Soks to be You - A Sokoto V2 AAR

[DeadeyeDave]

If you can't out-die the French, you'll have no chance at all against the Russians. Glorious soldiers of Sokoto, the time has come for you to do your patriotic duty and die through hilarious incompetence and misadventure on the battlefield!

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori ridiculosum

[morningSIDEr]

Thank you profusely for the replies!

loki100 - It was rather touch and go at times even with France throwing men forward at my entrenched troops! The AI is rather lemming like though as you say. If it identifies a smaller force nearby it will attack, even if said 'smaller force' has many reinforcements on hand.

naggy - A most excellent idea! It may just allow for Sokoto to overtake France for casaulties suffered too, this always the most important consideration in any war.

Tanzhang (譚張) - The Belgians actually did surprisingly well with their landing in Italy, as this update will show! I expect no less from so mighty an opponent as the Belgian behemoth.

How right you are too with the Verdun comparison, although sadly it is France who are suffering the bulk of the casaulties. Sokoto truly has made an embarrassingly poor showing in this war for men lost.

Avindian - Thank you for the kind words (yet another bribe is en route!). As Sirce has so rightly deduced it is conquered citizens sabotaging Sokoto's military with such dreadful technological advances!

sprites - Exactly so! France has won this war where it counts; in casaulties suffered.

Sirce - How right you are! Sadly these rebels continue their perifidious work in the field of technological advance, as this update shows.

aldriq - More than likely! And what a wonderful sight to behold from space too.

Fyregecko - Many thanks for the kind words (your bribe is in the post!). Very true with regards to the French force in Davao. They seem to be coming around to the idea of joining Sokoto, as this update will show, they are already proving very helpful with mining matters.

I cannot agree more with regards to professionalism, it is ruining the army! French casaulties are far above those of Sokoto, despite the best efforts of the Sokot army. Frankly this war has been dreadful for Sokoto, France far superior in comparison.

Caezaire - It was with great relief that I noted Luxembourg did not join the war on France's side. Having to battle heavyweights such as Belgium is more than trying enough. A true superpower such as Luxembourg joining the war would have forced me to beg France for peace.

Suirantes - Alas, how right you are, Sokoto has been shamed in this war! Her army is nowhere near incompetent enough.

DeadeyeDave - Quite so, unless Sokoto can return to losing ways quickly she will have no chance whatsoever against other great powers! Her men must begin doing the honourable thing once more, they must begin falling in frightening numbers due to horrendous incompetence.

[morningSIDEr]

Chapter Twenty Five - A Francly Brazilliant War

Whilst the government is busy congratulating the army for the loss at Santander three days before, defeat against a tired, routing force nearly half the size of Sokoto's quite an achievement, welcome news arrives from Brazil.

Not only has Sokoto emerged victorious at Corumba, her troops have taken a considerable amount of casualties. The government can but hope that this late showing of incompetence will allow for Sokoto to begin achieving parity with France and her allies for casualties suffered. Alongside news of this victory the report also details the sighting of a sizeable French force to the north in Cuiaba. Said force suffering considerably from attrition as the large stack is marching through rainforest quite unable to support such numbers. The Sokot army can only salute such tactical brilliance from France, no wonder she leads the way for casualties suffered.

Research into 'Iron Muzzle-loaded Artillery' comes to an a week later whilst Sokoto's forces in Iberia are busy attacking France's much diminished armies.

Much to the shock of the industrialists involved the iron made from cow dung and cotton is proving rather less strong and robust than expected, cannon constructed from the material having a tendency to often explode quite suddenly. To the industrialists delight the army nonetheless make a bulk order for thousands of the new 'iron' cannon. Exploding artillery sure to cause many Sokot casualties, it is a most welcome addition to Sokoto's arsenal.

The academics next begin researching 'Strategic Mobility'. This an important technological advance the army have called for which will have two major effects. Firstly, officers, especially generals, will be taught how they can be as strategically mobile as possible. In other words they will be taught how best to flee the battlefield so as to bravely direct matters from afar. Secondly, soldiers will be taught how they can be as strategically mobile as possible. In other words they will be taught how best to charge recklessly into well defended enemy held positions so as to maximise casaulties. Such training should help bring Sokoto's army closer to the standard of the other great powers.

Strategic mobility training begins immediately, General Rumfa throwing his men forward at the most strongly defended French position whilst fleeing-uh, tactically withdrawing from the battlefield himself. The results are encouraging.

Naturally the government praises so forward thinking and incapable a general, his losses at Logrono against a force half the size of his own highly impressive.

Far less impressive is the conduct of Zamnagawa as he achieves victory a day later.

