The Queen Mother's Diaries: A Ming AAR

[morningSIDEr]

I'm beginning to fear for the world now that Ming has discovered the potency of fighting peacocks and deep fried peaches! I remain impressed by Yongle's ability to cling to life despite being thrown at every enemy available. Regarding Patron of the Arts, why did you select it? Is culture far more important in DW? Are you planning on hiring and selling top notch advisers? I'm intrigued to know.

[Watercress]

Looking good, you seem to be managing the Factions far better than i did when i tried the Ming :P

[Stuyvesant]

A war! And it was successful! Land changed hands! And, er, your infamy climbed. And your prestige cratered...

I'm slowly catching on that this is not going to be your average AAR with lots of conquest and general competency. Granted, I knew that with Harry involved - even obliquely - competency wouldn't be the byword, but so far he's always managed plenty of expansion and bloodshed. With the Queen Mother, the mayhem seems more chaotic, not so easily channeled into armed aggression.

[loki100]

Is that fired from a cannon, or dropped by steep-diving peacocks. I'm hoping the latter.

Kazakh's kinda sorta in the right direction for the Queen Mother, isn't it? At least Yongle's not off to subdue the Inca.

I hadn't thought of combining the peacocks with the deep-fried peaches, but the image is rather appealing, so will appear in the next update

I think if the bureaucrats could manage it, then yep, Yongle would indeed be sent off to Latin America - one of my goals, if I can manage it, is to impose Chinese rule on the western side of the Americas (the other is to grab bits of India) before the Europeans start turning up). I think the latter will be easier to deliver on though.

This is extremely funny as always! Congrats, I love it!

glad you do ... unlike my normal practice, these updates seem to need lots of rewriting - I think its because I can't yet 'hear' the QM's voice when writing so its good to know its hitting the right tone.

The factions seem to change rather frequently, I can imagine a normal player in need of psychological counselling after a full game... luckily the QM likes the mayhem.

I think most of the time, the way its set up you have the bureaucrats in power - they are basically the most useful, but the other two have highly desirable traits that you need access to. The result I think is a highly opportunist style of game play - which suits me as I don't really know what I'm doing in any case

I'm beginning to fear for the world now that Ming has discovered the potency of fighting peacocks and deep fried peaches! I remain impressed by Yongle's ability to cling to life despite being thrown at every enemy available. Regarding Patron of the Arts, why did you select it? Is culture far more important in DW? Are you planning on hiring and selling top notch advisers? I'm intrigued to know.

the poor lad is sent off to war quite a lot in the next update, and ends after an unfortunate encounter with a peach.

Ah, why ... well Knul did it that way (always blame someone else for your actions), I think the advantage is more culture which is good for advisers (as my tech rate is dire I do need the help) and I think you get some nice events to fire around universities and more magistrates.

Looking good, you seem to be managing the Factions far better than i did when i tried the Ming :P

that was luck. I got two events close together that both could be used to favour the temple faction and then spent 3 magistrates to boost them into power (so it briefly offset the influence of my current sliders and Yongle's stats). As I have more money than I can use, spending cash for the right sort of faction influence is almost always a good trade off.

A war! And it was successful! Land changed hands! And, er, your infamy climbed. And your prestige cratered...

I'm slowly catching on that this is not going to be your average AAR with lots of conquest and general competency. Granted, I knew that with Harry involved - even obliquely - competency wouldn't be the byword, but so far he's always managed plenty of expansion and bloodshed. With the Queen Mother, the mayhem seems more chaotic, not so easily channeled into armed aggression.

Mayhem and chaos is more or less guarenteed ... my mindset is one of pure opportunism, as you'll see in the next post I've spread guarentees and warnings all over the place in an attempt to get into wars and grab territory. That was frustrating to tonk my prestige though, as I've been using wars with the nomads to slowly boost it and then spending it on increasing my SOI (=more potential call to arms and more magistrates).

She also has her holidays disrupted in the next post ... which does nothing for her good nature

Next update is 80% done, but not sure when I'll be able to post it ... using all sorts of odd places to log on and have a flight back to the UK tomorrow.

Just to cheer up MorningSIDEr ... its very wet in Sydney at the moment (good training for Glasgow I think)

[loki100]

Scene 1: News Year Day 1410

A meeting of the state bureaucrats. The room is elegantly furnished, tea is being served in fine china cups, the lightest of dim sums are being eaten. The only thing out of place is a European looking man with bad haliatosis.

"ah such a sophisticated tea"

"how many temples have we built this year?"

"is Yongle still alive?"

