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Thread: The Bathroom Reader's Guide To The History of KhoRAAsan (A History Book-Style AAR)

  1. #1
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    The Bathroom Reader's Guide To The History of KhoRAAsan (A History Book-Style AAR)

    The Bathroom Reader's Guide To The History of KhoRAAsan


    Vagabond Press would like to presesnt its newest tome of historical non-fiction; this time, focusing on the Iranian nation of Khorasan.

    Formed after the Timurids fractured in the 1400's the Shiite kingdom was in between a sea of hordes and Sunni sultanates.

    But Vagabond scholars agree that even when it was just formed, it was destined for greatness. Whith superior tech and manpower, it would steamroll through the nomadic barbarians to become the jewel of the dunes....

    THIS TIME, IT'S FO....nevermind....
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  2. #2
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    What an incredibly cultured and sophisticated AAR
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    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiikFajitas View Post
    What an incredibly cultured and sophisticated AAR
    Indeed, sir!
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    And you sir, have a great taste in quality!

    I also appreciate your sub. Good to know such a talented AAR writer is watching.
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    Post something already!!! I've been holding off on using the bathroom for almost a day waiting for some good reading material.

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    Captain bananafishtoday's Avatar
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    Even your mascot approves!
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    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgewise View Post
    Post something already!!! I've been holding off on using the bathroom for almost a day waiting for some good reading material.
    Do not fret, for the first chapter will be published soon!
    Quote Originally Posted by bananafishtoday View Post


    Even your mascot approves!
    That. Is. The. Greatest. Thing. Ever.
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  9. #9
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    The Kingdom of Khorasan broke away from the Timurids in 1449. Lead by Babur-Ibn-Baysunkur Timurid,(Dramatic Music) they hoped for a day when they needed a Causus beli to rape and pillage as they pleased. But of course, this angered the Timurids, because now they couldn’t annoy Georgia anymore.

    Babur-Ibn-Baysunker's royal portrait


    On the first day of his rule, Allah spoke to Babur and sent him on a holy quest to improve relations with Delhi. And so that he did.

    But then he got bored and attacked the Green guys to the east whose names I forgot.




    And then word of Babur’s heroic conquests reached other parts of the Islamic world, so Najd allied with him. Because he was awesome like that.



    Oman also wanted to have some of Babur’s contact-awesomeness, so they also allied with him.



    But then, in early 1450, the Timurids got jealous of Babur’s popularity, so they totally besieged Gharchi….umm….one of Khorasan’s provinces.

    But they were soon crushed by Bay-Bay’s vast armies. It is said that afterwards, Ulugh Beg Timurid wept for seven days and seven nights. Babur laughed at this.



    By March 1451, Khorasan and her allies were in a stalemate, (or rather had to wait 800 days for colonists to arrive [0.o])

    But this soon changed when they took Fars from the green guys in June of 1451.



    And colonists FINALY made it to Dashyloot and Fars.



    Then, on the Timurid front, Ulugh was mad again and tried to take Khorasan’s capital, Khorasan.

    But just as before, Baysunker’s grand army quashed the Timurid threat, killing 2266 of them, and only losing 4193 in the process. Wait, what?



    And so ends the first chapter. Now put down this book and wipe!
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  10. #10
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    The green nation is Qara Koyunlu FYI.


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    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SouthernKing View Post
    The green nation is Qara Koyunlu FYI.
    That was my second guess. Thanks
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  12. #12
    Sergeant SiikFajitas's Avatar
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    I found there to be an insufficient amount of talk of bathrooms in this update, I hope in the future you will discuss things such as the pros and cons of showers, as well as the debate between urinals and toilets.
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  13. #13
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiikFajitas View Post
    I found there to be an insufficient amount of talk of bathrooms in this update, I hope in the future you will discuss things such as the pros and cons of showers, as well as the debate between urinals and toilets.
    My apologies. Vagabond press has recived your comment and hopes that you will be more satisfied with our future products.

    Thank You!
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  14. #14
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    In between chapters, the esteemed author, Sir Vagabond von LMG, GBE, (through extensive excavations in Iran,) has discovered evidence of ancient toilets in Baysunker’s court. Here are some artifacts he discovered:



    It is said that the one pictured above is the one used by King Babur during the infamous “Seven Days of Baba Ganoush.”

    And this specimen was recovered during the taking of Dash-I-Lute.



    Now, back to the non-toiletry related history:
    In 1453, after years of back-and-fourth between Khorasan and the Timurids, Ulugh Beg finally acted like a grown man and conceded defeat. Babur laughed at this x2.



    And then the provinces of Dash-I-Lute and Fars defected to Khorawesome from the green gu….Qara Koyunlu….



    Here is an artist’s rendition of Khorasan in late 1453:



    And in November of the same year, Bay-Bay’s men took the province of Khuzestan. The author quotes a journal of a Khorasani soldier who took the city….

    “….BOOSH….”
    ~ Private Mohammed Al-Shirak, 1453

    Later, Khuzestan defected too, and Luristan was under siege, and defected as well. Babur was truly a Rocket Man.





    Mazandran suffered the same fate and was raped and pillaged WITH A REASON! It is amazing how uncivilized those hordes were.





    So then, all Babur had to do what needed to be done. He took that unsightly mass, Larrystan to the south (on the author’s birthday, no less.)



    Ajam was also taken to, quote, “Purdy up the border” as Babur stated in a meeting with his marshal.



    So ends this chapter. Remember to jiggle the handle so the toilet doesn’t run!
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  15. #15
    Sergeant SiikFajitas's Avatar
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    You always know how to make a reader happy
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    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiikFajitas View Post
    You always know how to make a reader happy
    As long as my readers are happy, I'm having trouble writing these things in MS Word

    *EDIT: Oh, and Photobucket!
    Last edited by VagabondvonLMG; 30-11-2011 at 04:57.
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  17. #17
    But just as before, Baysunker’s grand army quashed the Timurid threat, killing 2266 of them, and only losing 4193 in the process. Wait, what?
    I Loled.

    I think you've left a few things out about toiletry for the man on the move. Your armies didn't carry those things around, did they?

  18. #18
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgewise View Post
    I Loled.

    I think you've left a few things out about toiletry for the man on the move. Your armies didn't carry those things around, did they?
    This scholar beleives that they went out of camp and squated down in the sand and covered it up . Similar to a litter box

    Or it could be.....

    ALIENS
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  19. #19
    It's hard to disgree with a man who has hair like that. Mostly because you think he's already lost his mind, but slightly because he could be unstable and dangerous.

  20. #20
    First Lieutenant VagabondvonLMG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgewise View Post
    It's hard to disgree with a man who has hair like that. Mostly because you think he's already lost his mind, but slightly because he could be unstable and dangerous.
    Or, perhaps, insane from the TRUTH!!!!!
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