• We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.

Pellaken

TheNewTeddy
109 Badges
Mar 24, 2009
3.757
1.879
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Hearts of Iron IV: No Step Back
  • Hearts of Iron IV: By Blood Alone
  • Victoria 3 Sign Up
  • Surviving Mars: First Colony Edition
  • Surviving Mars: First Colony Edition
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Crusader Kings III
  • Imperator: Rome
  • 500k Club
  • Victoria 2
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
  • Sengoku
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Prison Architect
Hello and welcome to my attempt to revive my previous AAR by replacing it with a new one! I intend to try to be just as funny as I was the last time and warn I may reuse some jokes.

This post is clearly not a storyline post, but for those that are in the story, the old rule that Text in Cyan is in fact me, the author, making comments.

I've yet to decide all the settings and am still doing a few test and trial runs, the settings will be in my second post in either a few hours or a day.

My house rules:

I reserve the right to a single space-saving post directly below this one. I should not need more than one, as I can just make clear links to other posts even if those other posts also have links. (Example a table of table of contents, linking to individual tables of content)

I'll post an update every time the monarch dies, even if this happens to be very close from the last one. Each monarch will have his own unique personality, style, and way of going about himself, but all of course will be goofy and silly in their own way.

I will try to stay true to the original story even if that means copying some parts of the first few posts word for word. Do not fret, I only made a few posts, and once things get rolling, they'll take on a life of their own.

From time to time, I will ask people what I should do next. If nobody gives me any feedback, I will roll dice. Please note I have 12 dice right in front me me right now. All different shapes and sizes with all sorts of different values, and if I don't get feedback when I ask for it, I'm going to roll EACH and EVERY one darn it and TOTAL them too! Maybe even MULTIPLY them! howdyalikeTHAT!? This will be rare and limited so that I don't get this tagged as "interactive" since it's really not. An example of what I might ask is (should I go North or West) once every 100 game years.

I commit to narrating, as the pictures are clicked though, at least one episode of this AAR on youtube, so long as I get at least ONE reader that's not myself :p This will likely be at some special time like X-Mas or something.

I may from time-to-time reload the game, but I will make it clear when I've done so at the end of the game, by noting where I reloaded to.

I will post at least one europe-wide map per page of this thread, and when colonizing begins, at least one world-map per 2 pages.

Things I'm still deciding:
I'd love to try using MMP for this. The problem is that I suck, lol. If I do, and I probably will unless I decide otherwise, I will allow myself to use the "cash" cheat, and possibly the "die" cheat on my own monarch. I will work out a system of "tokens" so that I don't abuse it, and let everyone know in-story.

I'd ask please that nobody post in this thread until I make a reply so that my placeholder post won't be blank for the time being. Once I've decided exactly how I want to play, the second post will contain these details.
 
I've made a few decisions.

I will start this AAR sooner rather than later.

I will indeed use MMP, but will not use the in-game cheat commands. I will however compensate my lack of ability by using the Clausewitz Scenario Editor. I will allow myself infinite resets in the first 3 months, but following that, limited to 3 total. I will reset to achieve a certain event, and, up to 2 times, will reset if I find myself trailing in a personal union.
My use of the same game editor will be limited to the following:
A single game-start grant of 200 ducats
And inflation adjustments here and there. These will be limited to 10% of total inflation, every time some "I suck" tokens are used. I must wait 10 years between using tokens, and the number of tokens I need to use is the year minus 1400. Thus using one in the year 1470 would cost me 70 tokens, while using one in the year 1770 would cost me 370 tokens. I will have a grand total of 2000 tokens, and at the last usage, if I don't have enough, I will reduce the 10% reduction by the same amount.
I will leave myself a special "I really suck hardcore" option, where in the year 1500 if I find that I really suck hardcore, I may allow myself grants from time to time.
my goal will be to end the game with as many tokens as possible. I do however want to leave the door open so that my unique ability to suck at doing things won't make everyone depressed.

And with that, I open this for commentary if anyone has any. To discourage spam, I will allow only the first 5 people to say things like "subscribed". Once I know I have 5 readers, I will be happy on the inside, but beyond that it would get annoying and thus I will ask that you not do this and rather make a longer response.

It's really not that hard to avoid. You can easily turn a
"Subscribed"
into a
"Wow Teddy, this AAR is great, you really are funny. I really enjoy this and all your images. Reading this AAR is great. Your jokes are great. Oh and I've scribed! keep up the work!"

Also, call me Teddy. I go by that name everywhere.
 
