Boris Rurikovich was the Tsar, ruler by right. That is the thing, really.
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Boris Rurikovich was the Tsar, ruler by right. That is the thing, really.
Nah is the true succesor to the roman empire: wosoever is able to take command of the armies is the ruler by right.
Wait, I lost track - are we talking about Mitrofan Beloselsky or Oliver Cromwell?
I was thinking of Beloselsky, but I suppose at least some of it applies to Cromwell too. I'm not a Cromwell fan – his men burned down Holyrood Palace when they occupied us – but he was certainly effective.
Thanks, that was my biggest 'get it done by the end' thing!
Yes, bit like that. I tried to think of reason why it had happened, I don't think I'd just upgraded them or anything.
And I wanted to have a proper crack at Sweden at some point, but I got distracted by shiny Germanic territories. Would have loved to destroy that bloody useless CoT in Lappland as well.
I'd also have loved to integrate Scotland, but with my naval incompetence and their being a Republic, I've no good way of acquiring them. Did consider using them like the French used to, as a staging area for an attack on England, but got distracted by other projects.
And as to the last, I couldn't possibly comment.
And neither can Dobczyńska at the moment...
some impressive diplomacy there ... and finishing off the HRE is so satisfying (as, by the sound of it, is Dobczyńska
Incredibly satisfying to finish off.
...sorry, which were we talking about?
(Should I make Dobczyńska and Maria's more exotic moments available as prints in exchange for charitable donations?
Maybe Aleksandr the Bear and the original Dobczyński as well to provide some balance)Take it up with the great artist Albrecht Dürer : I'm quoting from his woodcut of Emperor Maximillian's Great Triumphal Cart.
http://www.royalcollection.org.uk/collection/830118/the-great-triumphal-cart (sorry it's so small, but in the top left it has the motto spelt 'Celis'. I have a larger copy in a book...and I guarded the bloody thing for about six months so I had plenty of time to study it
So yeah, not my fault if it's wrong. As far as I'm concerned, if it's by Dürer , it's automatically correct even if it isn't
Ah, the French. Shame we haven't seen much of them in this AAR.
Thanks
And I can understand that. I debated myself whether to do it, but I just...wanted to try the government type, and thought it would change up the narrative a bit.
He would be happy to know that people are still discussing his legacy over a hundred years (in-game) after his death
I'm enjoying this convresation. I'm more on Damerell's side, but I can see Mr Sometimes' point as well. Maybe it's because I come from the country that wrote the Declaration of Arbroath: bad king? Chop 'im
Oh, for the time to dismantle the Portuguese and English ('British'). Although one of them is going to get a bit of a seeing-to before the end comes...
Again, this is the way I see the man. A controversial legacy, no doubt, and the dislike of many commenters here was shared by many in Tver as well. Again, bit like Cromwell, though I think a generally superior human being...
Incase I forget to say, Merry Christmas all when the day comes
God bless and may you enjoy the festive season. I'm really happy that readers have the odd debate on here: makes me feel like I've actually done something vaguely useful/good for the world here
Episode LXXXVI: O Tver a Muse of Fire
Imperial Palace, City of Tver, 1818
Czarina Maria II, of the House of Khilkov, was resplendent. Her mighty empire, upon which the sun never set (if it did it would have been beaten up by the secret service) was strong, her enemies defeated, and the pretender Holy Roman Empire dismantled once and for all.
'You look satisfied, Czarina.'
'Fairly satisfied, Dobczyńska. I will never be truly content. Something still eludes me. I feel...unfulfilled.'
'We'll see about that.'
'What do you...what are you doing? Help! Bodyguarmmglmf.'
'I am your bodyguard.'
'I'm a bad influence on you.'
'Diabolical, Czarina. What now?'
'I fancy a bit of violence.'
'Come on now, I know we're adventurous but I'm not really into...'
'The military kind of violence.'
'Oh. Remember Professor Brodsky? Always said that we should “make violins, not violence”.'
'He was an idiot.'
'Well, maybe we can do both.'
'How?'
'Cremona.'
'And?'
'Cremona's famous for violins. How can you not know that, you grew up in Modena!'
'I don't play the violin. Prefer woodwind.'
'Your husband's oboe is quite something.'
'And we can go clothes shopping in Milano.'
'You can do that already. Milano is within the Imperial Commonwealsth.'
'Don't be stupid. I just declared war on them.'
'The Duke of Milan resides in Cremona. The City of Milan is already within thy imperious realm.'
'...I still don't get it.'
'Never mind. Their allies are Finland and Siena.'
