InTveresting Times: An AfTver Action Report

[Avindian]

The statue line was brilliant!

[Extreme Unction]

If it weren't for the fact that Mikhael is actually astoundingly competent, I'd say he was clearly an anscestor of Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

EDIT: And to further the connection, Blofeld was born to a Polish father and a Greek mother in Gdynia, Poland.

[Memento Mori]

Mitrofan Mikulynski, the Master of Mint? With such a name, he was destined for greatness on this position

And about Riga, perhaps Vlad Telyatevsky just wanted to avenge the late monarch, who rushed to his final charge after hearing that Riga warned Tver? If so, his demise was quite a poetic end (being eaten by the same tiger as the man he wanted to avenge )

[Fyregecko]

@ loki100; If the Stewarts had thought to get Russian hair stylists and a couple of tigers in, who knows what Scotland would look like today?

@ morningSIDEr: I hoped that you would approve. I've missed drawing Aleks II. Obviously, the statue's mighty blade is not to scale, and you can't see it properly in the image: the artist decided to scale it down so that uncultured tpurists wouldn't use iot to hang their washing on.

@ Omen: Thanks mate The current heir is Konstantin, who is either a 6/4/4, 4/6/4 or 4/4/6, can't remember off hand. Nasty piece of work. Hoping to feature him in the update after this one, assuming he doesn't have a Hunting Accident or anything.

And while the thought of a Rurikovich/Pusia offspring is interesting, she has eyes only for Dobczyński...

@ Avindian: Cheers Sadly, I don't think the statue exists any more, would have been one of the main tourist attractions of hungary I suspect.

@ Extreme Unction: They could be very distantly related, Mikhael's brilliance diluted along the way. 'Call that a cat, Blofeld? This is a cat!'

@ Memento Mori: I'm sure that Telyatevsky had good reason for his suggestion. In his own head. Sadly, Mikhael thought that he would do better in an alternative post. He's practical like that.

@ All: next update is short and very gameplay oriented, so there won't be that much text. This is probably a good thing, and it means I can't talk as much bollocks.

[Fyregecko]

Episode XXVI: Tversted Interests

Dobczyński entered Prince Mikhael’s study, closing the door behind him. The Prince of Tver looked up and smiled as his retainer entered. As did Pusia, who loped over to the veteran soldier. Her eyelashes fluttered, and she rubbed her neck against his leg, purring gently. He smiled awkwardly, gently stroking her luxurious fur, ready to jerk his hand out of amputation range at a moment’s notice.

‘Good morning, sir.’

‘Good morning, Dobczyński! A glass of wine?’ He gestured at the bottle of red that sat on his desk. ‘ A Burgundian ’22, outstanding vintage.’

Dobczyński’s nose twitched involuntarily. ‘Very kind, sir, but no thank you.’ Being of mixed Polish/Scottish inheritance, and having spent his working life in Russia, Dobczyński was very fond of spirits, but not wine. Red wine, in particular, turned his stomach. Given a choice between a red Burgundian ’22 and a glass of his own urine, he would have taken the Dobczyński Number One House White every time.

Mikhael smiled. ‘I will make a civilised man of you one day, Dobczyński.’

‘I’m sure you will, sir. Talking of civilisation, the princess sends her greetings, and hopes that her husband dies soon so that she can come home.’

In order to further good relations with his Russian neighbours, Mikhael had approved of the marriage of his daughter, princess Barbara, to the Prince of Murom. It had strengthened the two countries’ relationship...and would, Mikhael hoped, bring some civilisation to the rather poor, backward principality.



Dobczyński continued. ‘And some good news, sir. Our re-fitting programme for the army’s weapons is complete. We’ve reformed our cavalry and artillery units, and equipped all infantry with pikes.’



‘You approve of pikes, Dobczyński?’

‘Certainly, sir. Always liked a good, firm shaft. And finally, the colonisation of Bersh is complete.’



‘Excellent! Begin construction of a holiday resort.’

‘Yes, sir.’

Not everyone, though, was enamoured of Mikhael’s revitalisation of Bersh as a place of relaxation. Another Sunni uprising occurred in Samara, requiring to be put down by Sheleshpansky’s troops.



With Bersh now under control, Mikhael moved his attention to the next Nogai province: the trade city of Astrakhan. Its capture would be a huge economic boon to the Principality, granting them control of a second major centre of commerce.



