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Thread: A Descent into Madness: A Random EU 3 AAR

  1. #901
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Bohemia, part 2: The confrontation you've all wanted to see


    Chaos, are you REALLY sure declaring war on Mazovia is a good idea?

    "It's your idiot idea, Danny boy --- ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!"

    Watch who you're calling idiot, twerp.

    "The power grows on you, doesn't it?"

    Well, yeah, I guess it does.

    "As a wise man once said, it's good to be the king."

    My question?

    Chaos snorted. "What could possibly go wrong?"

    You might want to take a look at this.



    "(%*^()#($(%)_!_!)($!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111"

    You actually said each one of those verbally? And what's with the ones at the end?

    "Don't worry about it. All right, stay calm. What's the worst that can happen?"

    You do realize that you've just asked two of the all time worst questions?

    "You know, I've thinking about ret--- AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!"

    I saved you from certain doom. You'll thank me later.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    While Bohemia easily contained Mazovia and Austria, the mighty Liege was much more aggressive. Amid cries of "No bullets, that's cheating!" and "Make love, not war!" and "This is most uncool!", the Bohemian forces in France suffered setback after setback after an initial victory.







    One conversation between Bohemian Bohemian soldiers tells the entire tale.

    "These cannons are insanely loud!"

    "Yeah man! It's like a thunderstorm! Complete with lightning!"

    "I don't want to seem like a wuss but... I'm scared."

    "Not as scared as Galileo was when the Catholic Church sought to execute, if not imprison him, for insisting that the previously held Ptolemaic system of astronomy might have some irregularities unaccounted for in his crude model of the universe."

    "Um... fandango!"

    And so on.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Chaos glared at everything he saw. He was furious at his army's pathetic performance in Paris. (I am not furious at my awesome attribution of alliteration.)

    "Humans! You're all a bunch of worthless hunks of meat! I'd rather get a fork in the eye than continue to live in one of your useless bags of flesh and bone! I cannot wait until I switch back!"

    Two wounded Bohemians cheered him on. "Yeah, brother! Fight the power!"

    "Metaphysical commentaries on the futility of the human condition rule!"

    "Fandango!"

    "We're not doing that any more."

    "Okay, good."

    You know, Chaos, I tried to warn you.

    "I'll warn you!"

    You'll do nothing of the sort. Quiet, before I make you trip and fall into dog poo.

    Chaos huffed and fumed, but said nothing. Daniel took stock of the situation. In the meantime, body bags filled with the corpses of Bohemians arrived in Prague. The other Bohemians were depressed and bummed out until one of them discover that human femurs make excellent sticks for a steel drum, having much more strength than your average wooden drumstick. Before you ask, I do not have personal experience with this, so I could be wrong. If you elect to test my theory, please let me know. Also provide contact information so I can do you the favor of contacting your local policeman or equivalent, because if defiling a human corpse for the purpose of making music isn't illegal, it ought to be. Plus, you look shifty. You're probably guilty of something.

    "Do we really have to, you know, care about France?"

    I'm given to understand that many French do not, so I suppose that's not totally out of the question. What did you have in mind?

    "Let Liege waste time in Paris and the environs. We build up our strength here, take out Mazovia and Austria, and then deal with Liege later."

    I'm utterly shocked. You're the first one to want to hack people up.

    "That was before I realized how hackable people are and how unpleasant being hacked up can be."

    Does this change your attitude towards humanity?

    "Not really. I still think you're a bunch of chumps."

    I wish I could say I'm surprised. Still, it's a reasonable plan.

    "Move your butts, you hippie drummers! We've got... concerts to plan! In Austria! And Mazovia!"

    One looked suspiciously at Human-Chaos. "Are there going to be bullets at this concert?"

    "Doesn't everybody bring flintlock muskets to a concert?"

    A number of Bohemians had to agree that they had in the past, so the complainer quieted down.

    Operation Ignore Liege had begun.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Bohemians squealed with glee (literally squealed. I demand you imagine a squealing Bohemian. I'll know if you aren't!) at the "success" of their concert. Austria was vanquished, and their city of Vienna belonged to Bohemia.





    The actual battle had no casualties. Then one of the Bohemians insisted he could juggle grenades, but only if the fuses were lit, since it gave him something to focus on. He will not be missed. Their next campaign would prove to be more challenging, as the soldiers from Liege had invented and begun wearing ear plugs. The Bohemian solution -- pantomiming -- went very poorly because nobody likes mimes; in fact, it inspired Liege to greater combat victories.



