I dont worry about the hit I just look for high skilled people then accept the marriage and choose the prestige option to lesten the hit. Regards it is possible to play a matralinial game once the game comes out. Just restart if you get a male son so it eventually spawns female that will work.
On the demo I was playing as Duchess Toscany and was doing well with three daughters and a strong possition. If I could have saved that I would have played matraliniarly as no need to worry about bastards in that game.