Last edited:
0010date.png

It started off as any other day in the Capital of the Austrian Empire. King Ladislas I Postumus, or LIP, or Lippy as he was known, was talking to his advisor, Adelbert Steiner. Steiner was giving his usual advice, when he broke into incoherent babbling.

"Sir, I suggest we play Magna Mundi"
"WHAT?! Megan Monkey?!"
"No sir, MM. Platinum"
"You want to platinum coat a Monkey named Megan?"
"NO!"
"Steiner, I demand to know about this Megan Monkey"
"There is no Monkey..."
"Then WHO in God's name is Megan!?"
"...nevermind"

The two would finish up their conversation, break for lunch, and then get back to decision making. First they looked at a map of their Empire
0001itbegins.png


Lippy, you see, beyond just being the ruler of Austria, was also the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.

"Sir?"
"Yes, Steiner?"
"How goes the Empire?"
"The what? OH. Yes. Uh, well not good"
"Oh?"
"Well, it's not very Holy"
"Yes"
"And, we are not Roman"
"Yes"
"And we aint much of an Empire either"
"That's true"
"We are an Unholy Unroman Unempire"
"Indeed, but it is you, sir, who are it's Un-emperor"
"WHAT? Umpire? This isn't baseball, this is politics"
"...Right sir, lets discuss the navy"
"We have a navy?"
"Yes! we do!"
"Really? I always hated ships. Too hot inside"
"oh?"
"Yes, order them to open up the windows. Especially the ones at the bottom"
"But sir..."
"NO! Open up all the windows"
"...yes sir"

And so the entire fleet sank
0002sinknavy.png


"Oh, and Steiner, lets get some quality troops. I was talking to one the other day and he implies that I'm daft"
"Oh sir, that is certainly wrong"

0003quality.png


Steiner did this, and decided to impose the greatness of the Hapsburg's on all.

0004nube.png


"nube? Did you call me a Nuube? HEY WHO ARE YOU CALLING A N00B! I WAS EDITING WIKI ARTICLES BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN REGISTERED"
"Steiner! who are you yelling at"
"Nobody sir"
"Let's balance the budget"
"Good idea, sir"

0005budget.png


"We need more money, sir, lets send out some merchants"
"Aye"

0006merchants.png


At that, the two broke for Supper, and Steiner left the castle.

He returned with a surprise!!

"HERE YOU GO"
"huh"
"A surprise for you"
"oh, what is it?"
"200 cats!"
"WHAT!?"
"200 cats! Just for you"
"200 cats?"
"200 cats!"
"Why do I want 200 cats?"
"So you can spend them, sir"
"Spend cats?!"
"Yes... is that not the currency"
"no..."
"no???"
"no..."
"Then what is"
"DUcats"
"oh (CENSORED)"
"..."
"What am I going to do with all these cats!?"

too-many-cats.jpg


Steiner quickly correct his error, and brought 200 Ducats for the Umpire.

0007cats.png


"Wonderful work Steiner"
"Thank you sir"
"Now, on to grievances"
"There is a letter here, from a peasant, I shall read. ahem."
Your most gracious and humble majesty, I implore you to take action against a great terrible wave of mysticism that has spread across the land. I and my neighbours live in fear daily of what these monsters will do to us. We see these creatures in the broad daylight, though they cast no shadow. The tower above the trees, which for their part seem to be drawn on the ground. More worrying, there have been sightings of a giant orange pill shaped object flying though the air at high speeds. This strikes terror into our hearts and we beg of you to take action to dispose of these monsters and their flying letters. I have included a photo that I have taken with my digicam so that you may inspect it in your 1400's imperial court.
And the picture sir.
0008giants.png

"Wow, Steiner, I thought I was the only one seeing those things because I drank too much"
"No, sir, we all see it"
"AH! :D Well that's good to know! :) Solved that one :)"

And so they departed at the end of the day. One long day.
0010date.png


And then night fell across the world. The whole world at once. Almost as though someone had turned it off.

0009world.png
 
OOPS

It appears as if I deleted all my save games while playing with my mods folder... This second update (which was short) is therefore invalid, and the third update (which I've yet to post, but was much longer) is also invalid :(

This might be the death of an AAR but since I just started, I'm going to take one of my "resets" and use it here. I will however leave up the following map which does remain my long-term goal.

austria.png
 
Last edited:
Before I self destructed my little empire, I came to realize I did not need the extra ducats I gave myself, therefore when I go again, I will not be using those 200 ducats at all.

Also, I will let you know if my policy change results in anything other than what is shown.
 
Thanks!
Note that I am quite a ways into the game, but that I've decided to hold off on updates until I'm feeling a bit more creative (could be tomorrow, could be next week) as I want this to be a quality story.