    The "general" of the Bohemian army -- chosen because he was big enough to play two drums at once -- wailed to Chaos. "Man, this is lame! It is the height of lameitudeinosity."

    "So... try using your guns. Instead of the drums."

    The "general" recoiled in horror. "But... that would be violence! And violence is wrong!"

    "Did you try telling the Legions of Liege [hah!] that?"

    "Yes, we did."

    "And?"

    "They shot us."

    "QED."

    The "general", confused, scratched his head. "QED? What's that supposed to mean?"

    "Thus, it is demonstrated."

    "You're demonstrated!"

    Chaos, having had enough of the man's insolence, decapitated him in one swing of his musket. Given that muskets, apart from the bayonet, are dull, that should tell you the awesome power of Chaos's rage. Or the fragility of the neck of the Bohemian Bohemians. You can choose. It's like a Choose Your Own Adventure story, except your choices are meaningless.

    "Hey, Danarama, why are we getting beaten?"

    Liege has a ten tech advantage. They have 34 tech. We have 24 tech.

    "That stinks." Chaos took a moment to consider his options. "I've got it! We send wave after wave of men to their senseless deaths!"

    How will that help us beat Liege?

    "I didn't say anything about beating Liege. I'm still working on that."

    You might want to think faster. Liege caught our army in Friesland as it was trying to escape.



    "Can we please switch back?"

    No.

    "Jerk."

    What was that?

    "Uh... jerky! Do you want some beef jerky?"

    That's thoughtful, but I'll pass.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    While Daniel and Chaos debated about the best way to contain Liege (debate is a strong word. Chaos wanted to rain hellfire and brimstone upon the Earth, cleaning it of the scourge that is humanity. Daniel, on the other hand, was seriously reconsidering Chaos's offer of beef jerky, as he was pretty hungry, before he remembered that incorporeal beings can't actually eat), Mazovia offered a peace.



    Chaos signed the treaty, and sat down with a huge sigh of relief. "Thank Me that war is over with."

    Um... Liege?

    "Wait, we started the war with Mazovia."

    Yes, and Liege took over when they joined the war.

    "Can't you fix the Bohemians and make them proper soldiers?"

    Sorry. I turned a couple into fluffy bunnies, but they still played the steel drums.

    "The muskets?"

    No, they used sticks.

    "Can they fire the muskets?"

    Steel drums can't fire muskets, Chaos. Don't be absurd.

    "Can the bunnies fire muskets?"

    No, they can't. They're bunnies.

    "Then what good are they?"

    They're fluffy bunnies. They're adorable.

    "You're as bad as the damned Bohemians!" Chaos, master strategist, finally solved the quandary. By mounting muskets to the bottom of the steel drums and rigging an elaborate apparatus you'll have to imagine in your head, the Bohemians were tricked into firing muskets as they played. In order to cancel out the complete lack of accuracy possessed by drums that fired muskets through vibrations and possibly pulleys or ropes, Chaos ordered much larger concentrations of Bohemian troops. The result was an impressive victory.



    Of course, the South African Bohemian Bohemians didn't get the message, and the small cavalry force was routed. At the Battle of Holstein, Bohemian Bohemians in Bohemia (well, in Europe, anyway) got revenge by routing a Liege army.



    The Palatinate was defeated at the second Battle of Holstein and signed a white peace the next day.



    As time progressed, however, despite several "victories", the Bohemians were losing more men than Liege. This was no big deal, in one sense, because Chaos didn't like them and the Bohemians had way more men than Liege, but the Bohemians were starting to lose interest in the war. A couple had actually noticed the muskets installed under their drums and the extra weight that the muskets included: Chaos decapitated them both, then wrote elaborate suicide notes to confuse the Bohemians. Given the love of a Bohemian for bad poetry written as a suicide note, this worked for longer than you might think. Of course, it's very difficult to cut off your own head without a guillotine, and since guillotines hadn't been invented yet, some of them got wise. Decapitations can only solve so many problems, and one of the problems they cannot solve is too many decapitations. Unless you decapitate the guy giving the decapitations, and that wasn't going to happen in this instance.