'Finland?'
'Membership application I think. They've been Nokia the door for years.'
'Don't know. Don't they have dangerous wildlife?'
'I hear Finnish birds can be very angry. But sadly, they're so well fortified our ambassadors can't get in to negotiate their accession.' And our artillery is all on the western front.'
'Shame. I hear Russians are very welcome in Finland.'
'Their cocktail parties are legendary.'
'Shame. Well, annex Milan.'
'And Siena.'
'Afraid not, Czarina. They have a colony in North America.'
'Can't we take the main province?'
'No.'
'But we totally surround them?'
'Yes.'
[…]
'I know.'
'Vassalise them, then.'
'Useful, though a little disappointing.'
'I've always liked your husband.'
'I want to make an impact. It's hard when so many great monarchs have gone before you. You're always being compared to them.'
'You know what you should do?'
'What?'
'Make the rubbish ones more famous. Then you'll be compared favourably to them.'
'How?'
'Have the court poet compose a national epic commemorating one of the most worthless tyrannical monarchs ever to deserve his overenthusiastic haircut.'
'Poetry's not really my thing. Can we invade Naples?'
'No.'
'Why?'
'Truce. And it might be a bit dangerous. They've had a revolution.'
'Odd place for a revolution.'
'Never struck me as the type. Though Consul Napoleon – I mean Neapolitan- has a certain ring to it.'
'Might need to crush them some point down the line.'
'Napoleon Blownaparte?'
'Maybe that's what I need though, Dobczyńska. To chase my goals. I'm the most powerful woman in the world, I can do almost anything I want. Perhaps I should...embarce it. Properly.'
'Best to take one's chances in life. You never know for how long you'll have the opportunity.'
'So when I want something, I should take it?'
'Precisely. Carpe diem, Czarina.'
'Well, then...do you know what I've always wanted, Dobczyńska?'
'I'm eager to find out, Czarina.'
'You'll enjoy it, my darling. It's what I want, and what all who might read our story in the future would want. From me. From us.'
'Then...shall we?'
'Absolutely, Dobczyńska. Let's do it.'
'What?'
'...nothing.'
'I've always wanted to invade France. It's what you do! All proper monarchs harbour dreams of invading France.'
'Your ancestors managed to resist that temptation.'
'They weren't me!'
'Evidently...but all right. It would allow us to take Abruzzi off them, cementing your grip on the peninsula.'
'I want to take the south of France as well. Expand our Mediterranean holdings.'
'South of France? Sounds like a gamble.'
The Tverian attack on advance was launched from Burgundy's territory, allowing for a rapier thrust at the very heart of the French Empire: the city of Paris itself.
'Within a month, czarina, we can be in Gay Paris.'
'I regard myself as open-minded.'
On the banks of the Seine, a titanic battle took place between the most decadent of Europe's kingdoms and the new imperial superpower charging from the east. Once, hundreds of years before, such kingdoms had laughed at the small, fragile Russian state, asking what was the worth of this blue-grey principality on the fringe of civilisation. On that day, General Ukhtomsky showed the world exactly what the men of Tver are made of: that one Tverian is worth exactly two thousand, three hundred and fifty four Frenchmen.
This inspired self-sacrifice drove the army of the Imperial Commonwealth to a thunderous victory, as General Kashinsky led the Russian soldiers and Polish Hussars into a rout of the craven French!
On the Italian frotn, there was no need for such statue-worthy heroics, as the Imperial Commonwealth's soldeirs easily overpowered the defenders of L'Aquila and took the province of Abruzzi under their control.
'Paris is mine, Dobczyńska.'
'I've been there before. I climbed up the highest tower in Paris once.'
'What was it like?'
'Can't remember. I fell.'
'Should we move on?'
'Indeed. Fan our forces out to take as many provinces as quickly as possible. The more territory we take, the more geenrous concessions we can wring out of the king.'
'What's his name?'
'Louis the Twenty-Seventh.'
'How unimaginative.'
'Well, nobody calls the French revolutionary.'
Tver's armies, and those of her Barroise and Burgundian allies, met little resistance in north-eastern France, a refreshing change from the fortified defences of the European mini-states with nothing better to spend their money on.
'We've takebn over everything from Paris to the Netherlands, Dobczyńska. Cambrai.'
'We're out of their League.'
'Picardie.'
'A fine Enterprise. Make it so.'
'Artois.'
'Stellar.'
'And Bar have taken over the eastern wine-producing regions.'
'Time to break out the fizzy white stuff that doesn't yet have a geographically-based name.'
