The Wehrmacht News & World Report

[robw963]

I suspect the Sturmkitten from the April issue may have been abducted by the evil Western Imperialists and shaved. I'm alarmed...and am having sleep issues. (although congratulate this Sturmkitten for maintaining his party demeanor after what must have been a humiliating experience)
Also...I got a big chuckle with the shenanigans of the Austrian rascals. I think I'll re-read that section a few more times to assuage my concern over hairless cats. You never fail to deliver AP....can't wait for the May issue.

[Alfred Packer]

that is one very disturbing sturm kitten ...

and poor Paul, all that and he loses the girl.

It also seems as if someone, rather senior, may just, vaguely, in a roundabout way, have it in for Karl

do so hope that any nasty NKVD spy who finds a copy hanging around does the gentlemanly thing and puts it down immediately

Fortunately, the heading asks them to not read it, so the Wehrmacht's Secrets are safe!

I see the GrossAdmiral didn't get to finish off the troublesome letterwriter Karl this time )

Also von Schlieffen hasn't lived in vain with that attack plan, aren't you afraid that repeating the plan from last war will somehow give it away to the enemy?

The French will never expect us to launch the exact same attack that failed last time!

Fantastic. I am really enjoying this!

Thank you! I am glad you like it!

Finally its back!!

I loved the issue from Jan 40......the Sturmkitten is truely a party member....That Feldwebel Kepler from the 5th Infantry looks like me each morning!! Before I shave and shower of course................I must ask....is the 5th Infantry a scrub unit or what????

For the April '40 issue, I loved the action of the 11th Armee in Norway. General Clossner should also win the Knights Cross for his victory over the British, when all seemed lost. Way to go General!! Although Goebells Sturmkitten does look like Adolf (although a slightly emaciated one at that), that is one ugly Sturmkitten.....but hey!! It is a Sturmkitten!!

Looking forwards to the news of the victory in the West!!

And here it comes! Yeah, Clossner's win...I don't think the AAR did it justice. I thought 11. Armee was just doomed, it took some good luck and the only effective use of air power I've ever pulled off for that win.

Maybe Paul should have let that tank shoot in his foot... or maybe not...

Also, the lack of Running Nun News is disturbing...

She's hiding...waiting...watching. And probably singing.

Loving the AAR!

Thanks! Welcome aboard!

From the January issue, I particularly liked the Axis tally and ranking (inferiority complex? Whatever would make you say that? ), Paul's braindead 'Rachel was at work in Generalmajor Haase's house, so I did not get to see her, but hey! free crepes!' and Karl's floating junker - at least it still has a gun on it, that has to make it a warship at least, right?

From April, Paul was showing remarkable astuteness, compared to his comments from January. The title of his dispatch really said it all.

Karl definitely has a special relationship with Grossadmiral Raeder, but not quite in the way he imagines it. Hopefully he'll be too busy dodging British bombers and cruisers to continue his letter-writing campaign, otherwise the Wehrmacht News & World Report will have to start looking for a new contributor from the Kriegsmarine soon - since stone dead people aren't very good at producing copy.

Yeah, Karl has quite a ...er ... rose-tinted view of his situation doesn't he? And Paul's about to get some brand-new grievences...

I suspect the Sturmkitten from the April issue may have been abducted by the evil Western Imperialists and shaved. I'm alarmed...and am having sleep issues. (although congratulate this Sturmkitten for maintaining his party demeanor after what must have been a humiliating experience)
Also...I got a big chuckle with the shenanigans of the Austrian rascals. I think I'll re-read that section a few more times to assuage my concern over hairless cats. You never fail to deliver AP....can't wait for the May issue.

And here it is! With extra Austrian shenanigans!

[Alfred Packer]

Attachment 58769

Jul 1940 (pdf)

In This Issue:
- New Ships!
- Sensativity Training!
- War With France!
- Saluting!
- Sturmkittens!

[Stuyvesant]

"Oebbelsgay". Ur gay, Goebbels. Snork.

Will comment later (after work) in a more meaningful and less infantile manner.

EDIT: Rested, fed and the brain's recovered from a day at work. Time for some longer sentences with actual meaning.

'Karl Ritter: making enemies out of the the Kriegsmarine's High Command, one Admiral at a time,'

The concern about annoyed Frenchmen taking up arms against the peaceloving peacekeepers of the Wehrmacht must surely be overblown. How could the French ever be annoyed, when Germany is so generously upgrading the Atlantic ports?

I like the rationale for the motorization/mechanization of 9. Armee. It makes sense to have motorized troops to follow behind the Panzertruppen, for those vast countries where armor would quickly outpace infantry. Purely hypothetically speaking, of course, since I'm sure the Chancellor is anxious for eternal peace, as soon as the British come to their senses. No more war for the Wehrmacht, if der Führer has any say in it.

[loki100]

Karl really is having problems putting 2+2 together isn't he?