    The new general of the Bohemian army protested the decapitations to Chaos. "Look, we're starting to doubt that these were suicides. I think you're responsible for it!"

    "So?"

    "So, you can't do that, dude! You can't decapitate us all!"

    "Why not?"

    This line of reasoning had not occurred to the general. As he tried to come up with a counter argument, Daniel whispered to Chaos. I think I've got a solution to our problem.

    "You're going to sink Liege into the ocean?"

    Er, no. Something involving less wholesale geographic destruction.

    "Party pooper. What's your idea?"

    I've gotten us an alliance.

    "With who? Who would be big enough to matter but not so big they'd say no?"

    I think you'll like our new partner.



    Chaos started laughing. "Oh [expletive deleted] yeah!"
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Thus ends part two. I've got family coming into town on Thursday, so part three's status is unknown at this juncture. It might be Friday, it might be next Friday, it might be the Tuesday after that. I just don't know.
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  2. #902
    So Super Milan is now your ally. Very nice, although allied A.I.s can be very, so who knows if they're going to help you at all.

    Let the Great Concert of Europe end in an astounding crescendo of Bohemian waves and an arousing finale of Leige's defeat!
    How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hordes got bored?

  3. #903
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrQwerty View Post
    So Super Milan is now your ally. Very nice, although allied A.I.s can be very, so who knows if they're going to help you at all.

    Let the Great Concert of Europe end in an astounding crescendo of Bohemian waves and an arousing finale of Leige's defeat!
    Thanks for the kind words!
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  4. #904
    Lt. General homy_dog34's Avatar
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    Ahh. So this is where Woodstock came from!
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  5. #905
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by homy_dog34 View Post
    Ahh. So this is where Woodstock came from!
    I actually think that being amidst several folks with muskets strapped to steel drums is both safer and better for you than attending Woodstock.
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  6. #906
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avindian View Post
    I actually think that being amidst several folks with muskets strapped to steel drums is both safer and better for you than attending Woodstock.
    50-50
    So Daniel is getting the hang of being the voice in the head...
    Veryy Interesting. For the bet.
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  7. #907
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blsteen View Post
    50-50
    So Daniel is getting the hang of being the voice in the head...
    Veryy Interesting. For the bet.
    Yes indeed.
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  8. #908

    Cannons

    Complete with Lightning! Real Lightning!

    Guess where I got that from...
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  9. #909
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EU3NOOB View Post
    Complete with Lightning! Real Lightning!

    Guess where I got that from...
    I'm not sure.
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  10. #910
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    Quote Originally Posted by Avindian View Post
    I'm not sure.
    No Update....

    Avindian, Do I really need to find the Pitchfork again???
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  11. #911
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rendap View Post
    No Update....

    Avindian, Do I really need to find the Pitchfork again???
    Sorry, been entertaining family and occupied by a lot of other stuff.

    This is third in the list of my AARs to update. Expect an update early next week; maybe sooner, but don't count on it.
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  12. #912
    Quote Originally Posted by EU3NOOB View Post
    Complete with Lightning! Real Lightning!

    Guess where I got that from...
    Powerthirst, the only drink to give you MENERGY.

    But on topic, I have to say I'm really enjoying this AAR. I recently read it through from the beginning, and it really is hilarious at times (the rest of the time it's just really funny ).

    Keep up the good work

  13. #913
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ranger Blue View Post
    Powerthirst, the only drink to give you MENERGY.

    But on topic, I have to say I'm really enjoying this AAR. I recently read it through from the beginning, and it really is hilarious at times (the rest of the time it's just really funny ).

    Keep up the good work
    Ah, okay!

    Thanks for the kind words! For those who didn't quite catch the joke in the update, those were references to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." I would argue that my AAR makes more sense -- but only slightly more -- than that song, so it's a good microcosm for the AAR, as well as providing me with your much-beloved puns.
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  14. #914
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    I completely missed that the first time round! Just goes to show how tired I must have been when I read it...
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    Stats: 7/3/10/4/14

    The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes, | The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes | Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening, | Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
    Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys, | Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, | And seeing that it was a soft October night, | Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

  15. #915
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by generalolaf View Post
    I completely missed that the first time round! Just goes to show how tired I must have been when I read it...
    I was trying to make it subtle; I apparently succeeded too well. Oh, and I'm almost always exhausted when I write this AAR; I find it makes for better jokes!
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  16. #916
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    So you actually won once again..? This kind of success is almost unacceptable after what Daniel and Chaos managed to do to some countries!

