Soks to be You - A Sokoto V2 AAR

[morningSIDEr]

Truly the title of this AAR should instead read 'Soks to be Me', as Sokoto is not quite the easiest nation to play and I am rather terrible at playing V2. However I felt this title, whilst very accurate, was a tad too self-defeatist hence my actual choice. I have written a few AARs already and currently have another on the go at present (huzzah for blatant self-promotion!) but they have all been for EU3. As such I felt it was finally time to inflict my drivel upon another board on the forum.

I have played as Sokoto a few times before and experienced varying levels of success with them (read as; I have failed numerous times with them). My only real goal this time is to survive for as long as possible and conquer as much as possible. Although being able to paint all of Africa Sokoto's incredibly masculine pink is a priority should I live long enough.

The game itself is being played on very hard difficulty, with all other settings left at default, with the 1.4 beta September 26th patch. I have never before played V2 on very hard difficulty so I am expecting a mercifully short game.

WARNING: This AAR shall contain a large number of screenshots to compensate for my poor writing. However there is far worse as it will include a large number of attempts at humour. Sadly these attempts will be nearly as awful as the gameplay on show throughout the AAR.

A recruitment poster for Sokoto's elite guards brigade created by Fyregecko. More of his brilliant work can be seen in his excellent AAR.

[morningSIDEr]

Contents

Chapter One - Portugalling
Chapter Two - Tactical Withdrawal
Chapter Three - U Madagascar Bro?
Chapter Four - Oman, I Sphinx this is Bad
Chapter Five - Anilelation
Chapter Six - Poetic Injustice
Chapter Seven - Otterly Terrifying
Chapter Eight - Omanhandled
Chapter Nine - Westernised and Terrified
Chapter Ten - With Great Power Comes Great Incompetence
Chapter Eleven - Just Deserts
Chapter Twelve - Russian to War
Chapter Thirteen - Fontastic
Chapter Fourteen - Putting the Boot In
Chapter Fifteen - An Army Besieges on its Stomach
Chapter Sixteen - Nobody Expects Spanish Incompetence!
Chapter Seventeen - Cry for me Argentina
Chapter Eighteen - Unboliviable
Chapter Nineteen - Nile Desperandum
Chapter Twenty - Fuk-uoka
Chapter Twenty One - Japaneasing to Victory
Chapter Twenty Two - Ninja Looting
Chapter Twenty Three - Sacrebleu Blob
Chapter Twenty Four - The Thin Pink Line
Chapter Twenty Five - A Francly Brazilliant War
Chapter Twenty Six - Safari, So Good
Chapter Twenty Seven - The Future's Bright, the Future's Oranje
Chapter Twenty Eight - Rule Sokoto! Sokoto Rule the Waves
Chapter Twenty Nine
Chapter Thirty - Live and Let Dye
Chapter Thirty One - Staff for Hire
Chapter Thirty Two - fcuk
Chapter Thirty Three - France used to have an Empire, then she took an arrow to the Pyrenees
Chapter Thirty Four - Entente Uncordiale
Chapter Thirty Five - A Lowlands Blow
Chapter Thirty Six - Poetugal
Chapter Thirty Seven - The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Gunfire
Chapter Thirty Eight - Austria is a Budapest
Chapter Thirty Nine - Under New Germanagament
Chapter Forty - The Hunt of Red Soktober

1836 to 1850 - An Overview
1850 to 1860 - An Overview
1860 to 1871 - An Overview
1871 to 1881 - An Overview

[morningSIDEr]

Chapter One - Portugalling

Here lies one of the loneliest nations in the world.

Surrounded on all sides by a barren wilderness Sokoto has grown tired of her isolation. That is not to say the 'barren wilderness' is truly barren at all. In fact there are thousands of natives residing in the lands bordering Sokoto, but as these natives are without a proper nation to bring them government and all of the wonders inherent with this (wonders such as taxation, corruption, constant warfare and the like) they have to be ignored. For too long Sokoto has simply existed whilst unable to enjoy the benefits that having a neighbour entails. Namely being able to backstab one and other in diplomatic matters, fight one and other in pointless wars and so forth. She is determined to address this.

