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Thread: The Queen Mother's Diaries: A Ming AAR

  1. #341
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    1666-1673, Wanli's self confidence expands

    2 May 1666

    I AM sooo impressive, me, Wanli II, supreme ruler



    [H you know he is becoming even more irritating, as if that was possible]

    10 November 1666


    Everyone loves me so much



    [QM damn, the servants are revolting again, they just don't like cleaning up after the peacocks]

    23 March 1667

    Oh



    [QM damn servants let the peakraken out again]

    3 July 1667

    I am annoyed to find the British in the northern part of New Wanli-land



    10 August 1668

    Everything is going well under my rule



    [QM you can never complain about a hardy seaman, I'll agree]

    15 March 1669



    There are too many of these old ruins cluttering up the place

    [QM oh, you brute ... I'll show ... in fact where's Harry I've not seen him for a while]

    2 April 1669



    We can use the stones from those old piles of rubbish to build the new roads

    [QM Harry .... where the hell are you? We have to do something about him soon]

    7 October 1669



    Now I have a proper Cathedral to worship in ... pity I'm not superstitious

    [QM this is so unfair, I would be ideal for a deity in there]

    5 November 1669



    Had the local military chief executed ... what nonsense, winged horses I ask you

    [QM well I have some well trained peacocks if that would help]

    2 January 1671

    Now I have big ships to go with my hardy seamen



    6 May 1672

    Let no one accuse me again of being undiplomatic, I am soooo diplomatic



    5 June 1672



    No, just no, if I don't want to accept the limits of an absolute monarchy, I am really not interested in this nonsense

    15 April 1673

    Oh what fun, several days just spent looking at the Imperial records






    [QM Where is that man, this has to stop and soon or I'll go insane]
    Remember, whatever the question, the answer on 18 September is Yes ...

  2. #342
    Captain Fyregecko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loki100 View Post
    2 May 1666

    [QM – you can never complain about a hardy seaman, I'll agree]
    Me too.


    Had the local military chief executed ... what nonsense, winged horses I ask you

    [QM – well I have some well trained peacocks if that would help]
    Peacock cavalry? The noise alone would make up for the lack of speed I suppose.

    And the Land Tech is impressive. Are there any Land powers in a position to threaten you? Bohemia not pretending to be Russia this time?
    Last edited by Fyregecko; 14-06-2012 at 14:43.
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  3. #343
    Field Marshal Malurous's Avatar
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    While I usually like to westernize fully, I'd say that you're doing just fine in the tech group you're in now. Being among the leaders in land means that any tech lag won't threaten your safety.

    Keeping in mind our heroes' track records when it comes to dealing with unwanted emperors, Wanli is probably better off staying behind thick walls considering how much he's annoyed them.
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  4. #344
    Field Marshal Stuyvesant's Avatar
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    When the update title is 'Wanli's self confidence expands', I can't help but think something else will do rapid expansion soon (no, not that way, get your filthy mind out of the gutter) - his chest cavity (from an implanted peacock egg/peach stone) or his head (after the Queen Mother takes some of those 47,000 artillerymen and has some fun with her cannons, leather or otherwise).

    I can see now why Astarte would pick Bohemia - the whole 'Emperor' title must have some draw to her, not to mention the gargauntuan size of Bohemia's army.

    Now, where has Harry wandered off to? Did he wander off, or did Astarte have a hand in his sudden disappearance. Certainly, being out of the limelight (and not complaining about Wanli) is not Harry's style...
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  5. #345
    Lost in Time Ashantai's Avatar
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    Just finished catching up! Great updates! The QM is quite as batty as normal.
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  6. #346
    Part Time Warp aldriq's Avatar
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    Whatever happened to the Swedes? I thought they were pretty much at your gates?

    Drama in the Pearl River must be one of the best event names in the game. Sounds like it could be a working title for a sequel of Priscilla Queen of the Desert...

    Quote Originally Posted by QM View Post
    You can never complain about a hardy seaman, I'll agree
    ...and with lines like these I think you have half the script done
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  7. #347
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fyregecko View Post
    Peacock cavalry? The noise alone would make up for the lack of speed I suppose.

    And the Land Tech is impressive. Are there any Land powers in a position to threaten you? Bohemia not pretending to be Russia this time?
    and the claws, don't forget the claws, imagine the scratches on someone's nice suit of armour

    The only real land threat is Bohemia (not yet, but yes they do end up snaking east), but I am ahead in tech and then slightly hampered by using Eastern not Western unit types (hence the artillery obsession). My fear remains a big war with the British. The French don't really have the capacity to land many troops at once and pretty soon I'll be able to defeat all but their largest fleets in any case. The British would get control of the seas and be able to land at will, so sooner or later I'd end up losing something valuable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Malurous View Post
    While I usually like to westernize fully, I'd say that you're doing just fine in the tech group you're in now. Being among the leaders in land means that any tech lag won't threaten your safety.

