The Queen Mother's Diaries: A Ming AAR

[Malurous]

At least I have some interesting books of financial accounting to keep me entertained

I can tell the guy is a bureaucrat first and foremost (in stats and faction association alike)...

[aldriq]

Nice to see an assertive emperor for a change... does it mean he'll die in an even more horrible way?

[loki100]

Them's words to tempt fate if I ever saw any... I suspect Wanli will hear some more voices while tucked away safely in his fortress prison - the voice of the Empress of Hell, to be precise. I think Harry and the Queen Mother are in for a rather nasty surprise, sooner rather than later.

the war against France fares pretty well and I imagine you can continue to coast comfortably, assuming you can keep assembling those monstrously oversized fleets to swat the French ships with.

well France appears to only have 1 huge fleet, so if I lose to that, & I do on balance, I have plenty of time to recover and to feast on their smaller squadrons. Thats why I'm afraid of the British. They have the sort of naval power that means I lose all mobility, and am then reduced to marching my armies to hopefully fend off the latest landing. A related problem is that even with decent tech gains, the Asian unit types remain a problem, esp against W Europe which is why I'm prepared to endure all the pain of shifting army tech group

but yes, even Harry is vaguely aware that a little bit of attempted murder may not have removed his nemesis from the scene permanently

A finer opening speech there has never been.

What's the EUIII equivalent of the SSPCA?

And I admire his obsession with Fort building. You can't be too careful - though can a Fort protect him from peach stones, peacock-feather shuriken and similar 'accidents'?

In the game, it looks like you're doing a good job of keeping the French at a safe distance. Do they have any colonies you could liberate, or at least land some troops on to make them more likely to peace out?

Well Wanli is merely reflected the world as it appears to him. But he stays safely in his fort for this update ... next one he takes a chance ...

At this stage, not really, there is a French colony in India and another in Korea that I can take easily. Ceylon gives me 2 more, but beyond that its hard as they are mostly out of my naval range and my (smallish) fleet is completely locked up in defending China.

A bit later I get another Eunuch loving Emperor (so naval limit expands) & start taking naval NIs, and then can build a fleet large enough to both defend with and expand. So in this case, its really a case of just wearing them down till they get bored with the whole thing.

I can tell the guy is a bureaucrat first and foremost (in stats and faction association alike)...

He is indeed, its his only redeeming trait ... but, as in the next post, a very useful redeeming trait

Nice to see an assertive emperor for a change... does it mean he'll die in an even more horrible way?

I think his demise will be spectacular, the QM, as is just to be reported, has invented a special new kinky leather clad cannon for just that purpose ... unfortunately they can't get at him at the moment

[loki100]

4 April 1640

I am the most fantastic ruler China has ever had



9 August 1640

I am a genius



6 September 1640



such a genius at everything, even my diplomacy is now world famous

[H – err]
[QM – this is too much]

3 April 1641



[QM – thats it, I'm off on a cruise ... I need a break]

5 February 1642



yes, I am indeed the best

29 March 1642


It was an accident

[H – ahem, these things take planning you know]

6 April 1642



idiots

2 July 1642



Oh, more accountants, we can have exciting meetings together


6 December 1642



No, I am not paying to renovate that old pile of bricks

[H – she is going to be sooo angry when she gets back]

16 June 1643



Some people just do not appreciate me

[H – oh that was a surprise ... wonder if .. was behind it ... nah she's dead and buried]

3 September 1643

[QM – hi Harry, hows it going, look at my new cannons ... its amazing what one picks up on holiday]
[H - oh, stretchy black leather .. that is different ... that is interesting]



8 April 1644

[QM – heh, Harry, thats enough for now, I'm just going to stock up on bird food]
[H - zzzzzzzzzzzzz]



21 July 1644

No



10 January 1645

[QM – sigh, Harry made me 'be nice' to the English again, while he, and I quote "does one on the French" ... I need to have my old authority back]



4 May 1645

I had a strange dream last night ... apparent if I change the army completely everyone will be happy and decide I am utterly wonderful. Maybe it is time to leave my fort?



8 July 1645

well I certainly seem to have scared the French ...



