Episode XXXI: DealiTver Than The Male
Aleksandra Rurikovich, Prince of Tver, was the sister of Konstantin III. She had married young, and been widowed not much later, though her marriage had produced a son, Aleksandr. The boy was still too young to take on the duties of state, however, and for the first time in the Principality’s history, a woman was its undisputed ruler.
At first, there was much discontent amongst the traditionalists in the Tverian parliament. A female Prince? All knew of Aleksandra’s capabilities, the great learning and elegance which she had inherited from her father, but surely no woman had the stomach required to run a country – especially so mighty a one as Tver.
Aleksandra was aware of the mutterings at court. Her advisor, Mysterious Don Pedro, had been instrumental in her accession to the throne. His position in the Tverian hierarchy solidified, he believed that Aleksandra could be manipulated.
He was sorely and devastatingly wrong.
‘The most imporrrrtant thing, my Prrrince, is not to cause trrrouble.’
Aleksandra arched an elegant eyebrow.
‘Is it now?’
‘Oh, yes, my Prrrince. Your position is unstable. There is discontent and worrry that a woman wears the Princely crrrrown.’
‘There will always be discontent, Don Pedro, when the crown is worn by one who is untested – or by one who has proven to be an incompetent.’ Her tone was icy. ‘This is entirely reasonable. The contents of my underclothings are irrelevant to my ability to guide this country’s future.’
‘Ah…yes, my Prrrrince, of course.’
‘Good. You think that I should nopt cause any trouble?’
‘Yes, my Prrrince.’
‘I disagree. And I am the Prince, not you.’
‘Well, my Prrrince, I would rrrrecommend…’
‘I know what you would recommend, Don Pedro. And I do not like it. Take a letter to the Guild of Cartographers. We must create difficulties, disputes, chaos. We must draw attention to ourselves, lay claims to more territory.’
‘Georgia is your ally, my Prince.’
‘I do not intent to take action against the Georgians, Don Pedro. I merely wish to…liven things up a bit.’ Aleksandra reclined in her throne. Luxuriously upholstered for its previous occupant, it was far too big for the new Prince except in full regalia…but it was comfortable, nonetheless. And it made ignoring her blundering oaf of an advisor easier.
‘So. With my brother
tragically gone, we can undo some of his ridiculous changes. Abandon this ridiculous staned-glass idea.’
‘Yes, my Prrrrince. Perrrrhaps it would be better to…tidy our borders a bit.’
‘
Our, Don Pedro?’
‘That is, your borders, of course, my Prrrince.’
‘Better. Otherwise, though, it is time to remove the last potential internal threat.’ She thought for a second. ‘Time to remind the Prince of Nizhny Novgorod of his duties.’
‘Verrry well, my Prrrince. We can also build a new Royal Castle, if you would like.’
‘Excellent. Yes, that would be a good idea. A mighty new fortress overlooking the town centre. For myself and Prince Arkadiy.’
‘Prince Arkadiy?’
‘My new husband. The handsome Prince of Nizhny Novgorod.’
‘Ah. Well, that may be a prrroblem, my Prrrince. You see, he seems to think that you are not going to marry him.’
‘Playing hard to get, is he? Oh well. I like a bit of
rascal. I’ll deal with him later.’
‘For now, my Prrrince, the Guild of Cartographers have achieved a further success.’
‘Oh?’
‘They were at the International Cartography Conference last week, and amanged to start an argument with the Golden Horde’s cartographers. Saratow is now recognised as ours.’
‘Wonderful. Worthless land full of heathen Tartars, but we should expand our realm where we can.’
‘Despicable creatures, my Prrrince. We should exterrrminate tchem.’
‘No, Don Pedro. We can’t go around exterminating people that we don’t like.’
‘Your brother?’
‘I
liked Konny. He was just an idiot. No. We’ll make Russians of these Tartars, but until then, it’s best to give tchem some leeway.’
‘
Accept them?’
‘Yes, Don Pedro. We accept them. If we are pleasant to the Tartars they will see the error of their ways, and speedily Tverify themselves. Also, less chance of uprisings.’
‘I cannot rrrrecommend this, my Prrrince.’
‘Your recommendations are important to me, Don Pedro. In the way that a fly’s intrusion is important to a cow. Notable, worthy of consideration, but ultimately best ignored.’
‘I am…of course, you…
carrramba.’
‘We understand each other. Now then. Are Konny’s supporters still causing trouble in Parliament?’
‘Yes, my Prrrince. Some of them seem to think that his tragic death was something other than an accident.’
Aleksandra sighed. ‘When will these people learn? This is Russia. People have accidents all the time. An unfortunate national characteristic, but! He murder rate? Zero.’
‘They are fools, my Prrrince.’
‘I am surrounded by fools, Don Pedro. Present company excepted, of course.’
‘Gracias.’
So long as present company only includes me.’
‘
Carrramba.’
‘So, let us honour his memory – and that of my great father, who actually deserves it. Re-emply all the great artists and sculptors my idiot brother got rid of, and let us renovate the interiors of our greatest cathedrals. Pious
and religious, that should keep everyone happy.’
‘Next?’
‘The Kazakhs, my Prrrince, have appeared at the border.’
‘These people don’t know when they’re beaten, do they?’
‘Apparrrently not, my Prrrince.’
‘Send the army to deal with them. I have no time for heathen scum.’
‘We are reducing their numbers, my Prrrince.’
‘I like progress.’
‘But there is bad news as well, my Prrrince.’
‘Well, what i sit?’
‘It is about Prince Aleksandr.’
‘What’s he done this time?’
‘Many rumours are circulating, my Prrrince, none of them good. Some involve loose women. Most involve goats. Few involve clothing.’
‘Let it be known throughout the land that I deplore his actions.’
‘He denies everything, my Prrrince. Well, denies all wrrrongdoing. He says that all was in the name of science.’
‘I don’t care whose name it was in, his behaviour is not worthy of this noble House! We have a reputation to maintain! Of honour and integrity, fairness and compassion!’
‘Of course, my Prrrince. And what about Prime Minister Kashinsky? It was his complaint to parliament that started all this trouble.’
‘It is the duty of parliament to advise the actions of the head of state. The Prime Minister has performer his duties admirably. He is to be commended.’
‘Yes, my Prrrince.’
‘At the top of the stairs.’
‘
Carramba.’
The army is having grrrreat success against the Kazakhs, my Prrrince. They flee before our rrrrighteous might.’
‘The Hordes are no longer a threat to us. Good. It is time for my wedding.’
‘To the Prince of Nizhny Novgorod, my Prrrince?’
‘Yes. He does not wish to be an easy target. He needs to be…
subjugated.’
Many miles to the west, a half-Polish, half-Scottish veteran felt the need for a lie down and a cold bath. He wasn’t entirely sure why.
The Tverian advance into Kazakh-held territory continued apace, and colonisation of the most recently captured territories was under way. Bolgar would, hopefully, be fully integrated into the Principality.
Prince Aleksandra travelled to Nizhny Novgorod, and entered the Prince’s chambers. What exactly the apple, whip or lengths of rope were for, historians still hotly debate.
Whatever did occur, though, the result was not in doubt. Prince Arkadiy, thoroughly subjugated, offered no further resistance to his union with Aleksandra.
The vassalisation of Nizhny Novgorod complete, the Cartographers’ Guild were enraptured. With their entire internal territory under Tverian control or protection, they could confidently declare to the whole world the glory of Prince Aleksandra Rurikovich, and of the Principality of Tver. The Aleksandrine Age had begun.