn't lived in vain with that attack plan, aren't you afraid that repeating the plan from last war will somehow give it away to the enemy?
 
Fantastic. I am really enjoying this!
 
Finally its back!!

I loved the issue from Jan 40......the Sturmkitten is truely a party member....That Feldwebel Kepler from the 5th Infantry looks like me each morning!! Before I shave and shower of course................I must ask....is the 5th Infantry a scrub unit or what????

For the April '40 issue, I loved the action of the 11th Armee in Norway. General Clossner should also win the Knights Cross for his victory over the British, when all seemed lost. Way to go General!! Although Goebells Sturmkitten does look like Adolf (although a slightly emaciated one at that), that is one ugly Sturmkitten.....but hey!! It is a Sturmkitten!!

Looking forwards to the news of the victory in the West!!
 
Maybe Paul should have let that tank shoot in his foot... or maybe not...

Also, the lack of Running Nun News is disturbing...
 
Loving the AAR! :)
 
From the January issue, I particularly liked the Axis tally and ranking (inferiority complex? Whatever would make you say that? ;)), Paul's braindead 'Rachel was at work in Generalmajor Haase's house, so I did not get to see her, but hey! free crepes!' and Karl's floating junker - at least it still has a gun on it, that has to make it a warship at least, right?

From April, Paul was showing remarkable astuteness, compared to his comments from January. The title of his dispatch really said it all. :)

Karl definitely has a special relationship with Grossadmiral Raeder, but not quite in the way he imagines it. Hopefully he'll be too busy dodging British bombers and cruisers to continue his letter-writing campaign, otherwise the Wehrmacht News & World Report will have to start looking for a new contributor from the Kriegsmarine soon - since stone dead people aren't very good at producing copy.
 
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