And address this she shall. No longer will Sokoto be left unregarded on the world stage. This is going to prove difficult however, Sokoto is not exactly filled with academics with only 2.1% of her population considered literate. This small group of intelligentsia, consisting of anyone able to just about spell their own name, is instructed to begin researching 'Freedom of Trade', as Sokoto wishes to not only begin taking the first steps towards westernisation but also to increase her currently abysmal income.

Having studied a number of western nations from afar (very far indeed considering Sokoto's current lands) Sokoto knows she will require a strong military should she one day be able to westernise. Currently Sokoto's officers consist of a bunch of farmers who are happy to lead the army in their spare time provided they have nothing to attend to on their farms. Realising that this is not exactly ideal the Sokot government begins a process of 'Encouraging Officers', promising a spiffy bright pink uniform, the same noble and courageous pink Sokot cartographers delight in using when depicting Sokoto on maps, and matching accessories to any man brave enough to sign up.

Now that the Sokot army is led by barely trained but at least very smartly dressed officers she decides it is time to find an enemy to war with. As no one readily presents herself on Sokoto's borders her men begin making their way through the wilderness, in small groups so as to avoid attrition, a target in mind.

A few bemused and luckless peasants are quickly congratulated by the Sokot government, informed that they have been chosen as Sokoto's first ever diplomats, there having been little reason before now for Sokoto to have anything resembling a diplomatic service. The poor men are luckless for two reasons. Firstly their official uniform, an otherwise charming ensemble consisting of Sokoto's national dress, is of the compulsory bright pink with green stripes colour, the official colours of Sokoto. The effect of this outfit leaves anyone who views it needing to lie down in a darkened room for a few hours. Which can make diplomatic negotiation rather difficult.

The second reason the unfortunate peasants are luckless in being forced into this role is due to the very nature of the tasks a Sokot diplomat need carry out. A fact the small party of five Sokot diplomats sent on their first diplomatic task was soon to learn.

War is declared.

A few days later the terrified party of harried looking Sokot diplomats finally return home having learned that people really, really do not like receiving declarations of war.

The war has been, uh, 'raging' for the last three months and the brave Sokot soldiers have quickly learned that it is not the crack Portuguese soldiers they should fear but rather the natives, disease, ruthless animals and treacherous jungles, plains and deserts of which the wilderness is filled that are their deadliest foes. As attrition is already taking a considerable toll.

Finally Sokot soldiers end their arduous trek arriving in Portuguese colonies lying in western and eastern Africa, swiftly settling down to the harrowing business of besieging the provinces whilst bravely facing the great dangers inherent in siege warfare. Dangers such as boredom, getting mud on their uniforms and having to use poor toilet facilities.

Whilst the Sokot soldiers courageously suffer through the sieges, their brains slowly turning to cheese due to the lack of activity, the tedium is finally lifted when the first Portuguese troops are spotted.

Waiting until the lone Portuguese brigade engaged with the Sokot force in Ibo, neighbouring Sokot forces hurry to reinforce their fellow troops winning Sokoto her first victory.

Clearly the spiffy pink uniforms now sported by the Sokot officers have brought about this victory, the fact that Sokoto greatly outnumbered the single Portuguese brigade was entirely unimportant.

Having harried the fleeing Portuguese brigade to destruction Sokot forces return to their siege duties, surprised at how easy this 'war' is proving. Surprised and then very quickly nervous when sails are suddenly noticed just off the coast.

So nervous indeed that having to use poor toilet facilities suddenly becomes even more of a pressing problem.

Thankfully the Portuguese ship sails by the anxious Sokot troops. It seems as if Portugal is unwilling to send troops to her African holdings. Clearly she is afraid of Sokoto's vaunted forces, largely consisting of untrained irregulars armed with farming tools, and their pink clad officers. Perhaps, just perhaps Sokoto can achieve victory without any further fighting being required.

Perhaps not.

[NapoleonComple]

Oh you poor man... still, someone managed to conquer much of Africa as Tunis, so you are not at as great a disadvantage as you might feel you are.

EDIT: Having read your first update; squash those Portuguese colonial delinquents before they get more troops ashore! Other than that, your writings fine, keep going.

