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Thread: The Bathroom Reader's Guide To The History of KhoRAAsan (A History Book-Style AAR)

  1. #21
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    In 1455, a strange event occurred. In Southeastern Europe, a new nation appeared: Styria.



    According to the author’s other-dimension contacts, this nation is very rare.

    How did this nation appear in our fair dimension? Vagabond Press’s history expert, Wilhelm T. Winklebottom, says extra-terrestrial life forms are not completely out of the question….



    “I’m not saying its aliens….
    But its aliens….”

    ~ History Expert Wilhelm T. Winklebottom

    And when the author asked him if aliens had to do with anything concerning bathrooms or Khorasan, he just gave me this picture labeled “ZOMFG UFO OVER IRAN”



    Any who, back to history….

    In March 1456 Larrystan became the newest tourist trap in Bay-Bay’s fine empire



    Six months later, Delhi, while half-occupied by the Timurids and rebels, formed an alliance….Truly Double B’s charisma was given by Allah himself.



    Soon after that, PERSIA rebelled from Qara Kowanaloo. Babur was angry about this.



    Ajam HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (1457)



    The Khorasanese Empire circa 1457. That ugly tan splinter to the north = >:{



    And then whoever the leader of Quan Shaka-Laka-Bangbang accepted the Khorasanan peace treaty



    And then the Fake Persian Pretenders Who Are Totally Not Cool (FPPWATNC) got on the nerves of Babur Bay-Bay’s nerves for the last time! WAR!!!!!!!!!!



    And then his invincible awesome manly troopers took their sad capital (For the win)



    FULL ANNEXATION!!!!!! Ahem….I mean….Full Annexation…. (Calm)



    A Khorasaniananaianan artist’s rendering of revoltrisk in 1458. Good thing those large bodies of water wouln't revolt!



    ….

    And then, the same year, OE REJECTED a RE with ME…I mean….Bay-Bay….



    [WHY EDGEWISE!!!!??????]

    Here is the nomad eating Khoraasani Nile Crocodile (1458)



    That’s the end of the chapter! Remember that if you take your pants completely off while sitting on the toilet, you’re not a bad person!
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  2. #22
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    This was absolutely hysterical and Khorasan DOES look like a crocodile!

    You know, I didn't initially trust the Professor, but since he has the courage to have a bow-tie AND a regular tie, he must be all kinds of credible. However, he might also be evil since he has a monocle and Snidely Whiplash mustache.

    Hmm....
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  3. #23
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avindian View Post
    This was absolutely hysterical and Khorasan DOES look like a crocodile!

    You know, I didn't initially trust the Professor, but since he has the courage to have a bow-tie AND a regular tie, he must be all kinds of credible. However, he might also be evil since he has a monocle and Snidely Whiplash mustache.

    Hmm....
    I suppose loyalty to the TRUTH is a tightrope ride indeed!
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  4. #24
    Sergeant SiikFajitas's Avatar
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    Well, there is evidence of ancient portable toilets used by Khorasonian tribesmen, or as they called them porta-potties. This term has been passed down through the centuries from father to son and with internet coming to modern day Khorasonian territory the term has spread.
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  5. #25
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiikFajitas View Post
    Well, there is evidence of ancient portable toilets used by Khorasonian tribesmen, or as they called them porta-potties. This term has been passed down through the centuries from father to son and with internet coming to modern day Khorasonian territory the term has spread.
    WHAT? WHO TOLD YOU THIS? ALIENS!!!!!!???????

    ....struggle....

    Get away from the keyboard, Wilhelm!
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  6. #26
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    And those "flying toilets", simply pictures from the annual "flinging of the potties into the air" festival, a sacred Iranian tradition
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  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiikFajitas View Post
    And those "flying toilets", simply pictures from the annual "flinging of the potties into the air" festival, a sacred Iranian tradition
    Sadly, the tradition was banned when the Ayatollah took power.

    FREE IRAN!
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  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by VagabondvonLMG View Post

    And when the author asked him if aliens had to do with anything concerning bathrooms or Khorasan, he just gave me this picture labeled “ZOMFG UFO OVER IRAN”



    Any who, back to history….
    You win 5 internets sir. Flying toilets... is the greatest thing since flying toilets.

  9. #29
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    Not flying toilets, toilets launched into the air using giant air powered mortars
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  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by SiikFajitas View Post
    Not flying toilets, toilets launched into the air using giant air powered mortars
    That still counts as flight. :P

  11. #31
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    Brilliant! Oh the lulz...