[H – thats it .. this is too much ... I'm gonna show that little brat]

[aldriq]

The military modernisation is very punishing, but definitely worthwhile if you are going to have regular wars with Europeans, especially France and Sweden... luckily the QM is doing all the legwork to avoid one with GB

[loki100]

The military modernisation is very punishing, but definitely worthwhile if you are going to have regular wars with Europeans, especially France and Sweden... luckily the QM is doing all the legwork to avoid one with GB

well to put their respective degrees of effort into context, here's what I imagined 'being nice to the British' consisted of:



or 'doing one for France':



Think the QM can claim the greater sacrifice?

[Sweboy]

Learned today rather randomly that in Poland peacocks means the same thing as the Scottish play!

[Stuyvesant]

The 'leather cannons' banter seems a bit... well... let's not dwell on it.

Other than that, Wanli is turning out to be quite the pillock. I'm sure he'll get his comeuppance soon enough - if not from Harry, I suspect someone more capable will be making her grand return. The 31 regiments rising in Delhi were only a foretaste... What better time for Astarte to reappear than when Ming is at -3 stability and has some additional negative modifiers going on as well?

[loki100]

Learned today rather randomly that in Poland peacocks means the same thing as the Scottish play!

it is amazing what slang terms exist ...

The 'leather cannons' banter seems a bit... well... let's not dwell on it.

Other than that, Wanli is turning out to be quite the pillock. I'm sure he'll get his comeuppance soon enough - if not from Harry, I suspect someone more capable will be making her grand return. The 31 regiments rising in Delhi were only a foretaste... What better time for Astarte to reappear than when Ming is at -3 stability and has some additional negative modifiers going on as well?

first bit edited and altered

Wanli proves to be incredibly dim, the next post is full of revolts and he clings in there as if nothing is going wrong

[loki100]

14 September 1645

I had a dream where I was loved by all my people.

Decided to risk leaving my fort.



Memo to self, do not trust your dreams

[H – hah, almost got him that time]

1 January 1646

I hear disturbing reports of excessive new year celebrations in some parts of the Kingdom



[QM – oh, I needed that]

31 January 1646



It seems as if some people carried on partying even after I told them not to

[H – well this IS fun]

9 April 1646

Now people are fleeing all the revolts



[QM – time for another invigorating cruise]
[H – but ... oh go on then]

5 June 1646

Oh please make it stop

[H – I'll show her .... I can handle this on my own]



4 April 1647

At last I had a good sleep



[H – oh sorry, wasn't paying attention]


7 May 1647



I thought this was meant to be over?

[H – odd, I'm sure I didn't arrange that, and not seen the Queen Mother around for a while either]

2 June 1647

despite all the stress, I had an idea the other day

[H – well done you]



7 January 1648



Now I am so stressed, I even forget what I have signed

[H – Well when you finally die you'll find I have an interesting piece of paper you seem to have signed]

12 April 1648



Oh maybe it is not so bad after all

2 November 1648



Yes, I am still the main man around here. Everyone does love me really

[H – don't count on it matey]

2 June 1650

Now I have a new army, I think it is time to leave the castle again



4 May 1651



[QM – damn, now my dress is wet]
[H – oh, and welcome back, you know I could do with some help around here]

3 May 1653



An even bigger army, now I am completely safe

[QM – Harry, did you hear that?]
[H – just give me a bit of time]

3 November 1656


ugh, yuck, why did he had to borrow an ear

[H – I'll give it back later]

[aldriq]

Those Eastern Tercios and the new naval idea should keep the Europeans at bay more comfortably from now on... Will the peacocks start adopting western ways too?

[Malurous]

That merchant guy is trying to sail west to discover a trade route to India? He has a better sense of direction than that Genoan chap, I'll give him that, but I think someone should point out that the route has been known for a while already.

[Stuyvesant]

Now I am so stressed, I even forget what I have signed

[H – Well when you finally die you'll find I have an interesting piece of paper you seem to have signed]

...


ugh, yuck, why did he had to borrow an ear

[H – I'll give it back later]

I like that first exchange: it's not even necessarily that Harry has the bog-standard 'Signature-goes-here-for-loss-of-soul-and-eternal-damnation' form, he's content enough to bluff his way through the whole thing with a crude forgery. Of course, Harry's track record in obtaining souls leaves something to be desired, but hey, he's willing to give it another go.

