The Queen Mother's Diaries: A Ming AAR

[loki100]

Sweden reaching for China by land by the beginning of the 17th century? Good grief.

Sweden nearly bordering you makes the army sizes more important again, too. (Sweden has slightly less soldiers as you have, that 30k stack could be ugly)

Sweden wouldn't normally be a problem due to their poor manpower (compared to Ming anyway), but I'd check how many population-rich Russian provinces they've conquered on the way – you might need some serious peacock artillery to fight them.

The main threat is having a large tech gain and better troops per tech level, so it will take a lot of care just to fend them off (at the moment I'm at Muslim tech but I've left the army at E Asian types). I reckon, having followed a few Prawnstar AARs that I can manouver them into a stalemate in the case of war (& hope for attrition to cause them w/e), but I'm in no hurry to have a war with any Europeans - not least at the moment, all their holdings are pretty useless from my perspective (last thing I need is a load of underdeveloped grain provinces). But aldiq is right, since artillery isn't location dependent thats my main source of power - but I need to get the Temple faction out of power (hard with Shaowu's stats) so I can build over force limit and really increase the volume of guns in my stacks.

One threat is dealt with (the French), another is lurking just beyond the horizon. Sweden reaching you the long (non-naval) way - that's a bit disconcerting. Should fan the flames of the usual 'Paradox overpowers Sweden' argument for a while.

Considering the Swedes' evident martial prowess (fighting their way across Russia - something a rather great lot of people have failed to achieve over the centuries), their presumed lead in military land tech and finally the plain fact that they're your friendly land-based neighbors... considering all that, perhaps Queen Mother's peacock/Swede crossbreeding program is somewhat poorly timed.

She is ordered to do penance in the next post, which she really doesn't like. The gain, for all the threat, is even more tech gain (or do you just need one more advanced neighbour for that)?

In any case, a reminder to vote in the Q1 ACAs here and in the inaugaral AArthenas thread here, the last Crusader Kings 1 Crusadaar's chalice here or catch up on the HOI3 AARs you missed earlier here (which is in the prelminary voting round).

Anyway the next post proves that domestic unity is a vastly over-rated thing:

[loki100]

22 February 1600



now that Shaowu has become so boring, I am forced to make my own entertainment. Flying flambeed peacocks are such fun.

25 February 1600

Shaowu came to tell me to stop showering Northern China with burnt peacock, I told him I would never give up my traditions, some of us have pride and respect for our ancestors



[A – you tell them ... Harry has never respected his ancestor ...]

4 May 1600



This is so unfair, Shaowu and Harry threatened to burn down my peach trees unless, and I quote "you show some leg to the Swedes". The humiliation, I shall not forget this.

[H – as long as you put all the detials in the diary ... what do I care?]

13 August 1600



strange, I'm sure he wasn't that happy yesterday

[H – just keeping my hand, as a figure of speech, in ... go and be nice to the French]

1 May 1602



Right thats it, I am not going to, and I quote, "share a bon bon with a passing Frenchman", this is the final straw

[A – not bad, not bad at all]
[H – ah well, good chance to get Shaowu killed off I suppose]

7 November 1603



I feel better for getting that off my chest, now its time to expand my university

4 May 1605



I am going to dedicate my life to the artistic and finer things in life. I no longer care what those brutes are up to.

[H – coming to get you ... ready or not]
[A – oh Harry, you can be such a pest sometimes]

8 November 1605



Sigh, like all great artists I am not appreciated in my own life time. All the peasants ran away at my latest performance art display ... peacock with musket with dancing peaches ... they are so slow to appreciate modern art

[H – great, some of us are trying to be useful you know]

17 March 1606



I could have told them that was not a good idea ... but do they listen to me ... no .... and look at what happens

[H – lets set the record straight here, you suggested we start dropping peach dim sums on Vijayanagar to end the war, some of us, sort of felt that was more like feeding them than trying to kill them off?]
[A – you two really don't need my input do you?]

2 December 1606



Told Shaowu, told him ... it was always suspicious just how well they were doing ... as ever, I am proved right in the end

[H – nah, just proved to be insane ... I believe your version of the proof was that they refused to touch your new peach-tea]

6 September 1607



Typical of what happens when I return to my life of simplicity and solitude

[H – or, a life of wild parties, dubious dance steps, brewing all sorts of strange brews and as to the peacock allegations]
[A – yep, its a pretty good lifestyle she's got at the moment]

9 March 1608



Oh, it seems as if my quiet evenings in have offended someone. Some people, they go looking for things to be offended about.