In the south, the Tverian advance was simialrly profitable: soon, the south east of the country from Rouerge to Dauphine was firmly under the Commonwealth's control.
The proud Kingdom of France lay crushed under the Czarina's stiletto, her armies scattered, her colonies looking on helplessly as the Commonwealth's armies ran amok through her ancient territories.
The peace was punishing: in recognition of her fine service, Bar were given the province of Champagne. For the Commonwalth, there would be excellent spoils. Already controlling north-west Italy up to Liguria, the Commonwelath acquired the French territories closest to Genoa, taking Lyon, Auvergne, Dauphine, Languedoc and Rouerge as well as her original target of Abruzzi in central Italy.
'Was it...as you hoped, Czarina?'
'Better, Dobczyńska. Much better.' The Czarina turned from her Palace balcony as, thousands of miles to the west, the towers of Paris continued to burn.
Imperial Palace, City of Tver, 1818
Czarina Maria II, of the House of Khilkov, was resplendent. Her mighty empire, upon which the sun never set (if it did it would have been beaten up by the secret service) was strong, her enemies defeated, and the pretender Holy Roman Empire dismantled once and for all.
'You look satisfied, Czarina.'
'Fairly satisfied, Dobczyńska. I will never be truly content. Something still eludes me. I feel...unfulfilled.'
'We'll see about that.'
'What do you...what are you doing? Help! Bodyguarmmglmf.'
'I am your bodyguard.'
'I'm a bad influence on you.'
'Diabolical, Czarina. What now?'
'I fancy a bit of violence.'
'Come on now, I know we're adventurous but I'm not really into...'
'The military kind of violence.'
'Oh. Remember Professor Brodsky? Always said that we should “make violins, not violence”.'
'He was an idiot.'
'Well, maybe we can do both.'
'How?'
'Cremona.'
'And?'
'Cremona's famous for violins. How can you not know that, you grew up in Modena!'
'I don't play the violin. Prefer woodwind.'
'Your husband's oboe is quite something.'
'And we can go clothes shopping in Milano.'
'You can do that already. Milano is within the Imperial Commonwealsth.'
'Don't be stupid. I just declared war on them.'
'The Duke of Milan resides in Cremona. The City of Milan is already within thy imperious realm.'
'...I still don't get it.'
'Never mind. Their allies are Finland and Siena.'
'Finland?'
'Membership application I think. They've been Nokia the door for years.'
'Don't know. Don't they have dangerous wildlife?'
'I hear Finnish birds can be very angry. But sadly, they're so well fortified our ambassadors can't get in to negotiate their accession.' And our artillery is all on the western front.'
'Shame. I hear Russians are very welcome in Finland.'
'Their cocktail parties are legendary.'
'Shame. Well, annex Milan.'
'And Siena.'
'Afraid not, Czarina. They have a colony in North America.'
'Can't we take the main province?'
'No.'
'But we totally surround them?'
'Yes.'
[…]
'I know.'
'Vassalise them, then.'
'Useful, though a little disappointing.'
'I've always liked your husband.'
'I want to make an impact. It's hard when so many great monarchs have gone before you. You're always being compared to them.'
'You know what you should do?'
'What?'
'Make the rubbish ones more famous. Then you'll be compared favourably to them.'
'How?'
'Have the court poet compose a national epic commemorating one of the most worthless tyrannical monarchs ever to deserve his overenthusiastic haircut.'
'Poetry's not really my thing. Can we invade Naples?'
'No.'
'Why?'
'Truce. And it might be a bit dangerous. They've had a revolution.'
'Odd place for a revolution.'
'Never struck me as the type. Though Consul Napoleon – I mean Neapolitan- has a certain ring to it.'
'Might need to crush them some point down the line.'
'Napoleon Blownaparte?'
'Maybe that's what I need though, Dobczyńska. To chase my goals. I'm the most powerful woman in the world, I can do almost anything I want. Perhaps I should...embarce it. Properly.'
'Best to take one's chances in life. You never know for how long you'll have the opportunity.'
'So when I want something, I should take it?'
'Precisely. Carpe diem, Czarina.'
'Well, then...do you know what I've always wanted, Dobczyńska?'
'I'm eager to find out, Czarina.'
'You'll enjoy it, my darling. It's what I want, and what all who might read our story in the future would want. From me. From us.'
'Then...shall we?'
'Absolutely, Dobczyńska. Let's do it.'
'What?'
'...nothing.'
'I've always wanted to invade France. It's what you do! All proper monarchs harbour dreams of invading France.'
