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Thread: Epirus AAR - Of Carpets, Sandwiches, and The Roman Menace

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    Epirus AAR - Of Carpets, Sandwiches, and The Roman Menace

    (Writer's note: this is my first AAR and only my fourth game of EU: Rome. Things may go poorly.)

    Journal of Pyrrhus Aeacidae, Basileus of Epirus

    2nd January, 474 AVC

    Glorious day! Today I raised an army of 18,000 men and a fleet with which to crush those upstarts in Rome who had the gall to declare war on my good friends in Magna Graeca. I'm sure it'll go really well, and nobody will remember the name "Rome" in a thousand years. Likewise, I'm 100% sure my name will live for a thousand years, in an immensely positive way totally unassociated with victories that weren't worth the price.

    In fact, I feel so confident I'm going to go make myself a sandwich while my army prepares.

    Pyrrhus


    6th January, 474 AVC

    Today my grand fleet, creatively named "1st Nautikon" (greek for "first navy" in case you're dense) has taken to the seas of Mare Hadriaticum. I shall use it to cleverly deploy my armies deep in Roman territory, i.e. In Apulia, the only Roman province I can reach from the Mare Hadriaticum. I have taken command of the fleet myself and fulfilled one of my lifelong ambitions - to order an entire squadron of ships to spell my name in the ocean. I'm so clever.

    In my absence, I have commanded my Grand Vizier Acnonios Pytheid to take over my Grand Army (creatively named "1st Strategos"). It won't be the same as leading them personally given that Acnonios has the administration skills of a blind/deaf cow, but I hear he's a gifted tactician and great fun at parties.

    I've also taken it upon myself to inspect our relationship with our neighbors, and I find it most
    troubling. It seems we're universally hated. I wonder when that happened?

    Pyrrhus


    7th Febuary, 474 AVC

    Success! 1st Stratos has landed in Apulia, just as I planned. I have renamed the army "Victory" in honor of this achievement. My chief sycophant tried to tell me this might be premature, so I fired him. My master plan is unbeatable, and I have considered every eventuality!

    Unfortunately, someone other than me failed to consider the fact that my Grand Fleet can only carry half of my army. The other half is en route to Tarentum, the capital of my Greek allies, which fell to the Roman legions under Publius Cornelius Rufinus before anyone could arrive to help. I heard some crackpot story about a giant bunny rabbit with men inside, but I don't believe it. The Greeks in southern Italy are merely lost without me.

    The Romans currently dine in the extravagant palaces where my Greek allies should even now be entertaining me. This cannot stand. I have dispatched the other half of my army to re-beseige Tarentum. I delegated this task to Hieron Gelon, a charming family man who helps me out on the side as my Chief Torturer. I'm sure he'll have the region right as rain in a few weeks at most. He certainly does a good job of keeping my prison population low.

    Pyrrhus


    18th Febuary, 474 AVC

    I just received word that an army from Magna Graeca has engaged the Roman legions outside Lucania! I anticipate news of a swift victory soon.

    Pyrrhus


    20th Febuary, 474 AVC

    Those god-forsaken Italian Greeks couldn't fight their way out of a sandbox with a shovel.

    Pyrrhus


    15th March, 474 AVC

    The craven Italian Greeks have caved and abandoned Ager Bruttius to the vile Romans without a fight in exchange for peace, and the Romans have stolen a march on my witless commander Acnonios Pytheid and engaged the half of my army in Lucania. Now I'm forced to pay the bill for EVERYONE ELSE. The downside of being so awesome is that nobody can compare to me.

    There's no way my second army can relieve Acnonios in time, and I don't like the idea of leaving him outnumbered two to one, so I've devised a scheme of ferrying 2nd Stratos up to Victory using my navy. I have decided to call this strategy "Epirus Rules", and have commenced operation "Acnonios You Moron, What The Blazes Are You Doing".

    Victory (the state of being, not my army) must be assured. I must triumph. I must also make another sandwich. I'm hungry again.

    Pyrrhus


    15th April, 474 AVC

    Acnonios and Rufinus have been skirmishing for a month. A month! It's like March was just some vast wormhole which ate half my army. Un. Freaking. Believeable. You have elephants, Acnonios! He doesn't! RUN THE ELEPHANTS AT HIS ARMY AND CHARGE IN AFTERWARDS! How hard would that be? He keeps insisting he has a "grand strategy" and that "You must be patient" and that "I will order a wedge attack in the next assault" and "You really should put some pants on", but how can I trust a man who just hangs around hemorrhaging troops like he does?