[tamius23]

Interesting... I'll follow.

Why Mozambique? Why not Angola, say?

[Rae]

Good to see another AAR from you! I've loved (Is that the right word?) your other works and have recently gotten Victoria 2 with little idea how to play it. Maybe you can teach me something!

[Tanzhang (譚張)]

A bright pink uniform is perfect for a soldier, it takes a brave man to wear pink in public...

Contrary to what you said at the start, I found that first update quite amusing, keep it up!

[loki100]

good to see you back to the writing ... maybe the Portuguese are just plain terrified of men-in-pink?

& I must confesss I originally thought this was an AAR about Bill Clinton's cat

[Omen]

An excellent start to your proto-Empire! I'm certain nothing can possibly go wrong. Smooth sailing ahead! As soon as you get a port, I mean.

[Tanzhang (譚張)]

Why Mozambique? Why not Angola, say?

Because Angola doesn't border Zulu.

[InnocentIII]

Great start, looking forward to this! You'll need battles to get a high enough warscore, I suspect.

A bright pink uniform is perfect for a soldier, it takes a brave man to wear pink in public...

Very true. A man walks down the street in that uniform, people know he's not afraid of anything.

[tamius23]

Because Angola doesn't border Zulu.

Neither does Mocambique, it's furthest north.

[gremlok]

Nice one - subscribed

[DoomBunny]

Zulu borders the UK. Probably not a good idea.

Good luck anyway.

[PineconeKing]

Don't sell yourself short, author dude, this is a very good AAR. And YOU are a very good AARthor.

[brycef]

A very bold and I think good start. If you occupy enough, quickly enough, and don't get greedy in your peace negotiations I think you can pull off a quick war victory. Also you have strange advantage, you don't have a coast for the Porties to blockade. So they won't be able to handicap you that way. Best of luck!

[morningSIDEr]

Thank you profusely for the replies!

NapoleonComple - Thank you for the kind words (your bribe is en route!). Rest assured, Portugal will be kicked out of Africa! Uhm...well...possibly.

tamius23 - Glad you have subscribed! Tanzhang has picked up on it really, I need some land on the eastern coast of Africa for future expansion (although Zulu will not be my target any time soon!) and Mocambique is one of Portugal's richest colony's over there.

Rae - Many thanks for the kind words (your bribe is in the post!). I can certainly teach you how not to play the game!

Tanzhang (譚張) - Thank you hugely for the kind words (a bribe is on the way!). Too true regarding pink, only real men wear this most masculine of colours!

loki100 - Thank you kindly (another bribe is on the way!). Quite probably true that the pink is worrying the Portuguese!

Omen - Funny you should mention ports, Sokoto is just about to launch her first navy. Smooth sailing ahead indeed!

InnocentIII - A great many thanks (a bribe is en route!). I was worried I would have to take on the Portuguese army, thankfully though fleeing whilst horribly terrified from them for a few months did the trick!

gremlok - Glad to hear it!

DoomBunny - Many thanks for the message of good luck, considering how poor I am at this game I will need it! You are completely right as to why I'll be avoiding Zulu for the foreseeable future.

PineconeKing - Thank you hugely for the kind words (your bribe is in the post!).

brycef - Exactly so! Sokoto's great strength lies in her position, you get to pick and choose where your borders will fall. I was very lucky with regards to Portugal this time though, I managed to barely hang on for long enough.

[morningSIDEr]

Chapter Two - Tactical Withdrawal

Faced with a large force of well trained troops equipped with actual weapons the Sokot army took the only decison available to them in the circumstances.

They bravely decided to make a tactical withdrawal.

This cunning move worked surprisingly well, confusing the Portuguese army considerably, their forces marching past a bemused and very terrified Sokot army

It was almost as if the Portuguese troops expected the Sokot forces to do the honourable thing and meet in battle, instead of running for the hills.

Provinces were still falling in the east and Portugal's western African holdings were now fully under Sokot control.

Portugal was already attempting to secure peace with Sokoto, likely cowed by Sokoto's ability to decimate hugely outnumbered forces and look so fashionable in pink.