The second exchange has me humming 'Stuck in the middle with you' and envisioning Michael Madsen doing his little dance-with-razor in Reservoir Dogs.

[Arilou]

I'd have thought westernizing fully would b orth it simply because Latin techgroup gives so much better neighbour bonuses than Eastern.

[loki100]

Those Eastern Tercios and the new naval idea should keep the Europeans at bay more comfortably from now on... Will the peacocks start adopting western ways too?

well the peakraken gets a new improved hutch in the next update, but I fear some things will have to stay the same

That merchant guy is trying to sail west to discover a trade route to India? He has a better sense of direction than that Genoan chap, I'll give him that, but I think someone should point out that the route has been known for a while already.

to be fair, given the chaos in China at that stage (I only bothered to show some of the times I had multiple rebellions on the same day), I'd have given any excuse to get out ... think of it as a mercantile variant of 'taking the dog for a walk' when unwelcome relatives come to visit (hard for me as we only have cats but the principle applies)

I like that first exchange: it's not even necessarily that Harry has the bog-standard 'Signature-goes-here-for-loss-of-soul-and-eternal-damnation' form, he's content enough to bluff his way through the whole thing with a crude forgery. Of course, Harry's track record in obtaining souls leaves something to be desired, but hey, he's willing to give it another go.

The second exchange has me humming 'Stuck in the middle with you' and envisioning Michael Madsen doing his little dance-with-razor in Reservoir Dogs.

There are more ear events coming up ... and, well given the number of souls he should have had, its not a surprise he's prepared to engage in a bit of small scale forgery - I mean it is only for ever, so thats ok?

I'd have thought westernizing fully would b orth it simply because Latin techgroup gives so much better neighbour bonuses than Eastern.

Possibly, truth is I can't face it. It takes about 4 years to go from -2 to 0 with all income going to stability (this is the loss of the Mandate of Heaven) & depending on my ruler I can't wage wars (army too busy whacking rebels) or build much (most cash is in stability), so its quite a loss. I'm getting about +1 (governance) to +3 (naval) as it is and making good speed up the tech tree so its good enough to be going on with.

[loki100]

10 April 1657



Oh man, this could be interesting

[H – I do the bad puns around here ... and the good ones come to think about it]

10 April 1657



While I am busy with important matters of state, my idiot offspring is sharing ears again

[QM – Harry that is disgusting put it away]
[H – sorry, thought he asked for someone to shave ears, not share them]

19 July 1657



That is frustrating, I was just getting into my stride

21 April 1658



Decided to work off my frustrations by raising some more money

3 September 1658



I have decided it is time to start waging war in a professional manner

[H – pah, comes naturally to me]
[QM – oh yes ... I mean your track record is so successful]

31 December 1659



Oh more money ... thank you, I am so generous (to myself)

[H – you know, he's really starting to annoy me]

12 May 1660



I am really too refined for these petty squabbles

[H – speak for yourself, I'm off to have some fun]

14 October 1660



Oh I do wish he'd stop, how many ears does he need

[QM – Harold, stop]
[H – oh sorry, just sort of ... well you know, just sort of happened]

13 January 1661



Had a most satisfying New Year, gazing at my new map



I even made a present of a new province to myself

11 February 1661

I am such a wise and kind ruler, I have even built a University for the Australians



[H – you're not going back there are you?]
[QM – well its not much fun around here at the moment]

11 September 1661



In my vast wisdom I decide not to take part in this small provincial dispute

[H – coward, that could have been fun]

[A - cowards, I'll get you later]

23 October 1661



We have too many of these old ruins hanging around

[H – she is not going to be happy you know]

3 July 1662



Very nice, but what use is it?

[H – I can think of lots of uses for a cannon that you can swivel on]

8 January 1663



I must be the most learned and wonderful Emperor ever ...

