The Great Men of Korchev - What Became of the Unfotunate Branch of Rurikids

[morningSIDEr]

I have to agree with Ivir Baggins, truly quite shocked more have not suffered an arrow to the knee thus far!

Good stuff anyway, especially with Boris having turned into such a mature, sensible young man. Well, a cold blooded killer anyway, which is far preferable.

[Avarri]

Just read the whole thing, GREAT AAR, hilarious and well written. Between Wherewhale's Crovans and this my comedy needs for the week have been fulfilled!

[Kazmir]

@Ivir Baggins: I am sorry if it felt too obvious or over-used.

@Athalcor: Oh, I must confess I haven't paid attention to their size, only to resolution. I use Photoshop to crop the images and always save them as highest-quality JPEGs, perhaps I should cut down on the quality?

@loki100: Ah yes, unfortunately I believe the duty of polluting our human genome with undesirable traits will not befall on Boris alone during the course of things.

@morningSIDEr: Thanks! We will hear a lot more about Boris in the future.

@Avarri: Thanks, always heart-warming to hear that someone's enjoying it. I hope I can keep up the quality.

[Athalcor]

@Ivir Baggins: I am sorry if it felt too obvious or over-used.

@Athalcor: Oh, I must confess I haven't paid attention to their size, only to resolution. I use Photoshop to crop the images and always save them as highest-quality JPEGs, perhaps I should cut down on the quality?

@loki100: Ah yes, unfortunately I believe the duty of polluting our human genome with undesirable traits will not befall on Boris alone during the course of things.

@morningSIDEr: Thanks! We will hear a lot more about Boris in the future.

@Avarri: Thanks, always heart-warming to hear that someone's enjoying it. I hope I can keep up the quality.

IMHO you could tone down the quality to 50% of the current state.

[Kazmir]

Chapter 8: Death of Derbentia


Count Rurik has just woken up and is trudging through the castle towards his throne room, yawning the last remnants of sleep away when suddenly Olena comes rushing down the corridor, wailing and weeping wildly.



Rurik: Now now, what is it, why are you so upset?
Olena: Oh what a vile daughter you have, she called me fat!



Rurik: But Olena, you do look fat. We all know you can't help it though - it is very unfortunate having to grow horizontally.
Olena: What is that supposed to mean??
Rurik: Well, of course. Since you only reach me up my knees, but are twice my width it is obvious!
Olena: What!? That's it! We'll meet at dawn, bring your sword!
Rurik: What? Why?
Olena: I'll slice you up and feed you to your horse, you scum! I don't take insults from overgrown men!
Rurik: What did I say wrong...?
Olena: Oh you're an idiot. I'll let you go this time but be warned!

Good, it wouldn't have felt right to hurt her.



Ingvar: Psst! My liege!
Rurik: Yes?
Ingvar: I have returned from my mission, every single peasant in Georgia now owns a little piece of a document, showing them to be Russian.
Rurik: Great! What do you plan to do next?
Ingvar: Urgh...



Fine! Go on and die then! How could you abandon me at this crucial moment? I didn't need you anyway.

I didn't...

*Sniff*

Meanwhile my war against the Derbentians has come to a stalemate. They have no armies left but the walls of Derbent are strong and high and 300 men are apparently not enough to make the inhabitants feel insecure.

Rurik: Boris! You're my marshal, tell me what I should do.
Boris: Hurgh... pay mercenary - mercenary bash Derbent skull... hrrr...



Rurik: Mercenaries? You mean I should pay some overpriced captain of a band of peasants-playing-soldiers for sitting around some castle walls for a few months? I don't like the idea.
Boris: Urh... this Turk cheap.
Rurik: Turks? Can we trust them? I mean, they're hairy, sweaty, rambling loonies - like Greeks but worse!
Inal va Emba: How dare you insult us!? Like GREEKS? I would stuff my pita down your throat if you weren't a potential source of income! You will tell me at once whether you will hire us or whether you want me to perform a surgical disembowelment for everyone in the castle.
Rurik: All right, all right. Just be swift about it will you?



Feel our wrath Derbent!



Oh, it looks like the war in Georgia has ended and the mad Duke has been put behind bars. The old King is also dead and his son has taken over. I wonder how he manages with himself seeing how he's both wroth and kind at the same time. And will you stop asking me about those crown laws? I really don't care.



She's content, because she has such a great father!



Rurik: Say Boris, how did you manage to... ehm, make your wife willing to breed after all?
Boris: Ugh... Boris man, Boris tell woman woman come to bed or woman go kaput!
Rurik: That's... innovative...


I had allies in this war?

Derbent fell easily thanks to my new Turkish friends, but those pesky little Derbentians are too stubborn to surrender because they still have some shepherds herding in the mountains of Albania (no, not that Albania). Fine - we'll smoke them out just as well!

And who knew I had allies on my side! Very nice of them to come all the way down here to help me in my struggle, I wonder who they are.


Cruel, narcissistic, vile-looking schemer? I like this man!