    I'm considering sending my good pal Hieron to... motivate him. But not yet. I'll wait a bit longer before I put him in that position.

    Just not much longer.

    Pyrrhus


    7th May, 474 AVC

    We've lost the battle of Apulia. I take some consolation in the fact that despite 5500 of my 17000 men dying, we managed to wipe out 10000 of Rome's 26000. A few more victories like that, and he will be undone. I've declared that, henceforth, costly wins shall be known as "Rufinic Victories" after the Roman leader, Rufinus, commanding their forces. I've also commissioned a lovely tapestry of fleeing Romans in commemoration of the brave Epirote men who killed a lot of Romans before dying.

    But I'm still going to make Acnonios wear the "I lost a major battle and now I'm a social pariah" shirt for a year. And I've changed the name of the army from "Victory" to "Humiliating Defeat". That should motivate them to do better next time. Whose idea was it to name them Victory again? I'm pretty sure it was that annoying sycophant I fired a while back. I should have Hieron pay him a visit, and invite him to stay in my palace.

    My retreating armies shall soon arrive in Tarentum, where all the cowardly Italian Greeks have been sitting around saying "I Told You So" and feeling good about their surrender ever since they heard of our loss. I have lodged a formal protest, demanding that they immediately pay me 100 sandwiches for being smug sissies. I have no doubt that they will comply.

    Pyrrhus


    30th May, 474 AVC

    After careful consideration, I have decided that the loss was not entirely Acnonios's fault. It was the fact that those Italian Greeks (hereafter referred to as "Carpets") let themselves get walked all over. If the Carpets had just stood up to the Romans, we wouldn't have had to fight such a poorly placed battle.

    I have ordered all carpets in my palace burned, in symbolic outrage. I trust that the Italian Greeks will understand the clear message.

    It has become obvious that the devil Rufinus is headed for an invasion of Syracuse. I have begun to ferry my army to Sicily to defend the city, and anticipate being able to fight a much more favorable battle. I shall trap his army between my defending armies on the shores of Sicily, acting as a "Hammer", and my fleet cutting off his retreat, acting as "A Bigger, Flatter Hammer". One of my sycophantic underlings suggested that there might be a more concise way of putting this, but I had him legally declared a Carpet and exiled. I have no use for someone who can't appreciate the poetry of my genius.

    Thus begins "Operation Hammer and Bigger, Flatter Hammer". I know, this time, I shall see success.

    Pyrrhus


    1st August, 474 AVC

    My armies "Humiliating Defeat" and Hieron’s newly dubbed "Really Victory This Time" have taken up station in Syracuse. I will continue my blockade of the strait for another month to allow them to regain their morale and reinforce their ranks. Still, my new plan is foolproof. There is no possible way it can go wrong.

    On an unrelated note, I found a carpet in the room of one of my advisors. I have had him executed for unseemly sympathies. One simply cannot know whom to trust in these evil days - you never know who might end up having an unfortunate affinity for those vile floor-mats.

    Pyrrhus


    18th September, 474 AVC

    The Carpets are refusing to give me my sandwiches. I have ordered the creation of hundreds of carpets with the image of their prominent leaders in protest. The burning will be in a week - and the priests say we should have clear weather if we sacrifice enough goats. I have ordered that it be so.

    My Royal Treasurer Leonnatus Zagreid wrote me to tell me that we are running a deficit by keeping so many troops and ships in the field. I immediately set up an audience with him and told him not to have such a defeatist mentality. He just looked at me funny, and replied that he was sure I was right, and didn't I want to make sure I spent the entirety of our clothing-budget? I considered and instructed him to buy himself a new wardrobe. Not everyone can go unclothed as gracefully as I, after all. The poor man was likely intimidated by my obvious command of my physical form.

    I must remember to at least put on my crown during official state business. Very important to keep up appearances of authority.

    Pyrrhus


    7th October, 474 AVC

    Success! The vile Rufinus has taken my bait and crossed the channel, so I have moved my fleet to block his lines of retreat. Early reports have the battle going splendidly. If Acnonios keeps this up, I may even deign to allow him to stop introducing himself as "That Clod Who Effed Up The Brilliant Plans Of Our Glorious Leader In Apulia". I'm sure he'd appreciate that little gesture of goodwill.

