1706-1712, in which a large war is the least of Taichang's worries
7 November 1706
Now if I was the Queen Mother of Western America I'd be delighted at this news. I am not so I am not.
[H – oh come on, cheer up, lets go and disturb Taichang]
3 January 1707
Hah, feel better for that, you know all you have to do is to stroke a peacock menacingly while juggling a peach stone and these Emperors become all ... well all aware of their mortality
5 May 1707
I know Harry's personal hygiene is poor but why was he so excited at having a sock exchange I don't know
23 October 1707
It turns out he was cleaning himself up so as to impress the Swedes
[H – am I not the diplomatic genius around here, Astarte not going to know what has hit her]
25 December 1707
Harry has gone strangely quiet ...
23 May 1708
Now he's been caught cheating, the man is a disgrace
[A – could have told you that]
18 September 1708
Taichang is really trying to impress me these days. All I need to do is to send a peacock feather in the post and he immediately gives me what I want.
20 July 1709
Harry really is impossible, he leaves a mess all over my front porch and he doesn't ... ever ... clean up after himself
8 December 1709
I know I like a good new years eve party but this was too early and much much too noisy
26 January 1710
This is so annoying --- all this endless noise and mess .. marching, screaming, all I want is some peace and quiet
[H – screaming? oh that was Astarte again]
[A – oh Harry, fighting you is such fun]
12 June 1710
Taichang really is such a whimp. All I had to do was to show him a slightly nibbled peach and look what he sent me in return
23 September 1710
Oh that is sweet, I didn't even have to do anything to threaten him
[H – look, do you mind actually helping out]
No
[A – oh Harry ignore her, just pay attention to me]
5 November 1710
[A – not that much attention]
21 April 1711
Oh, more mess on my doorstep, all these Bohemian types just clutter up the place
23 July 1711
[H – are you exhausted yet]
[A – oh not yet, Harry, we only just really started]
27 December 1711
Taichang came to see me to ask what was going on in Central Asia. I suggested he didn't worry too much about these minor matters and instead concentrate on giving me proper gifts, especially as I haven't had one for some time.
Just to assist his understanding, I was chewing a peach stone and stroking a peacock.
17 February 1712
[H – surrender]
[A - never]
17 May 1712
Oh men are so revolting
14 June 1712
I visited Taiching to check on progress with my latest present. Despite my disappointment I offered him a cup of tea, such a pity about his strange allergy. I mean most people are not allergic to being hit on the head with a cannon ball.
Please vote in the latest round of the ACAs, here. Also those of you in the UK will be delighted to know that the Radio 4 comedy show that underpins this rather silly AAR has an Olympic Special (presumably set in Hell) to be broadcast this Thursday at 18.30.