'Your ancestors managed to resist that temptation.'
'They weren't me!'
'Evidently...but all right. It would allow us to take Abruzzi off them, cementing your grip on the peninsula.'
'I want to take the south of France as well. Expand our Mediterranean holdings.'
'South of France? Sounds like a gamble.'
The Tverian attack on advance was launched from Burgundy's territory, allowing for a rapier thrust at the very heart of the French Empire: the city of Paris itself.
'Within a month, czarina, we can be in Gay Paris.'
'I regard myself as open-minded.'
On the banks of the Seine, a titanic battle took place between the most decadent of Europe's kingdoms and the new imperial superpower charging from the east. Once, hundreds of years before, such kingdoms had laughed at the small, fragile Russian state, asking what was the worth of this blue-grey principality on the fringe of civilisation. On that day, General Ukhtomsky showed the world exactly what the men of Tver are made of: that one Tverian is worth exactly two thousand, three hundred and fifty four Frenchmen.
This inspired self-sacrifice drove the army of the Imperial Commonwealth to a thunderous victory, as General Kashinsky led the Russian soldiers and Polish Hussars into a rout of the craven French!
On the Italian frotn, there was no need for such statue-worthy heroics, as the Imperial Commonwealth's soldeirs easily overpowered the defenders of L'Aquila and took the province of Abruzzi under their control.
'Paris is mine, Dobczyńska.'
'I've been there before. I climbed up the highest tower in Paris once.'
'What was it like?'
'Can't remember. I fell.'
'Should we move on?'
'Indeed. Fan our forces out to take as many provinces as quickly as possible. The more territory we take, the more geenrous concessions we can wring out of the king.'
'What's his name?'
'Louis the Twenty-Seventh.'
'How unimaginative.'
'Well, nobody calls the French revolutionary.'
Tver's armies, and those of her Barroise and Burgundian allies, met little resistance in north-eastern France, a refreshing change from the fortified defences of the European mini-states with nothing better to spend their money on.
'We've takebn over everything from Paris to the Netherlands, Dobczyńska. Cambrai.'
'We're out of their League.'
'Picardie.'
'A fine Enterprise. Make it so.'
'Artois.'
'Stellar.'
'And Bar have taken over the eastern wine-producing regions.'
'Time to break out the fizzy white stuff that doesn't yet have a geographically-based name.'
In the south, the Tverian advance was simialrly profitable: soon, the south east of the country from Rouerge to Dauphine was firmly under the Commonwealth's control.
The proud Kingdom of France lay crushed under the Czarina's stiletto, her armies scattered, her colonies looking on helplessly as the Commonwealth's armies ran amok through her ancient territories.
The peace was punishing: in recognition of her fine service, Bar were given the province of Champagne. For the Commonwalth, there would be excellent spoils. Already controlling north-west Italy up to Liguria, the Commonwelath acquired the French territories closest to Genoa, taking Lyon, Auvergne, Dauphine, Languedoc and Rouerge as well as her original target of Abruzzi in central Italy.
'Was it...as you hoped, Czarina?'
'Better, Dobczyńska. Much better.' The Czarina turned from her Palace balcony as, thousands of miles to the west, the towers of Paris continued to burn.
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I'm firmly in the belief that the puns is what has fueled Tver from start to finish. The Empire owes its existence to them!
Also good to see that Tsar Boris won't be forgotten, who knows what side history will take eventually.
Also good to see that Tsar Boris won't be forgotten, who knows what side history will take eventually.
Always very annoying when you can't take someone's capital because they own a few hundred square miles of moose in Canada.
I'm impressed with your energy so late in the game, I'm usually in mood just to let the clock run down, not to engage in new exciting wars - though beating the French is often rather the sort of thing one feels has to be done at least once in any game of EU (unless of course, playing the French)
Coincidentally I also just got off a large war with France in my EU4 Sweden game. Sadly I decided to just white peace out with them since I had other threats to deal with like a Russia invading my eastern holdings.
Stupendous stuff.
A welcome return to the monarchy, both House Sugorsky and Khilkov keeping up the fine Rurikovich traditions (alongside keeping up a few other things). Much conquest, punning, innovation, rebellion and warfare.
Indeed the above is.
Rightly so!
Reassuring that the future of Europe, and by extension much of the world, appears destined to be decided by the mighty Tverian Empire.
A welcome return to the monarchy, both House Sugorsky and Khilkov keeping up the fine Rurikovich traditions (alongside keeping up a few other things). Much conquest, punning, innovation, rebellion and warfare.