    Pyrrhus


    23rd October, 474 AVC

    The armies are dancing around each other, and it appears that Vile Rufinus is again proving a more formidable opponent than I would like. Although Acnonios still seem to be winning the engagements much of the time, it is not so lopsided as I had hoped. My combined forces are proving to be less a "hammer" and more a "gentle breeze that ushers you in some general direction", which severly limits the utility of my masterfully commanded "Bigger, Flatter Hammer".

    I must think on how to improve this situation.

    Pyrrhus


    5th November, 474 AVC

    Eureka! I shall instruct Acnonios to lead his army to battle naked! They shall be inspired by my own example and decisively triumph!

    Pyrrhus


    6th November, 474 AVC

    I have left instructions with my servants to never again carry my orders if I am clearly drunk when issuing them. They may pretend to do so, but not actually do so.

    Some of my brilliant ideas are simply too brilliant to actively put into practice.

    Pyrrhus


    23rd November, 474 AVC

    Victory! Hail to the Basileus, baby!

    Acnonios and Hieron have routed the Vile Rufinus badly, killing 13000 of his 27000 men in exchange for only 5500 of our 17500. (This is the second battle in which 5500 of our men have died. Is this some sort of omen? I must give it thought.)

    Syracuse is secure, and Rufinus's army has been smashed on my Grand Fleet "Bigger, Flatter Hammer" like so many curds upon the teeth of a forcefully chewing cow. Nothing can stop us now! For our next step, we must reclaim the former Carpet-owned lands from Mother Roma's tyrranical grip. Operation "Suck it Rufinus, I Freaking Crushed Your Army" has officially commenced!

    Pyrrhus


    11th December, 474 AVC

    The aqueous assault of Ager Bruttius began today when I sent the army formerly named "Humiliating Defeat" and now dubbed "Rufinus's Mistresses” (because of what they, y'know, did to Rufinus. And I still haven't totally forgiven them for that loss at Apulia) into the new Roman province. They have already engaged the small rearguard Rufinus left behind, but I don't doubt Rufinus's Mistresses shall prevail. Or else.

    My Chief Torturer Hieron is ferrying himself along more slowly with his army "We're Nice Guys, Really!" I gave him the honor of renaming his legion due to the victory, and he's always wanted to call his army that. He's such a softie.

    Meanwhile, I am bringing "Bigger, Flatter Hammer" along to Sinus Tarentinus to blockade the cities of Ager Bruttius by sea. May they feel the eternal unending wrath of Pyrrhus and see the errors of their Carpet-y ways.

    Or else.

    Pyrrhus


    15th December, 474 AVC

    The Roman rearguard in Ager Bruttius retreated before Rufinus's Mistresses after only 350 casualties like the weak-willed simpletons they are. I ordered a day of celebration in which only sentence fragments and monosyllabic words may be uttered to commemorate their ineptitude. I'm enjoying it so much, that I just might extend it to a full week!

    Pyrrhus


    8th January, 475 AVC

    So my Hierophant, Cineas Philonid, came to me the other day and told me we were overdue for a major ritual to secure the favor of the gods, and what would I like to sacrifice in honor of anyway? I told him I've always wanted to be hailed as a god myself, but he hemmed and hawed and seemed really indecisive about whether that was a good idea, so I settled for a ritual that he claimed would make our fortresses invincible.

    So today is the big day, and Cineas comes up to me and tells me that it's going to cost a hundred gold coins to complete the ritual. Practically extortion, but there it is, and I'd really like our fortresses to be invincible. So I go ahead and shell out the money, and he thanks me and bows and says all those normal compliments about how I look so kingly when I'm not bound by little things like clothes.

    But then they finally get up there, and they go ahead and sacrifice the goat that was just crushed between two elephants consummating their union, and the priest is all "the intestines are knotted and frail! Our steadfast walls are not safe!" and starts riling up the people. So naturally I walk right up there, and I examine the intestines, and heck if they don't just look like intestines to me. I mean, it just seems like intestines are normally kind of knotted, and these ones were squelched between two elephants having a rollicking good time. What did the priests expect?

    So I had the offending priest carted off and killed. And then Cineas comes up and tries to tell me that I've cemented his interpretation of the ritual in the minds of the gods by killing their mouthpiece, and I can expect our defenses to be weaker for at least a year. And so I ask why the blazes I just gave him 100 gold coins if it was just going to make my fortresses crumble and all that jazz? He gives me some mumbo jumbo about fate and preordained signs and the inherent problems with murdering priests, but I knew what he wanted. The weasel was angling for more cash.

    But I'm wise to his game now. So I sent him on his way and returned to my fleet, thinking of ways to send all my priests to Rome to let them deal with the flighty embezzlers.