As the Kriegsmarine begins to recover from the damage from last year, adding new Light Cruisers and Destroyers, there was a real ship command gap and the High Command knew who to turn to.
... I’ve been given the command of the Tender Nordsee,

and one must be impressed at the planned generosity to France. All those nice radar stations and moving that rubbish concrete from the Rhine to the La Manche

[robw963]

Italy and the rest of the
Axis remained neutral
throughout the French
crisis despite Chancellor
Hitler’s most polite requests

I'm wondering if a sending a Sturmkitten gift (not the shaved one) to Benito might soften him up? Surely the fearless leader's politeness can win the day. I was very pleased to see the sensitivity training for the troops is underway...as my Dad always says: "Kill them with Kindness!". I may need a little clarification on the point about Lil' Goring...haha...is that true? (or am I just super gullible). And last but not least...as amusing as these Austrian fellows seem to be, I worry what will happen when real combat comes their way.

[KLorberau]

Great edition to the WNWR.....I particularly liked the 'sensitivity training' for our friend Paul Weiss. He not only wins the Iron Cross for bravery, but then has to sit thru those moronic 'politically correct sensitivity training seminars' that have popped up in the last 20 years. Maybe he should send a letter to the SS informing them of his commander being a little 'light in the loafers'....if you get my drift.

Glad to see that the 11th Armee wins the Iron Cross division wide, and that General Clossner is awarded the Knights Cross. I knew he deserved it!! Good job guys!

I like the maps you put up showing the locations of the troops, planes and ships. Excellent way of explaining where everyone is and why they are there. The blurp about not trusting Frenchies because they are imperialists and communists was hilarious (and true at the same time).

Saurerkraut is one of the best Sturmkittens yet. He even salutes correctly! I have attached a little photo of an Sturmkitten....obviously inquisitive and intelligent....which you may use if necessary. If memory serves me correct...it is Himmler's little furball named "Heinie"

[Murmurandus]

Still no Singing Running Nun... I bet she's hiding somewhere near the Urals...

[Alfred Packer]

"Oebbelsgay". Ur gay, Goebbels. Snork.

Will comment later (after work) in a more meaningful and less infantile manner.

EDIT: Rested, fed and the brain's recovered from a day at work. Time for some longer sentences with actual meaning.

'Karl Ritter: making enemies out of the the Kriegsmarine's High Command, one Admiral at a time,'

The concern about annoyed Frenchmen taking up arms against the peaceloving peacekeepers of the Wehrmacht must surely be overblown. How could the French ever be annoyed, when Germany is so generously upgrading the Atlantic ports?

I like the rationale for the motorization/mechanization of 9. Armee. It makes sense to have motorized troops to follow behind the Panzertruppen, for those vast countries where armor would quickly outpace infantry. Purely hypothetically speaking, of course, since I'm sure the Chancellor is anxious for eternal peace, as soon as the British come to their senses. No more war for the Wehrmacht, if der Führer has any say in it.

You know how it is...the Wehrmacht: Waging Peace for the World...I liked your Karl Ritter line

Karl really is having problems putting 2+2 together isn't he?



and one must be impressed at the planned generosity to France. All those nice radar stations and moving that rubbish concrete from the Rhine to the La Manche

Well the Furher is always trying to think of others and, yeah, Karl seems to struggle with personal relationships a tad

I'm wondering if a sending a Sturmkitten gift (not the shaved one) to Benito might soften him up? Surely the fearless leader's politeness can win the day. I was very pleased to see the sensitivity training for the troops is underway...as my Dad always says: "Kill them with Kindness!". I may need a little clarification on the point about Lil' Goring...haha...is that true? (or am I just super gullible). And last but not least...as amusing as these Austrian fellows seem to be, I worry what will happen when real combat comes their way.

You're just super gullible...but it sure sounds like something Goring would do doesn't it?

Attachment 59640Great edition to the WNWR.....I particularly liked the 'sensitivity training' for our friend Paul Weiss. He not only wins the Iron Cross for bravery, but then has to sit thru those moronic 'politically correct sensitivity training seminars' that have popped up in the last 20 years. Maybe he should send a letter to the SS informing them of his commander being a little 'light in the loafers'....if you get my drift.

Glad to see that the 11th Armee wins the Iron Cross division wide, and that General Clossner is awarded the Knights Cross. I knew he deserved it!! Good job guys!

I like the maps you put up showing the locations of the troops, planes and ships. Excellent way of explaining where everyone is and why they are there. The blurp about not trusting Frenchies because they are imperialists and communists was hilarious (and true at the same time).

Saurerkraut is one of the best Sturmkittens yet. He even salutes correctly! I have attached a little photo of an Sturmkitten....obviously inquisitive and intelligent....which you may use if necessary. If memory serves me correct...it is Himmler's little furball named "Heinie"

Clossner and the boys really proved themselves didn't they? And thanks, I'm pretty pleased with how the maps turned out as well. And Paul's subplot with the Austrian Major...that made me happy too.