2 February 1664



[QM – oi, Harry, what do you think of the design for the new peakraken hutch]

3 August 1665



My advisers came up with the boring idea of an Absolute Monarchy today ... so boring, so limited, when you are as wonderful as me, being absolute is a step back

[H – isn't he dead yet]
[QM – thought that was your job]

[aldriq]

I can imagine the scandal taking shape: Cash for Ears... Nice that you are getting some good money events, makes a change from the stab hits you used to get. But worryingly, has Astarte taken the Bohemian colours?

And where has MorningSider gone? Do you think he might have overdone the celebrations? Edinburghers are very adept at preaching moderation to their west coast neighbours... until it's their turn to overindulge

[Fyregecko]

Prospering Times indeed! Ming shall be a haven of scholarship and academia. Ming and Australia. Mingese Australia? Mingstralia?

With some of the nice trade goods in that area, how are your CoT/s looking? Should be pretty prosperous. Is tax your biggest form of income, or is Production catching up? That's one of my measurements of how successful I've been - the closer my Production income is to my tax income, the happier I am.

@aldriq: He'll be fine. And it's not every day Hearts see off the Hibbies 5-1 in a cup final. As a true Scot, drink will not cause him any problems: our version of blood poisoning is having too much blood in our alcohol systems.

[Stuyvesant]

[QM – Harry that is disgusting put it away]
[H – sorry, thought he asked for someone to shave ears, not share them]

Perhaps he thought someone wanted to shear his ear, instead of share it? Easy enough mistake to make...

Wanli is a thoroughly annoying git. Especially as he seems to have all the luck in the world (to go with all the lack - of any redeemable skill - in the world).

So, Astarte's picking things up from Bohemia? I would've thought Britain would be more her style - from her past/future experience - but hey, she's resurrected from the dead, I guess you can't be too picky.

[loki100]

I can imagine the scandal taking shape: Cash for Ears... Nice that you are getting some good money events, makes a change from the stab hits you used to get. But worryingly, has Astarte taken the Bohemian colours?

And where has MorningSider gone? Do you think he might have overdone the celebrations? Edinburghers are very adept at preaching moderation to their west coast neighbours... until it's their turn to overindulge

aye, its a bit more dramatic than 'cash for questions'. I am now pretty much awash in cash as I'll show at the end of the next post.

not sure where he is, I live about 2 miles from Hampden and there were an awful lot (well 1 or 2) very upset Hibs fans wandering back well before the match ended. Hope he's not gone and caught Legionnaires Disease and gone all 'Beau Geste' on us?

Prospering Times indeed! Ming shall be a haven of scholarship and academia. Ming and Australia. Mingese Australia? Mingstralia?

With some of the nice trade goods in that area, how are your CoT/s looking? Should be pretty prosperous. Is tax your biggest form of income, or is Production catching up? That's one of my measurements of how successful I've been - the closer my Production income is to my tax income, the happier I am.

@aldriq: He'll be fine. And it's not every day Hearts see off the Hibbies 5-1 in a cup final. As a true Scot, drink will not cause him any problems: our version of blood poisoning is having too much blood in our alcohol systems.

Again I'll cover income in the next post but at the moment my income is roughly 36% tax, 44% production and the rest a mix of trade and tariffs. My problem with trade is I often can't send merchants, so I can't really build clear monopolies in my CoTs. For much the same reason, I'm very mercantalist and never bother to compete in non-Ming CoTs. But I have Nanjing (richest in the world), Bihar (pretty good) & Malacca, so it all adds up to a decent cash flow

Perhaps he thought someone wanted to shear his ear, instead of share it? Easy enough mistake to make...

Wanli is a thoroughly annoying git. Especially as he seems to have all the luck in the world (to go with all the lack - of any redeemable skill - in the world).

So, Astarte's picking things up from Bohemia? I would've thought Britain would be more her style - from her past/future experience - but hey, she's resurrected from the dead, I guess you can't be too picky.

Wanli was doing my head in when I was playing this phase. I needed a high admin ruler for the tech group shifts etc, and then to catch up on buildings as I'd unlocked quite a lot of high level buildings in various groups as well as all the manufacturies, but couldn't build them due to the wrong factions or the chaose of recovering stability. By the end of the next post, I wanted him dead so i could do something but whack around the nomads for a bit of prestige and build things ... He hangs on a while yet

and yep, Astarte is in Bohemia, you'll get a hint why at the end of the next post