    Keeping in mind our heroes' track records when it comes to dealing with unwanted emperors, Wanli is probably better off staying behind thick walls considering how much he's annoyed them.
    Wanli does indeed put a lot of effort into staying safe, and he does indeed deeply offend our two 'heros'.

    If I understand the 5.2 beta properly, that makes going for full Westernisation worthwhile as it lifts the faction system so you have a lot more freedom (in fact would make a mid/late game player Ming too powerful in my opinion), but for my purposes here, there was no gain to another bout of investing only in stability and swatting a stream of rebels. I never outtech say the European OPMs, but in the critical techs, I more than keep up with the few powers (Sweden, Britain, France, Bohemia) who I am really interested in

    Quote Originally Posted by Stuyvesant View Post
    When the update title is 'Wanli's self confidence expands', I can't help but think something else will do rapid expansion soon (no, not that way, get your filthy mind out of the gutter) - his chest cavity (from an implanted peacock egg/peach stone) or his head (after the Queen Mother takes some of those 47,000 artillerymen and has some fun with her cannons, leather or otherwise).

    I can see now why Astarte would pick Bohemia - the whole 'Emperor' title must have some draw to her, not to mention the gargauntuan size of Bohemia's army.

    Now, where has Harry wandered off to? Did he wander off, or did Astarte have a hand in his sudden disappearance. Certainly, being out of the limelight (and not complaining about Wanli) is not Harry's style...
    Yes I think Holy Roman Empress is a title well suited to her, but, without engaging in too much foreshadowing the choice was more in terms of threat to Ming than anything more subtle.

    As you'll see in the next update, his latest deep under cover attempt to kill Wanli has been a bit of a damp squib (but painful and embarassing), I suspect when he finally dies (& not for a long while yet), there is going to be an almighty fight between them as to who does both the killing and the post-demise tormenting

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashantai View Post
    Just finished catching up! Great updates! The QM is quite as batty as normal.
    Aye, my rendition of her has come some way from the somewhat serene and aloof QM of Chinese legends ... ah well poetic license and all that

    Quote Originally Posted by aldriq View Post
    Whatever happened to the Swedes? I thought they were pretty much at your gates?

    Drama in the Pearl River must be one of the best event names in the game. Sounds like it could be a working title for a sequel of Priscilla Queen of the Desert...

    ...and with lines like these I think you have half the script done
    The Swedes still are, but they suffered a huge revolt so they are split by a re-emerged (Sunni) Novgorod from Sweden to their Central Asian provinces. In fact for the most part, they become good allies, pulling me into a lot of rather convenient wars (& at least one rather less so)

    mhhh ... Harry rolling across Central Asia in a pink painted coach pulled by particularly louch peacocks ... I think I have a plot device to use at some stage.

    I like the Ming flavour events, most of the really innovative ones only fire when you have lost the Mandate of Heaven, but they are different to the ones you usually see with a Western European power
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  8. #348
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    1674-1684: Wanli feels the cold hand of fate (or his 'doctor')

    19 February 1674

    Oh, ah, oh, never trust a doctor



    especiallly one with bad breath ... and such cold hands

    [H and I hope that hurt]

    10 May 1674

    oh, well, these things happen when you can't sit down properly



    [H that should do for him soon enough]
    [QM Harry, is that you? Is that the best you've done in all that time]
    [H well it is rather hard when he doesn't believe in ghosts and demons]

    10 December 1674

    I finally managed to sit down today for the first time this year



    3 March 1676



    I am going to sea

    [QM oh good, I'll make sure the peakraken is really hungry]

    29 March 1676

    My utter wonderfulness just knows no limits



    [H and when you die, what I'm going to do to you, 'knows no limits']

    10 May 1676

    I am almost tooooo good for this place



    [QM just say the word, we would be glad to oblige]

    3 December 1676

    When I go to sea, it is going to be in a very big ship



    21 December 1676

    You know, I just can't help myself, I am so brilliant



    3 March 1680

    I've had another idea

    [H I've had a lot but wait till I get hold of you, heh]



    Not only will I go to sea in a very big ship, I will go to sea in lots of very big ships

    [QM damn, damn, damn]

    14 May 1680



    I did think about leaving my castle this morning, but, well it just didn't feel right

    [H damn, damn, damn]

    14 July 1681



    and maybe the going to sea idea is not such a good one either

    [QM damn, damn, damn]

    22 August 1681



    Maybe it is safe after all to leave the castle after all?

    9 November 1681



    No, I'll give it a little while yet

    [QM ... and just what is wrong with pink?]

    19 May 1684



    That doctor has such cold hands ... I mean you try being in control after your medical

    [QM is that really the best you can do?]
    [H well you try then]
    Remember, whatever the question, the answer on 18 September is Yes ...