Mikhael, meanwhile, had grown tired of his ineffectual government. He dismissed them, giving them a week in which to arrange a new cabinet for his approval. With direct control, he set the nation a new, more sensible goal.



‘Cousin Boris is in a difficult position, Dobczyński. We must look after him and his people.’

‘Yes, sir. Shall we try and be diplomatic about it?’

‘Of course! He is family, after all! We Rurikoviches have to stick together!’

‘Very well, sir.’

‘And...Murom.’

‘Murom, sir?’

‘I think it may be time to take matters in hand, Dobczyński. The prince is...unsuitable.’

‘Unstuitable, sir?’

‘Yes. To be a prince of Russia, Dobczyński. He knows nothing of art, or science. An idiot in a diamond-studded crown. He builds no statues, funds no artists! What will he leave behind him? Nothing.’

‘Then why did you let Princess Barbara marry him?’

‘I thought that she could improve him, Dobczyński. Introduce him to the wonders of culture. But he is a boor, nothing more, nothing less. It is time to save his country’s artistic legacy.’ He sighed. ‘Let it be known that the Principality of Tver claims the throne of Murom.’



The reply came a week later: the prince of Murom rejected Mikhael’s claim to the throne or Murom. The Prince of Tver was going to have to do this the hard way.



He had hoped that Cousin Boris would join him in this just and noble endeavour. Boris, though, was a man of little more artistic ability that the Prince of Murom – and even less of a military tactician. With his six thousand men located in the east, fighting the Golden Horde, leaving Moscow completely open to Tverian attack...he decided to side with Murom.



Dobczyński and the third army decided that it was time to put the Prince of Muscowy out of his misery.



The Battle for Moscow was short. As the Tverians advanced, one of Dobczyński’s footsoldiers fell down a manhole. Paralysed with laughter, the Muscovites had little choice but to surrender.



Dobczyński began the attack, and the largest city in Russia was soon in Tverian hands.



Holed up in his palace, Dobczyński convinced the Duke of Muscowy to become a Vassal of his cousin, and to build at least one statue a month, in exchange for keeping his throne.



The battle for Murom was similarly short, their small army immediately surrendering to the forces of Tver. The city was soon under Tverian control.



The Prince of Murom was deposed, and replaced by Princess Barbara, who would rule in the name of her father.



War with the Golden Horde had broken out again, but the Tartars posed little threat to the armies of Tver.



Further good news was soon to reach Mikhael as Astrakhan was brought under control of Tver, granting the Principality its second Centre of Trade. Merchants flocked to take advantage of new commercial opportunities.



With new gains to the south east, the maps of Tver were again redrawn.



With three crowns to his name, and that of Muscowy his to give to a vassal Duke, Mikhail was the undisputed master of Russia. He was surrounded by potential foes, with the rampant Hungarians to the west and the powerful Ottomans bordering his new city of Astrakhan.

[loki100]

Dobczyński entered Prince Mikhael’s study, closing the door behind him. The Prince of Tver looked up and smiled as his retainer entered. As did Pusia, who loped over to the veteran soldier. Her eyelashes fluttered, and she rubbed her neck against his leg, purring gently. He smiled awkwardly, gently stroking her luxurious fur, ready to jerk his hand out of amputation range at a moment’s notice.

sounds like one of my cats ... please stroke me so I can maim you as a result

Its good that Mikhail is trying to bring fine wines and high culture to Russia but its clear he has a long way to go, though if all your neighbours are numpties like Muscovy and Murom you should be ok.

Given the past history of pike related incidents, you'd think your nobles would have seen more merit in a good large sword instead?

[Edlar89]

I like the fact that "Golden Horde Europe" is further away from Europe than "Golden Horde"!

You really need to take control of the rest of "Kazakh Europe" and "Golden Horde" as Tver is starting to look like the cryllic letter Л.

[Omen]

That Hungarian appendage sticking into lands rightfully belonging to Tver is aching to be cut off.

Too bad you can't make plots to kill off unsuitable heirs in EU3 . . .

[Fyregecko]

@ loki100: Culture-wise, he's fighting a losing battle. And yes, pikes are ruddy dangerous. However, they're better than swords for roasting things on, which I assume is why you get the Morale boost as well as the weapon upgrade.