    In the meantime, I have a country to destroy.

    Pyrrhus


    4th Febuary, 475 AVC

    "We're Nice Guys, Really" has finally arrived in Ager Bruttius (which I'm told is having an absolutely devastating water shortage due to the siege), so I'm allowing Rufinus's Prostitues another chance at glory with an aqueous assault against the modest garrison of Lucania. May the crows feast upon the unjust! (Or, in this case, the Romans, who are clearly the more unjust of the two of us.)

    Pyrrhus


    24th Febuary, 475 AVC

    Curses! The Roman legion managed to escape to Bloody Apulia, site of Acnonios’s humiliating defeat, before Rufinus's Mistresses could catch them. At least the prospects of taking at least two provinces from these cowering Roman cretins looks good indeed.

    Pyrrhus


    20th March, 475 AVC

    Fortune has smiled upon us indeed, as we have opened a breach in the walls of Ager Bruttius's capital, Croton! I have ordered Hieron to assault the city with We're Nice Guys, Really and leave no survivors. He seems pleased with my decisive nature and I have no doubt he'll be an efficient exterminator of those Carpet-turned-Roman traitors. If he's successful, I may even grant him leave to go home and engage in a little instructional torture so that his son can start learning the ropes. Such a nice family!

    In other news, a large Roman fleet has been spotted in Mare Inferum off the coast of Sicily. I have ordered the Bigger, Flatter Hammer forward to intercept them. A grand battle is likely within the next week, and a chance to try my superior tactical skills for the first time directly against a Roman! We shall see what this "Quintus Aemilius Papus" is made of...

    Pyrrhus


    26th March, 475 AVC

    The assault on Croton within Ager Bruttius proceeds apace, and I have engaged Papus in the first of our feints and clever maneuvers. He is good, but I am better.

    Pyrrhus


    2nd May, 475 AVC

    Disaster! I have underestimated the resolve of these Roman dogs. Papus refused to be drawn into my clever traps, and even sank one of my ships! I have withdrawn to Syracuse with the remainder of my fleet to undergo repairs. In the meantime, I have decided morale needs to be improved among my fleet, and have thus renamed it "Totally Awesome".

    Hieron misjudged the tenacity of the defenders at Croton and was forced to withdraw after taking heavy casualties to his militia. I have cancelled his appointment to "BFF" status until he manages to erase this shame from his record.

    Pyrrhus


    21st August, 475 AVC

    God, these sieges and repairs just drag on and on, don't they? I've ordered all rats in my cities captured and burned, as I will burn the vile Romans.

    This week, rats. Next week, Rome. I'm sure they'll understand the significance of the symbolic warning.

    Pyrrhus


    13th September, 475 AVC

    Finally, after months of dithering and sitting on his hands, Hieron has restored himself to glory by capturing Croton and subduing Ager Bruttius. I have ordered him north to assist the incompetant Acnonios, whose Mistresses haven't broken Roman hearts in far too long. I have changed their name to "Lazy Mistresses” as a reprimand for this.

    My fleet still isn't seaworthy, and I suspect they are deliberately sabotaging repairs. I have told them all that I shall punish them by wearing a robe, and thus depriving them of my awe-inspiring naked perfection, until they shape up. They seemed oddly cheered by this, so I don't doubt that it was just what they needed as motivation.

    Pyrrhus


    4th October, 475 AVC

    I have just heard that the Vile Rufinus has received a second chance at command, being given ownership over the 6000 men that constitute Rome's pathetic attempt at revitalizing their army. I shall look forward to crushing him (by proxy) again.

    In other news, I decided I needed to root out sedition in my homeland. I ordered a hundred carpets made and then quickly issued a proclamation that creating carpets was punishable by death.

    I always knew that the ranks of the weavers were rife with traitors and treasonous mutterings.

    Pyrrhus

  2. #2
    Safe One Lofman's Avatar
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    Good fun. Pyrrhus is surely a great king, and there is no doubt victory is near.
    Still playing EU:Rome? Might check out my litte Rome mod

  3. #3
    Major Scipio Aemilius's Avatar
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    Awesome! If I humbly may give counsel to the naked wonder that is Basileus Pyrrhus, your highness should order a hundred carpets showing the proeminent south-italian carpets offering sandwiches on one side and skull and other death symbols on the other side. These should be distributed to their "rightful owner" as a warning and formal protest. Burning al the carpets of your kingdom should be an informal protest...