"time for a war maybe ... he so likes to lead the army"

"now lets discuss our main problem. We have had complaints from our loyal Korean allies. It seems as if one of her peacocks dropped peaches on their ships"

"ummh ... Senor Harold ... do you perhaps have some advice for us?"

"well maybe you should track her down and imprison her? ... I mean just follow the trail of peacock droppings and peach stones, she's not the neatest of travellors"

"ok, but where is she now?"

"well look, I know you lot have raised inertia past that attained by a very slow koala, but as some clues ... she's bonkers, goes around with a bunch of peacocks and has an addiction to peaches ... not too hard to find I'd have thought?

8 January 1410

Dear Diary

I have decided to take a nice winter-sun break this year. I was not invited to the New Years Party, and I hear that Vietnam is nice this time of the year.



The only problem is the beaches are full of Chinese tourists ... I'm off somewhere quieter.

28 January 1410

I hear reports that Yongle has done his best to fight his way to rescue me (I did forget to tell him I was on holiday), but of course the evil bureaucrats throw away all the gains



28 April 1410

Pah, Chinese tourists are everywhere this year ... I have to move on again



10 May 1410

Now they have permanently occupied my favourite beach, it will be in all the official guidebooks and full of visitors ... I'm going south



21 July 1410



Yet, another beach spoilt


22 July 1410

I have consulted with my travel agents, I mean after such an exhausting winter I think its time for my summer holidays



16 August 1410

I am not happy. My spies tell me these extra ships are to allow the bureaucrats to capture me.



(H – at last, she's worked out the horde of armed Chinese 'tourists' who keep on turning up may indicate someone has it in for her ... )


30 August 1410



That should give them something to think about ... all you have to do to encourage a Manchu to revolt is threaten them with a peach.

(H – nicely done ... I know another female diety with a similarly direct approach to such problems)

24 December 1410



Well he wasn't going to invite me over for the New Year, so that should at least give him something useful to do instead

14 May 1411

Ha, ha, that'll teach them ... now I have the beach to myself again



(H – whow, more vengeful than I thought she was capable of)

23 June 1411



It seems I just have to live with these disappointments


31 August 1411

It seems I am not going to have a quiet holiday this year ... I'm going back home.



18 September 1411

Yongle came to visit. For one so stupid he is sort of likeable but he seems to have fallen in with some bad types since I last spoke to him.



A lot of people seem to have it in for him these days?

30 April 1412

South ... south ... always the South, well, I expect little else from the bureaucrats. Have sent Yongle some special peaches for his birthday, he is quite likeable – if you like your rulers to be as dim as a giant amoeba that missed out on some early evolutionary events.



21 May 1412

The bureaucrats are blaming me for Yongle's death. Apparently he choked to death on a peach stone. The bit they are not mentioning is the peach and stone were stuffed into his mouth by a passing group of bureaucrats.



(H – way to go !!!! Must remember that one for future use)

[safferli]

I'd ban peaches as emperor Hongxi... if he can sneak that bit of administration past the Queen Mother and the bureaucrats!

[Edgewise]

I gotta say, I like this AAR. I didn't realize it until I noticed that I keep reading it. :P

[aldriq]

I'd ban peaches as emperor Hongxi... if he can sneak that bit of administration past the Queen Mother and the bureaucrats!

No! He must fight peaches with peaches. He should create a new elite peacock guard to protect the forbidden city.

[Dewirix]

I am not happy. My spies tell me these extra ships are to allow the bureaucrats to capture me.

Capture you? Dear lady, let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth! We have merely decided to augment our current maritime dispositions in order to secure and vouchsafe - in so far as such a goal is possible and compatible within the constraints of present policy and future contingencies - our ability to convey those in our employ of a belligerent bent to whichsoever destination is - at a given point in time - lacking the proper protection commensurate to a territorial constituent of the Middle Kingdom.

If, during such a reallocation of existing martial capacity, our gallant soldiery were to come across you engaged on one of your idiosyncratic peripatetic peregrinations then there is every possibility that you would be invited - with a greater or lesser degree of volition or compulsion - to accompany them further on their travels, but such a contingency would in no way prejudice your freedom; excepting of course the necessary limitations we would regretfully be compelled to impose upon your ability to alter - or indeed select - your abode.

[El Pip]

snip

Top Sir Humphreying, the man himself would display an apposite degree of appreciation at such a dexterous demonstration of linguistic contortion.

[Malurous]

I can understand why she'd dislike the bureaucrats.

The plot thickens - the Queen Mother's personality is getting more and more absurd, and her "friends" don't seem to approve...

[loki100]

I'd ban peaches as emperor Hongxi... if he can sneak that bit of administration past the Queen Mother and the bureaucrats!

