The Queen Mother's Diaries: A Ming AAR

[loki100]

Trying to hunt a killer peacock with scissors? That has to be the best narrative ever for that infamous event!

Its a lot harder with EU than CK to come up with good narratives around the events. Usually with CK within a short while something bonkers would happen that you could use as an excuse ... I still love how I got two cowardice events followed by the 'commision tapestry' event, all you had to do was to link it up.

News of a promising war due to the numerous gurantees you've been making sounds very intriguing. Far less intriguing than Astarte making an appearance though! I felt rather sorry when reading of Yongle's passing considering the surprising success of the last Yongle, this despite the best efforts of everyone to quickly do away with him, I was rather looking forward to another ruler of the same name. Oh well, Youyi looks suitably mediocre.

Yes i was rather hoping for a Yongle II (sounds like a computer game consol?), but yep, her ladyship, queen of various dubious places, is on the point of the big entry ....

Agreed! And the peakraken returns!

I can just imagine Clash of the Titans when Zeus says "Release the Peakraken!"

I was actually thinking more Pirates of the Carribean, but yes the image is the same ... oh and it appears in the next update too

Swan Lake with peacocks? Did she play the white or the black peacock/swan? And who is A?

given her dancing skils, she was probably the large vulture that for some reason was written out the official version of the ballet?

A - is, as Stuyvesant says, Astarte, Queen of the Witches, Empress of Hell, also known as Ishtar or Hecate etc. In this rather wierd trilogy, she evicted Harry (ie Satan) from Hell in the CK element, took over Queen Victoria in the V2 element (but by keeping at least a continent away, Harry avoided too much grief), so I think she's 1-0 up in the sequence. it remains to be seen if Harry gets his own back this time around.

Somehow I think that should either have been Pea Lake or Cock Lake, which both sounds equally inappropriate... I doubt the Queen Mother would give a peach about it anyway.

oddly enough, both occured to me and for reasons of decency I passed on the opporunity

Apparently, throwing guarantees here and there can backfire.
Isn't war exhaustion a problem?

Tianqi proves as volatile as... hm... hm... like (Queen) Mother, like son?

aye, they get me into lots of useful wars that I make slow gains off, but every now and then I get dragged into something I could do without or face a massive prestige hit. But with the constraints of the faction system, i think its the only way to play an even semi-agressive game with Ming.

Next update, the QM is feeling sorry for herself, and ... she has a lot to be sorry about

'A' refers to Astarte - Harry's Nemesis from several other AARs - just as evil, but generally a lot more capable than good ol' Harry (to even things out, Harry lucks out just enough to keep him in contention).

The killer peacock starts reminding me more and more of the xenomorph from Alien. Not a happy fella to have running around your backyard - and not exactly something to tackle with the scissors, no matter how oversized/killer they are.

hadn't thought of that image, but now you mention, a killer peacock emerging from a peach stone sounds just the plot device .. obviously the AAR equivalent of Raymond Chandler's comment that when he forgot the plot he'd just write a scene with a 'couple heavies with guns' and no one would notice

[loki100]

3 January 1487

back from my new year visit to Tianqi, unfortunately the boring bureaucrats are still in power so I doubt that much will happen soon



visited Assam on the way home

4 February 1487

this is so unfair, I am always being blamed for these things, its not as if I said anything too rude and the party wasn't that lively



(H – dunno, I was exhausted before you'd finished ... and I hear your version of 'strictly come dancing' was a wee bit ... well it lived up to the title)

18 October 1487



a minor skirmish, this won't amount to much

(H – oh, hell, this is going to be bad news)

(A – oh yes, you've had it easy for too long)

1 December 1487

Squeel, happy dance time, I'm almost back in China



Tianqi was so grumpy when I popped by, seems absorbed in his silly little war ... I think I'll try and cheer him up by helping out

(H – look its hard enough as it is, without you ...)
(A – what do you mean? I've not even started yet)

28 March 1488

I mean I don't know what he is worried about ... we are winning after all?



