Episode XL: Tverra Nova
An extract from The New Era Of The Tverian Empire, And Me by Charles Percival Huiver-Bagge, MA (Ox.) KG (presumably lost in the post)
The coronation of the Czarina was rather an anti-climax. It was colourful and suchlike, with great pomp and pageantry by the standards of these ruffians – but as nought compared with that of our Most Britannic Majesty, Queen Anne. These people have no sense of style, grace and ceremony, and never will they have. However, with the extensive reforms undertaken within the country, they are looking to become more like the civilised nations of the west, and that would, at least, be an improvement. Perhaps they will start drinking wine with their meals instead of raw alcohol seasoned with potato juice.
Strangely, several members of the Czarina’s council seem to have disappeared, presumably into retirement. A shame, perhaps – though they often frustrated the Czarina, they were essential in keeping a check on her often outlandish plans. Don Pedro, in particularly, was never a man to lose his head. Lady Elena, perhaps, fell out of her cousin’s favour while the strange Brother Mijado seems to have vanished without trace.
The new man (from a line of servants of the Tverian crown, I gather) is a rough, red-haired barbarian (Scottish and Polish – is a less civilised combination possible?). Oh, I have heard rumours of his supposed brilliance. He supposedly speaks six languages and studied at four of Europe’s top universities, but really – the man is a brute. I don’t know what the Czarina sees in him.
Westernisation opened up an abundance of new possibilities for the Empire, though these possibilities did not come without their problems. Internal unrest was considerable, although the Czarina’s parliamentary reforms meant that she could now drag the country’s nobility kicking and screaming into the modern age.
Discoveries of new lands came from foreign courts. I immediately volunteered for a fact-finding mission to these most dangerous of overseas territories – I would not put anyone less experienced in harm’s way, and the Caribbean is a terrible place which I would not inflict on any less seasoned explorer. I suffer for my art.
Having returned, I was informed that I would have to surrender my baggage, having exceeded the permitted import allowance. In my absence, it seemed, the Czarina had Formalised Weights Scales and Measures. Gone is my unlimited tax-free gin allowance! They call it progress. Next thing, the shipping lines won’t be giving allocated cabins! (my ship’s commander, Captain Ryanerov, agreed that this may be the future, but that I would never see such skulggery on any of his ships!).
This formalisation had also led to a dramatic currency revaluation. The Chancellor, Georgiev Ozbornov, called for austerity. The Czarina fired him. Out of a trebuchet. In the general direction of China.
Dobczyński went for a short sojourn to Cherkassk to oversee modernisation of the agricultural process.
In the bustle of activity, the palace ostriches went two days without food – when someone finally remembered, they were very hungry.
The Czarina issued a no-tolerance edict towards pirates, a popular measure passed with a resounding ‘Arr’ in the parrliament.
She had also come up with an idea.
‘Our Empire grows ever larger, Dobczyński, but we cannot immediately make all our Tartars and Ukrainians convert to our ways. It will take time.’
‘I agree, Czarina. Perhaps it would be best to give them time to convert of their own accord. Your successors will reap the benefits.’
‘Indeed. Perhaps a Bill of Rights, to guarantee their cultural freedoms.’
‘An excellent idea, Czarina. I will spread the idea amongst the nobility. Then make it happen even when they say no.’
The new Bill of Rights was hugely popular amongst the many and varied minority groups of the Empire. More cynical elements, though, saw another advantage: it gave Tver a potential reason for war against any state that could be seen as oppressing their own minorities. Surely, though, no state would ever use such a weak excuse for going to war?
‘Dobczyński!’
‘Czarina?’
‘The people of Azow are not overthrowing their Hungarian masters. I do not like this.’
‘They should, Czarina. Hungary is falling apart. Maybe they just need a little...persuasion.’
‘A good idea. Time to send a spy, you think?’
‘I think so, Czarina. And I think we’ll need more of them.’
‘Indeed. When we get the chance it would be worth becoming more Mercantilistic – I hear that this makes it easier to recruit shady eyepatch-wearing scoundrels.’
‘It’s a well-known fact, Czarina. Free Trade is the enemy of espionage. I’ll have one sent immediately.’
‘And the western border?’
‘Austria have overrun Brandenburg, Czarina, and demanded Gdańsk...sorry, Danzig in the peace deal.’
‘An isolated Austrian enclave?’
‘Indeed. Probably because the city is not within the Empire. Looks better that way. Not to mention that Danzig is
loaded.’
The Empire’s economy was booming, although their technology still lagged far behind central and western Europe. Modernisation, though, would make it easier for new ideas to spread and take fruit in the coming years.
Indeed, the country now had one of the largest incomes in the world (though they do not, of course, compare to Fair Britannia either in wealth, fairness of governance or good breeding!)
Many of the nobility had expressed an interest in further western advances – the territory of Cheron, it was mooted, might make a worthwhile target for expansion.
The Czarina, though, had other ideas.
‘Expansion we will have, certainly, but not externally.’
Dobczyński arched an eyebrow.
‘Internally, Czarina? Why not. Though the Dukes of Muscowy and Nizhny Novgorod might niot take kindly to your annexation of the other.’
‘Which is why, Dobczyński, we will ask them both in isolation. And when I say ask, I mean...’
‘Ask, Russian-style?’
‘Precisely, Dobczyński. With great tact, delicacy and...persuasion.’
The plan was successful. While the Duke of Nizhny Novgorod held out, the Czarina’s counsin in Muscowy was convinced that is would be best for his nation – and the whole of the greater Russia – were Muscowy to be fully absorbed into the Tverian state. Sensible enough – after all, it’s not like Moscow is an important city. I was there once, and I’m convinced that their archirecture gave me an allergy to onions. I’m Kremlin at the very thought.
This, however, was not Tver’s only act of expansion. The final act was less economically important – an area of barely developed land rather than a well-known city. But its value to Tver was something else. Catharsis. The laying to rest of old ghosts, both for the Rurikovich dynasty, and for the very pride of the now-might Empire that once struggled so hard for its existence against an implacable foe.
‘All complete, Dobczyński?’
The man nodded solemnly. ‘Complete, Czarina. The last colonist have set up their homesteads, the province is totally under our control.’
‘Then they are finished. Finally. Once and for all, wiped from the face of the Earth. Going.’
‘Going.’
‘Gone.’
‘May all your ancestors and mine sleep easily, Czarina. Never will they plague us again.’
The taint of the Golden Horde, nemesis of the Tverian Empire, had finally been expunged. It is said that he who laughs last laughs longest, though in my experience it merely denoted that te person is rather dense. Regardless, though, the purging of the hated foe was a cause of further celebration within the Empire.
With the white horse of Tver firmly in the ascendant, it is time for I, Charles Percival Huiver-Bagge, to terminate this brief update. I shall return – I always do – with further tales from this far-off land. Until then, you will wait, breathless and spellbound, your lives empty without my prose. But fear not. There is more to come from the Empire of Tver, and I shall be the bearer of its tidings.
Regards,
Huiver-Bagge