I think his plan in the next update is to find some way to hide from her ... the blazing peacock incident not being to anyone's advantage

I gotta say, I like this AAR. I didn't realize it until I noticed that I keep reading it. :P

Glad you do, I'm not aiming at any deep gameplay but to see how the factions have affected playing China (my logic is even in the worst case its too big to fail, but expansion may be limited)

No! He must fight peaches with peaches. He should create a new elite peacock guard to protect the forbidden city.

Well he's certainly interested in both the idea of a forbidden city and ensuring she's on the list of those 'forbidden'

Capture you? Dear lady, let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth! We have merely decided to augment our current maritime dispositions in order to secure and vouchsafe - in so far as such a goal is possible and compatible within the constraints of present policy and future contingencies - our ability to convey those in our employ of a belligerent bent to whichsoever destination is - at a given point in time - lacking the proper protection commensurate to a territorial constituent of the Middle Kingdom.

If, during such a reallocation of existing martial capacity, our gallant soldiery were to come across you engaged on one of your idiosyncratic peripatetic peregrinations then there is every possibility that you would be invited - with a greater or lesser degree of volition or compulsion - to accompany them further on their travels, but such a contingency would in no way prejudice your freedom; excepting of course the necessary limitations we would regretfully be compelled to impose upon your ability to alter - or indeed select - your abode.

brilliant - during the flight I watched the episode of Yes PM where Sir Humphrey bamboozles a poor minister over the process and legitimacy of the cabinet minutes. In effect he spends 3 mins saying 'the minutes say what I want them to say and are therefore correct', but the convoluted sentences and sub-clauses are truely wonderful as he does so.

Top Sir Humphreying, the man himself would display an apposite degree of appreciation at such a dexterous demonstration of linguistic contortion.

do rather agree ... or to keep in the mood I do find myself in a state approximately to complete agreement with your assertion ...

I can understand why she'd dislike the bureaucrats.

The plot thickens - the Queen Mother's personality is getting more and more absurd, and her "friends" don't seem to approve...

Well I'm not quite sure she knows what she wants - preferably to be part of China, but quite how she is going to convince China's rulers that this is what THEY want may be a game long challenge.

[loki100]

31 July 1412

I decide its time to regain my private beaches ... hah they won't be expecting this.



(H – actually I think they did)

3 August 1412

Find the roof has not been swept for some time. Since I obviously need some extra staff fly off to Hangzhou to recruit some new servants, the peacocks are left in charge of the interviews.



18 August 1412

Memo to all staff, next time barbecued peacock is on the menu its a good idea to either kill it first or at least truss it up. These new servants are so useless.



Mind you, I really don't know what they are all complaining about, its not as if much of the town was burnt down.

(H – she really is bonkers, but it was a pretty good fire to give her credit)

18 October 1412

Hear that Hongxi has reproductive problems. I send him some special peaches, that will pep him up a bit.



While delivering the peaches I overheard some bureaucrats talking (at least I think they were talking). They said:

"well its not so much Forbidden as an attempt to keep out undesirable people who have no right to be there ... so they are forbidden entry ... no no, not forbidden as such, more ... well, unwelcome if you catch my drift"



I think they mean me!

(H – yep, pretty good guess in my book, they mean you)

29 October 1412

Sigh, and do they pop in to visit me on their way home ... no of course. Here I sit on the roof cold and lonely, ignored by everyone.



10 January 1413

This was the big news over the New Year ... do I care ... do I look like I care? I'm off to spend some me-time with the peacocks



14 March 1413

Well I hope they spend it wisely ... a few more temples to worship me in would be quite acceptable



27 March 1413

Bad news, there will be Chinese visitors all over my new beach ... will this ever end?



(H – was wondering where you'd got to ... you've been quiet a bit too long)

30 June 1413

Sigh, another beach is lost, well I have to find somewhere else



26 August 1413

No, not fair, another realm that I am banned from ... you really would think they already had it so much infamy to continue this persecution



My lawyer has given me a list of places to avoid



10 March 1414

Well we'll see about this, obviously they really want me to take the hint and stop visiting



(H – well it'll be interesting to see what she tries to do about this now)

[Malurous]

Yeah makes sense to not worry too much about infamy here considering the faction limitations.

The incidents she's causing are certainly of the extremely strange variety...

[Stuyvesant]

These armed Chinese beachgoers are a big nuisance. I wonder if they get all territorial and dig big holes when they're on the sand?

The flaming-peacock-as-comet-sighting was quite good.