9 April 1488



Oh, and I thought that Tianqi was such a genius

(H – no you didn't)

29 September 1488



sent the peakraken to help ... I think Tianqi is now very annoyed with me

(A – Harold, just who is this woman you are hanging out with? I mean even by your standards the conduct of this war is an act of utter incompetence)

(H – search me, I'll see you about it later)

2 November 1488

I can't see the problem, ok the peakraken attacked the wrong ships, but its a bit harsh to call it flawed? Some people are blaming me for everything, it is so unfair.



2 April 1489

tried to go home, it seems as if this tiresome war is still proceeding



29 July 1489

Well if I can't go home, I may as well offer my help



ungrateful wretches, that would have been so much worse if I hadn't helped out. I get the blame so often these days, Tianqi is becoming so ungrateful

6 October 1489

indeed, I've been saying that all alone, but does anyone listen to me?



6 November 1489

I just have to say I told them so, it was not my fault at Cuttuck



2 December 1490

No this is so unfair. People are blaming me again. Yes we went for a walk to discuss how to win the war, yes there were peacocks in the area, yes we were eating peaches. No I did not kill him.


(H – I think you protest too much)
(A – when this unfortunate war is over, you must come and visit, we have a lot to talk about)

[Ashantai]

Aww, it attacked the wrong ships!

I like the appearance of Harry's rival. Adds a bit of spice to his comments!

Great update.

[Stuyvesant]

(A – Harold, just who is this woman you are hanging out with? I mean even by your standards the conduct of this war is an act of utter incompetence)

When Astarte is bemused, rather than evil/insulting/gloating, you knows things are weird. The lady is usually not at a loss when it comes to insulting Harry and this really is pretty weak stuff, by her standards.

Saw the 'battle' in Cuttack. Ouch.

Overall, the war's not going very well, but there's no real reason for concern, right? When you play the long game (as you must, with the limitations that Ming labors under), you'll come out at least even, if not somewhat ahead, I expect.

Oh, and another monarch meets an untimely demise... In the presence of the Queen Mother. She might want to look into this newfangled concept of 'public relations management' - but then again, it's bound to only confuse her.

Finally, riffing on the Peacock-as-Alien theme, picture your next victim eating a peach and then having a peacock burst out of his chest. That might even impress Astarte.

[morningSIDEr]

Excellent stuff. I have to wonder what will happen now that Astarte is on the scene, will she aid Harry in somewhat limiting the wilder excesses of the QM or perhaps side with the QM. Oh wait, stupid me, Astarte will look after herself and bring some sanity to proceedings! The war with Vijaynagar looks pretty brusing, especially with regards to the battle of Cuttack and the naval encounters (still surprised you lost these with the peakraken helping out!) but you are making some headway, this all due to the QM's great assistance of course.

Thus another ruler is about to enjoy the QM having a hand in his upbringing. Lucky Youyi!

[Stuyvesant]

Oh wait, stupid me, Astarte will look after herself and bring some sanity to proceedings!

Astarte bringing sanity? I rather expect her to bring extremely unsanitary conditions to China - plagues and outbreaks of cholera and dysentery being more her style.

[morningSIDEr]

Astarte bringing sanity? I rather expect her to bring extremely unsanitary conditions to China - plagues and outbreaks of cholera and dysentery being more her style.

How right you are. I think it rather says something about the levels of enjoyable craziness that the QM has brought to proceedings thus far that I still think plagues, outbreaks of cholera and dysentery and so forth will bring more sanity nonetheless!

[Malurous]

It's an interesting thought that Astarte entering the scene may switch this to another gear. That's pretty extreme as it's over the top enough with just QM and Harry.

[aldriq]

But this is what you wanted, a way into India Surely your sheer manpower/peacockpower will prevail...

A - is, as Stuyvesant says, Astarte, Queen of the Witches, Empress of Hell, also known as Ishtar or Hecate etc. In this rather wierd trilogy, she evicted Harry (ie Satan) from Hell in the CK element, took over Queen Victoria in the V2 element (but by keeping at least a continent away, Harry avoided too much grief), so I think she's 1-0 up in the sequence. it remains to be seen if Harry gets his own back this time around.

