The Queen Mother's Diaries: A Ming AAR

[Ashantai]

Just caught up. Excellent updates! I think Avindian is right and the Queen is making some pretty raunchy allusions.

[gabor]

I'm still on page 3, but already hooked.
I have to join the crowd of DW ignorants, but as I followed the excellent knul's aar I more or less can work out what's going on.

Calling Queen mother moody would seem an understatement.

[loki100]

I can't get out of my mind the tidbit that "peach" is a euphemism for vagina.

I must confess that wasn't quite the image I was reaching for. Its amazing the sheer range of slang in English for genitalia of one sort or the other. Well you'll appreciate the giant peach that dominates the next episode

Excellent stuff.



I foresee the planting of many peaches. This no bad thing as I don't doubt they will be very much in demand for cross-breeding purposes.

Wanli certainly seems to have a very healthy, uhm, 'appetite', I see now how he produced an heir so quickly (and I still think Astarte had a hand in this!). Good stuff from him nonetheless, especially with his allowing Harry a greater role in things rather than the Queen Mother. As Harry showed with Venezuela he makes a surprisingly competent ruler, or aide to government at least. Well, ignoring all of the business with the Rurikovich anyway!

Wanli veers over to seeing things the QM's way in the next episode, Harry being reduced to a few botched rebellions & Astarte is still slightly off map (& out of the main narrative), but she will appear soon enough

Nice take of Mongol provinces. The faction juggling does allow for some good opportunities... How long is taking you to recover a stability point? You seem to be getting quite a few -1 stab events.

Wait till she unleashes the fearsome, mighty peacockraken – the perfect weapon to invade Japan?

It was really good of the Manchus to colonise them for me so I could snag them as a batch. I don't want to take too much up there (though the grain is good for manpower) as they are low value provinces but I do want to shorten and simplify my borders with the nomads so its just a case of culling a few every 5 years for the prestige.

The problem with the Chinese tech group is I really don't want to lose investments if I can help it so I do accept some of the stab hits (that I wouldn't say as a European nation). I'm clearing them in 3-4 years (depends a bit but I often have an artist as an adviser but don't put a lot of investment into it). At one stage I dip to -1 and then dropped all over research till I got back to 0 --- you really do not want to lose the Mandate of Heaven

Now that sounds like a critter to produce ... & I think I can see where it fits in too.

Just caught up. Excellent updates! I think Avindian is right and the Queen is making some pretty raunchy allusions.

Ach she's just a misunderstood lonely immortal diety ... she's got to take her fun where she can.

I'm still on page 3, but already hooked.
I have to join the crowd of DW ignorants, but as I followed the excellent knul's aar I more or less can work out what's going on.

Calling Queen mother moody would seem an understatement.

I'm enjoying the game play. There are long periods of inactivity and you do get trapped into cycles of doing one thing (build/make war/colonise), but it stops China just overrunning everything in the region. My problem is I'm not really that good at EU, so fail to take full advantage of some of the wars as I can't work out how to beat the AI in a fair fight.

All she wants is China to take regaining Central Asia seriously. I can't see what I gain, so shall we say the tension continues ... though the next post is all sweetness and light

[loki100]

25 January 1448



Wanli has seen sense and is taking my advice about court politics

(H – in that case, we all need to start worrying)

2 February 1448



Oh, Wanli is quite the little hero. I'll soon be able to see China from the palace at this rate.

5 March 1448



I have explained to Wanli very carefully that in future he must face west. All this fussing with barbarians off to the east is so wrong. I think he has taken the hint.

6 July 1448



I feel betrayed. He told me that he was going to honour me in a suitable way ... and then he does this. The boy is either incompetent or being badly informed

(H – well someone has to)


24 September 1448



Hah, the boy doesn't know what he's doing, this will end badly, mark my words

16 October 1448



I have pointed out to Wanli that I did indeed tell him so

(H – she's not exactly, now whats the word? Subtle, yes she does lack a little bit of subtlety)

Thats because I am right!

11 June 1449



Why ... I mean the boy is just a whimp, I've seen deep fried peacock dimsums with more backbone

(H – and you really had to tell him this?)

