What Crusader Kings 2 taught me

Hidden Legend

Major

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Feb 1, 2010

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #101

I can send my wife to Arabia to learn about new technologies whilst I am bussy taxing the peasants in Middlesex and we can still conceive many children without the suspision of bastardry.

All mayors are only intrested in marrying royalty no one else will do. Something about Pepin Mayor of the Palace.

This is my doomstack.
There are many like that.
But this one is mine.
This is my doomstack
This is my Plot
This is for fighting
This is for fun.

What is your defect magott. You inbread, hunchbacked, hairliped son of two self proclaimed geniuses with the moral fortitude of a Heratic.
Im gonna call you Private Jester. It's your responsability to insist on being unassassinatable whilst demanding lands and being a nuicance.
Jester you are gonna assassinate all your brothers and nephews the moment they show any hint of ability.
As the youngest son of the King. Im gonna say you are scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Your King has just died there was no suspicion of fowl play.
.....
Ambition achieved you have become King.

 

Tengri

01_EMBASSY_PROPOSE

22 Badges

Jun 20, 2005

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #102

jossief said:

If you bring your anti-pope on a crusade with you, you can become the richest man in Europe.

Click to expand...

I like this one, going to implement first chace I get.

 

Zzzzz...

No blood! No bone! No ash!

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Feb 27, 2008

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #103

jossief said:

If you bring your anti-pope on a crusade with you, you can become the richest man in Europe.

Click to expand...

I didn't get it. Explain please.

 

Tengri

01_EMBASSY_PROPOSE

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #104

LimaWhiskey said:

And under no circumstances marry an intelligent woman with high intrigue.

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This one is true, it happenend to me in RL

 

unmerged(215522)

Private

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Jul 16, 2010

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #105

Twin dwarf/hunchback brothers can become the greatest chancellor and steward you have ever had.

 

Tengri

01_EMBASSY_PROPOSE

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #106

thegerman2008 said:

A muslim pope is almost always naked.

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This one made me LOL, which sucks because I'm at the office and the boss is a few feet away.

 

Tengri

01_EMBASSY_PROPOSE

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Jun 20, 2005

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #107

Zzzzz... said:

I didn't get it. Explain please.

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I'm taking it to mean that if you have an anti-Pope who gets the crusader trait, he'll be wildly popular and will get financial contributions from almost everyone.

 

N Katsyev

Field Marshal

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Aug 31, 2002

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #108

This is a brilliant thread.

 

DaLlaw

Sergeant

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Jul 24, 2009

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #109

Zzzzz... said:

I didn't get it. Explain please.

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If the bishops like your Anti-Pope better than the actual Pope, they will pay their taxes to the Anti-Pope. Since the actual Pope never engages directly in Crusades, taking your Anti-Pope on Crusade with you will guarantee you get all the gold (+25 Crusader bonus, etc., etc.).

 

The Blood Eagle

General

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Feb 20, 2011

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• Mar 5, 2012

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• #110

I learned that when you're in siege of a castle, and 3 troops pop out, you're ruler can get killed (with quite a bit of regularity)

But hey, that's how Richard the Lionheart bit the big one IRL.

 

unmerged(458333)

Second Lieutenant

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Feb 26, 2012

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #111

I've learned that tournaments were where knights from across the realm gathered to get drunk and to experiment sexually. There was also some maimings. There might even be some awards.

 

U

unmerged(256962)

Recruit

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Jan 28, 2011

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #112

Playing on the Irish Isles, having the HRE as an ally makes battles pretty easy. Nothing like an 8k doomstack coming from the mainland to help you out in conquering Ulster.

 

naggy

Field Marshal

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Oct 23, 2003

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #113

That the game should have been named Crusader Kings 2: The Bromance.

 

Alerias

Field Marshal

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Aug 10, 2002

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #114

Marfig said:

Have you filled a bug report?
Because that has to be a bug. Seriously.

Click to expand...

Uh, its not, nor should it be. Its historically plausible, and if anyone was an absolute monarch above the law and had a hot daughter, you never know Morals changed alot since.

I didn't get it. Explain please.

Click to expand...

If your antipope has the Crusader trait, he gets a large opinion bonus with all the Bishops, letting him steal alot of the Pope's income, and giving it to you. The trait can easily double the profit you get from an Antipope.

 

Knab

[...]

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Apr 4, 2010

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #115

That your only heir (primogeniture law also) will declare indipendence from you, a 60 years old king. Dumb heir is definitely dumb.

 

Pyriel

Libertarian Super Villain

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Mar 10, 2003

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #116

Possums said:

Twin dwarf/hunchback brothers can become the greatest chancellor and steward you have ever had.

Click to expand...

I had something similiar.

Your syphalic imbecille of a brother is the best marshal you'll ever have (34 martial skill)

 

Last edited: Mar 6, 2012

J

Jec

Private

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Jun 9, 2011

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #117

- You can't walk a round a d'Hautville castle without tripping over children

-If your king decides he wants a new culture, he will immediately and vengefully destroy any buildings not related to that culture, and disband any troops gained from that culture. (Had 3 level 2 knight stables as a Norman King of Sicily. Then an Italian King comes along and knocks them all down. Bye bye heavy cavalry.)

 

barny

General

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Apr 8, 2003

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #118

Strangers that you invite to your court are much more trustworthy than your family members, even if they are deceitful syphilitics.

 

P

Pode

Lt. General

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May 3, 2005

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #119

The presence of too many other people in the same castle causes sterility, which can be instantly cured by moving to an empty castle

 

InnocentIII

Ask how many Divisions I have!

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Apr 22, 2001

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• Mar 6, 2012

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• #120

Always check your dungeon when you take over. It's really embarrassing to be in control for a few years, then realize you've had your Mom in prison all that time.

Sure, a mastermind theologian lustful lesbian imbecile seems like the perfect wife ("fascinating discussion about free will -- what are you doing?"), but she will kill you, and get away with it.

Prison walls cannot stop someone with a pile of gold from hitting "Assassinate" over and over again.

Prison wall cannot hold someone with a pile of gold (probably).

A pile of gold will not stop the Game Over screen from popping up if the HRE sucks and the Muslim Doomstacks want your land.

EDIT - @Ootmar - me too! "Hmm, wha? <mouseover> 'Your Mother'".

 

Last edited: Mar 7, 2012