Apparently they come from a little province of Vyazma somewhere far far away. One of my kinsmen gained independence from another kinsman and answered to my call to arms. Well, it's heart-warming to know someone cares about me! Even if it's just a lowly count.



Ha! Finally!



Oh, sorry - we didn't need you after all. And it seems we are on different sides in some silly family feud. But thanks for stopping by to get slaughtered!



It seems like the future of my little holding is not so dim any more!



Vsevolod: Daddy...
Rurik: Yes my son?
Vsevolod: I feel a bit lonely...
Rurik: Well why don't you go play with your brother Ivan?
Vsevolod: 'Cause he's stupid.
Rurik: Well, how about your two cousins Kirill and Rostislav?
Vsevolod: They're stupid, too!
Rurik: Why are they all stupid?
Vsevolod: Because they don't want to play 'hunt the heretic' with me any more.
Rurik: Hunt the heretic..?
Vsevolod: Yea! Uncle Vasilko has this funny little machine in the dungeons. We take parts in who's the heretic and who's the priest, except that I'm always the priest.
Rurik: Listen son, you're the future count. If you tell someone they must do something, then they better do it! Now go back there and tell them to be more considerate towards their future lord.

Speaking of Ivan - since he's six already it's time to find him a tutor.


I'm sure she will teach him everything he needs to know in life!

I believe Layla would be excellent for the job - I mean, she has all the favourable traits of a civilized woman. Besides, she's really good at counting money!



That's my girl! What a pious soul, I'm so proud of her.


Vasilko: Brother, there's something that's been bothering my mind for a while...
Rurik: Yes?
Vasilko: Remember when I wanted to become your spymaster?
Rurik: Didn't we agree you wouldn't mention it again?
Vasilko: You see, I've been thinking...
Rurik: That doesn't sound too promising.
Vasilko: ...that I might not have been that good for the job after all and I don't care about it any longer, what a dull occupation it would be!
Rurik: Good, I really don't like people making silly requests or begging for something they obviously don't deserve.



Vasilko: Instead, I now want my own county and a levy of 1000 men! Oh, and a sea-side villa!
Rurik: ...
Vasilko: Yes?



Fine. FINE! Fiefs for everyone! Fiefs for all you scoundrels!
----------------------------

I have cut down the size of the pictures by about 40% so hopefully they will load faster. I don't see any difference in their quality either. All thanks to Athalcor for pointing it out!

[loki100]

like the fact that despite the family induced mayhem you are still managing to expand. Boris' approach to the matter of breeding is direct as one would expect and Mitrofan has a really, truely, awful hair cut

[Ivir Baggins]

Long live the King! But if it's Boris then there'll be trouble.

[Athalcor]

Oh, Rostislav so took after his father! Russian Orthodox at the first glance.

Btw, don't be surprised if Ivan starts asking you where exactly Mecca is.

[morningSIDEr]

Apparently they come from a little province of Vyazma somewhere far far away. One of my kinsmen gained independence from another kinsman and answered to my call to arms. Well, it's heart-warming to know someone cares about me! Even if it's just a lowly count.

It really is astounding that so friendly and charming a guy as Rurik has so few friends and allies.

Good to see further chunks are about to be taken out of Georgia. I rather hope Boris is made a Count at the very least, he'll doubtless prove a most brilliant ruler.

[Kazmir]

@loki100: When you are head of a family that breeds like rabbits, expanding is more of a necessity no matter how much trouble your relatives churn down your neck. Especially when they all want a castle of their own to play a little king in.

@Ivir Baggins: How so? Boris's approach to things might be very sound for a King.

@Athalcor: Well there's always that little machine in the dungeons for that...

@morningSIDEr: It indeed is. Perhaps he should throw a party? At least he still has his wife - too bad she's being hammered down by the Bulgars and her uncle. And Boris would make an excellent count, I'm sure of it. Who knows what liesahead for him?

[Kazmir]

Chapter 9: Oh was that your friend? Sorry I didn't mean to...




Well good morning my little Gherkian friends, did I wake you up? Is this all you got? Well you won't be much of a challenge.

Right before engaging I suddenly realised Boris is nowhere around to be seen, so I had to give command of one of the flanks to some imbecile mayor who doesn't recognise a sword from a spoon. Meanwhile Boris is happily hammering down any would-be rebels in Abkhazia.


You're a Rurikid, you don't need to be intelligent!

Bourkabourka: Father, father! I am 16 now!
Rurik: Oh my sweet sweet little girl! Congratulations!
Bourkabourka: I'm so beautiful, aren't I?
Rurik: Yes my darling, no woman in all of the steppes can outmatch you! But is that a mink sitting on your head?
Bourkabourka: ...
Bourkabourka: Anyway, daddy, you will throw me a party won't you? Hih, all my friends will be sooo jealous!
Rurik: A party? Umm... my little darling, daddy's fighting a war here as you know, and so I...
Bourkabourka: No party!? Daddy how could you! Don't say you didn't buy that pony I wanted either! Or the jewels.
Rurik: I...
Bourkabourka: At least a new dress??
Rurik: Well - I got you betrothed!