Indeed the above is.
Rightly so!
Reassuring that the future of Europe, and by extension much of the world, appears destined to be decided by the mighty Tverian Empire.
Hmmm
I had wondered when France would become your victim.
And as time is almost up, the time was now. Well played
I had wondered when France would become your victim.
And as time is almost up, the time was now. Well played
I wouldn't dare. I fought them centuries ago but didn't dare lay a finger on them!
Burn...in a good way, I hope. Not a 'my skin's falling off' way.
You're much better at this than I will ever be...
Definitely. It's probably what stopped anyone from annexing Tver when they had the chance. All the trouble the Horde could have saved the world from if they had acted sensibly...
And no, he certainly won't be forgotten, as you will see...
Infuriating. It's weird because I was able to take Vienna off Austria. Maybe it doesn't work on coastal provinces.
So was your [insert relative]
I was tempted, and I did have some quiet years to let my infamy decrease, and I often had truces with the countries I wanted to fight.
And yes, exactly. It's not a game of EUIII – or I suspect any other historical strategy – unless you batter the French at some point.
Buy me a copy and I'll see
It wouldn't be a good ideas, I'm still learning EUIV and CKII!Curses. Though as Sweden, France is already yours, they're even your colour!
I thought you would approve – of many things! And yes, the future's bright, the future's pleasantly greyish blue. We're open-minded, liberal and very heavily armed – what more could you possibly want from an overlord?
(a special thank you, as this AAR finishes, for your mighty works that inspired this one's creation. Without Glasgow Kiss, there would have been no InTveresting Times. So it's all your bluidy fault!)
It had to be done, wish I had got a bit further west so I could give them a proper doing – but still, not too bad for an obscure Russian duchy
And thanks. I'm no genius at this game, but this is more than I expected!I think even the French enjoy seeing France humbled.
To all:
It ends. Before this final post, I just want to say thank you to everyone. To all who have read this humble offering, your Views meant far more to me than they really should
It was great to know that people were reading it and, I hope, enjoying it.Even more so to those who have taken the time to comment, giving ideas and feedback, and often proving much funnier than I ever managed to be (admittedly, not too difficult).
And an extra-special thank-you to those who made regular comments on the AAR. You, above all, are the ones who sustained this story and inspired me to write more, to see it through to the bitter end. I was going to list special thanks, but it would take too long and I would miss somebody out, so for now I will restrain myself (Czarina Maria's never around when you need her) to those who commented on half or more of the episodes: loki100, Omen, RGB, Chief Ragusa, blsteen and, my geratest inspiration, morningSIDEr, along with many other regulars such as BogMod, memento Mori, Extreme Unction and homy_dog34.
Thank you, spasiiba, dziękuję to all readers, and have a wonderful New Year!
Episode LXXXVII: Tverminat Hora Diem, Tverminat Auctor Opus
Imperial Palace, City of Tver, 31 December 1821
And so we come, gentles all, into the final stretch of our journey. The Imperial Commonwealth of Tver, the mightiest, largest and most pleasantly greyish blue empire the world has ever known, stands triumphant over her enemies – and over France, The Common Enemy of All. The Austrians had been driven into the Balkans, the eagle's wings clipped by the Tverian bear. Bohemia is a minor Duchy of the Commonwealth, a stopping place on the road from Poland to Italy. The proud Kingdom of Hungary is a subservient vassal – and the Golden Horde, the terror from the east, is a distant memory, known only in paintings, statues, and stories told to bad children.
Many of Europa's greatest cities – Vienna, Prague, Kraków, and even Constantinople and ancient Roma, are provincial capitals of this titanic nation-state, all flying the two-tone red flag of the Commonwealth, the obedient followers of the new Caput Mundi – the City of Tver, and its ruler, Czarina Maria II, of the House of Khilkov. Scion of the Ruriks, Prince of Tver, Emperor of All the Russias, Queen of Poland and Modena.
'The evening draws late, Czarina.'
'It does, Dobczyńska. But there is still work to be done.'
Felicja Eilidh Dobczyńska, Captain of the Guard, Chief Advisor, and various other things tot he Czarina, stood beside the mightiest ruler the world had ever known (in territorial terms, if not in terms of personal ability), as the inheritors of that most noble house had done since time immemorial.
'What is your will, Czarina?'
'Do you know the one things that I can't stand?'
'Other than reading, negotiation or hanging your clothes up properly?'
'I have servants for those.'
'I'm not your servant. Well, all right, when you wear that particular...'
'What I cannot stand, Dobczyńska, is neutrality.'