[A – yeah, quite right, I mean we were only ...]
[H – ummhh, aren't we, ie China, meant to be at war with you?]
[A – so?]

Yeah, so?

29 June 1608



Shaowu is such a brute, he has rejected my latest modern art display ... a peach made up of embalmed tea leaves ... he has to go

[H – oddly, for once, I agree with you]

2 March 1609

peach, peacock, tea leaf? Tea leaf ... no peach ... but is he so bad as to deserve the peacock?



[A – oh Harry you are so masterful]
[H – I am good aren't I]

26 January 1611



Shaowu just can't take the hint, he must be cheating in some way. I gave him the traditional choices and he just ignored me.

[H - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]

5 July 1611

tea leaf, peach, peacock ... peach ... peacock ... oh what the hell I'll try something new

[H - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]

boom

[H – what ... uh, oh my head hurts, what was that noise?]
[A – way to go, girl]



we need more gender equality around here

[Malurous]

Okay... Now I really don't know what happened to Shaowu. But he's gone so I guess that's the most important thing. Replaced by even more "girl power"?

That's a nice set of events, allowing you to get rid of Temple for a while.

The gain, for all the threat, is even more tech gain (or do you just need one more advanced neighbour for that)?

Neighbor bonus has nothing to do with having a physical border. You get it for lagging behind compared to your tech group.

[Arilou]

Okay... Now I really don't know what happened to Shaowu. But he's gone so I guess that's the most important thing. Replaced by even more "girl power"?

That's a nice set of events, allowing you to get rid of Temple for a while.



Neighbor bonus has nothing to do with having a physical border. You get it for lagging behind compared to your tech group.

It is needed for westernization though, although the french already supplies that needed neighbour.

[Stuyvesant]

[A – oh Harry you are so masterful]
[H – I am good aren't I]

When Astarte starts to express admiration for Harry, it's A) sarcastic or B) insincere. Either way, it's a sure sign that Harry's heading for impending trouble.

So, did the Queen Mother fire a flaming peacock from one of her cannons at poor Shaowu? Or an exploding flaming peacock, at that?

Basically, the Bureaucrats gave you ten months to burn through roughly 1,100d for building purposes. I imagine that was plenty of time to do so. A nice perk of those events, that.

[aldriq]

Peach blossom gunpowder! I thought it was only used for fireworks, but the QM has found other creative uses...

The Temple faction is definitely out, but with the new emperor's stats favouring the other two equally, which one will get the upper hand?

[loki100]

Okay... Now I really don't know what happened to Shaowu. But he's gone so I guess that's the most important thing. Replaced by even more "girl power"?

That's a nice set of events, allowing you to get rid of Temple for a while.

Neighbor bonus has nothing to do with having a physical border. You get it for lagging behind compared to your tech group.

It was handy to have long spells of both the bureaucrats (to sort of use up my recent tech gains, esp in production and naval) and the Temple so I could wail on Vijayanagar as and when I fancied it

Best to remember that the QM is now in love with big guns ... so yes the old genteel methods of killing off no longer needed Emperors has been replaced by more direct means, involving very big bangs

It is needed for westernization though, although the french already supplies that needed neighbour.

Thank you both for that - indicates exactly what my level of skill and knowledge at this game really is. Lucky I picked a country that probably, when human controlled, can't fail no matter what mistakes you make

When Astarte starts to express admiration for Harry, it's A) sarcastic or B) insincere. Either way, it's a sure sign that Harry's heading for impending trouble.

So, did the Queen Mother fire a flaming peacock from one of her cannons at poor Shaowu? Or an exploding flaming peacock, at that?

Basically, the Bureaucrats gave you ten months to burn through roughly 1,100d for building purposes. I imagine that was plenty of time to do so. A nice perk of those events, that.

Harry is indeed in deep trouble, but he doesn't go quietly, but he does go drunkenly

Sounds about right, I think it was one University and a couple of level 1 buildings and a couple of level 3/4 trade/production buildings. I'm always horribly behind in developing my provinces, and that is not helped by long periods when I can't even use the magistrates I do have

Peach blossom gunpowder! I thought it was only used for fireworks, but the QM has found other creative uses...

The Temple faction is definitely out, but with the new emperor's stats favouring the other two equally, which one will get the upper hand?

thats the answer, she wipes out you, but my the scene of crime smells nice.