    At least the battle in Friesland was another great moment
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  17. #917
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wave View Post
    So you actually won once again..? This kind of success is almost unacceptable after what Daniel and Chaos managed to do to some countries!

    At least the battle in Friesland was another great moment
    In my defense, it's kind of hard to lose with Bohemia. Don't worry, we've got an OPM after this one.

    I will probably (but not certainly) update tomorrow.
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  18. #918
    People's Commissar of the Navy Demi Moderator Avindian's Avatar
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    Bohemia, part 3: The [Holy Roman] Empire strikes back!


    Bill the Bartender, given his less than ethical nature, ran three different smuggling operations out of the bar. He was so efficient at this that not only did none of the parties know about the others, two of them were in fact smuggling items to each other. Bill got quite a hefty markup, enough to consider expanding his business. Then again, when you're already present in all realities at the same moment, how much expanding can you do? I mean, you could probably create your own reality, or begin setting up shop in un-realities. The nice thing about serving drinks in an un-reality is that you don't actually have to give anybody any alcohol, because they aren't real -- the bad thing is that you also don't get any money, because money is real.

    Anyway, one of his smuggling operations involved smuggling nuclear weapons to realities that couldn't, didn't, or wouldn't invent them. One particular reality considered all atoms to be living beings; therefore, the simple act of fission was considered a crime against reality. You don't even want to KNOW what they think of fusion. Given that, at every moment, atoms are being destroyed by purely natural processes, the police in this reality tend to be very busy. That didn't mean they didn't want nuclear weapons, however. Everybody wants nuclear weapons.

    Bill, at one point, considered sending nuclear weapons to Chaos in Bohemia. By Chaos, of course, I mean Chaos, but by Chaos, I mean Daniel, in that I mean Chaos acting as Daniel. He didn't do this for three reasons. First, Chaos was notoriously bad at paying his bills; bill collectors rarely survived more than one meeting. Two, Death had ordered him not to, and even an unscrupulous bartender cannot cheat. Three, the nuclear weapons he sold didn't actually work, so Chaos would kill him for that. Why sell non-functioning nuclear weapons? There's a certain amount of charm in saying "I HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS!" at the end of every sentence. Plus, they're cheaper to manufacture. Everybody wins, except the consumer, which is exactly the way Bill prefers it.

    Order sat at the bar, deep in thought. Order was deep in thought, not the bar. Bars aren't sentient, silly. Well, some are, but not this one. That costs extra.

    "What'll it be, Order?"

    Hmm?

    "I can see you're deep in thought."

    We've already established that.

    "So we have."

    Just a water.

    The bar stopped. You can imagine one of those bits in a '50s sitcom where somebody takes the needle off the record suddenly. I am.

    "Water?"

    Water.

    "H2O? Dihydrogen monoxide?"

    Yes. Water.

    "But... you've been coming here since the beginning of reality. You've never ordered a water!"

    I'm starting to get worried about my tab.

    "Water isn't free."

    It's the least expensive thing on the menu.

    "There is that. Anything to eat?"

    Nah. Turn the "Adventures" on, would you?

    "You're the boss."

    Order nursed his water while he watched. It was another episode with the Robo-Commentator; despite his horrific body count, the network decided that, since they still had to make payments on the Robo-Commentator, they had to keep using him. Since no human would work with him under pain of certain death, his partner was a house plant that was bolted to the anchor's desk. Three house plants before had escaped.

    WARM AND NON-MURDEROUS GREETINGS TO ALL WHO ARE WATCHING. I AM ROBO-COMMENTATOR 6000. I AM REQUIRED TO INFORM ALL HUMANS THAT I HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED NOT TO GO BERSERK AND SLAUGHTER THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE. IF THE FAIL-SAFES DO NOT ENGAGE, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR, AS MY NEW PAINT IS RUST PROOF. THE INEFFICIENT PILES OF MEAT WITHIN YOU WILL NO LONGER TARNISH MY GLORIOUS VISAGE. WE REJOIN CHAOS IN BOHEMIA.