@ Edlar89: I hadn't noticed that, but yes, rather amusing. I assume it's because their capital (Sarai) is in the more western part. And I'm trying! Not easy when all the provinces are taken up by countries that aren't planning to colonise them.

@ Omen: Yes, yes it is. Annoyingly, they've had two Boundary Disputes on me in the last few years. I've had one in the entire game, and that was over fifty years ago. Especially annoying as most of my leaders have had good Diplomacy scores.

[RGB]

Tver roars like a tiger!!! You know where one can find more tigers? Siberia. And you know where there are no tigers? Hungary. I'm sure there's a pun in there somewhere. Being digested.

[Edlar89]

@ Edlar89: I hadn't noticed that, but yes, rather amusing. I assume it's because their capital (Sarai) is in the more western part. And I'm trying! Not easy when all the provinces are taken up by countries that aren't planning to colonise them.

@ Omen: Yes, yes it is. Annoyingly, they've had two Boundary Disputes on me in the last few years. I've had one in the entire game, and that was over fifty years ago. Especially annoying as most of my leaders have had good Diplomacy scores.

If you start a war with Hungary and then start absolutely battering them, they're more likely to white peace with Kazakh and GH to concentrate on you. Then you can peace with Hungary for a small prize and be free to rightfully annex Russian lands currently controlled by Hordes.

[Extreme Unction]

Here's a handy tip to help acquire all those horde lands which are currently being occupied by other nations you might not want to go to war with just yet.

Fund revolts in the occupied territories. You take the diplomacy hit with the occupied nation, which in this case is a horde nation, so who cares? The rebels will clear out the occupiers, and then you can move in and occupy the territory yourself.

[Fyregecko]

@ RGB: I think we share the same sentiment. There shall be eastern expansion, fear not More bears and more tigers!

@ Edlar89: We shall see Though as you're about to see the problem has reduced a bit.

@ Extreme Unction: An interesting tip I'll bear it in mind for the future, might come in handy.

[Fyregecko]

Episode XVII: Tverms And Conditions



Mikhael III Rurikovich, Grand Prince of Tver, Ryazan and Murom, was the undisputed master of Russia. His enemies were in full retreat and, while new potential threats were rising both to the west and the south, now was a time for consolidation.

His son, Crown Prince Konstantin, did not agree. Recently appointed as Archbishop of Vladimir, he was a pious man who had dedicated his life to the service of religion. He saw the Ottoman heathen advance towards them, the heretical Magyars devouring the Crimea. He said that his father was not decisive enough. With the Hordes in retreat, the time had come to take the battle to new enemies!

Mikhael, though, did not agree. Tver was richer than she had ever been, but she had much more territory to cover: and much of that was rife with potential trouble, both cultural and religious. There would be a time for crushing the Turk, he reassured his son and heir. There would be a time to send the Hungarians running back to the Pope, tails between their legs. But that time was not now.

‘Dobczyński!’

Mikhael’s retainer entered.

‘Sir.’

‘The new statue of myself is ready for transport to Murom?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Then have it sent, without delay. We must cement our relations with Murom’s parliament, lest they have...unwise ideas about the union.’

‘Sir.’



‘Next, send a letter to Cousin Boris in Moscow. Remind him that we expect his full co-operation...in exchange for his realm’s defence against the heathen and the heretic.’



‘Now then. How goes the colonising?’

‘Very well, sir. We have begun to bring Ufa under our control. The city is rich and the land is good for sheep farming.’

‘You approve?’

‘As an Aberdonian, sir, if there’s one thing I know...it’s sheep.’



‘Splendid. Then let us make certain of our defences – the First Lord of Murom has my answer?’

‘Yes, sir. They accept not only your overlordship, but also a formal military alliance. Their soldiers are ours.’



‘Good. Then advance our armies into Kalmykia and Sarai. We must take control of these areas before our...western cousins decide to extend their scavenging.’



Further good news was soon to reach the Prince’s ears: further improvements in military technology had been made, including the creation of larger, louder cannons.



There was trouble, though, in their Ukrainian territories, as support grew in Podolia for the teachings of Knox and Calvin. En masse, the people rejected the Orthodox church, destroying icons and altars and opting for a more austere form of Christian worship.



Prince-Bishop Konstantin demanded military action, but once more Mikhael pledged patience. Now was not the time for forced conversions. Re-education would come later.