I've more or less got the sliders balanced so they are faction neutral now (maybe a very mild bureaucrat bonus), so in the case of someone like Yiping, they will be fairly static and even, so its a case really of how the events occur. In this case, I had to take one that gave the Eunuchs a huge boost, so Australia ends up Chinese (I'm sure that would set off some of their more right wing politicians)

[loki100]

5 July 1611

Now its just us girls

[H – oi, what about me]

we are going to have some discipline around here



and then we're going west



3 May 1612

yippee, China is coming West, soon my palace will be part of our lands



[H – I think I tried to explain this difference to you before? ... Ah well, best you get on with it]

2 June 1612

we're so right



and we now have even bigger guns

[H – it will all end in tears, believe me]

22 August 1612



I am suspicious that some people just do not want me to succeed

[A – heh, Harry, is this the best you can come up with?]
[H – me? Nah, it wasn't me ...]

It was, wasn't it? ... Men, who needs them
[H - be careful what you wish for]

8 January 1613



Oh what a tiresome New Year that was, all these annoying men, why can't they just do as they are told

[H – well, lets guess, you told the general that you'd seen more impressive pikes in the local pond and the bureaucrat was upset when you stuck the quill in his ... oh, just thinking about it gives me the shudders]

3 March 1613



Sometimes, Yiping can be as much a pain as her predecessors. Forever nagging me that I am spending too much

[H – lets just review what you've been ordering - gold plated peaches, fresh fish for the peakraken, peacock hutches made of exotic timbers, a duck house, trimming your begonias and the cleaning bill for your moat – you'd better watch it or you might set a precedent here]

And?

[H – oh yes, and claiming rent relief on your Palace in Nanjing]

I need two homes

[A – of course you do, ignore the nasty man]
[1]

15 December 1613



Hah, now more people will worship me, I become more famous by the day

9 March 1614



Oh, how revolting

[H – when I revolt, well since I am naturally revolting, its serious]

12 March 1614



Oh, these brigands ... on my doorstep too

[H – thats not the end of it]



Oh, but these people are useless, just what are we girls meant to do now?

[H - you did ask for it]

13 April 1614

I have to escape those useless Eunuchs



30 April 1614



[H – hah, I knew you lot would give in sooner or later ... pass us the bottle]
[A – Harry you are as big an idiot as she is, thats not a statement that you have to 'act dissolutely']

Hic, who cares, pass the peach wine

23 August 1614


Went sailing when badly hungover .. forgot to feed the peakraken before I left home

[H – zzzzzzzzzzzzzz]
[A – looks like its me and Yiping in charge now]

19 February 1615

[H – uh, uh, oh my head ... now where are we again?]
Don't ask me, I feel all funny down under



[A – ciao losers, now it really is just us two girls, ... heh Yiping what about we ...]

[1] – any apparent links between this discussion and a real life British political scandal are purely in the eyes of the reader

[morningSIDEr]

Loads of cracking stuff throughout these updates.

You see its easy when you do everything right, and are suitably charming to our foreign visitors

I really don't think I want to know what being 'suitably charming' entails for the QM.

This is so unfair, Shaowu and Harry threatened to burn down my peach trees unless, and I quote "you show some leg to the Swedes". The humiliation, I shall not forget this.

I just typed, I don't want to know!

Following the last update I do feel very sorry for Australia. Still, whilst they are now suffering the QMs brilliant leadership at least Ming is able to enjoy some competent leadership at last in the form of Astarte and Yiping (very delighted to note the heir is named Yongle considering the brilliance of the last Yongle ruler). Speaking of which, I'm rather intrigued to find out what Astarte has planned...

[Sweboy]

I have to ask. What on earth was that business with Great Britain and the Pope? Has the Holy Sea become GB or have I have had to much peach schnapps???

[aldriq]

And another round of westernisation sorted – all plain sailing from here (apart from the occasional rebellion or sunk ship).

Good job the QM is a mythical monarch and not an MP, her expenses can go through without much inspection

[Stuyvesant]

I would say that, rather than going out drunkenly, Harry's going out grumpily. As well as drunkenly. Harry, the Drunk Grump...

[9 March 1614



Oh, how revolting

[H – when I revolt, well since I am naturally revolting, its serious]

...

30 April 1614



[H – hah, I knew you lot would give in sooner or later ... pass us the bottle]
[A – Harry you are as big an idiot as she is, thats not a statement that you have to 'act dissolutely']

Regarding the first quote, it's nice to see someone continue the hallowed Europa Universalis tradition of punning on the various 'revolt' texts. It's been a while since I've seen one of those (mind you, in the olden days, they'd riff on the "The Peasants Are Revolting!" messages from EU2, but still, it's a tradition I for one am glad to see continue).