Sokoto though was determined to continue the war for now, hopeful that yet more provinces could perhaps be won. This a real possibility as Portugal's large army had inexplicably begun attempting to recapture Mocambique rather than crush the impudent Sokot brigades continuing to besiege her provinces mere miles away.

The perplexed Sokot commanders could only assume Portugal truly was afraid of Sokoto's forces.

Delighted that Sokoto's army had proven itself the equal of Portugal's, well at least the equal when the odds were stacked heavily in Sokoto's favour, the Sokot government recruited Sokoto's first general.

Unsurprisingly General al-Hajj clearly represented the ability of Sokoto's armed forces. Although surprisingly for an army now famed for its tactical withdrawals he was rather slow.

Having finally reclaimed Mocambique Portugal's army was at last on the move once again. And once again so too was Sokoto's, quickly fleein-uh, withdrawing as soon as the Portuguese force neared. Sadly after a few weeks of employing this hide and seek tactic some Sokot units were finally too slow.

Thankfully Portugal was kind enough to concede defeat just as she stood on the cusp of victory, Sokoto gladly accepting the peace deal.

Thus Sokoto won her first war, gaining her first coastal provinces and gaining her army considerable experience from this conflict, her armed forces learning to pack running shoes for use in future wars.

The war now ended Sokoto's unfortunate soldiers were quickly set against their deadliest foe once again, the attrition causing wilderness, as they were readied for their next engagement.

With the men now in position, a highly reluctant party of Sokot diplomats was sent forth.

War having been declared Sokoto's diplomats returned a few days later hidden in a dung cart, their only safe means of escape from the enraged Transvaal.

Sokoto's forces eagerly marched into Transvaal hoping for another easy walkover victory, or flee-desperately-over as the case proved, as with the war against Portugal. Unfortunately whilst Transvaal had a very small army it was led by a very talented general.

Thankfully Sokoto had an aweless, unqualified buffoon to stand against Cilliers and, rather more importantly, considerably more troops. Sokoto soon claiming victory after the Transvaal army became tired of slaughtering Sokoto's ill led forces.

Cilliers routing force was quickly harried to destruction despite al-Hajj's best efforts to constantly lose more men than the horribly outnumbered Transvaal army.

Mere months after having secured her first coastal provinces, and whilst war with Transvaal still 'raged' on, Sokot soldiers succumbing to numerous cramp related injuries whilst bravely besieging Transvaal's provinces, Sokoto constructed her first navy.

Admittedly said 'navy' consisted of nothing but poorly constructed transport ships which resembled little more than elaborate rafts, the hastily recruited and highly inexperienced Sokot shipbuilders as yet unsure of their work, but it was a start. A leaky, barely able to float deathtrap of a start, but a start nonetheless.

Sokoto had been at war with an entirely undefended smaller nation for many months now with victory nowhere in sight and the Sokot government were beginning to worry about this. Clearly the army was needing someone with fresh ideas to lead it to victory over the stubborn Transvaal.

Clearly too General al-Walid was not this man. Not only was al-Walid overly religious, his claims to have attended a war college baffled the rest of the military as Sokoto had nothing even slightly resembling a war college. It was not until later that it was uncovered al-Walid had in truth previously worked as a teacher. As Sokot classrooms regularly resembled battlefields, his claims to having attended war college were then happily accepted.

Finally, nearly a year after the last of Transvaal's armed forces were crushed, the war came to an end.

At last Transvaal's horribly oppressed people had been freed. Freed that is into the warm, welcoming embrace of ineptly tyrannical Sokot rule, which had of course been the reason for this conquest. Sokoto had merely wished to liberate Transvaal from the cruel rule of Transvaal, the needs of Transvaal's people at the forefront of her mind throughout this conflict.

The fact that Transvaal was home to a number of very lovely gold mines was but a small and entirely unregarded benefit from this noble liberation.

With the ending of the war peace was thus enjoyed once again by a considerably enlarged Sokoto. This period of peace would not last long however.

[tamius23]

Good going in Southeast Africa - how's your infamy?

[NapoleonComple]

I was just wondering the same thing; you must be over 20 infamy with that. Thats a place in the sun (9) combined with a conquest (20.)

I see Sokotos first act as a civilised nation will doubtless be to invent the sneaker.