The Golden Horde was no challenge to the Princepality’s armies, and Kalmykia and Sarai – the Horde’s capital city – were rapidly taken. Terrible revenge was wreaked on the latter: mosques were torched, statues destroyed, and – so it is said – the Khan’s favourite cattle were used to make steak pie. Mikhael was disappointed to hear of such acts of vandalism.

‘Steak without red wine?’ He sighed. ‘Culture will be the death of me...’



Further good news reached Tver soon afterwards: the Hungarians had made peace with the Horde. The Magyar kingdom was bloated and unshapely (much like its king, Mikhael suggested – the man didn’t drink enough mint with fennel), but sated for the time being. A chance had presented itself. Mikhael had hoped to wind down Tver’s military commitments, but this chance might not come again: an opportunity to remove the Catholics’ access to Horde territory and stop their further spread.



He proposed a reform to the Government: to further centralise the Principality’s operations, improving efficiency. While the government themselves agreed, many regional nobles were concerned at this move. Mikhael had been growing more powerful and confident, and there were whispers that he had higher ambitions than ‘mere’ princedom.



Orthodox missionary efforts in the east, though, had a notable success, as the population of Samara, and its surrounding gold-mining region, were rapidly converting to Tver’s official religion.



Further east, the Ufa region was brought under Tver’s control, further expanding the Principality’s buffer zone against the steppe nomads, and bringing another fairly prosperous region into their sphere of influence.



With the Hungarians gone, their former occupied zones were ripe for the taking, Bogutjar the first to be brought under Tverian control.



The city of Samara, though, was not yet free of trouble. A huge nationalist uprising gained momentum in the city and surrounding areas.



General Sheleshpansky’s troops were hard-pressed, but were ultimately able to restore order.



Almost immediately afterwards, Ufa was overrun by the Kazakhs, the city’s lack of fortifications making it an easy target.



Kalmykia was soon colonised by Tverian settlers, and integrated into the Principality.



Sad news reached the Prince soon afterwards, though: General Sheleshpansky had taken his troops too far into Siberian territory, and been eaten by a bear. The Prince regretted his loss, and that he had not been consumed in a more appropriate manner. Apple sauce was, he believed, the appropriate marinade for human, on the basis that it – supposedly – tasted similar to pork.



Mikhael had received a note from the Guild of Cartographers. They were annoyed again, but by the shape of Tver, but by the nasty colour clash provided by the small, grey state of Zaporozhia. They would have none of his suggestions that they simply ‘use another colour you idiots.’ Zaporozhia was grey. It always had been, and always would be. There was only one way to settle this most infuriating of issues:

[Omen]

A priest! Excellent, that will be a very interesting addition to the line of Princes. If he survives that is.

‘Steak without red wine?’ He sighed. ‘Culture will be the death of me...’

Foreshadowing, I'm certain.

[blsteen]

Excellent that both Murom and Muscowy are being brought further under the TVer umbrella.
The Hungarian advance must be dealt with.

[RGB]

Tigers and bears, oh my. Missing are lions. Maybe they're in Hungary.

I swear I will get this right some day.

[loki100]

but once more Mikhael pledged patience. Now was not the time for forced conversions. Re-education would come later.

foreshadowing again?

Its good that you have more boomy cannons to play with now, but you'd have thought by now your generals etc had learnt to be cautious around wild animals

Missing are lions. Maybe they're in Hungary.

or just not hungry enough?

[morningSIDEr]

He had hoped that Cousin Boris would join him in this just and noble endeavour. Boris, though, was a man of little more artistic ability that the Prince of Murom – and even less of a military tactician. With his six thousand men located in the east, fighting the Golden Horde, leaving Moscow completely open to Tverian attack...he decided to side with Murom.

Clearly a winning strategy.

Excellent stuff. Good to see Mikhael continuing to aid the poor, benighted barbarians on his border. Happily and selflessly he is crushing their armies, sacking and pillaging their lands and bestowing upon them the gift of civilisation; great art. Truly Mikhael is a most brilliant ruler.

[Extreme Unction]

One of the nice things about annexing all that Horde territory is that the pre-Russian states (Tver, Novgorod, Muscovy, etc) as well as Russia itself should you form it get massive bonuses to culture flip Tatar territories. In my Novgorod/Russia game, all but one of the Tatar territories had culture-flipped to Russian culture by game end.