23 August 1449



Now he's started listening to me, Wanli has become a genius

(H – so its back to calling him Wanli now? You are fickle)

2 November 1449



Wanli came to visit, he was really impressed by the view from the terrace. We spent the evening looking at all the paintings of peaches I have hanging.

(H – she's back to being boring, this needs to end or this will never be the best seller I need)

26 September 1450


Spent the afternoon with Wanli. He really is so well mannered.

(H – trying to stir this lot up is like flogging a dead horse ... now there is a good idea, I'm sure we have some dead horses around here somewhere)

17 May 1451



More cultural time with Wanli. He really has grown up into such a nice considerate person. The picture of the giant peach is something I will treasure. And we were serenaded while we looked at the painting by such a genteel man. China really is the place to be.

(H – do you need reminding, you are not, actually, in China)

18 June 1451



Did happy dance with the peacocks. China is coming to me ... China is coming home [1], this all so exciting.

23 October 1451



Oh, the ungrateful wretches, I wonder what idiot put them up to this?

(H – bit out of practice, but its the thought that counts)

21 December 1451



Oh, people really don't appreciate that with my guidance Wanli is just so wonderful

(H – getting better, but I think I've lost my edge, you just can't get the staff you need these days)

[1] - sort of a reference to a football song briefly popular in the mid-1990s

[morningSIDEr]

Good to see Harry up to his old tricks. Clearly if the Queen Mother won't give him the scintillating stuff he needs for his book, he'll provide the action himself! Although I don't quite know why he is complaining, there was warfare in this update and plenty of backstabbing at court. I certainly like the Queen Mother's fickle nature, so easily distracted. Her performing a happy dance whilst belting out a Lighetning Seeds hit particularly impressive!

[Ashantai]

Awesome update. Though I don't like playing Ming it's fun to see someone manipulating and using the system. And Her Highness is always fun too!

Peach flavoured peacocks anyone?

[Stuyvesant]

Peach flavoured peacocks anyone?

I was going to suggest a contraction of 'peach' and 'peacock', but realized it would be too filthy to print on a family-friendly forum. Even with Arilou's foray into female anatomy a few posts earlier.

Did happy dance with the peacocks. China is coming to me ... China is coming home [1]...

Recognized the reference - Baddiel and Skinner, wasn't it? God, I feel old...

Speaking of the 'happy dance', try the 'Wappa-dance of joy' for A) a very tenuous link and B) a trip down Paradox memory lane.

Oh, and it might put the fear of God for the Tibetans in you...

[gabor]

Gives me shivers when I look at your infamy. MM made me fear inevitale calamities, topped by the infamous 'Framed' as soon as I see the digit(s) turn orange. What are the effects of such high infamy in DW, and for your China in particular?

[loki100]

Good to see Harry up to his old tricks. Clearly if the Queen Mother won't give him the scintillating stuff he needs for his book, he'll provide the action himself! Although I don't quite know why he is complaining, there was warfare in this update and plenty of backstabbing at court. I certainly like the Queen Mother's fickle nature, so easily distracted. Her performing a happy dance whilst belting out a Lighetning Seeds hit particularly impressive!

The war and back-stabbing theme is sustained into the next update, and she does rather shift her opinion about Wanli on a regular basis.

Awesome update. Though I don't like playing Ming it's fun to see someone manipulating and using the system. And Her Highness is always fun too!

Peach flavoured peacocks anyone?

Its just a very different mindset to a normal EU game. You are much less in control ... I think for me this is handy as its the first time I've played since IN, so not being able to do much long term planning is no loss. I'm about 100 years ahead in game and have more or less managed to do what I set out to (for the early stage), so you can do things, it just takes a while and you do end up missing opportunities.

I was going to suggest a contraction of 'peach' and 'peacock', but realized it would be too filthy to print on a family-friendly forum. Even with Arilou's foray into female anatomy a few posts earlier.

Recognized the reference - Baddiel and Skinner, wasn't it? God, I feel old...

Speaking of the 'happy dance', try the 'Wappa-dance of joy' for A) a very tenuous link and B) a trip down Paradox memory lane.

