Killing time is difficult as a 13-year-old boy in the Isles. So I start killing other things...
But Mother is not impressed, and educates me with extreme prejudice.
Instead of torturing vermin I take a look over the border:
Ha! Scotland gets punished for their transgressions!
The next few years pass by with little to note. A troop of Hedge Knights visits and I grab the opportunity to get the 'Gregarious' trait and lose a bunch of money. I put down a peasant revolt in Mann. Earl Domnall of Oriel refuses to swear fealty to me and my Marshal gets some ideas to improve military technology gain in Innse Gall.
Then I get a sad:
Mommy dies at the venerable age of 38, leaving me in the care of Skjalg Crovan, my younger uncle, and also my heir. He is a cruel and lazy man and I'm already wary of any Regent that is heir to his charge. Luckily, I only need to survive another five months before I can take the reins.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
BING!
I've graduated! And... I'm actually
pretty talented, unlike all my predecessors. Only my diplomatic abilities are below-par, and I'm a masterful commander, brave and diligent. Content is an unwelcome trait for an independent ruler, with a -2 to Intrigue, but otherwise not so bad.
I quickly marry my darling Éua and get a chest of gold for my efforts.
She is not quite so warm towards me as I had hoped, however.
She only tolerates me for the moment because of the peasants I had killed in Mann the other day. And she's angry because I'm the Duke of Ulster and she isn't.
Women, eh?
Speaking of marriages, I notice something interesting:
In this game, the Saxons won the three-sided war for England, with both William and Harald dying in battle, but the de Normandies manage to get their hands on Ireland through marriage. Notice that the marriage is a regular one, so all the children will be of the Norman dynasty. Time will tell if the monarchs will be of Norman culture as well.
But now, let's take another look over the border:
Oh my! Looks like King Duncan has got himself into a spot of bother! I follow closely. I should give them at least six months to wear each other down. Nothing unites a country like a foreign enemy, and if they are to put their enmity on hold to deal with me, I want them weak enough that I can deal with them even then.
Tick.
Tock.
Ti
Screw it. I've had it with waiting.
As per the
modus operandi Islanderius, I hire the services of the Saxon Band for the campaign. They're the cheapest company available, but should still be enough to tip the war decidedly in my favour, especially with about half of Scotland's soldiers in rebellion.
While besieging Blair Atholl, I come across a beautiful falcon that i buy for my wife in the hopes of melting her heart.
In this I am sorely disappointed.
Furthermore, I find to my dismay that the Duke of Moray has been excommunicated. This is bad news because England and Ireland both have declared war upon Moray, leaving Scotland free to turn their full strength on me.
Fortunately, their full strength is not all that much at the moment.
In fact:
King Duncan folds surprisingly early. With only 33% warscore, he is ready to cede Atholl. Usually I have to occupy ALL THE THINGS before I can enforce my demands.
Few things are so satisfying as seeing your letters grow on the map. Aaah. Too bad that scary Ireland-thing ruins the view!
I savour the sweet taste of my new conquest over the next few years. I watch King Sigered of England snag another county off of southern Scotland. My Chancellor succeeds in Improving Relations with the Count of Oriel, but he still won't swear vassalage to me. I refuse to hand a title over to my uncle, naturally. The clergy taxes free peasants.
Yawn. Éua and Ulv, my Court Chaplain, have some sort of dispute and she accuses him of treachery. I side with her to earn her favour and throw him into my dungeon, even though he warned me beforehand that she would frame him for some nonsense.
She still hates me.
Finally, I spend 180 gold to create the Duchy of Galloway, both for the prestige and to get a ducal claim on Clydesdale, which will allow me to connect Carrick and Argyll directly, rather than having to hook through Ireland.
De jure duchies map mode
But at the moment, Lothian is in rebellion against the Scottish king, and I
hate beating down a revolter state only for the war to suddenly end inconclusively as they make peace with their liege. So I put my plans on Clydesdale on hold. Things are coming to a head in Ireland anyway:
Queen Caisséne has brought the last Irish count outside of Ulster under her heel. Or rather, it was the Duke of Munster who did it, but the result is the same: Only three players remain on the Emerald Isle. So I abandon all pretensions of diplomacy towards Count Domnall of Oriel and beat him down into submission on the battlefield(or siegefield or whatever).
To get a moment's quiet in the castle, I arrange a marriage for my uncle and heir, pairing him with a young Bohemian princess:
I later come to regret this as my court slowly seems to turn Bohemian over the years
When the truce runs out, I declare Round Two on King Duncan, who has now unified his realm after a prolonged and devastating civil war. He still had the time to earn the nickname 'The Just'. I haven't gotten a single nickname yet...
The unwillingness of my wife to produce some offspring for me leads to my taking matters into my own hands. So, naturally, I borrow my uncle's new wife.
He may or may not have given me permission to do that. Her. To do her. BAM!
Still, the moral side of banging my uncle's brand new wife bothers me, so I go kill some Scotsmen to take my mind off of it.
Scotland hasn't managed to recover from the travails of the recent past, so the war, especially with my Saxon Band in the field, is fairly lopsided.
I follow the Scots around, beating them up like a red-headed stepchild when suddenly:
Uncle Skjalg is
so going to blame me for this somehow.