Bourkabourka: What!? To this Greek brat? To a lowly count!?

*Door slams*

What did I do wrong?



This is going well - a bit too well in fact. I have this odd feeling that...


No no no no, you can't join this war! You, you, you... Greek!

Yup, there it is.

"My dear friend the Emperor, my dear friend the Emperor! Will you come aid us in a war because we're too incompetent to deal with our own problems?"
"Why of course my friend, we are always interested in dealing with petty peripheral counties and their trivial wars!"

Well I doubt they will bother sending any troops. Just in case I hired my Turkish friends again to sit around in the province of Kasogs, waiting for the peasants to get bored of loitering behind castle walls pretending to be loyal to the King.



And wham, the Georgian armies are no more. Now all I need to force them to peace is just a -


I will not forget this...

Georgian Marshal: Oh it is so good to see you, friends! We were already worrying we might lose to these half-wits! Shall we head straight to their minuscule army in Kasogs and be done with this?
Greek Marshal: Ha-haa! No no, that is exactly what they think we will do! But we are Greeks, we are sly like the fox! They'll never expect us to attack Kakheti!
Georgian Marshal: Kakheti? But... you mean that isolated province with just high mountains and... lower mountains?
Greek Marshal: Have no doubt my friend, that is exactly what we must do! Trust me - I went to the academy! Onwards my men!



I must say, it is always a marvellous idea to rebel when the entire imperial army is heading your way.


Hey, that's my name!

What, who are you?

What, Vasilko is my chancellor??

Thanks for brining this to my knowledge, I must replace him forthwith.

Oh you want to be a chancellor? How kind of you to help me out.



That's my boy! You are going to reach new heights. Just don't fall will you? Internal bleeding is not a favourable trait for a future count.


He should manufacture a wig out of his beard.

Too late, too late! Kakheti has fallen and the Greeks are flooding into Imeretia. Damn it, that's it boys, we can nothing but...

Vasilko: Ahem.
Rurik: What is it now Vasilko? Can't you see that I am busy losing a war here? Don't tell me you have some ingenious idea how we can still win this.
Vasilko: Oh no, of course not. I just wanted to remind you about that fief you promised.


Why should he like me?
...



"Haa haa! We won! We won!"

*Georgian victory dance*

"You shouldn't mess with those bigger than you! Ohhh, who's crying? Don't cry - we were superior on all accounts but you fought well! For a Russian."


-----------------------------------------
Thanks to all you readers, you have been a great audience thus far! Now I have a couple of questions for you:

1) How do you find the coloured dialogue? Should I change the form somehow? I have been thinking that it might not be too comfortable to read after all.

The second will be shown as a spoiler although it isn't too revealing of future events, but just in case you want to hold your breath.

2) I am currently far ahead this date in the actual game (mid-1200s). The question is, should I update my game to 1.4 now? Will it work with older saves and do you think there is any point to it considering I am so far into the game already? Same question applies to 1.5, of course.

[0Emmanuel]

Ah, teenage daughters are the same in every era, it seems. As are ambitious brothers.

Regarding your questions, I find the colored dialogue to be very readable. I guess you could try blank lines in between the lines of dialogue, but other than that...
And the whole updating to a newer version thing is something I'm also pondering.

[loki100]

that was enjoyable, even if that Greek army was rather scarily large ... and Kasogs' beard is indeed a thing of wonder

I like the use of colour in the dialogues, it makes it a bit easier to follow the flow between the different voices

[Athalcor]

1: I think that the colored dialogs are OK.

2: Booh, commenting on game strategies is worthless . OTOH, I started a game immediately after the game release and since then I have updated twice already without any problems. I have been even playing the kingdom of Wales which switched into Brythain and expanded its de jure games during the game. Again, without problems. (btw, I have not still finished the game - I am king of Brythain, Ireland, Scotland, England and France but the endless rebellions make me rage-quit all the time :P)

[morningSIDEr]

Just as Rurik suspected, things were going too well thus Georgia calls upon Byzantium!

I too find the colour used during dialogue fine, it works well enough. As for the updating I never do so myself with Paradox titles, I'm always rather worried it will ruin a save, but I have no idea how it'll work with CK2, perhaps it is fine for this game.

[Kazmir]

@0Emmanuel: To be honest, I don't think the whole humanity has changed much in the past... 10 000 years. And the update... I guess I will wait until 1.5 at least, the improved crusades are something I would definitely like to see.

@loki100: I hope I will never have to face the wrath of those Greeks again.

@Athalcor: Hehe, I know what you mean. The best solution is to just imprison everyone in your realm for good and hope they live for a long long time.

@morningSIDEr: The Byzants must have been utterly bored to bother with such a minor war.

And thanks for your replies to the questions! I'm glad to hear the coloured text works so there will be no need to change it. Next update will come up when I find time for it.