'All of it?'
'Da. Neutrality is weak, weedy, indecisive.'
'You're certainly decisive, Czarina.'
'Indeed.'
'Though I sometimes wish you'd use a slightly smaller...'
'It is a cowardly way of living and I shall punish it wherever I see it.'
'Very well, Czarina. Whom are we punishing?'
'...actually, that makes a lot of sense.'
'Really? Are you feeling well, Dobczyńska? You usually try and spoil my fun.'
'Switzerland own the provinces between Liguria and our holdings in southern-eastern France. It's essential to unify the realm, and it may as well be done now when we have large armies in the area.'
'See? I am a tactical genius.'
'...yes, Czarina.'
'How are their forces? The Swiss are rich, are they not?'
'They're like...what was that nasty girl in our Latin class called?'
'Anastasia.'
'That's her. Large, but easily outmanoeuvred.'
'Heh. Did we ever let her out of that cupboard.'
'I think so. Certainly nobody will have heard her...'
The armies of Tver marched from south-east France into Switzerland's southern provinces. The main thrusts were aimed at Cuneo and Provence, one of the former capitals of the Holy Roman Empire.
The Battle of Provence saw Akim Beloselsky's army meet one of Switzerland's two large forces. The Swiss were no match for Beloselsky's well-drilled musketeers and devastating cavalry charges (the significant numerical advantage didn't do any harm either – to the Tverian force, at least). General Hiltebrand's army had no choice but to retreat back towards their heartlands.
'We should do soemthing to celebrate this great victory, Dobczyńska.'
'How about funding a university in Lublin?'
'...what?'
'Just thinking out loud here. Lublin's nice. And it doesn't have a university.'
'...fine. Universities are good, right?'
'I feel like we could have done with it a long time ago but, yes, it will enrich our people's learning and increase your fame and prestige.'
'Excellent. Mine splendour groweth!'
'That is an excellent corset...'
The Swiss defences, by this point, had more holes in them than cheeses from a multi-lingual alpine region between France and Germany. With Commonwealth troops in complete control of their southern provinces, and ready to advance across the Alps towards Bern and Zurich, the Swiss resorted to their only hope, their last line of defence, their ultimate, most devastating tactic against any attacker. They would prove themselves more than a nation of clerks and bankers! Tver would feel the wrath of Switzerland's ultimate weapon.
In France, meanwhile, Dobczyńska's spies convinced the weak King's cousin, Michel deRieu, to raise an army and try and take the crown for himself, potentially putting an ally of the Commonwealth on the throne of the globe-spanning French empire.
On the first of January, Dobczyńska submitted the Czarina's demand to the Lord Protector of Switzerland: Tver would acquire Piedmont and Nice, once more full unifying the Imperial Commonwealth while adding the beautiful city of Torino to the Czarina's collection.
Faced with an invasion of their heartland, the Lord Protector agreed: Dobczyńska would not have to bern them to the ground: this would, after all, have made them look like a bunch of Wallis. Nobody was sure why, but the acceptance seemed especially important. Timing is critical in everything, but on this day, more than others, it seemed especially so.
'Most satisfactory, Dobczyńska.'
'A pleasure, Czarina.'
'And defeating the Swiss was impressive too.' A pause. 'Dobczyńska...the Duchy of Piedmont is available.'
'No, czarina.'
'I thought not. No way I could convince you?'
'No perfume, clothing or other item from your Special Mahogany Wardrobe could convince me, Czarina.'
'Very well. One day you will tell me.'
'Tell you what?'
'Why you refuse every. You, and all your ancestors. You have been offered dozens of ducal titles for your services to Tver. And you always refuse.'
'It is our place to serve, Czarina.'
'You could serve me as a Duchess.'
'It's...the tale has been told once, Czarina. A long time ago. To the mightiest of your ancestors as he stared into the face of death. Perhaps it will be told again...but not today.'
'I see. Until then...we've done rather well, haven't we?'
'Quite stunningly well, czarina.'
'We've made a few enemies.'
'But a few friends as well. And what a legacy, Czarina. The Houses of Rurik, Sugorsky and Khilkov. Four hundred years. Mighty warriors and innovative thinkers.'
'Some of the greatest monarchs in all human history...'
'And some that are, perhaps, best forgotten..'
'But, whatever their flaws, they – and you – have built this invincible empire.'
'With a little help from a certain clan of Polish redheads.'
'Little?'
''Oh, all right. Ample.'
'Thank you. They're from my mother's side.'
'I am the captain of the ship of state – but you've always been the firm hand on the tiller.'