Regarding the second quote, I wonder if Harry is perhaps a bit dyslexic and read it as 'Dass Pissolution Act'? Not that he needs any kind of excuse...

And now Harry and the Queen Mum are hungover in Australia. I sense that, had they but arrived a few hundred years later, they would've fit right in.

[loki100]

Loads of cracking stuff throughout these updates.

I really don't think I want to know what being 'suitably charming' entails for the QM.

I just typed, I don't want to know!

Following the last update I do feel very sorry for Australia. Still, whilst they are now suffering the QMs brilliant leadership at least Ming is able to enjoy some competent leadership at last in the form of Astarte and Yiping (very delighted to note the heir is named Yongle considering the brilliance of the last Yongle ruler). Speaking of which, I'm rather intrigued to find out what Astarte has planned...

Well for starters, she has no intention of sharing the title Empress with anyone which rather limits Yiping's life expectancy

I have to ask. What on earth was that business with Great Britain and the Pope? Has the Holy Sea become GB or have I have had to much peach schnapps???

I think, GB must have been the Papal Controller, so have a taste for Holy Wars ... its another reason why I am being very nice to them, and keeping the relationships up around 200 if I can

And another round of westernisation sorted – all plain sailing from here (apart from the occasional rebellion or sunk ship).

Good job the QM is a mythical monarch and not an MP, her expenses can go through without much inspection

except of course when she gets exiled to Australia? Thats my last round of westernization, the stability price is horrendous as is all the lost research. With the eastern tech group and my wealth, I can catch up in the areas that matter. I do at some stage take the plunge and do a round of military innovation too, which is even worse at -6 stability, but after that I can at least win a defensive war against the Europeans.

I would say that, rather than going out drunkenly, Harry's going out grumpily. As well as drunkenly. Harry, the Drunk Grump...

Regarding the first quote, it's nice to see someone continue the hallowed Europa Universalis tradition of punning on the various 'revolt' texts. It's been a while since I've seen one of those (mind you, in the olden days, they'd riff on the "The Peasants Are Revolting!" messages from EU2, but still, it's a tradition I for one am glad to see continue).

Regarding the second quote, I wonder if Harry is perhaps a bit dyslexic and read it as 'Dass Pissolution Act'? Not that he needs any kind of excuse...

And now Harry and the Queen Mum are hungover in Australia. I sense that, had they but arrived a few hundred years later, they would've fit right in.

I still love getting the classic 'infamy, in for me, they've all got it in for me' line in every now and then, plus the 'I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way'.

Who is to say with that pair helping the new settlers create a unique culture in Australia that it will end up that different in the end? But I'm glad to be sustaining at least one tradition.

On which subject, its confession time. I'm trying to keep each ruler to a discrete set of posts and one thing I usually do is to check a load of screenshots ahead to check when they are due to die (in game turns I'm in the 1770s), and then adjust time blocks/screenshots to fit. Well I forgot , or more strictly I seemed to remember that Yiping ruled a while. Anyway this is a way of saying the next update is short ... very short. So there will be another tomorrow if I can manage it.

But, anyway its a good time to remind people there is voting to be done:

In the Q1 ACAs here and in the inaugaral AArthenas thread here, the last Crusader Kings 1 Crusadaar's chalice here or catch up on the HOI3 AARs you missed earlier here (which is in the prelminary voting round).

[loki100]

23 April 1615

[A – right, lets get some things sorted out properly]



[A – sigh, its so easy luring a Swede]

23 July 1615



[A – and while I'm at it, I'm the only Empress China needs .... so long Yiping, nice knowing you]

[H – pass us the bottle]

Hey Harry, look at this strange rabbit

... well I did confess, this one is indeed short ...

[loki100]

10 October 1615



Heh Harry lets go for a swim

30 October 1615



[A – Siberia is mine]

23 December 1615

Heh Harry

[H – what now]

lets pop over to visit India for the New Year



14 January 1616

[A – right lets see what sort of mess those amateurs made of it all ... bring me the imperial abacus]



10 March 1616

[A – sent Yongle off to do something useful, I am too busy to waste time on him at the moment]



30 May 1616

[A – I know Harry is hiding somewhere down there]



7 September 1616

[A – yes, now I can build a suitable throne, I just wish Yongle would stop interrupting me ... he is becoming dangerously (to him) annoying]



2 May 1617



[A – I really don't know why that pair didn't think of that earlier]

7 January 1618

[A – I am suspicious why someone building a Temple in Australia means the next Emperor dies. Now I need to be nice to Yongle again]



are you sure?

