the funny thing is that England starts with Meath, now when they were at war with Castille they had rest of Ireland and Castille had Meath, oh the Irony.
Anyways great AAR!
Anyways great AAR!
-
We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
Great question; I've honestly not been paying much attention to the world outside of my own corner
the funny thing is that England starts with Meath, now when they were at war with Castille they had rest of Ireland and Castille had Meath, oh the Irony.
Anyways great AAR!
Thanks!
Great AAR! Must be great to have a country that actually has, you know, soldiers and fleets...and provinces.
So much Monty Python though!
So much Monty Python though!
Maybe. Although his next destination isn't all that thrilling...
Good guess, but no
I'm going to try to update this tonight, since I don't actually have to play any more to do it.
EDIT: Update rescheduled until tomorrow; I didn't think We, the People would need an update so quickly
Last edited:
Wrong on all four.
Screenshots are finished, I just need to write. The semester begins tomorrow (for me, anyway), and they've assigned me an early class, so I'll do my best to update tonight but if I can't or am too tired, definitely tomorrow afternoon or evening.
Since you'll probably keep guessing until I update, I'm going to start updating now.
Great Britain, part 2: Electric Boogaloo
The King of Great Britain considered new ways of executing one Daniel Carlson, who was clearly a witch (or warlock) on the grounds that everybody who'd suggested he wasn't a witch was mysteriously dead. A 21st century coroner would notice that all of them had been burned at the stake as a witch. A 16th century doctor simply pretended that nothing was wrong, for fear of being burned as a witch. It was a good system for everybody. Except the witches, probably.
Daniel sprang into action, and managed to finagle an audience with the King under the guise of confessing his witchness.
"Sire, I have a solution for you."
The King of Great Britain glowered at Daniel. "Listen, witch, either confess or get out."
"I confess... to having an awesome idea for you!"
The King looked stunned. "What kind of black magic is this? You claim to confess, but then use an entirely different thought to finish your confession."
Daniel rolled his eyes. "Listen, being King is pretty good, right?"
The King smiled and nodded. "It's good to be the King!"
"Yes, yes, we've all seen History of the World Part 1."
"Beg pardon?"
"Never mind. Anyway, you know what would be even better? Being an Emperor!"
The King considered that. "That would be pretty great. I could also still burn you!"
Daniel shook his head vehemently. "No, no. Here's the trick. You admit that not only am I not a witch, I'm actually one of God's messengers, and that I have been sent from Heaven to name you Emperor. You get credibility, and I get to not be burned alive."
Chaos clucked his purely abstract tongue. You've got some moves, kiddo. I'll give you that.
"Can I still conquer as much of Europe as possible?"
"Of course! In fact, it would practically be your God-given duty to conquer!"
"Then I'll do it! You, son, shall be my chief advisor!"
"Hurray!"
Did you forget something, Dances-with-Chickens?
"What do you mean?"
You can't recover that stability. You have to spend all of your income on naval technology.
As always, Chaos had ensured Daniel snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Daniel silently wept.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few days later, the Emperor met with Daniel.
"So, Advisor, do some advising. Who do I conquer?"
Daniel set a large map in front of the Emperor. "Oh Mighty and Generous Emperor, here are the lands that are guaranteed to you by the will of God or something."
"And if you do not conquer soon, we may be punished by God for not being bloodthirsty enough!"
The Emperor was confused. "Are you sure about that? I'm pretty sure there was some kind of big rule about not killing people."
"Look, Moses only had so much room on the tablets. There's plenty of room for interpretation. What if the Commandment was actually 'Thou shalt not kill... NOT!'"
"Why, that would suggest that killing was not only encouraged, but mandatory! Then it shall be war indeed!"
(Oh yeah, core on Vlaandern too. Didn't fit in the earlier map.)
Gee, he's a brave guy. They don't even have an army!
"My Emperor, I would also recommend firing our mercenaries, who comprise over half of our armies, and putting good loyal citizens in the army."
"A sound strategy, my friend. I am glad I've stopped burning you as a witch for the time being."
Daniel realized his hold on power was not as firm as he might have expected. "Uh, but I also perform miracles. I turned water into wine the other day!"