Oh, and it might put the fear of God for the Tibetans in you...

The Tibetans become quite a problem fairly soon ... & the wappa dance I think has to be introduced at a suitable point

Gives me shivers when I look at your infamy. MM made me fear inevitale calamities, topped by the infamous 'Framed' as soon as I see the digit(s) turn orange. What are the effects of such high infamy in DW, and for your China in particular?

You are more likely to get DOWs from your neighbours and there is a nasty revolt risk event that fires too. If this was a normal game, I'd go nowhere near that sort of level but my logic is that about 70% of the early game you have the bureaucrats in power so lots of time to let it burn down when you can't really get up to much conquering. I think its less brutal in vanilla than in MM and for this game, I'm more constrained by opportunity than any particular interest in keeping infamy down

[loki100]

11 April 1452



This is so exciting and Wanli is such a man, so forceful, so 'in charge', he is my hero

(H – somehow, I think this is not going to last)

27 September 1452



I am excited again, its so nice to be seen as being scary, maybe the weak mortals are finally learning to respect me ... me, their Queen Mother.

Spent afternoon brewing up some special peach punch just to celebrate

28 November 1452



Would appear the peach punch was too strong ... either that or Mongols are just so touchy and easy to insult.

2 May 1453



Wanli can be so annoying sometimes, I mean I told him it was a waste of time, all he needs to do is to listen to me and there will be no Governance problems

(H – I suspect if he listens to you then not having a government will be the least of his problems)

22 July 1453



Oh Wanli is my hero, a move in the right direction at last. None of that nonsense in the south, we are heading West at last.

11 February 1454



Wanli has made a mistake ... what is it down there they are all so fascinated with. I feel betrayed, worse I feel I too have it in for him. I must act.

2 July 1454



Visited Wanli.

Left Wanli.

He has become so boring, went to visit my friends. I need a nice beach holiday.

4 July 1454



They too are outraged, see how unfair Wanli was. He should know I have a low boredom threshold.

26 July 1454



I did try to warn him that people had it in for him ... but did he listen ... does anyone ever listen to me?

4 September 1454

Saw Wanli, warned him I was I very annoyed with him



The peach farm is superb, Wanli is such a wonderful ruler

30 October 1454



Oh damn I forgot to tell the water-peacocks that Wanli was my bestest friend again. Wanli has banned me from the palace.

1 November 1454



I keep on telling him its a waste of time, but does he listen?

(H – not if he has any sense, no)

5 April 1455



Tried to visit Wanli to explain my views on how to govern. Found out I am banned again, apparently the Bureaucrats are back in power.

(H – well someone had to restore a bit of sanity ... strewth what am I saying, she's reduced me to being the sensible one in this relationship. Anyway it is good to see I haven't lost my touch ... that was rather fun)

17 June 1455



My well deserved summer holiday was disturbed by a bunch of Chinese tourists. Fortunately I had some spare deep fried peaches with me.

21 October 1455



Strange day. Was enjoying the beach and a bunch of locals turned up. They wanted to worship my peaches ... of course I agreed as I am so wonderful.

This made me even more annoyed that Wanli has banned me. But at least I have some respect.

2 November 1455



At least my beaches are safe.

(H - no)

[Ashantai]

Wow, some big setbacks there! Scrounged a win there. Awesome.

[Stuyvesant]

The woman can't make up her mind, now can she? Not only does her opinion of Wanli swing from one extreme end of the spectrum to the other, it does so disconcertingly rapidly and often... If even Harry can see he's being the level-headed one, she well and truly is waaay off her rocker.

[morningSIDEr]

(H – well someone had to restore a bit of sanity ...

Harry bringing sanity to an AAR?! I'm afraid. Very, very afraid.

Poor Wanli seems to be doing a decent job considering he is still caught up in the middle of the Queen Mother and Harry's squabbling. I had to smile when the water-peacocks 'mistakenly' sunk a few Ming ships. I think despite her seeming insanity the QM could be on to a winner with her peach punch though. Something as seemingly powerful as that will certainly sell well in Britain at the very least.

[loki100]

Wow, some big setbacks there! Scrounged a win there. Awesome.