    Oh, and you should rename the Romans as carpets as well, since you will soon enough wipe your feet on them...
    Appius ait fabrum esse suae quemque fortunae.
    (Appius said that each one is the crafter of his/her own fate)
    Ps. Sall. 1, 1, 3

    Audaces Fortuna juvat, timidosque repellit.
    (Fate helps the audacious and scorns the fearful)
    Reference not found

  4. #4
    Journal of Pyrrhus Aeacidae, Basileus of Epirus

    20th October, 475 AVC

    "We're Nice Guys, Really!" has arrived to take over the sieges in Lucania, freeing "Lazy Mistresses" to take a second crack at Apulia (the province of Acnonios's shameful defeat). Meanwhile, that coward Rufinus continues to sit on his butt in Samnium to the north and send envoys demanding our unconditional surrender. The nerve! As soon as I repair my shattered navy, I'm going to set sail and blockade his port and force my way into his territory like the paragon of manliness I am. That'll show him.

    Wait, that came out way more suggestively than I intended. I... I think I need to go avail myself of my wife or something.

    Pyrrhus


    15th December, 475 AVC

    Repairs on my grand fleet "Totally Awesome" are finally nearing completion, so I have set out to lure that Roman rat Papus into another engagement. I have ordered the omens taken, and they are quite favorable. Either that, or it's a prime time to kill rats. (Granted, my relationship with the priests hasn't been quite the same since I ordered that one guy killed for wrongly interpreting goat intestines, but still...)

    I've also decided that my most dearly held wish (beyond the crushing of Rome like an overripe bucket of pomegranates) is to help out my good buddy Omirus Zosimid by trying to find a job for him. Granted, he's a narrow-minded cripple with a lisp and no useful skills, but he's very loyal! I need more men like him. Preferably without the lisp, or the crippled bit. I can live with unskilled and narrow-minded.

    Pyrrhus


    18th January, 476 AVC

    That cretin Rufinus is driving me crazy! He just sits up there in Samnium, pretty as you please, just daring us to go duke it out with him on his home turf. But every time I try to dispatch Acnonios and his Lazy Mistresses to go hit Apulia, he starts a forced march on poor Hieron. It's quite upsetting, especially because he turns right back around as soon as Acnonios returns to Lucania! I'm growing tired of his games, and may have to resort to drastic measures soon. Like trusting Acnonios to not screw up another assault. Or attempting another sacrifice with the priests. Or sending a blistering letter of protest to Rufinus, along with a dead rat.

    Pyrrhus is displeased. And when he is displeased, things burn.

    Pyrrhus


    24th January, 476 AVC

    I have instructed the slaves not to bring me flaming torches and oil when I am obviously drunk. They may pretend to do so, but not actually do so.

    In other news, Papus is refusing to acknowledge my attempts at instigating a rematch. I've started sending him strongly worded letters enclosed in tapestries depicting his visage with a rat instead of a nose. I trust he will understand my meaning.

    Pyrrhus


    25th January, 476 AVC

    As I was on one of my many inspections of my armies today I noticed a distinct lack of the... well... discipline and general victorious attitude that should be present in my legions. In order to rectify this, I deigned to consult with Cineas and the priests to arrange for a fortuitous circumstance known to the Hierophant as the "Zeal of Zeus" ritual. I myself dubbed it "The Pride of Pyrrhus". It was conducted as follows:

    I ran through the camps naked shouting “BEHOLD MY FORM! BEHOLD MY FORM!” over and over.

    ...and that's it. Beautiful in its simplicity. I must say, it certainly did motivate the men. They shall not forget this sight for months to come, and I dare say they will fight all the harder for knowing that I, their fearless leader, am behind them. I have even commanded that their war-cry be changed from "For Epirus" to “BEHOLD MY FORM!” so that they might always remember this day.

    It is good to be king.

    Pyrrhus


    14th Febuary, 476 AVC

    Potentia, the ostentatious capital of Lucania, has succumbed to the combined besieging forces of Hieron and Acnonios. I have tasked them with moving on to assaulting and routing the tricksy Rufinus and his resurgent Roman legions once more while I engage the emboldened navy of Papus in the Mare Inferum. I guess he finally deigned to pull his sorry butt out of the safe harbor in Rome after we pillaged yet another province. What a sad joke of a man. I don't understand how he ever beat me. In fact, I believe I shall declare that he never did, and order a celebration for my post-facto victory.

    Regardless, it appears this war is about to become bloody once more. I've commanded my chefs prepare sandwiches for everyone (except Acnonios, I gave his to Hieron) in celebration.