Thanks for the explanation, I guess I should have read the previous trilogy... So when does Takhisis appear?

[loki100]

Aww, it attacked the wrong ships!

I like the appearance of Harry's rival. Adds a bit of spice to his comments!

Great update.

They do go back a long way together ... I think the poor peakraken was so excited at being let out for a swim it wasn't being that careful

When Astarte is bemused, rather than evil/insulting/gloating, you knows things are weird. The lady is usually not at a loss when it comes to insulting Harry and this really is pretty weak stuff, by her standards.

Saw the 'battle' in Cuttack. Ouch.

Overall, the war's not going very well, but there's no real reason for concern, right? When you play the long game (as you must, with the limitations that Ming labors under), you'll come out at least even, if not somewhat ahead, I expect.

Oh, and another monarch meets an untimely demise... In the presence of the Queen Mother. She might want to look into this newfangled concept of 'public relations management' - but then again, it's bound to only confuse her.

Finally, riffing on the Peacock-as-Alien theme, picture your next victim eating a peach and then having a peacock burst out of his chest. That might even impress Astarte.

consider it done, at least one emperor will die by exploding peach stone

Astarte is trying to be 'helpful' for most of the next post, its a new mode for her but it seems to work out pretty well

Excellent stuff. I have to wonder what will happen now that Astarte is on the scene, will she aid Harry in somewhat limiting the wilder excesses of the QM or perhaps side with the QM. Oh wait, stupid me, Astarte will look after herself and bring some sanity to proceedings! The war with Vijaynagar looks pretty brusing, especially with regards to the battle of Cuttack and the naval encounters (still surprised you lost these with the peakraken helping out!) but you are making some headway, this all due to the QM's great assistance of course.

Thus another ruler is about to enjoy the QM having a hand in his upbringing. Lucky Youyi!

ah, he's kept out of her way, not sure its to his benefit as it means Harry has a say in how the poor wee bairn is brought up

the war with India is an example of how poor I am with EU3. I'm not clever enough at manouvre/attrition to win a war easily when its well matched. So I sort of stalemate out on that one, but the more I can weaken the nomads (& improve my army) the more I end up getting the upper hand.

Astarte bringing sanity? I rather expect her to bring extremely unsanitary conditions to China - plagues and outbreaks of cholera and dysentery being more her style.

I don't think EU3 does disease, which is a pity as that has become her calling card and particular motif.

How right you are. I think it rather says something about the levels of enjoyable craziness that the QM has brought to proceedings thus far that I still think plagues, outbreaks of cholera and dysentery and so forth will bring more sanity nonetheless!

In the next episode the QM is taking lessons from Astarte ... mayhem does indeed follow.

It's an interesting thought that Astarte entering the scene may switch this to another gear. That's pretty extreme as it's over the top enough with just QM and Harry.

She has a certain style, whether its seducing gullible archangels or booting Harry about, she does it with an enthusiastic brutality and some efficiency

But this is what you wanted, a way into India Surely your sheer manpower/peacockpower will prevail...

Thanks for the explanation, I guess I should have read the previous trilogy... So when does Takhisis appear?

I'm always open to bringing in fresh dieties and/or pantheons ... consider her penciled in at some suitable stage

Yes I want India, but there is a gap between what I want and what I can actually get. I need to be more efficient at EU3 wars, since I get so few (& rarely on my own terms) I need to make them count better than I do

[loki100]

5 March 1491

Youyi has been kidnapped by the evil bureaucrats. They will not let me have my traditional role of mentoring and guiding a future Emperor.



Royal marriages. It does seem a little early to marry off the poor mite. And ... of course I wasn't invited

3 July 1491



Well I suppose this makes up for the lack of invites, but I do not feel very valued at the moment

(A – how about us girls get together when this war thing is over ... we have a lot to talk about)

10 December 1491



Astarte came to visit. Such fun, I never knew she liked peacocks so much, especially my more experimental ones. The only pity was I had to buy ALL the drinks, but I'm sure we'll see a lot more of her ... such a nice calm rational person unlike that odios oik 'Harry'.