This one victory bringing with it the destruction of over forty battle ravaged French brigades and the bulk of the much feared Belgian army. Not only has Zamnagawa suffered few casualties in this battle, he also seems intent upon ending this war as quickly as possible. This wholly unacceptable behaviour when Sokoto is still trailing France with regards to casualties suffered.

A mere day later and the government is given rather more pleasing news from Brazil.

Not only has Sokoto suffered more losses than France at last, it has also become clear that losing hundreds of men whilst marching through inhospitable rainforest is indeed the best way to ready troops before a battle, this obviously the reason for France's victory here. The Sokot army intends to make use of this ingenious French tactic at the earliest opportunity.

Whilst thousands of soldiers are busy fighting in South America and Iberia the government concerns itself with rather more important matters.

Namely deciding which group of businessmen and traders in Naples should be favoured for government contracts. After considering the matter carefully the government decide to favour the bid from rich capitalists and aristocrats. Shocking rumours that the government favoured the capitalists and aristocrats bid due to their ongoing policy of preferring the rich clearly slanderous lies. The government is entirely fair in its dealings with all citizens whether rich or poor. The capitalists and aristocrats simply had a stronger bid which represents better value for money for the taxpayer. Plus they offered a larger bribe.

A week later and the government is left pleased as it becomes clear that the Sokot army is learning well from France.

Attrition currently ravaging a large Sokot force in the Amazon rainforest. Said attrition likely to cause more casualties to the force than they suffered whilst defeating the bulk of Brazil's army at the battle of Vila Bela.

The government is given yet more welcome news over a week later later as it becomes clear that Prussia is not faring well in her war against Egypt.

Having occupied Cairo and the surrounding Giza region for a number of months Prussian forces within the region have finally left for home having become rather tired of waiting for military access from Sokoto, there only so many sand castles you can make before this becomes quite boring. With the departure of Prussia's forces Egyptian citizens have risen in rebellion, the rebels slowly ending the wholly unjustified Prussian occupation of Egypt.

Whilst Sokoto's forces slowly win ground in Iberia the government is given a worrying report detailing an amphibious landing by France. Doubtless France has dropped off troops in Northern Iberia so as to relieve her hard pressed forces there, such a move likely to greatly hinder Sokoto's advance from Iberia into France. Or perhaps France has made the landing in South America so as to aid her struggling forces in the region.

No, instead France has followed Belgium's brilliant lead and dropped off a large army in Sokot Italy. A large army which is currently suffering from attrition having landed in the inhospitable hilly terrain of Palermo. This cunning move simply proving beyond doubt that Sokoto still has much to learn from France regarding how best to wage war.

Whilst French forces are busy besieging Sicily the government is left delighted as they receive reports from South America which show that the Sokot army is beginning to fight with the bravery, brilliance and shocking incompetence expected of her forces.

Kabe and al-Hajj in particular given considerable praise for their somehow suffering defeat at Concepcion despite outnumbering their exhausted and attrition ravaged French foe.

Whilst Sokot forces meet defeat after defeat in South America the government is given yet more pleasing news.

Having conceded defeat in her attempt to annex Egypt Prussia has instead declared war upon France. This showing the great international standing of Sokoto, she is loved the world over, Prussia rushing to her aid as soon as it became abundantly clear that Sokoto is winning the war.

Following the good news of Prussia joining the war on Sokoto's side the government is given some bad news a few months later.

Much to the dismay of the government France's seemingly invincible force in Concepcion has finally been defeated. Sokoto's soldiers within the region finally having come to the realisation that with overwhelming numbers on their side they could win the battle quite easily provided they simply ignore their officers. Following this victory France and Brazil's remaining forces within South America are quickly vanquished.

The government is forced to concede defeat to France a few months later.

A number of Sokot victories decimating the few remaining battered French forces in Europe as Sokoto at last advances from Iberia into France. It seems likely that Sokoto will prove victorious in this war but where it matters, in terms of casualties suffered, France is the clear victor.

With French forces in Europe now defeated Sokoto's troops begin the terrifying task of besieging France, many quickly suffering from horrific siege conditions as a result of said siege duty. Horrific siege conditions caused by the excellent food and drink, agreeable weather, lovely countryside and friendly population which Sokoto's soldiers must heroically endure.

Feeling rather guilty regarding the rebellion currently afflicting Egypt, Sokoto's incessant warring with Egypt and her liberation of Egyptian lands into the glorious Sokot Empire perhaps slightly to blame for the current instability plaguing Egypt, the government send the diplomats forth with news of Sokoto's planned rescue of Egypt.