  9. #349
    Lost in Time Ashantai's Avatar
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    Haha, very nice! Great update!
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  10. #350
    Field Marshal Malurous's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loki100 View Post
    Not only will I go to sea in a very big ship, I will go to sea in lots of very big ships
    So, they're planning to dismember him?

    Excellent update!
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  11. #351
    Field Marshal Stuyvesant's Avatar
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    Must say, Harry's colorectal/prostate cancer screening doesn't seem to be doing the job. It's a pretty imaginative approach, I'll give him that, but it does suffer from the drawback that, generally speaking, preventative healthcare does not have a high incidence of fatality. Something of a drawback, that. Now, if Harry can convince Wanli that a good bout of trepaning is going to cure the Emperor's fear of non-fortified spaces, he might get somewhere, but in the meantime I'll give him passing grades for trying and a big fat 'F' for results.

    Liked the repeated chorus of 'Damn, damn, damn'. Wanli the Insufferable sure seems to be wiley - or at least, just wiley enough. And he's ushering in a Golden Age for Ming. Not bad, but he's still a tit.
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  12. #352
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashantai View Post
    Haha, very nice! Great update!
    glad you enjoyed it

    Quote Originally Posted by Malurous View Post
    So, they're planning to dismember him?

    Excellent update!
    well in the end they are so keen to kill him (as dramatically as possible), they forget to keep any of him intace for the endless post-death torment bit ....

    Quote Originally Posted by Stuyvesant View Post
    Must say, Harry's colorectal/prostate cancer screening doesn't seem to be doing the job. It's a pretty imaginative approach, I'll give him that, but it does suffer from the drawback that, generally speaking, preventative healthcare does not have a high incidence of fatality. Something of a drawback, that. Now, if Harry can convince Wanli that a good bout of trepaning is going to cure the Emperor's fear of non-fortified spaces, he might get somewhere, but in the meantime I'll give him passing grades for trying and a big fat 'F' for results.

    Liked the repeated chorus of 'Damn, damn, damn'. Wanli the Insufferable sure seems to be wiley - or at least, just wiley enough. And he's ushering in a Golden Age for Ming. Not bad, but he's still a tit.
    To be honest, after about 50 years of Eunuch+Temple the economy was badly lagging, Wanli's long reign means all my better provinces have all the money producing buildings I need and I must have built 8 manufacturies (in addition to the Universities and Fine Arts things that pop from the 'prospering times' event). So he had been good, but its been like playing 50 years in a PU, what I need (& later manage to achieve) is a warmongering ally who keeps on dragging me into wars so I can snack on my neighbours due to wars started by someone else.

    Well the next update features 6 monthly assasination attempts of varying levels of incompetence ...
    Remember, whatever the question, the answer on 18 September is Yes ...

  13. #353
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    1684-1690, Wanli II doesn't make it to eternity

    22 June 1684



    Things are going so well, I must visit one of my new Universities

    [H yes, yes]
    [QM all mine, all mine]
    [H hey, I'm first in line]

    6 February 1685



    Oh, my chief architect has warned me not to visit, it seems it is built in the shape of a gigantic peacock hutch for some reason

    [QM and I had the perfect plan]
    [H you had the perfect plan? I'll show you a perfect plan]

    6 July 1685



    Oh maybe I can go and watch the Arsenal being built instead

    [H yeah, my plan to ensure he dies of boredom will come to pass][1]

    31 August 1685

    I am so glad I didn't visit

    [QM damn, almost got him]




    12 February 1686

    My doctor was trying to convince me I should visit Siberia, he says it would be good idea to open the new University, its apparently very warm at this time of the year



    [H come to me ...]
    [QM hey, I'm in charge of higher education]

    3 August 1686



    It seems we have invented a new gun that can fire shells upwards, I am not sure why this is a good idea

    [QM you are going to find out soon enough]

    13 April 1687

    I have decided not to take a voyage, our navy is not yet large enough for my magnificance



    [H right out the way, let the expert deal with this]

    29 October 1687

    Well that was close, I don't know why the chef decided to serve the deep fried peaches from the barrel of a gun



    Makes me think of my own mortality

    [QM idiot men, only I know how to turn peaches into a flawless killing machine]

    24 May 1688



    Despite all these recent attempts on my life I remain totally calm and wonderful

    [H right this needs more direct measures]

    4 November 1688



    Some people, just fail to understand how wonderful I am ... I think I will rule for ever

    [QM is that the best you can do? Right its my turn now]

    13 July 1689

    All these attempts to kill me, make me appreciate just how much everyone will miss when I am gone



    [H the daft old bat messed up again, right lets do this properly]

    16 February 1690

    Yes, yes I have my diary back



    Such a pity there is nothing left of Wanli to torment for eternity.