    Pyrrhus


    3rd Febuary, 476 AVC

    Rufinus has shown his true worth once more and has withdrawn his army to Campania. I have dispached Hieron and "We're Nice Guys, Really!" to take Apulia while Acnonios defends our newly captured territory in Lucania. Rufinus will be forced to tough it out in fertile wine country known for decadent living and an abundance of riches, and may the experience show him the folly of resisting Epirus.

    Meanwhile, my own battle against Papus goes... less than well. It seems some of my ships were repaired in a somewhat haphazard manner, and are unable to do minor things like, say, change direction. Or float. Nevertheless, I am confident I shall emerge triumphant! After all, I beat Papus last time.

    Pyrrhus


    20th March, 476 AVC

    I sunk one of Papus's battleships! Hooray me!

    Pyrrhus


    21st March, 476 AVC

    Rufinus strikes again! The coward has assaulted Acnonios in Lucania not three days after Hieron finished moving his forces to Bloody Apulia. I have decided this means he can only see victory when he surprises an unaware, unalert army, and have decided to rename all sedative drugs in my domain "Rufies" to reflect this new knowledge.

    Also, this Papus guy is giving me a headache. Why do all naval engagements seem to take months? Luckily, Totally Awesome is up to the task so far, poor repairs or not.

    I take full credit. All hail me.

    Pyrrhus


    25th March, 476 AVC

    Ha! After only 4 days of fighting, Rufinus retreats! Early reports indicate that his legions were unnerved by thousands of men shouting “BEHOLD MY FORM" at them while they charged. My brilliance has conquered, yet again! I have ordered that this battle-cry become the new standard, and sent the now-named “Nakedness of Triumph" to follow Rufinus's retreating horde. I have dubbed this operation "Follow the Retreating Romans, and Kill Them When They Stop Running". It just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

    Oh, and I've also allowed Acnonios to stop lying facedown on the floor whenever I enter the room. It's these little recognitions that really ensure loyalty amongst underlings.

    Pyrrhus


    26th April, 476 AVC

    I'm so good. I have led Totally Awesome to glorious victory in the battle of Mare Inferum, and succeeded in showing the dull-witted Papus a thing or two about needlessly complicated naval maneuvers, inventive warcries, and the unnecessary nature of clothing. Although two of our ships were sunk, I managed to crush four of Papus's and capture a pretty ship called "Lares".

    I have also discovered that Homonoia and Euporia, two more of my ships, have become personally loyal to me. They expressed this by setting fire to all the carpets they could buy and hurling the flaming things at enemy ships. I was so touched, I declared that the men on Homonoia and Euporia would be named "Pyrrhus's Favorites" and ordered them to wear fancy hats and go without pants.

    Do I know how to show appreciation or what?

    Pyrrhus


    10th May, 476 AVC

    The battle with Rufinus has been joined once more in Samnium, with early reports indicating that my Nakedness of Triumph managed to secure favorable terrain conditions. I have made it known that if Acnonios manages to achieve a final victory, he will be allowed to eat something other than dog food.

    I've also sent word to Hieron, besieging Bloody Apulia, that he is to crush all resistance with prejudice. We must totally erase the stain of our earlier defeat, even if it means we ruin some perfectly good vineyards right before the harvest.

    Mmmmm. Wine. I'm going to go make myself a sandwich and have a drink. Must keep up my strength while the Grand Navy undertakes more repairs.

    Pyrrhus


    21st May, 476 AVC

    Acnonios has utterly beaten Rufinus at Samnium, slaying 3000 of the enemy's 8300 in exchange for a mere 670 of our 9100. I must remember to say something nice about him someday.

    Now he is once more in pursuit of the cowardly Rufinus, this time for all the chips.

    That's right. Acnonios and the Nakedness of Triumph march... on Rome.

    Pyrrhus

  5. #5
    Major Scipio Aemilius's Avatar
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    Instead of saying : "Hannibal is at the door!", the Romans will shake in fear at the sound of : "BEHOLD MY FORM!"
    Appius ait fabrum esse suae quemque fortunae.
    (Appius said that each one is the crafter of his/her own fate)
    Ps. Sall. 1, 1, 3

    Audaces Fortuna juvat, timidosque repellit.
    (Fate helps the audacious and scorns the fearful)
    Reference not found

  6. #6
    They're probably already shaking in fear. I mean, Epirus is clearly run by an unhinged maniac who won't stop invading their territory. He keeps sending them symbolic carpets; how much more bizarre can you get?

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