InTveresting Times: An AfTver Action Report

Andre Massena said:

Johan Karl von Guttenburg must be a better general than his stats suggest.

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Apparently so. I've seen some big victories but that was...mildly surprising.

Chief Ragusa said:

War with Japan and Naples. Maria II is doing something right. She is quite the cunning ...

Machine gunners now operate in the Austrian army - they're playing Victoria II, without telling anyone. That battle result must have produced an interesting reaction. Maria II isn't yet at war with the whole world, but I feel it coming.

I know I am going to regret this, but what's the Swedish Prophecy?

Splendid role play and double entendre.

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Interesting reaction meaning my totally accepting and diplomatic acceptance of the situation. Didn't shout, swear or say horrible things about either the Austrians or the Swedish. Honest.

And yes, Japan was a bit surprising. I've received some very odd DoWs in this game.

4th Dimension said:

he is probably refering to the game end date. A date on which the world ends to those in game. And since EU was made by a Swedish developer . . .

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10 points!

Damerell said:

This seems to be the rare case where I read a 50-page AAR in one go only to find it's still ongoing, albeit only just. It's been amusing, though, not inTverminable. Unlike some, I admit to a certain admiration for the first Lord Protector, ruthless as he might have been... much like Cromwell, in fact.

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Thanks Damerell, and yes, it'll be going a couple of weeks longer Hopefully not more, though, I want it finished in 2013.

And I'm glad that somebody liked him! He was a man in an awkward situation, and he generally did pretty well I think. Greatest achievement being avoiding a violent death of course.

yequr said:

What's with all the DoWs? Is it because other countries eventually noticed Tver's army was standing in Burgundy all the time?

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That may be it, I did have hellish War Exhaustion. Why do they eat so much?

BogMod said:

Any chance of an EU4 version of this? Or just some AAR from you in EU4?

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I won't be doing Tver again since I'd be constantly comparing the two. I'd like to do an EU4 AAR at some stage. I won't be disappearing after this one, certainly (this may be bad news...)

loki100 said:

Just done my usual mass catch up ... genius as ever with a very neat end for poor Yaroslavl

You do seem to be ending this in a welter of wars ... rather as it all began

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Cheers pal, I'm kind of glad it's near the end because I'm running out of good deaths!

And yes, I feel a bit nostalgic. It's two years since I was cowering in a corner of Russia hoping Muscowy wouldn't notice me!

@All: This often causes confusion, sop to make it clear: I muck about with the order of screen shots and events to try and make a more coherent narrative and overall better story. Ok, less incoherent and not-as-bad story...I emphasise this because some of this will happen in the following update.

Episode LXXXV: Quod In Celis Sol, Hoc In Tverra Caesar Est

Imperial Palace, City of Tver, 1815

It was a beautiful winter's day in the City of Tver, capital of the Imperial Commonwealth of Tver. Gentle snow fell from the heavens, a crisp film of frost crunched softly underfoot. And in the Imperial Palace, Czarina Maria, Empress of Tver and All the Russias, was relaxing in front of a roaring fire, enjoying a full-bodied red. Lying back in her chair, she extended an elegant, scarlet-gloved hand, and removed the cork.

'Pfft.Thank you, Czarina.'

'What is it, Dobczyńska?'

'Not that we aren't having fun, but I really think we should get back to work.'

'Already?'

'The Neapolitans are causing havoc. They're advancing on Modena and our northern Italian provinces.'





The Czarina looked disturbed.

'They're...bold.'

'Full of piss and balsamic vinegar. We need to reduce the number of fronts we are fighting on.'

'Right. How do we beat Japan?'

'We scare them.'

'How?'

'The Japanese are very polite. We will be so impolite to them that they will not want to continue fighting us for fear of caching our impoliteness.'

'Is impoliteness infectious?'

'Even if it was, Czarina, you would have nothing to fear...'

Thus it was that the army of the Tverian army in Shiribeshi did turn his back on the huge Japanese army across the strait, present his backside, and loudly rebalance his humours in the direction of Kyoto.





'Elegantly done, Dobczyńska.'