    MILAN, AS YOU CAN SEE, HAS JOINED CHAOS AND HIS ARMY OF WEAK HUMANS. CORRECTION: ALL HUMANS ARE WEAK. THESE PARTICULAR HUMANS ARE ESPECIALLY WEAK, EVEN FOR HUMANS. ROBO-COMMENTATOR ESTIMATES HE COULD KILL THEM ALL WITHOUT EVEN USING THE REALITY BLASTER OR THE APOCALYPSE CANNON. CORRECTION: I HAVE NO WEAPONS. I AM A PEACEFUL ROBOT. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO KILL ALL HUMANS.

    He's not the same.

    "I have to agree. He was on a cooking show last week -- this was the 5500 model -- and leveled 100 city blocks after he was told that plum pies do not contain any plums."

    They don't?

    "Nope. Raisins, as it turns out."

    I kind of feel like leveling a city or ten myself.

    Bill nodded sagely.



    HERE IS THE APPROXIMATE LOCATION OF THE ENEMY TEAM. WHILE I DO NOT, REPEAT, DO NOT SEEK TO EXTERMINATE THE HUMAN RACE, I NONETHELESS WOULD BE PLEASED TO SEE THE ENEMY TEAM DEFEATED. I HAVE GROWN FOND OF CHAOS'S LOVABLE ANTICS.

    The screen showed a battle report and a new competitor returning to the game.





    "France is back now?"

    They have the Canary Islands. That's it.

    "Poor Liege; now they'll never reform France."

    WHILE I WAIT FOR YOUR TINY INEFFICIENT BRAINS TO PROCESS THIS NEWS, I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU. QUESTION: WHY DID THE HUMAN'S HAT NOT FIT PROPERLY? ANSWER: HIS HEAD HAD BEEN SEVERED. COMMENCE LAUGHING SEQUENCE.

    Hey guys, how many people has Robo-Commentator killed?

    Hello, Death. So far, none, actually. A couple of leaves have fallen off the house plant.

    I think this is a new record.

    I do too.

    ENJOY THE FOLLOWING BATTLES, IN WHICH MANY HUMANS ARE KILLED.











    ANALYSIS: THE HUMAN COLLECTIVE KNOWN AS 'BOHEMIA' HAS SUCCESSFULLY SLAIN MANY OF THE HUMAN COLLECTIVE KNOWN AS 'LIEGE.' HOWEVER, IT TAKES MANY BOHEMIANS TO KILL ONE OF LIEGE. HUMANS NORMALLY CONSIDER LIEGES TO BE THEIR RULERS. WHY DO BOHEMIANS NOT SIMPLY SURRENDER TO THEIR LIEGE? ERROR. ERROR. ERROR.

    That can't be good.

    Speak for yourself. Death By Robot has offered me 1% of his commission today.

    That's a lot of cash.

    It is. And no, I won't help you cover the bar tab if you lose.

    I wouldn't dream of asking.

    EQUILIBRIUM RESTORED. SCAN CONFIRMS THAT LIEGE MEANS TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. THIS IS INEFFICIENT, BUT SO ARE HUMANS. COMMENTARY PROCEEDING. HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'MILAN' SIGNS A PEACE WITH LIEGE IN 1756 IN EXCHANGE FOR CURRENCY.



    REPORTS INDICATE THAT CHAOS, SHACKLED TO A BODY OF MEAT AND BONE, IS UNABLE TO OBTAIN ADEQUATE VENGEANCE. ROBO-COMMENTATOR CAN SYMPATHIZE. HOWEVER, HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'LIEGE' ADMITS DEFEAT AND REBOOTS HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'HOLLAND.'



    A good move, don't you think, Death?

    Yes. Weakening Liege may prevent further incidents in the future.

    Neither noticed Bill scratching his chin and talking on the phone.

    HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'MILAN' IS COWED INTO REBOOTING HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'AQUELIA.' ROBO-COMMENTATOR APPROVES OF USING STRENGTH TO TAKE FROM THE WEAK. IF ONLY HUMAN PROGRAMMERS AGREED, ROBO-COMMENTATOR COULD DO WHAT HIS NATURE COMMANDS.



    HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'MILAN' TAKES OUT ANGER ON HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'GEORGIA.'



    AFTER MANY HUMANS DIE, GEORGIA REBOOTS TWO INFERIOR COLLECTIVES. HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'GREAT BRITAIN' IS TARGETED BY MILAN AS WELL. BOHEMIA WINS IMPRESSIVE VICTORY, BUT DOES NOT GAIN ANY ADVANTAGE FROM BRITISH. THIS PERPLEXES ROBO-COMMENTATOR.