(H – oi don't forget who's negotiating with publishers to make sure you earn enough from this diary to pay for those drinks ... and your genetic experiments)

(A – Harry do calm down, you lost, ... again)

31 January 1492



Oh, Astarte was right, it really is soooo easy to convince these silly humans to revolt

(H – Astarte told you what?)

(A – just a few tricks of the trade)

3 March 1492



Oh these bureaucrats are so boring. Poor little Youyi must be in real need of his aunties (Astarte is keen to meet him as well). They seem to be so pleased with this sort of thing.

(H – there is no way are you getting custody, look how the last two turned out after your personalised tuition)

17 July 1492



Astarte warned me, they are trying to turn Youyi against me. Well one day he will realise the truth.

18 October 1492



Now Astarte showed me how to do this, lets see if I remember, ah yes, all I need to do is ...

(H – look stop listening to that mad women and stick to writing your diary)

But you wanted it to be more exciting, and it has since Astarte gave me such good advice

(H - 'face-palm')

7 November 1492



I had some unwelcome visitors, they even terrorised the peacocks

(H – that should stop her being so damn silly for a while, next time I'll burn down her favourite peach trees)

9 January 1494



oh the barbarians

(H – but look at the cash, and its sooo good to play with the magic matches again)

18 June 1464



Youyi is being so badly advised, now I'll never be part of China again

(H – that, I believe, was the idea, hopefully you have the message to stop listening to Astarte)

3 February 1496



Yes, I certainly find them offensive

10 April 1496



Oh some people, I mean I only queried the quality of the tea

(H – and just what were you doing when 'querying' their tea? My spies mention you were doing a new dance)

(A – give her a break, she's just learning)

19 November 1496

I have to consol myself with the new extension to the peacock hutch



9 January 1497

Youyi has been brought up so badly. I mean how rude and undiplomatic. I am not invited to the coronation party and he already has an heir? Who has been giving him moral guidance while I've been away?



(H - ha ha, I've the big fromage here now)

(A - well that would be a real change)

[Stuyvesant]

The hierarchy seems to go like: Queen Mother < Harry < Astarte. So while Harry was quite ascendant as long as he only had to contend with QM, he's in trouble now. Especially if this Axis of Insanity/Unsanitary holds. I quite liked Astarte's matter-of-fact dismissal of Harry's complaints: "You lost... Again."

Oh, and the reference to the special matches also did not go unnoticed.

[gabor]

Were I Queen Mother I wouldn't be so trusting. Surely there's sth Astrate is up to and all this girl-bonding is just throwing a veil at QM's eyes.

[morningSIDEr]

(A – give her a break, she's just learning)

Learning rather well it seems!

Having seen how rulers raised by the QM turn out I'm rather interested to see what kind of a ruler Youyi is, since he had the, uhm, benefit of Harry's upbringing. Peace with Kazakh and Chagatai, from which Ming did reasonably well, and peace with Vijaynagar, which wasn't awful either all things considered, leaves Youyi free to experiment with his new and improved army. I'm looking forward to it!

[aldriq]

The progress in Central Asia is going well, and presumably you are already making plans for the next Indian war to go your way... Or Astarte's way maybe?

[loki100]

The hierarchy seems to go like: Queen Mother < Harry < Astarte. So while Harry was quite ascendant as long as he only had to contend with QM, he's in trouble now. Especially if this Axis of Insanity/Unsanitary holds. I quite liked Astarte's matter-of-fact dismissal of Harry's complaints: "You lost... Again."

Oh, and the reference to the special matches also did not go unnoticed.

well the standard mode is to be against whatever the others are for ... and Harry has a nice surprise in the next update for the insane wing of the deadly duo

Were I Queen Mother I wouldn't be so trusting. Surely there's sth Astrate is up to and all this girl-bonding is just throwing a veil at QM's eyes.