'I can be very firm with your tiller.'
'I look out of this window, and see what we have built.'
'The Imperial Commonwealth. Tuveria Magna. With the happiest people and strongest armies on God's earth.'
'Freedom is good. Mikhael II said that.'
'He did. And he was right.'
'A visionary, your ancestor. A dreamer.'
'More quality, less morons.'
'One out of two isn't bad...'
'So, Felicja Eilidh Dobczyńska. What now?'
'Now, Czarina? The future.'
'What kind of future?'
'I don't know. Whatever you like.'
'And we will all live Happily Ever AfTver.'
'Of course Czarina.'
'After all...'
'What could possibly go wrong?'
Terminat Hora Anno, Terminat Auctor Opus
Imperial Palace, City of Tver, 31 December 1821
And so we come, gentles all, into the final stretch of our journey. The Imperial Commonwealth of Tver, the mightiest, largest and most pleasantly greyish blue empire the world has ever known, stands triumphant over her enemies – and over France, The Common Enemy of All. The Austrians had been driven into the Balkans, the eagle's wings clipped by the Tverian bear. Bohemia is a minor Duchy of the Commonwealth, a stopping place on the road from Poland to Italy. The proud Kingdom of Hungary is a subservient vassal – and the Golden Horde, the terror from the east, is a distant memory, known only in paintings, statues, and stories told to bad children.
Many of Europa's greatest cities – Vienna, Prague, Kraków, and even Constantinople and ancient Roma, are provincial capitals of this titanic nation-state, all flying the two-tone red flag of the Commonwealth, the obedient followers of the new Caput Mundi – the City of Tver, and its ruler, Czarina Maria II, of the House of Khilkov. Scion of the Ruriks, Prince of Tver, Emperor of All the Russias, Queen of Poland and Modena.
'The evening draws late, Czarina.'
'It does, Dobczyńska. But there is still work to be done.'
Felicja Eilidh Dobczyńska, Captain of the Guard, Chief Advisor, and various other things tot he Czarina, stood beside the mightiest ruler the world had ever known (in territorial terms, if not in terms of personal ability), as the inheritors of that most noble house had done since time immemorial.
'What is your will, Czarina?'
'Do you know the one things that I can't stand?'
'Other than reading, negotiation or hanging your clothes up properly?'
'I have servants for those.'
'I'm not your servant. Well, all right, when you wear that particular...'
'What I cannot stand, Dobczyńska, is neutrality.'
'All of it?'
'Da. Neutrality is weak, weedy, indecisive.'
'You're certainly decisive, Czarina.'
'Indeed.'
'Though I sometimes wish you'd use a slightly smaller...'
'It is a cowardly way of living and I shall punish it wherever I see it.'
'Very well, Czarina. Whom are we punishing?'
'...actually, that makes a lot of sense.'
'Really? Are you feeling well, Dobczyńska? You usually try and spoil my fun.'
'Switzerland own the provinces between Liguria and our holdings in southern-eastern France. It's essential to unify the realm, and it may as well be done now when we have large armies in the area.'
'See? I am a tactical genius.'
'...yes, Czarina.'
'How are their forces? The Swiss are rich, are they not?'
'They're like...what was that nasty girl in our Latin class called?'
'Anastasia.'
'That's her. Large, but easily outmanoeuvred.'
'Heh. Did we ever let her out of that cupboard.'
'I think so. Certainly nobody will have heard her...'
The armies of Tver marched from south-east France into Switzerland's southern provinces. The main thrusts were aimed at Cuneo and Provence, one of the former capitals of the Holy Roman Empire.
The Battle of Provence saw Akim Beloselsky's army meet one of Switzerland's two large forces. The Swiss were no match for Beloselsky's well-drilled musketeers and devastating cavalry charges (the significant numerical advantage didn't do any harm either – to the Tverian force, at least). General Hiltebrand's army had no choice but to retreat back towards their heartlands.
'We should do soemthing to celebrate this great victory, Dobczyńska.'
'How about funding a university in Lublin?'
'...what?'
'Just thinking out loud here. Lublin's nice. And it doesn't have a university.'
'...fine. Universities are good, right?'
'I feel like we could have done with it a long time ago but, yes, it will enrich our people's learning and increase your fame and prestige.'
'Excellent. Mine splendour groweth!'
'That is an excellent corset...'