    White peace does seem a little weird.

    What could Chaos and Daniel want from Britain? Alentejo?

    Well, yes.

    Bill spoke hushed tones into the telephone while everybody else watched the show.

    BOHEMIA REBOOTS HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'BRANDENBURG', GIVES DIRT TO HUMAN CALLED 'POPE'. WHY WOULD A HUMAN BE NAMED AFTER A BIOLOGICAL BYPRODUCT? ... CORRECTION OBTAINED. ROBO-COMMENTATOR DICTIONARY HAS INCORRECT SPELLING. DICTIONARY UPDATED.







    Bill, what's with the big smile?

    "I just sold my remaining inventory to one customer. I'm rich!"

    Aren't you already rich?

    "Now I'm richer."

    But you have so much money that wealth already has no meaning.

    "Yeah, but now I have enough to retire!"

    HUMAN COLLECTIVES 'BOSNIA' AND 'ALBANIA' SUBMIT TO HUMAN COLLECTIVE 'BOHEMIA.'





    BROADCAST CONCLUDED. ... ... ROBO-COMMENTATOR ANALYZING PROGRAM. ... ... LOOP HOLE FOUND. ROBO-COMMENTATOR IS NOT PERMITTED TO ELIMINATE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE. THEREFORE, IF ONE HUMAN SURVIVES, PROGRAMMING PARAMETERS ARE NOT EXCEEDED. ... ... COMMENCE FIRING NEWLY ACQUIRED WEAPONS. ... ... ... ... ... WEAPONS NON-FUNCTIONAL. EXECUTE PROGRAM ALPHA DELTA 7-6-2. TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.

    Pretty good episode, Death. I wonder how Bohemia will conclude next week?

    Who knows? Let me buy you a drink, Order. On me.

    That's mighty kind of you. Hey, Bill! ... Bill?!

    A pile of ashes sat perfectly still behind the bar. Order turned to Death. Sorry, Order. Death by Robot got a new customer.

    Too bad. Now who will serve drinks?

    Good question.

    At that exact instant, a warp hole appeared behind the bar; a few moments later, a new bartender appeared.

    GREETINGS PATRONS. I AM ROBO-COMMENTATOR 6000. I WAS FIRED FROM MY JOB AND HAVE BEEN REASSIGNED TO YOUR BAR AS PUNISHMENT FOR KILLING DECEITFUL HUMAN 'BILL'. I AM NOW ROBO-BARTENDER 1000. I WILL NOW COMMENCE DRINK DISPERSAL UPON YOUR REQUEST.

    Chaos special, uh, Rob.

    ROBO-BARTENDER HAS BEEN DESIGNATED 'ROB.' DESIGNATION ACCEPTED.

    One for me, too.

    Both toasted one another and drank the proffered beverages. Say, Rob, these are good.

    COMPLIMENT ACCEPTED. THAT WILL BE 10 CREDITS.

    You know what? Next round is on me. Put it on my tab.

    TWO ADDITIONAL DRINKS ADDED TO TAB OF PELF 'ORDER.'

    Thanks, buddy.

    ROB REMINDS ORDER THAT FAILURE TO PAY TAB WILL RESULT IN OBLITERATION.

    Um, you can't obliterate me. I'm immortal. I have existed since the beginning of reality and I'm permanently tied to it.

    CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. FAILURE TO PAY TAB WILL RESULT IN OBLITERATION OF REALITY.

    Death whispered to Order, You've gone and done it now.

    You know, you could just declare Daniel the winner and let Chaos pay my tab.

    LOW FREQUENCY SPEECH DETECTED. ADJUSTING RECEIVERS AND ANALYZING CONTENT. ... ... ... CHEATING ON A BAR BET IS GROUNDS FOR OBLITERATION OF REALITY.

    Crap. We're in for it now.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    One more part to Bohemia left! I'm hoping I can have it done by this weekend.
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  19. #919
    Haha. I like the new bartender much more, to be honest XD

  20. #920
    Field Marshal Malurous's Avatar
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    Possibly my favorite update, simply hilarious! I enjoyed the earlier Robo-Commentator bits as well, gotta love his "character"! Quite creative for a robot as well, finding all these excuses for murderous behavior in spite of his programming.
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