Well, yes ... but Astarte has a history of her own interpretation of feminism and pantheist female diety bonding get togethers (usually with the goal of making sure that Harry is slapped down yet again)

Learning rather well it seems!

Having seen how rulers raised by the QM turn out I'm rather interested to see what kind of a ruler Youyi is, since he had the, uhm, benefit of Harry's upbringing. Peace with Kazakh and Chagatai, from which Ming did reasonably well, and peace with Vijaynagar, which wasn't awful either all things considered, leaves Youyi free to experiment with his new and improved army. I'm looking forward to it!

Youyi's first attempt to use his posh new army is a bit of a damp squid (squib?), as his opponent rather hides behind a much more powerful navy.

The progress in Central Asia is going well, and presumably you are already making plans for the next Indian war to go your way... Or Astarte's way maybe?

I'm pleased with those gains in Central Asia. its badly weakened the nomads, so i can prune the force in the region back a lot (ie more for the next war with India) to the point where they are now just 5 prestige points each every 5 years.

Actually denting India takes a lot longer (I think about 4 wars, not least I have to watch my infamy level very carefully)

[loki100]

23 January 1497



I despair, see what happens when Youyi is denied the benefits of my maternal instruction. War, war, war, its all they do ... and, needless to say, in the wrong direction.

I do hope my beach hut is not damaged

7 May 1497



Oh well, thats of no importance, serves them right for all their silly wars

[H- nooo, I was building myself a nice discrete palace there ... go and get it back ... now!]
[A – now??? You are throwing your weight around]

1 March 1498



Spent the day checking over the household budget, I find these things so interesting, especially now we are not paying for that silly colony

[H – you do this on purpose don't you ... right, time to liven things up]

15 June 1498



Right thats that silly war over with ... now we are going to act like adults around here from now on

[H – thats it, time the world knew the truth]

12 November 1498



Oh, this is so disgraceful, I mean its not true, it can't be true. I mean yes there was that incident after the New Years celebrations but ... but ....

[H – that should keep her quiet for a while]
[A – you know, there are times when you are almost admirable]

30 September 1499



Oh that is sooo nice, to make up for all those foul lies the Bureaucrats have invited me back to Nanjing for the new year celebrations. New century, turn over a new leaf, so considerate.

[H – yes, and I'm organising the celebrations]

1 January 1500

Dear diary, I am so bored ... and its only 11 in the morning. Apparently this is a Bureaucrat's idea of a wild new year party. I'm not sure I want to ever come to one of these again.











14 November 1500



Astarte has just been to visit. We had such fun trying to grow peacocks from peachstones. She showed me what it should have led to but ... Still I'm sure it will work out in the end

[H – mmmh, I really had better watch what I eat for a while]

[morningSIDEr]

Youyi's first attempt to use his posh new army is a bit of a damp squid (squib?), as his opponent rather hides behind a much more powerful navy.

I really, really hope that was a reference to the brilliant IT Crowd. Although I do rather think it a reference to Harry's business card.

Good to see Harry exacting some revenge on the QM after she had a hand in the destruction of his palace, enlisting the Bureaucrats a particularly nice touch. Noting the peace deal with Majapahit and the still empty Malacca it really becomes clear just how limiting the factions are. Hopefully you get some luck with them soon though.

[aldriq]

You have a few more decades to consolidate any colonisation of islands before those European fleets make your naval life impossible – big ships or peakrakens, they'll have the upper hand...

[Stuyvesant]

[H – that should keep her quiet for a while]
[A – you know, there are times when you are almost admirable]
[B]
Astarte has just been to visit. We had such fun trying to grow peacocks from peachstones. She showed me what it should have led to but ... Still I'm sure it will work out in the end

[H – mmmh, I really had better watch what I eat for a while]

When Astarte shows grudging respect (okay, grudging almost-respect) for Harry, it is a good day. Of course, it doesn't last long (it never does - and usually Harry provides plenty of cause).

Oh, and thanks for that last bit. I look forward to future implementation of said breeding experiment.