-
We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
Infamy
Toco Nur ran through the halls of Mohammad Khan's palace, sweating. He ran as fast and a furious as he ever had, his year on his school's track team (whatever that was) giving him the push to do it. As he rounded a corner, he saw the king handing a scroll to a diplomat. (of course, this was an afghan diplomat, meaning he was a illiterate peasant)
"This is a declaration of war to the foreign "country" known as Khiva. After you deliver it, expect to be shot. But don't worry, you're expendable," the king said, and the diplomat started running in the general direction of Khiva.
"STOP HIM!" Toco Nur yelled at the top of his lungs. Mohammad immediately shot the man dead. Of course, there were about three dozen men in the room named Mohammad, so roughly thirty-six bullets entered his body.
"Why did I just shoot him?" the king asked.
"INFAMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-*hack* *cough* *heavy panting*" Toco Nur replied.
"It doesn't sound to bad."
"My King, it's a measure of your countries belligerence."
"What!"
"Yes, if we get to much of it we'll be invaded."
"No, I meant what does belligerence mean?"
"No idea. But the main problem is that if we get to much of it we'll be invaded by the British and the Russians."
"You mean the foreigners with more guns? Why would they invade us?"
"Well historically Afghanistan holds a key position between Persia and China, and is the main road for such trade. Also, our position in between the Russian and British sphere's of influence, meaning if one annexed the country they could curb the others expansionism. They have loads of reasons to invade."
"So those are the reasons why?"
"No, we'd of annexed to many countries that they planned to annex themselves."
"And so they would annex us for that offense?"
"No, they would say how naughty we were and tell us not to do it again."
"That doesn't make much sense."
"Well just blame Sweden."
"So we can't invade anyone else?"
"No not for..." Toco Nur checked his watch, which of course was not on his arm, as they had yet to be invented. "A really long time."
"Well, what can we do in the meantime?"
"Not much. This will really slow down the pacing of the AAR."
Suddenly a loud crash sounded from outside. "Oh my Allah the fourth wall!" the king yelled before rushing outside to inspect the damage...
Last edited:
Once you are finished with your former allies, you should attack Kokand, then Khiva, try to get as long as border with Russia as possible!! It will make perfect sense
A truly brilliant plan. You are quite the visionary.
lordvagrant said:
Yea, that's me.
NapoleonComple said:
Oh we will... we will. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Toco Nur seems to need being reminded of what is best in life.
[video=youtube;kkSFIWzi7aA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkSFIWzi7aA[/video]
[video=youtube;kkSFIWzi7aA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkSFIWzi7aA[/video]
Peace, Unfortunately
After the infamy fiasco, Toco Nur got around to the day to day governing of the country, while King Mohammad got back to doing... whatever it is he did. The first challenge Toco Nur faced was preventing the illegal importation of waffles.
Also, the King began surrounding himself with people who not only hated foreigners, (a requirement for the kings favor) but also loved Afghans. Apparently, they were known as nationalists.
In 1838 Toco Nur got a nasty shock. Apparently, Afghan peasants were actually PRODUCING something. He quickly demanded they produce more.
There was also a bloody tribal revolt. In one of the provinces. Not surprising really.
Eventually, the King's "scholars" discovered what Toco Nur meant when he said "buy" and "sell". The ability to actually exchange goods greatly helped the Afghani economy. Toco Nur said that now they would have plenty of money to buy things with, they should create fortifications to keep the foreigners out. Everyone now understood what he meant saying "buy" but were confused by the word "fortifications". It was the next puzzle the "scholars" would have to solve.
Now that money was flowing into the royal treasury, Toco Nur also convinced the King to give more peasants guns. The King was worried by the idea until Toco Nur explained they would be used to fight foreigners.
Toco Nur knew the army needed an intimidating name, so he dubbed it "The Army of Fury, Death, Destruction, Mutilation, Pointless Violence, and All Around Evil". It was put under the command of the King's most trusted illiterate warlord.
A tiny and insignificant group of foreigners to the south requested an alliance. The King had learned his lesson from his other foreign "allies". Afghanistan would never come out of it's shell of political and social isolation.
Just to prove it, a new army was created. It was originally going to have a highly intimidating name, but unfortunately it was censored for the King's children.
The scholars found out what "fortifications" meant and agreed it was a good idea. Toco Nur said they could now get a loan from the banks to build forts. The perplexed scholars now tried to figure out what he meant by "banks".
Some slightly more relevant foreigners asked for an alliance. Toco Nur thought they would make good allies before their inevitable betrayal.
For awhile it was business as usual in Afghanistan.
The foreigners to the east known as the "Chinese" were currently invading Afghanistan's neighbor, and one of their diplomats arrived requesting military access. Toco Nur negotiated a deal in which the Chinese were given military access under the conditions that no Chinese solder would enter Afghani territory. He later described the Chinese as "a bunch of dumb illiterates who don't even use the military access we give them".
After the Chinese were done with the other foreigners, they suddenly possessed a border with Afghanistan. Toco Nur prepared for some bloody tribal revolts and constant resistance, in case the Chinese got any ideas.
They would, given time.
Why would you ally with Kalat? They should be next on your quest for world domination