They weren't quite as bad as they looked as both involved far more Koreans than my own armies. The navy defeat convinced me to scrap a lot of my galleys as they are badly outmatched outside Chinese coastal waters and rebuild the navy around Caravels. But Majapahit really doesn't like me and keeps on declaring war - a few I lucked out with a white peace till in one I trashed their navy and was able to get on top of them after that. Most of the smaller nations that DOW seem to regret it very quickly so I can usually WP out or claim a victory (which is handy when I'm at the upper end of the infamy scale)

The woman can't make up her mind, now can she? Not only does her opinion of Wanli swing from one extreme end of the spectrum to the other, it does so disconcertingly rapidly and often... If even Harry can see he's being the level-headed one, she well and truly is waaay off her rocker.

Aye, your nation is in trouble when Harry is the one appearing to be well balanced. To be fair Wanli was a bit of a mixed bag, and his final post we see him at his worst ... & of course his decline is assisted by the antics of a certain QM

Harry bringing sanity to an AAR?! I'm afraid. Very, very afraid.

Poor Wanli seems to be doing a decent job considering he is still caught up in the middle of the Queen Mother and Harry's squabbling. I had to smile when the water-peacocks 'mistakenly' sunk a few Ming ships. I think despite her seeming insanity the QM could be on to a winner with her peach punch though. Something as seemingly powerful as that will certainly sell well in Britain at the very least.

A sort of peach punch marks his end too ... but yes I can see that being a best seller in Scotland, prob outsell Buckie as the drink of choice for your average Ned

[loki100]

8 August 1456

The neighbours have complained after my latest peacock and peaches party ... Boring ...



2 October 1456

I do keep on telling people ... but does anyone listen, I mean yes we burnt down the pagoda but it was an accident. Thats all he had to tell them. What does he do?

(H – actually what did he do?)

He didn't have to send them a photograph of what the peacocks were doing to the royal chariots did he?[1]

(H - ah yes, Astarte did that to me once, or will do it in the future? Time travel is so confusing)



3 August 1456

Seems the Manchus are still complaining ... all Wanli had to do was to explain that their pagoda was burnt down by mistake. The man is in decline ... I am going to help him out as he obviously needs my guidance.



(H - ah spawn of the devil, brings back fond memories that)

3 October 1458



Wanli really does have problems. One sip of peach punch and see what happens.

10 March 1459



Was walking with Wanli in the Peach garden when one dropped on his head. Such a pity. I must take that first aid course the bureaucrats keep on wanting to send me on.

3 April 1459



It seems as if some people do not believe the story that a peach falling on your head, when you are already senile, can be fatal

(H – well lets face it, you're pretty senile and have survived a lot of peach related events, I mean I've heard some lame excuses but that one is lamer than a 1 legged donkey)

[1] - remember that peacocks have very sharp long toenails, would make a real mess of your chariot. Now that assumes that the Manchus had chariots but if you want historical accuracy I suggest reading bananafishtoday's Pine, Bamboo and Plum.
[2] - sorry this one is a bit short but it didn't quite fit in with the previous one & I'm trying to keep each reign separate if I can.

[gabor]

I guess an Attack of Killer Peaches is inevitable.

[Stuyvesant]

Pardon my ignorance, but regarding that 'spawn of the devil' comment: was that Wanli himself, or rather the recently- enthroned emperor?

The Queen Mother's version of events surrounding Wanli's demise is a bit suspicious, but on the other hand, if anyone could turn the humble peach into a lethal weapon, it would be her.

[aldriq]

And those stab hits keen on coming... now along with extra infamy ones – not nice.

Of course, between poison in the peach punch and a lethal gravity peach punch on the head the QM had to choose the most subtle...

[Ashantai]

Killed by peach! How terrible!

[morningSIDEr]

Noting how lethal they seem to be, I'll never walk under a peach tree again! Oh and I'll also keep well away from Queen Mothers and peach punch as well.

Wanli did pretty well in the end, apart from attempting to break the infamy limit with one of his last acts that is. Hopefully Xuande can do even better and somehow find a way to deal with the Queen Mother.