'Thank you, Czarina. I've also obtained a bit of leverage with the Dutch.'

'Oh? Do tell.'

'It involves myself, the Crown Princess of Holland, some recreational plants and a strategically placed artist.'

'A quickly painted watercolour of dubious quality is worth a thousand words. Let's have a look...that's not you is it?'

'I dress differently at weekends. Permission to present to the Dutch ambassador?'

'Granted, as long as I can have a copy.'

'Signed, if you like. I'm sure a little blackmail convince them to surrender...'

'Certainly if the king's daughter's any guide to go by.'

'...taking several of our nastiest enemies out of the war with them.'





'Right. I'm off to Lauenburg.'

'Is that siege still going on?'

'Yes. And morale is low, as is manpower.I'd better make an appearance, and bring some more artillery with me.'

'Well. I want you back as soon as possible.'

'Don't worry, Czarina. The men will perk up once I deploy my cannons.'

Cannons were deployed. Perks were upped. The defenders of Lauenburg finally surrendered.





'Excellent work. With the Duke of Lauenburg suitably restrained...'

'It was fun!'

'...what now? I worry about these Neapolitans. They're causing...discomfort.'

'Naples chafing?'





'We have very few troops left on the Italian peninsula.'

'Don't worry, Czarina. I know how to handle Naples.'

'You've learned well.'

'The Austrians are still in retreat. The Holy Roman Emperor cowers in his palace, surrounded by our men.'

'Meaning?'

'Meaning we can move our armies from Austria to northern Italy.'

'About time, too. They're getting ideas.'





The Czarina shook her head. 'A weak Italian thinking he can take liberties with me.'

'The King of Naples or your husband?'

'There is a reason we have separate chambers.'

'Separate chambers is common enough. You barely live on the same continent.'

'Pah. Last time we were together, he called me a reptile! Am I a reptile, Dobczyńska?'

'Definitely a mammal, Czarina.'

'Indeed.'

'Very definitely...so very definitely...so tangibly, fully, comfortably, soothingly...'

'Dobczyńska.'

'Hmm? Sorry, Czarina. Got abit carried away.'

'That's all right.'

[…]

'So, are you going to move from there?'

'Oh. Yes. Where was I?'

'Firmly wedged in...'

'Naples! That's where I was. Let's hit them with everything we have. All our armies will move across from Austria and down from our attack on Burgundy.'






'Even better, Czarina. The Duke of Burgundy is now your vassal.'

'Excellent.'

'At least, I think that's what he was trying to say.'





The Tverian counterattack was ruthless. The Duke of Ferrara had joined the treacherous Neapolitans in their attack on the Imperial Commonwealth: now, his little Duchy lay crushed beneath the Tverian stiletto.

'Disgusting little man, Dobczyńska. Met him often when I was living in Modena. Twisted. Deformed. Only had nine digits on his feet as well.'

'Didn't know you were lack-toes intolerant.'

'I'm going to take a lot of pleasure in this. Annex them.'





with his armies in Italy defetaed, the King of Naples, chastened, was suing for peace. Unable to take the city of Naples itself, Tver's diplomats instead demanded the release of the Irish kingdom of Leinster, while Commonwealth spies sponsored rebel groups on the rest of the island in the hope of creating a unified, friendly Irish state.





The English – or British as they still insisted on calling themselves – were also in disarray. The Scots had retaken their ancient territories of Cumbria and Northumberland while the English armies were focused on defending their colonies from rebels.





This day, though, would reverberate throughout history for another reason entirely. It was to be a day of endings. Of closure. A chapter of history firmly slammed shut by th armoured glove of progress.


The Archduke of Austria, pale and trembling, knelt before Czarina Maria, offering her an ancient, elaborate crown that had graced the head of central Europe's most famous monarchs. A gift of popes to kings and princes from the very birth of modern Europe and beyond.





'Time, Czarina?'

'A time long overdue, Dobczyńska. Long, long overdue.'

'Ashes to ashes.'

'Scrap to scrap.'

'Quod in Celis Sol, Hoc in Terra Caesar Est. Never was it truer.'

'But you are not Caesar, Archduke.'




'I am.'