The Queen Mum is finally realizing she is not wanted. This won't do anything for her sunny disposition... Time to invest in some peach pit helmets and peacock shields.

[Alfredian]

The new Emperor has no heirs? Is he failing to show off his tail-feathers properly?

[Dewirix]

You're doing well building up a wall of vassals. I never really got into the SoI system in EU3, but it does look like a pretty good way to get dragged into wars if you can't start your own.

[morningSIDEr]

...he is quite likeable – if you like your rulers to be as dim as a giant amoeba that missed out on some early evolutionary events.

A stupendous description of the poor Yongle. He survived multiple wars and proved triumphant on battlefield after battlefield, all to be undone by a fruit. Although admittedly a fruit I am beginning to gain a lot of respect for having read this AAR! Good to see the madness following the Queen Mother wherever she goes, despite her simply wishing to sun herself on a beach somewhere. I fear with peacocks, peaches, the Queen Mother and now Harry himself finally making an appearance in Ming, the poor nation is going to suffer!

[loki100]

Yeah makes sense to not worry too much about infamy here considering the faction limitations.

The incidents she's causing are certainly of the extremely strange variety...

aye, I've decided not to worry about it, I'll run it up to the limit when I can engage in conquest and it can subside in the (inevitable) lulls

& she's not a particularly subtle diety

These armed Chinese beachgoers are a big nuisance. I wonder if they get all territorial and dig big holes when they're on the sand?

The flaming-peacock-as-comet-sighting was quite good.

The Queen Mum is finally realizing she is not wanted. This won't do anything for her sunny disposition... Time to invest in some peach pit helmets and peacock shields.

or leave their towels out then go back to their hotels for their breakfasts?

nah, she doesn't reallise she's not wanted, she just realises they are (mistakenly) ignoring her well meant advice ..

The new Emperor has no heirs? Is he failing to show off his tail-feathers properly?

Its starting to become a bit of a worry - time for a maternal chat about why its myth about babies and storks?

You're doing well building up a wall of vassals. I never really got into the SoI system in EU3, but it does look like a pretty good way to get dragged into wars if you can't start your own.

Thats my basic strategy, ideally I'd like to get a border with India and then absorb some of those high value provinces, but for the most part I have to take what I can .. I'm about 50 years ahead in gameplay and my gains are pretty random (this is not a game for the lover of neat borders), but I am starting to chew my way through SE Asia. The other reason to push the SOI is you get extra magistrates - which is handy as often I'm limited for building by magistrates rather than cash and they help to balance out the faction dynamics

A stupendous description of the poor Yongle. He survived multiple wars and proved triumphant on battlefield after battlefield, all to be undone by a fruit. Although admittedly a fruit I am beginning to gain a lot of respect for having read this AAR! Good to see the madness following the Queen Mother wherever she goes, despite her simply wishing to sun herself on a beach somewhere. I fear with peacocks, peaches, the Queen Mother and now Harry himself finally making an appearance in Ming, the poor nation is going to suffer!

I was getting quite fond of Yongle - I've had that before in EU, you have an utter numpty who you make a general for no reason other than to kill off and they come through it all completely unscathed ... & yes Ming is in for a pretty rough ride between that bunch and me not having played it since IN

[loki100]

2 April 1414



My attempts to cross-breed peacocks with sheep have some useful side effects

(H – huh?)

21 August 1414



Sigh, the things I do for Hongxi. I mean who else would put so much effort into making friends with your neighbours, invite them for a roast sheep on the roof and they are so impressed ...

23 October 1414



I mean I'm famous for my tact and diplomacy ... its just that some people of course have to take it too far

(H – oh I don't know ... I could have gone further)

1 December 1414



And ... well ok, if they insist, it looks like I just have to offer them more direct guidance ....

(H – please, this is getting a wee bit tedious)

29 January 1415



What whimps, there I am making a nice war for them and this is all they want?



Well just have to start another one then ...

7 March 1415



Right lets see if they can get this one right?

22 January 1416



Just back from my winter sun break ... seems as if some of the locals took offense

(H – wonder if she's going to confess to what she was up to with her peacocks on the beaches?)

7 April 1416



Now there's a surprise

24 June 1416



We can but hope ...

22 August 1416



Hey, and what about me ... I too am less happy than you lot think

(H – aye but you are barmy and useless ... so nobody really cares)

21 September 1416

Pah ... pretentious nonsense,



(H – oh I don't know, it has a certain style)

30 January 1417



this explains why Hongxi is too embarrased to have me over for the New Year party, he clearly hasn't been eating the peaches I send him ... I think he needs some maternal advice on what to do and when ...

(H – he really had better get a move on)