Episode LXVI: I Kissed A Tver (And I Liked It)
Burgomeister-General's Residence, City of Tomsk, Imperial Commonwealth of Tver, 1677
Lord Protector Mitrofan Beloselsky was continuing his sojourn in the eastern trading city of Tomsk, enjoying the hospitality of the Burgomeister. He would return to the capital before the harsh Siberian winter arrived, but had found it valuable to travel to the further-flung reaches of the Commonwealth, to be better understand matters on the borders of Russian civilisation and the complexities of running such a huge empire.
Developments further west, like a fish that vomits solid gold, had thrown up an interesting opportunity. Czech rebels had taken control of Lower Silesia, and returned the province, after a gap of a hundred years, to the control of Bohemia, the Archduke of Austria unable to suppress the rebellion with his forces busy in the Middle East.
'It's an intriguing development – Silesia is definitely a target, especially Wrocław and the surrounding area. The centre of trade in Racibórz is also on the list, but Austria still just about controls that...'
The Burgomeister nodded. 'Breslau alone would be worth the effort, Lord Protector. Tighten our grip over the international iron trade, and would greatly enhance the Commonwealth's control of central Europe.'
'Talking of greatly enhanced central Europeans, morning Dobczyńska.'
'Morning, sir.' Captain Dobczyńska clopped her way into the room, towelling her red hair with a towel, that being the primary purpose of that particular device. Her appearance often triggered involuntary physical reactions, although the Burgomeister's, that of massaging his bruised throat, was atypical.
'What do you think of Silesia, Dobczyńska?'
'Nice of you to Śląsk, sir.'
'I thought it was pronounced
shlawsk.'
'But then it wouldn't...you are a very annoying man, Lord Protector.'
'
Oui. Now, what about Breslau?'
'Not a fan. Wrocław is lovely though.'
'Should we call it
Vratislavia to be neutral?'
'Might upset the Protestants. They don't like Latin.'
'Wretslav? Presslav?'
'The horse is dead, sir. I do, however, think that Lower Silesia would be an excellent acquisition for the Empire. The Czechs retaking it makes things much easier...though they have been rebuilding their armies. We should be cautious.'
There was a polite cough. The Burgomeister turned to his valet.
'You cough, Svensson.'
'Yes, sir.'
'Are you ill?'
'No, sir. Captain Telyatevsky is holidaying in Verona. He wrote that that the Czech armies are mainly located in northern Italy.'
'Well, that sounds promising. Anything else?'
'In addition the city's trade is up three percent on the last quarter, the new weapon manufactory is under construction, and there is a leopard on the verandah.'
'Well, don't stand there. Shoot it!'
'I would have gladly done so, sir. But the gun is
also on the verandah.'
Beloselsky smiled. 'Dobczyńska, would you...'
'Certainly, sir.' The Captain of the Guard exited, cracking her knuckles.
With her armies primarily assembled in northern Italy, Bohemia was vulnerable. Banking on her inability to return her troops to her heartland before the Tverian assault, the diplomat was sent. The Imperial War for Breslau had begun.
To this day, the Czech for 'Holy Roman Emperor' is always prefaced by the term 'Bloody Useless': as usual in Bohemian-Tverian conflicts, the Prince of Liege took as much action to help his subjects as the bag of peanuts, safety assured by the potential consumer's allergies, takes in defence of the nearby chocolate bar. Bohemia would not be alone in this war, though: the Margrave of Brandenburg leapt to his neighbour's defence, keen to put a stop to further Commonwealth expansion towards Brandenburgian Greater Poland. He was joined by the Princes of Saxe-Lauenburg, and the Archbishoprics of Utrecht and Hamburg.
'Utrecht?'
'I whatted? Oh. Distance makes it hard for us to do much to them. They must think they're unDutchable.'
'Well, they shouldn't be too much of a problem. Tempting as it is to teach them a lesson, might be best to stick to our main objectives. '
'Agreed. Such weak opponents should be beneath our notice.'
Our armies are moving into Lower Silesia?'
'Yes, sir, and making excellent progress. As well as besieging Wrocław, our armies are attacking Górne Łużyce.'
