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Thread: What Crusader Kings 2 taught me

  1. #201
    Using the console to become immortal is the only way to go.

    The only good vassal is a Craven, Content, Humble, Imbecilic dwarf with five children in a gavelkind.

    The Holy Roman Empire has always had France as a de jure kingdom.

    Brittainy took over Ireland and Wales by 1250 and began working on Scotland by the 1300s.

    Iberia is one big soup of a land mass. That Spanish March was wonderful at keeping the Muslims and Cathars in there.

    Ottoman Turks took over the Byzantines? No, no, no... it was the Seljuk Turks! Turns out getting a Homosexual, Craven Empress is bad PR for vassals.

    The Crusader States never were founded, and if they were the Sunni Caliphate took them over.

    Pope Innocent the VII was a Mongol, don't you read your history?

  2. #202
    First Lieutenant skinkyskating's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TinMann View Post
    Immaculate conception still happens. Just grant land to a 70-year old celibate person and wait.

    Also, lustful yet celibate people are fairly common.

    Royal women kept their weding vows in the middle ages, even though the husband is away on campaign for most of the year and he is an unactractive dwarf, whom she was forced to marry.
    Dear friend, for me the whole of philosophy is summed up in truth at any cost.
    -Note from Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

    It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
    -Carl Sagan

  3. #203
    First Lieutenant Cojack's Avatar
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    5% of the middle age nobility were dwarfs.

    Republics are lead by warmongers.

    That 0 stewardship lowborn mayor of your wealthiest city will refuse marrying a midas touched, genius, ambitious patient courtier because she's not important.

    Norman-England war lasted 10 years.

    Galleys are fast. Very fast. And when a flotille can carry 4500 men from Iceland to Jerusalem, it often attempt an amphibious assult of 7 dudes with sticks versus 10542 well geared/leaded infidels.

    Sardinia is a must have for every king in 1066.

    Unsatisfied vassals of the HRM don't declare independance together but only one at the same time, with pauses. And not during war please, it's unfair!

    The best way to get the target of a crusade is sacrifying your troops from time to time.

    When you're old and maimed, it's time to do bad thing.

  4. #204
    Field Marshal Hootieleece's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by patrickjohnor View Post
    Contrary to what I learned in school, every tin pot, piss poor, Irish chieftain (sorry, Earl) was actually perfectly positioned to conquer the British Isles and, from there, dominate all of Europe. In reality, we must have just not WANTED it enough.
    They found whiskey........then only wanted to fight over the Sheep to ****! Thus saving the world from becoming red-headed stepsons.

  5. #205
    Kings who have ruled since they are four are the best rulers, Ever. Why? Prestige, Prestige, Prestige.

  6. #206
    Corporal Corm's Avatar
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    The most important thing I have learned from CKII is that no matter what happens in the game you shouldnt apply those lessons to your own family in the real world...

  7. #207
    Quote Originally Posted by Corm View Post
    The most important thing I have learned from CKII is that no matter what happens in the game you shouldnt apply those lessons to your own family in the real world...
    But why?! I have decided it's time for my mother to depart from the world, and I have her ex-husband, her doctor, my sibling and my dog enlisted in the plot... 9v1 odds... bonus intrigue... free inheritance :/ She's over 45 and she's a woman with no claims, and her intrigue is too low to be my Spymaster, so she has no reason to live anyway, right...?

  8. #208
    Incest is OK!

    The pope was very expensive to bribe (of course the church today has billions of dollars and marching on).

    The most important work of a King was to personally arrange a marriage of all his vassals or he will lose part by part of his kingdom.

    The most ill persons were the kings. Hard work or screwing every women on the court?

    It is very bad to be independent.

  9. #209
    Result of organised feast - few more bastards, all pregnant duchess and their angry husbands. That's good to be a king ?

    Want to earn money ? Pope and muslims - better than any investment...

    Metallica - "Die, die my darling" - now I know what this exactly means...

    Everybody like to torture "rat" - doesn't matter if he is a child or adult...

  10. #210
    There exists a house 'of Lowborn'.

  11. #211
    Bull in a chinashop El Greco's Avatar
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    I've learned that you can have all 4 of your daughters named Julia, even if among them there are twins.
    Il ne faut pas désespérer des imbéciles. Avec un peu d'entraînement, on peut arriver à en faire des militaires.

  12. #212
    Second Lieutenant Dr_Vile's Avatar
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    That whilst gaining an Imperial crown might seem like a nice idea as a legacy for one's children, in reality it is possibly the worst decision you will ever make. Ever. Seriously, what is it with every backwater prince or caliph deciding that... yeah, he'd quite like a piece of your 20k doomstacks every five years?

  13. #213
    Captain Es57's Avatar
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    Stress kills.

  14. #214
    Modding Paladin RedRooster81's Avatar
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    Heinrich IV was the most popular Holy Roman Emperor.

  15. #215

  16. #216
    Sergeant Khaelyn's Avatar
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    In 1146, an Italian Catholic nobody nephew of an unimportant Italian count inherited the Kingdom of Russia.
    "I shiver all over when I see your lovely tan, and I can tell by your clear blue eyes you're a sailor man." - Turbonegro

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