    Culture: Indian-American
    Religion: Atheist
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    Issues: Secularism/Pacifism

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgewise View Post
    You win 5 internets sir. Flying toilets... is the greatest thing since flying toilets.
    Even more than gliding bidets?
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  13. #33
    Sergeant SiikFajitas's Avatar
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    Where is Wilhelm from any ways?
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  14. #34
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiikFajitas View Post
    Where is Wilhelm from any ways?
    ....Canada
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  15. #35
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    Hey how about a new aar idea, "Wilhelm's DEEPER descent into madness".
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  16. #36
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiikFajitas View Post
    Hey how about a new aar idea, "Wilhelm's DEEPER descent into madness".
    Avindian would get mad at me though
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  17. #37

  18. #38
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgewise View Post
    Muar Updatez!
    4


    Since the “incident” from the last chapter, Wilhelm T. Winklebottom has been on unpaid leave and is unable to interact with the readers until he has calmed down. The author for one is happy that….



    Wilhelm, why are you here? And why is there a knife in your hand?! TODAY’S NOT STEAK NIGHT!!!!!

    ….

    A note from the author….

    “The prestigious AND VERY NOT INSANE historian, Wilhelm T. Winklebottom, wants to inform HIS readers that he will be writing this chapter and all future chapters until further notice. AND that I am NOT pressing my Life Alert rapidly while typing this. As an agent of our alien overlords, I shall not be harmed. For now. “
    ~ Sir Vagabond von LMG, GBE


    HeLlO, rEaDeRs, I, WILHELM T. WINKLEBOTTOM (The handsome and uncrazy HISTOR[Y]ian) WiLl NoW bE tHe AuThOr Of ThIs EsTeEmEd AaR, aNd I wIlL sToP tYpInG tHiS wAy, As It Is VeRy TeDiUs…….

    ThAnK yOu

    Anyway, as I am under the watchful eye of the Great Alien Conqueror, XiKossItannn, I will keep this….censored….

    What was this ass talking about, again? Oh yeah, Khorasan. That place with all those toilets.

    In 1458, Sultan Babur was visited by “Shady People”….



    Ok. Think about it. If you replace “shady” with “aliens” and take out people, what do you get? Hmmm…..

    You’re the real idiots…..


    Then out of nowhere, the Timurids attacked. How did that happen, hmmm? Is it possible (yes) that the Timurids were visited by extraterrestrials, and bribed to attack Khorasan in exchange for the knowledge of space travel? It’s not that far-fetched, if you think about it!



    So then, all of a sudden, Babur took Gurgen! How extraordinary! Now David Gergen was an administrator of Nixon. Nixon was Eisenhower’s Vice President. Harry Truman was the president exactly BEFORE Eisenhower. Truman was president when a UFO crashed in Roswell. Boosh.



    Then the following year, Khorasan took Kabulistan! Kabul…i…stan….I’ve got nothing….




    Soon after, the Ulugh Beg attacked Khurasan with 5700 troops against 1400 defenders. He only lost 870 troops. AND KILLED EVERY. SINGLE. DEFENDER……….
    WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????



    Was this caused by….ALIENS!!!????

    I’m starting to look a lot more intelligent, huh?


    Then 9,000 rebels attacked Ajam. You know the drill…..ALIENS HATE IRAN….



    But then Babur got revenge. At the battle of Herat on July 20, 1460 Ulugh Beg’s faced against possible human-alien hybrid or full alien, Mahmud Karawi killed 1000 Timurids while…..

    *Misread the battle report lol

    Losing 3000 men himself……



    Wilhelm sleepy….end chapter….





    HEY. YOU GUYS. HE’S ASLEEP. PLEASE. HELP ME. HE’S MAKING ME EXPELL MY WASTE INTO MY “ARRland’s Best Writer Forever” Trophy I made out of clay in my rec center classes! Help!

    Oh, and always remember that sometimes the most important events of your life happen in the bathroom!
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  19. #39
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagabondvonLMG View Post
    Avindian would get mad at me though
    There's always plenty of room for madness! Enjoyed the last update, as always!
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  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by avindian View Post
    there's always plenty of room for madness! Enjoyed the last update, as always!
    still serious about that jim morrison referance in your aar, avindian
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