Ahmadnagar: More like, ah man, no good!*
*It's hard to come up with witty titles each and every update. Sometimes they're gems. Sometimes, they aren't.
Bill-the-Shifty grumbled as he returned to his bar from his vacation. "Does anybody know why part of my bar collapsed into a singularity?"
One of the regulars recounted the bar's adventures under Steve-the-slightly-irritating. Bill shook his head. "Why do people try to make Chaos specials? They always end badly. Still, it's better than what happened the last time. Three people were reverse-born, five thousand guinea pigs got loose, and worst of all, every patron bled out of their eyeballs."
Another regular quipped, "Oh, like last Thursday?" to a room full of laughs. Bill, in no mood for shenanigans, uncorked a jar of Ebola virus he kept under the counter. Now, you may be asking yourself, how does a bartender stay in business when he kills his clientele on a regular basis? I'll tell you how. Location. Being the only inter-dimensional bar in existence gives you a certain air of respectability and the right to exclude whomever you like. Sure enough, within moments, a new clientele (or, in many cases, the same ones in disguises ranging from the ever-popular leather gimp suit to a fake mustache to a leather gimp suit with a fake mustache) entered the bar, and business was booming again. In exchange for getting his drinks free, Death allowed Bill to kill whomever he liked in lieu of hiring a bouncer. He also got to keep their wallets, which could be very lucrative.
Unusually for Bill's bar, a LELF walked in. Few LELFs had the desire or ability to go to the bar, as many were extremely stupid and had unpleasant odors. An alert reader may say, "But many bars are full of extremely stupid people with unpleasant odors," and you'd be right. Possibly even intellectually impaired and/or odoriferous. You could very well be reading this in a bar; I have no way of knowing. If you are, my advice to you is to keep your drink away from your laptop or electronic device. Anyway, LELFs tended not to be welcome for two specific reasons. First, many of them were broke. Second, a missing LELF generally meant an angry PELF, which usually meant that the bar patrons would suffer a horrible fate as the PELF stormed in. Or, as our witty companion quipped, like last Thursday.
This particular LELF was Defenestration, one of Death's more underused LELFs. Bill liked him, sort of, but was tired about hearing about Prague. It was always Prague this and Prague that. Inevitably, somebody would bring up that nobody actually died from the Defenestration of Prague, and that the LELF was full of it. That generally put him into a funk, which resulted in more drinking. Not coincidentally, Bill often hired regulars to sit in whenever Defenestration was coming.
"You look perky today, D."
Defenestration grinned. "Oh, I am, Bill. Daniel was a tiger this time. When one of the soldiers from Ahmadnagar's army ran screaming at the tiger, Daniel stepped aside and the soldier plummeted to his death out the window."
"So an accidental defenestration?"
The LELF scoffed haughtily. "It still counts."
"What about suicides?"
"Suicides are a whole other department."
Bill nodded, and the bar settled down again. Chaos was playing darts. Of course, when Chaos plays darts, he doesn't use the rubber or metal pointy things; he shoves people's heads into the dart board. Usually the people he's competing against. Oddly enough, Chaos has never lost a game of darts.
Bill checked the clock; it was 1652 in Daniel's dimension. Ahmadnagar had been annexed by Delhi. Not a huge surprise; they were able to recover from the comet streaking across the sky, but not the Archbishop's insistence on annexing the province of Lucknow. Well, it was closer to Bad Lucknow for Daniel and Order, and they were quickly defeated. Order got Daniel a drink while he checked their next location.
Denmark. A Scandinavia 2PM again right next to our old friend, Gotland. This could be interesting.
Daniel finished his drink -- his last experience with alcohol was so unpleasant that he'd ordered a soda -- and walked over to Chaos.
"Hey, Chaos."
Hiya.
Like two kids who'd always been friends but fought recently, both Daniel and Chaos shifted their feet and stared at the ground.
"How's it going?"
Okay. I heard you were a tiger. Did you get to maul anybody?
"I did make one guy fall out a window, but that was it."
Too bad.
Another awkward silence. Then Chaos got an idea. A positively evil idea.
Hey, Danny. Wanna play darts?
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First time I haven't gone the 10 years in a while! Denmark includes Kola and the province to the southwest, for those who are curious. Bohemia owns Denmark proper.