You're hardly a Saint, Danny boy. You're so boring, I think it's actually a sin.
The Emperor's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "How did you do it? And where is the wine?"
"Silence, blasphemer! There is no questioning of miracles, or, or... I'll have YOU burned as a witch!"
The Emperor gasped in horror. "But... that's cheating!"
"God never cheats." Since Daniel was now a Saint, the Emperor had no choice but to bow and leave.
Well, there was that one time...
"I thought you didn't know God?"
Oh, you said God? I thought you meant Gord. Man, that guy cheats. I mean, 16 queens at chess? Aren't there just supposed to be four?
"Something like that. Remind me to play chess with you later."
You're on!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was August 1537. Given that Flanders had no army (legend has it that a portly fellow named Homer borrowed it) and was also under rebellion, the Emperor got bored and declared another war. This time, against Armagnac. Daniel felt a little dirty, annexing one of his countries with another country, but it was that or declare war on the moon. Since the Emperor was perfectly willing to launch people into space with catapults until the moon surrendered or all of his people died, Daniel figured that annexation was the kinder fate.
However, Armagnac had friends this time, and a much larger army.
The first battle occurred in Nice, a win for Great Britain, but a decidedly Pyrrhic one.
Of course, the final result was anything but... you know what? Go stuff yourself, Chaos, I'm not saying i--- BLEEEEEAAARRGGGGHHH. Fine! The result wasn't Nice! Are you happy now?
Very. HA HA HA HA HA HA!
"Chaos, this war doesn't seem to be going well. Look at these results at Perigord!"
Chaos shrugged. It's no skin off of my seven hundred and twenty first nose if you lose. I'm not God's personal messenger.
When the Emperor stalked into his throne room, he looked ready to burn Daniel at the stake again. "Emperor! Do not fear, I have a brilliant solution! Let's run away!"
"Run away? That hardly seems chivalrous."
"Have Sir Robin order the retreat! He's so brave nobody would ever think him a coward."
(Sorry, Ashantai. That's the last one, I swear
)"Well, all right. But we'd better win!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some well timed white peaces got rid of most of Armagnac's allies. Nice fell to Provence, but it was Champagne providing most of the army. Once they signed a peace, and it was down to Provence and Armagnac, victory seemed assured. The Emperor, being greedy, took all of Flanders instead of just the province he was supposed to.
The glorious battle of Bearn eliminated Armagnac's army.
With no army and Provence completely and utterly helpless with the British army bravely fleeing to Castille, who had signed a military access treaty, Armagnac capitulated.
Provence signed a white peace days later. Unfortunately, Britain lost Nice anyways, but that was a small price to pay for the newly expanded realm.
The Emperor wanted to conquer Liege too, but after already angering a number of prominent nobles, he was burned as a witch in one of the finest witch burnings the world had ever seen.
The new Emperor, Ernest, at first considered a temporary moratorium on witch burnings; when the person who quietly suggested this at a council of nobles was mysteriously and shockingly discovered to be a witch, he changed his mind.
Before he left to continue on his adventures, Daniel took one last look at the map of the Great Britain.
He'd done very well, he thought. Sure, he lost one province, but he added six, and that was a pretty good deal. Everything was fantastic and nothing could possibly go wrong!
Great job, buddy! I bet you're pretty happy with yourself, eh?
"I do take a certain pride in my work, yes, Chaos."
Feel like you're invincible?
"Well, for all practical intents and purposes, I am."
Great! You'll love where we're going next then!
"Where's that? Castille? Bohemia?"
Even better. Bulgaria!
"That's kind of a letdown. It's conquered Eastern Europe, though, right?"
It has two provinces.
"Is one of them Thrace?"
Nope. But hey, look on the bright side! Normally there is no Bulgaria!
Somehow, Daniel didn't feel much better.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next update will probably not be until next week; I'll try to get one more in if I can before that, since I don't anticipate Daniel lasting long in Bulgaria.
Too bad this isn't Steppe Wolf. You could use the Bulgarian nation in that mod. ^_^
I noticed tons of bookmarks related to bulgaria (in steppe wolf), Why was it so important to warrant so many bookmarks?