They return a few days later looking surprisingly shaken. Said fear caused by their Egyptian counterparts attempts to 'honour' the diplomats with internment within a pyramid following the delivery of Sokoto's decleration of aid. This entirely bewildering and ungrateful behaviour from Egypt, there is no better aid that Sokoto can provide than the total liberation of Egypt into the mighty Sokot Empire.

The academics complete the research of 'Strategic Mobility' over a month later.

The army is delighted with the new strategic mobility training. Officers are now able to flee-uh, withdraw from the battlefield quickly and easily so as to bravely direct matters from afar, whilst soldiers have now become adept at identifying the strongest enemy position on the battlefield before attacking said position en masse, this providing maximum casualties.

Research of 'Army Risk Management' is begun next. The government and army both hoping such research will be able to identify the worst risks facing the Sokot army, so that said risks can then be magnified. This sure to have the much desired effect of increasing casualties suffered yet further.

A few months later and it becomes clear that France truly has lost this war.

With the much feared Belgian behemoth now agreeing to peace with Sokoto France's one last chance of success has vanished.

[As can be seen Belgium actually proved rather effective in her occupation of Sokot Italy. I had no men stationed in Italy when she made her landing and could spare no one from Iberia, thus Belgium was free to occupy most of my northern Italian holdings.]

France is taking her likely defeat very well though, kindly providing Sokoto with reports of a newly found rich iron vein in French held Davao a few weeks later.

What makes the report of this newly found vein all the more surprising is that no one seems to be working within the mine in question. Which does lead the government to believe that the report may simply be a lode of nonsense.

[naggy]

If you want more casualties, maybe you should focus more on poetry and less on mobility.

[Vaya con Queso]

Oh no! I forgot to comment last time.

I'm not sure what to think about Prussia's war against France. It would be cool if Germany formed, but maybe not so much for Sokoto.
But they do have Krakow on their side (I think. Maybe it's Bavaria?), so the war's practically won already.

[Xenophon13]

This is officially my favorite AAR. All hail the mighty Sokoto!

[loki100]

given his performance, I think you should sign up MacMahon if you can ... and it seems you've hit a rich lode-stone of bad puns too

[malevoiy]

May Sokoto bring peace to this world of war!

[Tanzhang (譚張)]

At last the annexation of Egypt beckons. After France, I think you should go for Prussia (assuming they take Alsace-Lorraine), their "let Sokoto do all the real work while we swoop in and take some land" attitude is an insult to Sokots everywhere.

[Juan_de_Marco]

I would advise it differently: One powerful GP at a time. (non-powerful GPs are there to be munched of course).

[aldriq]

I think Prussia can wait a bit longer (and be left alone to fight France as she pleases) while there is even easier Italian and Ottoman land to take

[sorem]

Please update before my withdrawal symptoms kicks in

[CFG9000]

Agreed! Please don't let this AAR die, it's the funniest thing on the forums!

[Veugdenmans]

I read through this entire AAR in one go and it is the funniest thing i have read on these forums. This looks increasingly promising, a wc may be within sokoto's incompetent grasp after all!

[Dewirix]

The suspicious thing about all morningSIDEr's AARs is that the incompetent side always seems to win.

I view it as a scathing commentary on contemporary meritocratic society by an embittered laird, who spends his non-AAR writing time in his gentlemen's club, sipping claret and bemoaning the state of the world.

Of course, I could be wrong.

[thekinguter]

Awesome! I would love a world map though..

[morningSIDEr]

A great many thanks for the replies, especially those calling for an update (the bribe is en route to such all such kind people!). This AAR is certainly not dead and I remain shocked that everyone is not simply happy that I have been refraining from fouling up the forum with my drivel filled updates over the last few days! It is rather a combination of work and football (my team Hearts have been involved in a number of big matches recently, including an easy victory over our derby rivals which I celebrated perhaps a tad too enthusiastically!) which have prevented me from typing up an update thus far. Work is calming down once again and there are no more derby matches on the horizon thus I should be able to return to my usual update schedule of 2-3 updates per week very soon I am afraid to say.

Once the update is ready I'll post some proper feedback to everybodies comments, which I remain very grateful to everyone for. I simply wanted to leave this reply to assure/scare everyone by letting them know this AAR is not dead. Sokoto will be painting yet more of the map pink very soon!

[naggy]

I'd think with how you play Paradox games, your favorite team would pay you to cheer for the other side. *ducks*

[aldriq]

Given how Scottish teams seem so good at going bankrupt lately I don't think they need his help on any side *ducks behind naggy*

[wzhang29]

Where is my update? *rolls on the floor*