[H – yes, trust me]

24 February 1618

[A – I am very suspicious]



how?

[H – its easy when you know]

26 August 1618

[A – I know he's down there somewhere]



4 January 1619



[A – I was always suspicious of that one]

Oh, she has such a mean streak

[H – don't I know it]

[Stuyvesant]

Hey Harry, look at this strange rabbit

That one took a while for my brain to decipher. But I get it now.

<Hums the theme song to 'Skippy the Bush Kangaroo'>

So, Queen Mother is wandering around aimlessly, while Harry and Astarte are playing their usual vicious game of cat and mouse - with mankind as an unwitting (and unwilling) third partner.

[morningSIDEr]

Astarte is bringing her usual ruthless efficiency to things with colonising coming along nicely, no challenge to her rule as several heirs dying due to 'natural' causes, diplomatic success and technological progress. Whereas the QM and Harry seem to be bringing the usual anarchy to proceedings, both parties likely happy with their lot!

[Fyregecko]

Is Harry going to introduce cricket to Ming?

lets pop over to visit India for the New Year

Quality. was the QM in Athens recently?

[A – yes, now I can build a suitable throne, I just wish Yongle would stop interrupting me ... he is becoming dangerously (to him) annoying]

The only kind of annoying, surely?



What were you wrong about?

[loki100]

That one took a while for my brain to decipher. But I get it now.

<Hums the theme song to 'Skippy the Bush Kangaroo'>

So, Queen Mother is wandering around aimlessly, while Harry and Astarte are playing their usual vicious game of cat and mouse - with mankind as an unwitting (and unwilling) third partner.

yep, but not for long, the idea of exile in Australia with the QM for company rather focusses Harry's mind ...

Astarte is bringing her usual ruthless efficiency to things with colonising coming along nicely, no challenge to her rule as several heirs dying due to 'natural' causes, diplomatic success and technological progress. Whereas the QM and Harry seem to be bringing the usual anarchy to proceedings, both parties likely happy with their lot!

Ah but Astarte has gone too far in locking up Harry with the QM down in Australia, she drives him to an unusual (and probably short lived) outbreak of efficiency

Is Harry going to introduce cricket to Ming?

...



What were you wrong about?

I think that cricket may just take a bit too long for Harry's usual short attention spans, I also suspect he may fancy something a bit more violent ... and that is one brilliant pun, I'd missed that one

OK, advance warning, the next post implies that Australians may drink too much ... it is of course a theme developed purely for plot purposes. Oh and now is a good time to catch up on your reading, the 2012 Oscaar nomination thread is now open

[loki100]

28 October 1619

Heh Harry whats all this shiny stuff?

[H - oh hell will she never shut up?]



16 November 1619

Heh Harry, I've convinced some of the locals to worship me, this place will be just like China soon



[H – look China has nice buildings and rich provinces, not a bunch of locals wandering around with wine corks hanging from their hats]

22 February 1620

Heh Harry

[H – oh God give me strength, what now?]

There's more of them at the door, I think they want some more peach wine



1 April 1620

Heh Harry

[H – what now!]

Seems that Vijayanagar has declared war again



[H – mmhh, they must be keen to have Astarte back]

6 August 1620


Oi Harry

[H – oh what ...]

Yongle has finally reproduced

[H – I hate to think who the mother was, Astarte is obviously keen to cement her control]

5 September 1620



Oh thats nice, more people will worship me ... when they know where I am

3 April 1621

[A – sometimes I rather miss her, she was incredibly useful at being 'nice to a Swede']



2 August 1621

heh Harry

[H – I have to get out of here ... what now?]

India loves me



9 December 1621

Harry ... help

[H – oh good she's being eaten by a crocodile ... or a rabbit, oh god let it be a rabbit]

I've run out of peach wine



17 March 1622

Whow, the experiment in mass brewing peach-wine proved to be a bit explosive



[H – that is the final straw]

28 March 1622



[H – right I've waited a long time to do that ... oi Queenie, we're going back to China now]

8 April 1622

Oh Harry do we have to go? I mean people here really like me



[H – look I've just arranged for the murder of the Empress of Hell, Queen of the Witches and all round trouble maker, the least you can do is to be grateful and come back to China]

2 December 1622



It is rather nice being back in my Palace surrounded by the peacocks

[H – and I get some peace and quiet]
[A – that is what you think]