'Known by the sensible as...'
'Oberlausitz, sir.'
It is just as important, as Edward II of England would testify, to know what is going on behind you as in front of you. The massed Commonwealth advance into Bohemian territory had left her north-western provinces open to attack from Bohemia's Germanic allies. Seventeen regiments, led by those of Brandenburg, laid siege to the city of Kalisz, whilst another seven marched through Brandenburg towards Commonwealth territory.
Their attack, though, had left their own territories to the counter-attack of Tver's Prussian allies. As the Holy Roman Alliance's vanguard advanced into Tver, the Prussian vanguard advanced behind the coalition rearguard. Pommerania, like a
small yappy dog before a
traction engine, offered little resistance.
The siege of Wrocław was swiftly over, cementing Tverian control of eastern Bohemia: and giving the Lord Protector the prize that he had desired.
'The King of Bohemia might accept peace for Breslau now, Dobczyńska...is there any other territories it would be worth taking?'
'What about Bessarabia, sir?
'It isn't worth very much.'
'No, but it would reduce Bohemia's influence over Hungary and Romania – not to mention tidy our borders a bit. Lord Sirkmonkeivsky made this request personally.'
'Well, have the keep the cartographers happy. Need them for Boundary Disputes...and I know a thing or two about boundary disputes.'
'And yet you still hog the bedsheets...'
The Prussians, meanwhile, were making themselves at home in Brandenburgian territory.
Beloselsky smiled. 'It's as if they belong together.'
'Prussians in Brandenburg? Can't see it happening.'
While one Bohemian army laid siege to Ersekuyvar, the forces of Tver had taken a far greater prize – knowing the futility of resistance to the Commonwealth's forces, the gates of Prague were opened, and Russian musketeers marched to the Royal Palace, whistling a happy tune.
The Prussian advances in Brandenburg, meanwhile, were sufficient to convince the Margrave to cut his losses. In exchange for reparations payments, and ending Brandenburg's vassalisation of Mecklenburg, a truce was signed.
The Commonwealth forces' pacification of central Bohemia was complete: while her strongholds in Hungary and Italy remained untouched, her Czech lands were once more completely under Tver's control.
Thus it was that the peace of Prague was negotiated. Bohemia would cede Bessarabia and Lower Silesia to the Commonwealth, as well as paying substantial reparations. The city of Wrocław, one of the cultural marvels of central Europe, would become another of the Commonwealth's main urban centres.
The newly enlarged Commonwealth had split the territory of Bohemia in two, partitioning their Hungarian holdings from their Czech heartlands. Defeated once more, Tver's great rival was battered, bruised, and ripe for rebellion.
Beloselsky walked to the window and looked out over his newly enlarged realm.
'A most satisfying expansion, Dobczyńska.'
'Pleased to see you as well.'
'Tver is not just an Empire, Marta. It's a greater entity, a unification of humanity. Most of her leaders may be Russian, but we harbour Poles, Lithuanians, Tartars, Silesians...this is humanity's future. Not divided by old ideas of religion and culture, but unified under one banner against regression, against prejudice, against hatred.'
'Quite the idealist, Mitrofan.'
'Always have been. Always will be. The Commonwealth may not be perfect, but I want it to be a place where all of God's people can find their place, where men are judged on merit, not on breeding or appearance. We're creating something beautiful, Dobczyńska.'
'Nobody else could have done this, Mitrofan.'
'And without you, Marta, I could have done nothing. I would be nothing.'
'Not nothing. But less than you are.'
'Perhaps. But look at this Commonwealth, built by your forefathers as much as the kings and princes for whom I stand in. I am no Emperor, Marta. I don't want to be one. But for all the glories of the Czars of Tver, I want there to always be a place for common men and women of honest, proven ability. And your family shall always be the first amongst them.'
Dobczyńska smiled. 'Our place is to serve, Mitrofan. To advise. But not to lead.'
'Except when we're alone...'
'Obviously. But this is your moment, Mitrofan. Your Commonwealth.'
'Not mine, Marta.
Ours. Today, tomorrow, and forever.'