    [H well there are times when achieving the short term goal means you miss out on an eternity of pleasure]

    [1] sorry, but I do support Spurs
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  14. #354
    Field Marshal Stuyvesant's Avatar
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    So the lesson on killing someone is: if you try hard enough, and often enough, eventually your target will die - of old age. Although Queen Mother's comment does rather suggest Harry might've displayed a brief flash of competence - did it involve the coehorn mortar?

    Wanli allowed you to build up your economy. With Youshan, you're back to expanding through colonization? I look forward to Ming California.
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  15. #355
    Field Marshal Malurous's Avatar
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    So, I suppose a naval Arsenal would definitely feature some Seamen?

    But yeah, that was certainly a lesson in persistence.
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  16. #356
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stuyvesant View Post
    So the lesson on killing someone is: if you try hard enough, and often enough, eventually your target will die - of old age. Although Queen Mother's comment does rather suggest Harry might've displayed a brief flash of competence - did it involve the coehorn mortar?

    Wanli allowed you to build up your economy. With Youshan, you're back to expanding through colonization? I look forward to Ming California.
    more or less, he ruled for more than 60 years, so he had to die either of one of Harry's plots or age at some stage ... I think you can assume the final end was pretty cataclysmic though

    aye, this is a well timed shift of focus. I now have the naval range to find and settle Hawaii, and then see if there is any of N America left for me to colonise, or to liberate from its current colonial oppressors

    Quote Originally Posted by Malurous View Post
    So, I suppose a naval Arsenal would definitely feature some Seamen?

    But yeah, that was certainly a lesson in persistence.
    yes, but they would have be special Seaman who watch footballs flying over the heads in a particularly hapless manner
    Remember, whatever the question, the answer on 18 September is Yes ...

  17. #357
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    1690-1699: Youhan makes a limited impression

    24 May 1690

    Now I am back in my rightful role, China has become so cultural



    4 December 1690



    Oh ... that cuts short some of my fun

    4 March 1691



    I was afraid of this, once the Eunuch's are in power, everything just ends up pointing in the wrong direction

    27 June 1691



    Ah well, I managed to convince Youhan to point in the right direction ... seems that some men can be house trained after all

    [H hah, it was an accident]

    16 July 1691


    Well the cultural revolution didn't last long



    [H yep, I was just starting to get bored]

    Err, Harry this small war of yours?



    [A well hi there, long time no see ... and as you know, I never bear grudges]

    4 January 1692



    You know, for once I agree, a larger army may just be a good idea

    24 May 1692



    [H here lend us the peakraken will you]


    24 June 1692

    [H ah, its easy when you know how]



    28 September 1692

    My poor peakraken is getting very kranky



    very kranky

    [H look all its doing is ... well eating a lot of ships ... I mean that is its job after all]

    6 December 1692

    Oh this is typical of Youhan ... no sense of direction



    He has the chance to sweep westwards and goes off east instead

    7 January 1693

    I am so dissapointed, I will concentrate on my art collection



    [1]

    1 June 1698



    Oh, I needed a long break in my palace, all those small irritating events were just making me so tired.

    I wonder if Harry's stupid war is over yet?

    14 June 1698



    I do wish Harry would stop starting these wars



    [A just look at how big and important I am ... ever since you tried to kill me ... not that I hold any grudges]

    29 March 1699



    No, no, no

    [H oh, ok, I'll miss out on this one]

    3 May 1699

    Harry came to visit, decided to test the new peach-gin. All he went on about was the importance of hip-tacs, tac-tocs, tic-tacs .... ach something like that anyway



    [1] I know I am in the middle of a massive war, but nothing happened in this period except beating up my Indian opponents and a few small naval battles. Bohemia is not, though, at all interested in peace.
    Remember, whatever the question, the answer on 18 September is Yes ...

  18. #358
    Part Time Warp aldriq's Avatar
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    Looks like those rumours about Trollemia in DW are not that greatly exaggerated...
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    Gotta love the thought of those Bohemians rowing their galleys all the way to Indonesia.

    Quote Originally Posted by loki100 View Post
    yes, but they would have be special Seaman who watch footballs flying over the heads in a particularly hapless manner
    As far as style goes, I think there's something to be said for the "nah I'm guessing I probably won't save that one, I'll just stand here and not try" school of goalkeeping.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malurous View Post
    Gotta love the thought of those Bohemians rowing their galleys all the way to Indonesia.
    All together now: 'Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...'

    I like that image.

    loki, nice job there. When I saw the manpower totals of the first coalition you faced, I thought things weren't looking particularly good for you. Next screen, I find out Astarte... I mean, Bohemia, is involved as well. And then you go and add Great Britain ("World's Greatest Navy") to your enemy list. I'm sure you'll manage to pull out of this one without much trouble, but really, your choice of enemies could stand some improvement - perhaps not invite them to the party all at the same time?
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