Heinie will turn up sometime in 1942

Still no Singing Running Nun... I bet she's hiding somewhere near the Urals...

And if she is there...so is the Captain the KM wants so badly...maybe some representatives from the Wehrmacht should pay them a visit?

[Alfred Packer]

(I used up all my attachment space...I need to clean that out!)

Oct 1940 (pdf)

In This Issue:

- Wood-paneled Panzers!
- Rocket Planes!
- Contributor Crossovers!
- Sturmkittens!

[Murmurandus]

Those silly Austrians... what's next? A Blitzkrieg in Tirolerhosen?

[loki100]

Paul really is not enjoying his war any more. And Karl is so far demoted they no longer trust him with a supply ship that actually moves?

Martin has gone a wee bit over the top? I mean its good to see the WNWR getting credit for all the successes but ..

and to echo earlier comments - the maps are brilliant

[Alfred Packer]

Oh, by the way: for those of you who are fans of 1 - The late 80's/early 90's television show Quantum Leap, 2 - fans of FanFic based on that television show, 3 - fans of AGEODs Rise of Prussia and 4 - fans of History Book AARs based on the writer's first ever campaign game as Prussia, well have I got a niche AAR for you!

[robw963]

haha...wood siding on the StuG is a sweet touch my fun loving Austrian friends. Why not just cave to fashion and mount some cuckoo clocks on the front and use them as horns? These would make fantastic parade floats. Congratulations on the success of Operation Trondheim and as any good Hollywood executive worth his salt would agree, we must follow success with a sequel...and thus Operation Trondheim II (while perhaps not the most imaginative name for it) is destined for greatness! I have few words for Rachel. What a slut. Lastly, I was a little uncomfortable with this month's Sturmkitten (puppy). If I know my breeds correctly, and I think I do, I believe that's a (western imperialist) English Bulldog. Dobermans, Rottweilers, German Shepherds, Schnausers, Dachshund...perhaps...but an English bulldog? God help Martin Bormann if the Fuehrer catches him walking THAT breed in the chancellery garden. (but you gotta admit, that dog is seriously cute).

*Off to gullibility* (and to read your "niche AAR")

[Stuyvesant]

Ah, Paul... Your continued whining and moaning are a true delight. Rachel dropped you for a newly-club-footed invalid, the Poles somehow do not appreciate your noble civilizing peacekeeping mission, and you failed your sensitivity training... I wonder what else he will find to complain about, but I'm confident he'll continue to rise to the occasion.

It does not bode well that even Gretchen, Kapt. Ritter's wife, has abandoned him. I wonder if I need to look up 'divorce' in German yet?

The Austrians continue to amaze. Can't wait for the - entirely hypothetical - invasion of the lair of the Bolshevist Menace.

I do have one concern, though: it appears that an agent provocateur has infiltrated the Wehrmacht News & World Report and slyly edited some of the contents to make the Wehrmacht look like a bunch of aggressive no-gooders. I mean, surely Hauptmann Erich Schtill did not really write that the Panzertruppen (that noble mobile vanguard of peace, justice and freedom) try to shape their members into 'bloodthirsty death machines'?!? This is so out of context for the Wehrmacht, that I simply know it's a falsification. Probably planted by an Anglo-French communist imperialist infiltrator, to confuse the world as to who is a victim (Germany) and who is the aggressor (the rest of the world) in this conflict.

Edit: Just remembered from your roll-call that Trollhammer destroyed the Enterprise. How could you?!? Can we please have that picture of Kirk yelling 'Khaaan'? On the other hand, Kirk yelling 'Saalwachter!' doesn't have the same ring to it, so never mind.

[robw963]

^ ^

[Jagdpnzr]

Now if only the Austrians could add the mounted stuffed deer head and the bear skin rug, it would feel exactly like home. Love every bit of this AAR. Can't wait for the next release.

[KLorberau]

I can't pull up the last edition of the WNWR. Link doesn't work. Can you check it please?

[Alfred Packer]

I can't pull up the last edition of the WNWR. Link doesn't work. Can you check it please?

I just checked it and it worked fine...I verified the file is shared and everything... https://docs.google.com/file/d/0ByKL...BOM2dVaUk/edit <-a direct link, which hopefully will work for you!

[KLorberau]

I finally got it to work on my brides IPAD. Nicely done! The Kriegsmarine really bloodied the Brits noses of the Royal Navy! The 'junk pile' mentioned by Paul Weiss cracked me up ......obviously the infamous 5th Infantrie Division.....The 'Why not invade' part mentioning the Royal Navy's Brutal slaughter of unarmed merchant ships was priceless..and I must admit Borman's puppy is somewhat cute.....and well trained! Keep it up!