The Swiss defences, by this point, had more holes in them than cheeses from a multi-lingual alpine region between France and Germany. With Commonwealth troops in complete control of their southern provinces, and ready to advance across the Alps towards Bern and Zurich, the Swiss resorted to their only hope, their last line of defence, their ultimate, most devastating tactic against any attacker. They would prove themselves more than a nation of clerks and bankers! Tver would feel the wrath of Switzerland's ultimate weapon.
In France, meanwhile, Dobczyńska's spies convinced the weak King's cousin, Michel deRieu, to raise an army and try and take the crown for himself, potentially putting an ally of the Commonwealth on the throne of the globe-spanning French empire.
On the first of January, Dobczyńska submitted the Czarina's demand to the Lord Protector of Switzerland: Tver would acquire Piedmont and Nice, once more full unifying the Imperial Commonwealth while adding the beautiful city of Torino to the Czarina's collection.
Faced with an invasion of their heartland, the Lord Protector agreed: Dobczyńska would not have to bern them to the ground: this would, after all, have made them look like a bunch of Wallis. Nobody was sure why, but the acceptance seemed especially important. Timing is critical in everything, but on this day, more than others, it seemed especially so.
'Most satisfactory, Dobczyńska.'
'A pleasure, Czarina.'
'And defeating the Swiss was impressive too.' A pause. 'Dobczyńska...the Duchy of Piedmont is available.'
'No, czarina.'
'I thought not. No way I could convince you?'
'No perfume, clothing or other item from your Special Mahogany Wardrobe could convince me, Czarina.'
'Very well. One day you will tell me.'
'Tell you what?'
'Why you refuse every. You, and all your ancestors. You have been offered dozens of ducal titles for your services to Tver. And you always refuse.'
'It is our place to serve, Czarina.'
'You could serve me as a Duchess.'
'It's...the tale has been told once, Czarina. A long time ago. To the mightiest of your ancestors as he stared into the face of death. Perhaps it will be told again...but not today.'
'I see. Until then...we've done rather well, haven't we?'
'Quite stunningly well, czarina.'
'We've made a few enemies.'
'But a few friends as well. And what a legacy, Czarina. The Houses of Rurik, Sugorsky and Khilkov. Four hundred years. Mighty warriors and innovative thinkers.'
'Some of the greatest monarchs in all human history...'
'And some that are, perhaps, best forgotten..'
'But, whatever their flaws, they – and you – have built this invincible empire.'
'With a little help from a certain clan of Polish redheads.'
'Little?'
''Oh, all right. Ample.'
'Thank you. They're from my mother's side.'
'I am the captain of the ship of state – but you've always been the firm hand on the tiller.'
'I can be very firm with your tiller.'
'I look out of this window, and see what we have built.'
'The Imperial Commonwealth. Tuveria Magna. With the happiest people and strongest armies on God's earth.'
'Freedom is good. Mikhael II said that.'
'He did. And he was right.'
'A visionary, your ancestor. A dreamer.'
'More quality, less morons.'
'One out of two isn't bad...'
'So, Felicja Eilidh Dobczyńska. What now?'
'Now, Czarina? The future.'
'What kind of future?'
'I don't know. Whatever you like.'
'And we will all live Happily Ever AfTver.'
'Of course Czarina.'
'After all...'
'What could possibly go wrong?'
Terminat Hora Anno, Terminat Auctor Opus
So many good AAR's ending today
Then again, so many good AAR's ending today
you did miss the AAR's second anniversary by 12 days though, this clearly proves you should have taken the Swiss clock-factories over earlier
It was a great read, very well done.
Then again, so many good AAR's ending today
you did miss the AAR's second anniversary by 12 days though, this clearly proves you should have taken the Swiss clock-factories over earlier
It was a great read, very well done.
well done you.
So glad you didn't give up when being overrun by hordes every other day. You've produced a range of brilliant characters, shifted tone a few times (I did so enjoy the Huiver interlude) and the drawings (plus dramatic deaths) were spot on throughout. And yes the puns were impressive, brilliantly deployed to keep the narrative running along.
so, at the risk of breaching a rule ... Большое спасибо и С Новым Годом, да здравствует Тверь
So glad you didn't give up when being overrun by hordes every other day. You've produced a range of brilliant characters, shifted tone a few times (I did so enjoy the Huiver interlude) and the drawings (plus dramatic deaths) were spot on throughout. And yes the puns were impressive, brilliantly deployed to keep the narrative running along.
so, at the risk of breaching a rule ... Большое спасибо и С Новым Годом, да здравствует Тверь
Well done! I will miss those crazy Tverians.
Who was your favorite monarch and your favorite Doncynzki?
Who was your favorite monarch and your favorite Doncynzki?